Ruining Me (26 page)

He ran his hand down my hair. 
“
I’ve always known and prayed that you wouldn’t do it.  I tried to watch for signs, but I didn’t know what to do.  So I’ve spent the last year higher than normal because I didn’t know how I was going to handle it when I got the call
that you overdosed
.”

“I’m sorry I hit you for speaking the truth,” I said.  “It sounded so ugly being spoken out loud.  My plan was to cut myself off from everyone so that it wouldn’t hurt as much.  Rhye, I knew that I could hang out with you to get access to the drugs, but falling for you was not in
my
plan.  You were really the first person
that I had a choice to sleep with. 
It did start out that I could control that I gave my body to you, but
then
I started to develop feelings
also
.
  I don’t recall saying
JT
’s name when I was with you, but I probably did at that time because I was messed up.  I’m sorry for that, but it hurt me when you slept with that groupie too.”

I sat up straight and turned toward him.  “Rhye you kind-of saved me.  At first I planned on taking those pills
as soon as
I got them, b
ut then you happened.  All I knew is that I w
ould cho
o
se the time and place, but I chose not to at that time because of you.  I wanted to be with you.  You helped me forget what happened and taught me how to enjoy sex.  You showed me how to turn pain into pleasure.  You did Rhye, not JT
.
”  I felt like
I
owed that to him
,
because it was the truth. 

My buzz was comi
ng down.  “I’ll always love you
for that, but right now that’s not enough for us. Trust me
,
you don’t want into this three ring circus I’ve got going on. 
I am not over
JT
and well you me
t
Kane the other night.
  It’s unfair of me to ask you to be my friend, but I could really use one right now.” 

“Jay, I’m here for you. 
Whatever
you need.”
  He lean
s
his forehead against mine and look
s
into my eyes.

I smile at him.  “Thanks Rhye.”  I yawn and
can barely
hold my eyes open.  “I’m going to just take a nap, okay?”

“Lay down Jay.  I’ll watch over you.”  I laid my head in his lap
,
closed my eyes
,
and fell asleep.

My head
was
pound
ing
like a
steel
drum was beating from the inside out and my
eye lids feel
heavy when
I try
to open them.  I grimace
b
ecause my body is so stiff.  When I finally open my eyes and move, I realize that I’m not in my room.  Everything rushes back to me and I remember going to sleep on Rhye’s lap in the apartment, but I’m not there now.  However
,
I know exactly where I am at. 

JT
’s room hasn’t changed much these last two years.  I’m in his bed, but I’m alone.  I slowly rise from the bed and realize I only have
on
one of his t-shirts.  My
clothes
from yesterday are laid over his desk a
nd I grab my jeans and pull them on.

Opening the door from his bedroom, I follow the sound of voices to his parent’s kitchen.  Their voices are muffled and I can’t hear what they are saying.  The smell of bacon is strong
and
my stomach growls.  Walking through the door they all stop and stare at me. 
JT and his mother are standing at the stove while she is cooking and Kip is sitting at the table. 

I smile at
all of
them.  “Goo
d Morning.”  I’ve always liked his
mother, but I wasn’t sure how she felt about me because of these last two years.  She smiles back and walks over
to hug me
.

“Hey Jay honey.  How are you feeling this morning?”  Her eyes are kind and she looks over me.  “I called your Mom and Dad last night to let them know that you were here.  Your Mom want
ed
you to call her
once
you g
o
t up.”

“Thanks Mrs. Higgins.  I’ll call her in a second.”  Does she know that I was passed out high
as a kite
last night?  I need to talk with
JT
and find out how I got here.  “Uh
JT
, can I talk to you a second?”  Looking at him
,
I realize that he looks mad.

He nods his head and walks to the b
ack door and opens it for me.  As I pass by Kip, he whispers
to me, “He’s pissed.  Good luck
.”  Just great
,
I think to myself as I follow him into his backyard.

JT
walks over and throws himself on
a lounge chair and glares at me.  I decide to just stand in front of him.  He raises his eyebrow at me and folds his arms over his chest.  He starts to speak and stops to shake his head.  I wait for him to say something.

“Do you remember me coming to get you?”   I shake my head no.  “Do you remember my Mom helping you to bed?”  I shake my head no again and my cheeks blush.  “Damn Jay.”

“How did you know where I was?”  My voice was hoarse.

“Your boy Rhye called me to come get you.  He told me that you saw me and Kane at your car and panicked
.  He’s always in the right place at the right time isn’t he?  Rhye to the fucking rescue.”  His voice is bitter. 

“Rhye called you to come get me?”  I’m confused. 

