Ruining Me (25 page)

“C’mon Coach B.  You can’t blame me for wanting to hold my girl for a second can you?”  He is trying to break the tension that we are all feeling. 

“Don’
t make me ask again JT.  I would hate to have
you benched
for the first game.  I’m sure that
would not
help your college prospects.
”

Coach Branch glares at
JT
and
he
stares back.  The silence
ha
s become uncomfortable for everyone.  I finally
wiggle out of
JT
arms.

“I’
m going to grab something to drink,” I say and walk away.  When I get back with my soda, Coach Branch is gone and
JT
, Molly and Reed are discussing something, but everyone becomes quiet when I
sit down. 
 

Molly looks at me.  “That was so weird Jay. We were just talking
about
how Coach B just blew that up.  I wonder what set him off?”

Shrugging my
shoulders
I take a
drink
of
my soda. 
JT
looks at me and then looks at Reed.  They share some unspoken conversat
ion.  Something is up with them
. 
JT
turns back to me and grabs my hand.

“Molly and Reed said that y
ou all
were going out tonight.  I wish I could come, but you know that we have mandatory curfews during football season and my parents are riding my butt.”  His cheeks redden a little as he continues.  “
I’m already in trouble with my parents because of going downtown to see Rhye last night.  Thank goodness they aren’t going to say anything to Coach.
”

I look at Molly and she is glancing between both of us.  “We could just go get dinner or something if you want
us to wait until after football practice? 
Molly ask
s
as s
he looks at me for an answer. 

“I’m cool with that
JT
,
if you want us to wait.”

“We’ve been having late practices.  I want you to go and have a good time.  I’m not the only one who has waited forever to spend some time with you.”

That’s why you have to love JT.  I know that he would love to spend time with me, but he is thinking about Molly and Reed and not just himself.  I can’t help
myself
when I lean over and kiss his cheek.

“We’ll plan something for the weekend if it’s okay with you?”  He nods his head. 

We continue to talk for the remaining lunch period.  Molly, Reed and I make plans to go dancing tonight and Molly and I discuss what to wear. 
JT
and Reed talk about the upcoming football game.  The whole entire time though I was aware of JT.  He constantly rubbed my arms or hands and would just stop and smile at me during his conversation.  It
is
cl
ear that we
both deserve this chance. 
 

H
olding my hand he
walks
me
to my
Art
class
. 
When we get to the room he stops
before we get to the door.  He
leans against the wall
and pulls me toward him and whispers into my ear.

“Jay
,
I have been so lost without you.  Don’t make me go back to how things were.  I don’t think I could handle it.”

Closing my eyes as I hear him say this
,
I nod to him. 
I knew it.  Everyone has told me
this
, but to hear him say it just kills me.  I blink back the tears and lean my head on his shoulder.  Inhali
ng his scent
,
I let all of our memories swamp me. 

“Did you talk to him last night?  I don’t know if I can handle seeing you with him.  How does he feel?”

A lump develops in my throat, but I talk through it.  “He told me to pick.  You or him.” 

JT
nods his head like he agrees.  “What did you tell him Jay?” 

I can’t tell him that I chose Kane.  In this moment, standing here being with
JT
, I can’t remember why
I
chose Kane. 
It just feels so right being here with JT.  Being in his arms is everything I’ve
missed
.

“I’ll talk to him JT.”  He lets me leave it at that.  Placing his hand underneath my chin he tips my face up to his. 

“This is where we were
always suppose
d to be
.  When you’re not with me
,
I want you to try and remember this feeling.”  He kisses my lips.  “I w
ill no
t have gym with you this week, but I’ll come see you when school lets out if I can.”  I nod and turn to walk in
to
the class room.

Molly and Reed are already sitting down and she smiles and waves at me
. 
We are on opposite side
s
of the Art room so we all work on our projects during class.  I debate if I should text Kan
e that we need to talk again, because I have to let
him go. 
My heart and head know this now.
 

“Jay, can I have a word with you after class please
?
”  M
is
s
Kell's
voice pulls me from my thoughts.

“Yes Ma’am,”
I answer her.  I have no clue what she wants.
Finally after what feels like forever, the bell rings for the end of class and I reach down for my book bag.  Molly tells me she’ll meet me in the parking lot and everyone else clears the room. 
Walking towards
M
iss
Kell's
desk
I notice that she looks upset. 

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yes.  Thanks for staying Jay.  Listen there’s something that I have wanted to speak with you about for
quite some time.
  I don’t’ know how to say this, so I’m just going to ask you.  Is Coach Branch bothering you?” 

