Ruining Me (23 page)

Kane reache
s
for me and
kisses me hard.  His mouth
devouring mine and we both
start trying to und
ress each other as t
he fire rages
higher
. 
I push
his shirt up and off and h
e trie
s
to unbutton my shirt and finally g
ives up and rips it open
.  Buttons jump everywhere landing on the floor, but his lips never le
ave
mine.  My han
ds went to his shorts and I tug
them down a
s
he step
s
out of them. 
Staring
into his eyes the entire time
,
he finally pul
ls
his mouth from mine.  He unsnap
s
my shorts and
they drift down my legs,
leaving me in only
my bra and panties
and him in his
briefs.
 

“Jay,” my name c
omes
out like a prayer. 
“Be mine.  Be only mine
,
”
h
e whisper
s
to me.

“
Yes Kane, only yours.”  I answ
e
r
and his eyes close.  He lean
s
in and kisse
s me gently, c
lasping both of my hands at
my
side
.  His soft lips
move
across
my eyes
and tears spring behind them
.  My hands ache to touch him so I try and pull my hands free,
but he ke
e
p
s our hands locked together.  Finally his eyes slowly open and I see what is s
hining so brightly
within them
. 
  

“I love you too,”
the words leave me.

He groan
s a
nd
finally releases my hands so
he c
an
pick me up.  I wrap my legs tightly around his waist
and one of my
hands
wrap around his neck
,
while the other runs across his shaved head
. 
He carrie
s
me to the bed and lies
down on top of me. 
Unhooking my bra he
pull
s
it away
and h
is breathing changes
bec
oming h
eavier. 
Kissing
down my neck to my chest
, he
slip
s
his hand
under
the edge of
my panties
and starts to drag them down. 
Suddenly he
moves
his hand and mouth away from me a
s
I tr
y
to pull him back. 

“Please don’t stop Kane,” I beg him.

“Listen Jay, someone is ringing
your door bell like crazy.”  I am so lost in us that it takes a minute to hear what he is saying
.   

“I don’t care Kane.  Please don’t stop.”  I could tell he was warring with himself. 

“We have to make sure it’s not important Baby and since this is your house that means you have to go down there, but I’m going with you
”
.  He kisse
s
my mouth softly one more time before he st
ands
up and
lifts
me with him.
Kane
goes
to my dresser and grab
s
a tee and cotton shorts
for me.  Not saying a word he puts the s
hirt on me without a bra
and then he has
me step into the shorts
.  He dresses himself quickly.  Wh
en we
are both
ready,
he grabs
my hand
heading
downstairs.

“Quit pouting Jay.  It just mak
es me want you more.”  He smiles
back at me and stop
s to
kiss me. 

I didn’t see anybody standing in front of the door at first, but then all
of a
sudden it dawn
s
on me that it could be JT.  How the hell could I forget about JT
? 
I had promised him that I would not sleep with
Kane
and
that’s what I
almost d
id. 
What kind of person
was
I?  Am I so broken that I couldn’t keep one promise to the person that deserved it most?
 
Kane stood behind
me
as I opened the door. 

Holding my breath I know I’m
going to see
JT
, but it wasn’t
him
that sat on my doorstop.  It was Rhye
and he was drunk
or high.  He stood up
swaying
and laughed. 

“What the fuck Rhye?”

“I hear it’s more like rape than fucking.  Though the last time we were together if I remember correctly it was more of
YOU
raping
ME
.”

Kane step
s
around me
to
s
ee who it is
.  He looks
at me and
ask
s
,
“What does this fucker want?”

“Rapist,
”
Rhye
slurs
out.  “Evidently according to your girl here
,
that’s what I am.  Really Jay, why don’t you just stab me in the heart
?
  It’s got to be better than hearing that you told people that I raped you.  It was never like that with us.  Why would you lie and tell anyone that I forced you?”  His voice broke and tears came to his eyes.  “I fucking love you Jay.  Don’t you know that?”

My jaw fell open.  I knew that Rhye wanted to have sex with me, but I really didn’t think he care
d
about me, much less loved me. 
He
seemed to sober up a little as he stared at me. 

