12 Good Reasons to Look Up Uranus (2 page)

Lucky cake:
Caraway seed
Lucky bag:
Gladstone

T
AURUS

Before Mercury goes retrograde next week, it would be a good idea to spend as much time as possible away from the office. Charcoal insoles are likely to gain new significance.
On Friday, you will be surprised when your passion for knitting is discovered when you are caught with your nose in a
Woman’s Realm
in the public library.

Lucky sport:
Jousting
Lucky vault:
Double-twisting Tsukahara

G
EMINI

After next Friday things may not run quite so smoothly for a few weeks, while your ruler, Mercury, is retrograde. Tuesday’s New Moon will see you in the midst of things
socially, but a misheard comment about Marigold gloves and Swarfega will lead to an unseemly scuffle at the Bingo on Wednesday. You may live to regret having given up the piano-accordion.

Lucky manoeuvre:
Heimlich
Lucky Walton:
Jim-Bob

C
ANCER

The Moon joins Venus, the planet of relationships, in the area of your chart that governs junk-food means that your partner makes the shocking discovery that for the last three
and a half years you have been doing something unusual with the malted-milk biscuits. Instead of eating them conventionally, you have been nibbling around the edges until only the cow-shaped
portion of biscuit remains, and hiding them in your sock drawer then playing with the herd on the dressing table.

Lucky stain:
Mustard
Lucky pancake:
Scotch

L
EO

It’s a busy time. You may start the week in a whirl of activity, but on the whole it is positive and productive until Tuesday lunchtime when you fall into bad company and
wake up dressed only in Tupperware and tied to a telegraph pole in Low Moor Road, Bradford.

Lucky colour:
Periwinkle
Lucky vitamin:
Riboflavin

V
IRGO

Your ruler, Mercury, goes retrograde next Friday, which means an unsettled period ahead. It might seem a hard thing to achieve, but you must get over your first love. No good
will come of those conjugal visits in prison. Learn to enjoy the lascivious stares of the Finance Director in the queue at the whelk stall. There’s a lot more to him than meets the eye.

Lucky eye shadow:
Blue
Lucky pen:
Ballpoint

L
IBRA

Tuesday’s New Moon is in dispute with Pluto. It’s likely to go to arbitration but will almost certainly be resolved before it gets to a formal hearing. The Sun in
Capricorn means that there is a bit of an atmosphere at work. On the way to the office you witness a UFO abduction by the railway station, but you have other things on your mind, so forget to
mention it.

Lucky snack:
Quail eggs
Lucky Stone:
Bill Wyman

S
CORPIO

Well, you’re a darkhorse and that’s for sure! Not only have you managed to conceal the fact from your friends that you’ve had a big win on the bingo, a benign
Saturn reveals that you have recently patented a method for turning split-ends into weapons-grade plutonium. Mind how you cross the road on Wednesday.

Lucky seven:
Samurai
Lucky soft drink:
Um-Bongo

S
AGITTARIUS

Mars in your sign is likely to cause domestic upheaval this week. Expect an argument on Tuesday involving a nine-iron and a meat and potato pie. A quiet man in white gloves
will take on new significance in your life on Wednesday. The New Moon in Capricorn will bring welcome respite from that mysterious whooping noise from your back boiler.

Lucky lunch:
Chops and mash
Lucky trousers:
Corduroy

C
APRICORN

Mercury rising means you would do well to avoid men with ‘Blakeys’ in their shoes this week. Your normal good humour will be sorely tested by an irascible colleague
on Thursday. If you are prone to in-growing toenails, you should avoid Warwick Castle at all costs.

Lucky colour:
Heliotrope
Lucky landseer:
Monarch of the Glen

A
QUARIUS

As Tuesday’s New Moon approaches, a close friend may bring you good news about your dandruff. There can only be one outcome should you choose to ignore the frayed elastic
in your ill-starred foundation garments. If you have Venus rising at the end of the week, you only have yourself to blame. However, there’s a good chance of new trousers on Saturday.

Lucky red:
Barolo
Lucky gland:
Pancreas

P
ISCES

As the period of change that began with the New Moon moves into a new stage, you will be less troubled by persistent verucca than in recent months although hard skin will still
prove problematic. Don’t be tempted by a bargain fireguard until Mercury goes retrograde on Friday.

Lucky weakness:
Turkish Delight
Lucky dance:
The Watutsi

A
RIES

This week you will be in your element (Helium). Neptune indicates that surprises are in store towards the end of the week when you may be involved in an incident with a
Glockenspiel – and it’s no use thinking that broad beans will solve your problems this time.

Lucky vessel:
Schooner
Lucky cartoon:
Squiddly-Diddly

T
AURUS

The New Moon last week indicates that now is the time to clean out that cupboard under the stairs. While doing so, you find a secret passage to Lerwick in the Shetland Islands.
When Mercury goes retrograde, you will receive an unexpected invitation to afternoon tea at the Ritz with Shabba Ranks.