I knew
immediately
she could read the panic in my eyes.
She stood
up and walk
ed
around the desk to me.
  Placing her hands on
both of my arms.

“Listen closely to me.  I can help you, but you have to let me.  Do you want me to help you Jay?”

I shake my head no.  Not wanting or needing her help.  Why can’t everyone leave me alon
e? 
I am just
now getting my life back ag
ain including
m
y friends and boyfriend.  What
else
do they want from me? 

“Listen to me Jay.  I see the way he looks at you and I see the way you react to him.  Everyone thinks he walks on water, but I know differently.  Did something happen?  Please let me help you.”

I can’t stifle the sob that rises from me. 
M
is
s Kell hugs me as I cry on her shoulder.  After
a few minutes, I calm myself.  Glancing up at her I see that
she also has tears in her eyes.

“
I need to go.”  I pull myself out of her arms.  She lets me go and just looks at me.

“Jay, you need to talk to someone.  You need to tell.  If I could do it for you I would, but the smug bastard thinks he’s untouchable because of his position within the athletic department.”
  I shake my head and turn away from her. 

Walking out the door I don’t look back
. 
I run straight to my car only stopping when I see the motorcycle in front of it.  Kane is standing next to it and
JT
is standing next to my car.  They’
re talking to each other, but I can tell it’s pretty volatile.  Neither one has seen me
and
I can’t handle this shit right now. 

“You need a ride?”  I turn and Rhye is getting into his car. 

Without thinking I get into his passenger side and Rhye pulls out of the parking lot.  The guys never notice. 

“Where to Jay?  I can take you anywhere you want to go,” he says to me.  I turn to Rhye and stare at him. 

“Wherever you’re going Rhye.  I just don’t want to go home right now.”  He drives to his friend Chris’
s
apartment.  We used to hang out here when I was seeing him.  My phone vibrates and I look at my text.

Kane – Are you still at school?  I’m at your car.  We need to talk.

JT
– Jay…where are you?

I think about ignoring them
, but I can’t afford for them to tear down the school looking for me.  Plus I can’t have
JT
missing
anymore football so I text them both back the same message.

Me – Need some time away.  I’m good…with a friend.  Don’t
worry. Will
text you later.

I turn my phone off and slip it back in my book bag. Rhye and I go upstairs and we can hear the music blaring from the outside.  Chris lets us in and Rhye leads me to the living room and sits down on the couch. 

“You want a smoke?”  I hear Chris ask Rhye and he nods his head.  He lights one up and inhales deeply.  The he offers it to me. 
Looking at his
hand
I
nod my head
and
take a deep drag
to
hold it i
n.  After a minute I let out the smoke
and pass it back to Rhye. 

We s
it there not talking to one another, p
assing it back and forth until it burns down.  Finally my mind goes numb and
my body feels loose. 
I can feel Rhye’s
gaze
on me and I turn toward h
im. 

“How did you know?”  He knew what I was asking.  I didn’t have to explain myself.

“Jay, you were
“
Miss It
”
from the time we
all were in elementary school and
I mean that in a good way.  You weren’t only pretty, but sweet to everyone too.   The girls wanted to be you and well the boys wanted to be in you.”  I playfully hit his arm
at his raunchy joke
.  He laugh
s and
continue
s,
“Sorry, but it’s true.  Then our sophomore year, the girl who was always smiling, well she just quit.  One day she’s at school and the
n
ext s
he is out sick for a month, but when she comes back
,
that girl is gone.  This new girl is hurting.  It was so obvious, but I think those close to you couldn’t see it.  They were hurt and mad that
you
pushed them away so easily.”  He turned
all the way
toward me and leaned in.

“
Then when you started showing up at our practices I knew you were looking for an escape.  I could offer that to you with the alcohol and drugs.  Then we started sleeping together and I was just so damn proud that you chose me, but I learned fast enough that you didn’t choose me.  You weren’t with me for me, you were with me for the escape.”  Pain filled his voice.  I
leaned over
and laid my head on his shoulder.

“I would ask you questions about your future and you wouldn’t answer and when you did it was to put me off.  You star
ted to ask questions about which pills were
dangerous to take with what and then I noticed when you bought those same combinations.”  He paused and took a deep breath and said, “You used to talk in your sleep after you would pass out.  Nothing specific, but I got the gist
of what happened to you
.  Then that night we were together, I was going to tell you that I was in love with you,
but you called out
JT
’s name.”