“What Jay?  You didn’
t think I had any
feelings?  F
orget
you.  Yeah, I messed up and slept with that groupie, but Jay I only did it because when you were
with
me, the whole time I knew you wished it was JT. The night before I slept with her
,
you called out his name when you were with me.  That killed me Jay.  I was already half in love with you then.”

Kane stiffened next to me
,
so I
quickly
ask,
“How did you get here Rhye?  You didn’t drive yourself did you?”

“Why do you care Jay?  You’ve been on a one way road to self-destruct since you broke up with JT.  Everyone knows it.”  He looked over me to Kane.  “Ever ask about her future?  She doesn’t have one planned.  You want to know why?  She doesn’t
plan on being here.” 
He
laughs
and looks
at me.  “What you thought that was a secret Jay?
  I
bet you’ve already
have
it all planned.”

Visibly,
I blanch at his words.  My
mouth
goes
dry and my stomach ch
urn
s.  I turn
toward Kane and he went from watching Rhye to watching me.

“What
’s he
talking about Jay?  W
hy don’t you plan on being here?
   Where do you plan on going?”  I watch the different
scenarios
run acros
s his face
,
until he must have
come
across the same one Rhye was thinking.  Before he could say anything I turn back toward Rhye.

My hand reaches out and slaps
him hard across the face.  I don’t know who was more surprised me, Rhye or Kane.  Rhye grab
s
his face and
looks at me. 
His face went white.

“Shit Jay.  I’m sorry. 
JT
came down to the bar wanting to kick my ass
and we started to fight
.  Of course the band pulled us apart and he said why he was pissed.  It just hurt to hear what you said Jay. 
He
left and I got hammered and Chris drove me here.”

“So you have a
ride home.  Good.  Then get
off my doorstep.  Don’t ever talk to me again Rhye.  I apologize for what
JT
said, but I told him that you didn’t rape me.  That what happened between you and
me
was consensual.  I’ll make sure to set anyone
else straight on that matter, but stay away from me.”

I step back into the house gra
bbing Kane as I
go
.  He allows
me to pull him in and shut the door. 
Walking away from him I turn to go i
nto the kitchen.  All the food was still on the counter where I had left it. 
Picking up
a sa
ndwich
and a pickle, I p
lace it on a plate
sitting down at the bar
as Kane
walks in and grabs the other stool
beside me.

We sit in silen
ce not looking at
each
other.  Kane places his clasped hands on top of the
counter
.  He starts to speak and then shakes his head and doesn’t say anything.  I push the food around on my plate
,
not realizing that silent tears are falling down my face.  Feeling ashamed I can’t even look at Kane, but we both continue to sit there ignoring each other.  Finally he reaches for my hand.  I look up into his face and unshed tears stare back at me. 

“I had the tattoo put on my neck to remind me to always be true to me.  Not to let others bring me down and to live my life my way.  Shit happen
s
in life Jay.  You can let it destroy you or you can fight back and live life to the fulles
t,”
he pause
s
and ta
k
es
a deep breath.  “Believe it or not my freshman year in high school I was a scrawny little shit.  My best friend Matt and I took a lot of crap from upper classman picking on both of us because of our size.  We hadn’t hit our growth spurt yet
,
and Matt never would because he got tired of the bullies at our school and one night shot himself.” 

His voice broke, but he continued, “It killed me.  My best friend since we were kids ended his life leaving me alone.  I can tell you Jay that nothing that happens in this life is worth killing yourself over.  Time passes and you can decide to change your future.  You don’t let what some assholes
say or do
direct you
.  In this life it only matters what you do with it.”

Kane stands up pulling me into his arms.  He picks me up and cradles me to his chest and I wrap my arms around his neck.  Slowly he carries me upstairs to my bedroom and lays me on my bed.  He slides next to me and wraps me in his arms.  Holding me
tight the e
xhaustion envelops me and I close my eyes
to fall into a deep sleep
. 

My hand shields the bright light from my eyes.  When it finally dims I look around me to see that I’m standing back inside the white room.  I’m alone and I look around for a way out, but there are no doors.  I close my eyes tightly and that’s when I feel him beh
ind me.  Slipping his arms around my waist he presses his body close to mine and speaks into my ear.  “No one will love you but me when they find out what you’ve done.  They will all blame you and call you a whore.  A murderer.  You’re losing control James.  Are you ready to join me yet?”