“Yeah he called me from your phone and told me where you were.  He said that you needed me, but he left out that you were passed out cold.  Lover boy said you kept calling my name in your sleep. Do you need me Jay?  Because that’s not what Kane told me yesterday.  He told me that you had
chosen
him.  That you were his.”

“What happened after school?
”
I had to ask. 

He laughed.  “I went out to wait for you at your ca
r and he was already there.  He said that he wanted to talk to me.  Pretty much he told me what I already know.  You’ve had a rough couple of years and that neither one of us need
s
to push you right now.  He went on to say that I needed to give you space and that you had chosen to be with him.  We talked a little and then both of us got your text.”  He looked at me and his blue eyes bore into mine as he stands up.

“I want you Jay, but I want you happy first. Damn it, if that’s him then, I’ll back off.”  His voice breaks and he swallows hard.  He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close and whispers against me.  “As long as
I know
you’re in this world
,
I can do that.  If you weren’t here Jay,”
he stops talking and just holds me tight. 
 

I rub his back as his body shakes against mine.  For once my mind is clear and I now know what I want.  No second guessing this time.  Someone is going to be hurt, but this life is too short and I’ve wasted too much of it.  I pull back from
JT
and look into his
eyes
, needing to be completely honest with him.

“
JT
, I am so sorry
and I’ve made a horrible mistake.” He tries to pull away from me and I hold tight.  “Listen to me for just two seconds.  I did tell Kane that I would be his, but it was because he wouldn’t give me time to let me decide what I want.  After I talked with you the other day I went back to him and ask
ed
him for time to figure things
out
with you, but he gave me an ultimatum and I panicked.  The next morning when I saw you I knew that I had made a mistake.  I’ve been so confused. 
At one time you were everything I ever wanted and I saw my future whenever I looked at you.  The past two years I haven’t allowed myself any r
eal connections and then Kane co
me
s
along.  I do care about him.  Deeply, but
JT
it’s nothing compared to how I feel about you.”

I take
a deep breath and softly kiss his lips.  Tears roll down both of our cheeks.  “If you will have me, I will promise to live for you.  To give up the past
,
and
only
be with you
f
orever.
I love you JT.  Pl
ease forgive me,” my voice cries
and he crushes
me to him.

“This is it Jay
,
because I’m not ever letting you go. 
Do you understand me?  There will not be another minute of my life without you in it.  God I love you baby.  I love you so much.”  He kisse
s
my lips over and over whispering his feelings to me.  I could have stood there forever, but a voice clear
s
itself from the door.  We both turn
and Mrs. Higgins is standing
there with tears in her eyes. 

I didn’t know what she would say or do, but s
he surprised us both.  She walks
over and envelope
s
us in her arms.  She should hate me, I would have hated a girl that put my son through what I have JT.  At that moment she spoke and it’s almost like she could hear my thoughts.

“I just want both of my children to be happy Jay and you make him very happy.  He’s been miserable without you.  Just love each other and everything else will fall in place.”  She clears her voice and continues, “But now you two are going to be late for school. 
JT
go ahead and get dressed.  You’ll need
to take
Jay to her h
ouse for some clothes.”
 
He smiles at me and turns to go in.

“Thank you,” I smile and tell her.

“No thank you.
  I don’t know
what happened with
both of you
, but I’m no dummy.  Just love him Jay. 
You’re the one for him
.”

“I know now it’s only him for me
too
.”  We hug on
ce more and walk back inside.  Running upstairs I
grab my bag and we leave for my house.

Sitting i
n his truck, I realize I need to
call my parents
so
I get my phone out.  I have over thirty text messages and calls.  Most were from Kane,
JT
and Molly wanting to know where I was.  One was even from Reed.  A couple of them were from my parents
and t
he last two t
ext
messages
sent from my phone catch my eye.  They were sent to Kane’s phone.

Me – This is JT. She is safe.  Rhye called me to come and get her because she had passed out.  My mother is with her now. 

Me - I’ll have her call you in the morning.

Kane – Thanks

Rhye had also sent me a text this morning.

Rhye – Here for you always.  I called the one for you.  See you around.

JT
looked at me as I read my phone. 

“I text him from your phone to let him know you we
re okay and with me.”  He looks
at me sheepishly.  “I didn’t do it to hurt him or anything.  I would have wanted to know you were okay if he had been the one Rhye called.”

Leaning over the truck console I kissed his cheek.  “That’s why I love you so much.” 

We arrive at my house minutes later and Kane’s silver Crossfire is parked in the driveway. 
JT
looks over at me.