Lucky number:
2,124
Lucky pants:
Blue Y-Fronts

G
EMINI

The Sun, your ruler, in your opposite sign of Aquarius, is trine Saturn, which indicates that you should make sure you don’t run out of lip-balm on Wednesday. If you see
an unusually shaped vegetable, buy it; it will see off an armed intruder.

Lucky snack:
Toast Toppers
Lucky game:
Connect 4

C
ANCER

You would be well advised to pick up a new bird-bath on Tuesday as the Sun forming a trine to Saturn, emphasised by the New Moon, means that you will encounter some really
dirty birds later in the week. Although your ruler Mercury is retrograde, even your dodgy instep feels better.

Lucky Turner:
The Fighting Temeraire
Lucky smell:
Creosote

L
EO

The early part of the week may bring you an unexpected message from the past – perhaps an old flame, or possibly the results of a blood test. Tuesday lunchtime will see
you cornered by a stocky Yorkshireman wearing a tie that could best be described as ‘a bit sudden’. Under no circumstances should you accompany him to the Post Office.

Lucky lubricant:
WD40
Lucky marmalade:
Grapefruit

V
IRGO

After a weak Saturn/Uranus, Saturday will bring a new passion into your life when you come across a hitherto undiscovered aptitude for Scottish country dancing. Sagittarius
rising will wake you in the early hours of Sunday by slamming the car door. The weekend will bring some respite as you discover a new floor-cleaning product while attending a baptism.

Lucky number:
Pi
Lucky prophet:
Isiah

L
IBRA

On Thursday you must decide whether to turn left or right, one road leads to sorrow whilst the other leads to a full and happy life. There are no signs to help you on your way but the road to the left has a decent pub on it. You would do well to remember
that he who lives in a glass house shouldn’t invite he who is without sin over for drinks.

Lucky force:
Centrifugal
Lucky soup:
Oxtail

S
CORPIO

It’s a great time for you to do things in a group this week – particularly after your suspicions about the number of cars outside number 52 every weekend are
confirmed on Wednesday evening when you pop round to borrow a cup of Swarfega. An unpleasant aspect between Mars and Neptune means that you should probably skip the clams this week.

Lucky biscuit:
Gypsy Creams
Lucky ointment:
Firey Jack

S
AGITTARIUS

You’ve been a bit worried about a squeaking noise from the front nearside brake on your car over the weekend. Saturn entered the area of your chart concerning wildlife on
Saturday, so it will probably turn out to be Finches again. An interesting aspect between Neptune and Saturn indicates that you should accept the long-standing offer of marriage from the local
pharmacist.

Lucky hedge:
Blackthorn
Lucky nostril:
Left

C
APRICORN

Venus joining forces with Jupiter this week indicates that you will at last fulfil your dream to become a Welsh language square-dance caller and turn your back on your humdrum
day-job. On Thursday you are likely to need a new coil fitted. This is best left to the AA.

Lucky pliers:
Snipe-nosed
Lucky street party:
The M4

A
QUARIUS

An interesting week during which new opportunities present themselves. Maybe part-time job or moneymaking hobby. Take care not to overstretch yourself as a trine Pluto can
often mean that you work long hours for scant reward – just as you do already. Last week’s New Moon rising indicates that you will pick up a splinter while working on a Japanese whaling
ship at the weekend.

Lucky GCSE:
Forestry
Lucky Bishop:
Desmond Tutu

P
ISCES

Even though you may have recently enjoyed a few days off, Mars rising indicates that there are some tensions in your life. Your partner’s continued enthusiasm for the
rough-and-tumble world of paintballing may be one source. Try to find out who has been plotting against you while you were away. Don’t just blame the Pixies this time either.

Lucky topping:
Hundreds and Thousands
Lucky roofing:
Chestnut shingles

A
RIES

Stubborn Pluto in your sign means that your refusal to dye your hair blonde like the rest of the administrative staff is earning you no friends among the management this week.
On Monday, the Moon in Neptune indicates that a well-nourished, tanned man may try to interest you in looking at his holiday photographs. Try not to snigger.

Lucky lentils:
Puy
Lucky rub:
Witch-hazel

T
AURUS

Kindly Jupiter enters your sign on Wednesday removing any remaining doubts you might have had about your partner’s plan to take over a whelk-stall franchise in Slough.
The end of the week sees you among friends and admirers – perhaps an outing is planned. Everything will go well until Friday lunchtime when you are in Debenhams and are struck by lightning in
the trouser department.

Lucky pint:
Lager-top
Lucky cad:
Stewart Grainger

G
EMINI

This week, don’t allow yourself to be distracted. Usually people with Gemini strong in their charts like to have a bit of this and a bit of the other, keeping their hand
in with everybody. On Monday, Mars entering your fourth house means that you could do well in matters involving Lino. Try not to look too smug.

Lucky saga:
Beowulf
Lucky joint:
Mortice & Tenon

C
ANCER

After an exhausting weekend, your ruler, the Moon, moves into dynamic Taurus, filling you with unusual impulses. You may make a new friend this week, or find that an old hobby
becomes interesting again. You could meet someone from far away, or even turn to a life of crime. Important days will be Wednesday and Thursday. Important buses will be the 37A and the 49B from the
High Street.