My Forever (7 page)
Authors: Jolene Perry
Tags: #Christian Books & Bibles, #Literature & Fiction, #Romance, #Genre Fiction, #Coming of Age, #Religious & Inspirational Fiction, #Religion & Spirituality, #Christian Fiction, #Teen & Young Adult
“No.” He shakes his head. “But if you’re even thinking you want to do it this way, you’ll want to understand us a little bit. You’re not going to want this baby to be raised somewhere you’re not comfortable with.”
He brings up a good point. Why did I let him continue after he told me he was Mormon? The idea of my baby being raised by a Mormon family is almost as bad as the crazy couple in my dad’s Parrish
,
and I don’t know what to do with that.
“Okay, I’m just going to say something that might not make a lot of sense.” Michael leans forward, intent.
I barely breathe waiting for him to continue.
He’s close enough for me to feel his warmth, his breath.
Close
.
“You’re going to have to learn to trust the Spirit. Do you know what I mean?”
I’m not sure. I don’t say anything, and he continues.
“Try to release some of the tension that you have and listen to your heart. Do what feels good here.
” He puts his hand to his chest, and then briefly touches my chest just under the center of my collarbone
.
It feels like one of the most personal touches I’ve ever gotten in my life. Part of my brain wants to laugh at his seriousness, but I can’t. I just sit and nod because I feel it again,
right
where he’s touching me. He drops his hand.
“Do you need a ride home?” He leans back and starts to stand up. His
voice is different again—
more casual, friendly.
I look around at the empty hallways and the darkness that’s taking over outside.
“That would actually be great.”
He reac
hes his hand down to help me up.
When I stand I’m not ready to let go
of his hand
, but I do. I don’t want to be
the
weird touchy girl.
“Tracy!” He raises his voice. “We’re ready to go now!”
“You can tell her if you want to
. I
t might make things easier for you to explain.” I don’t want to make things awkward for him and everybody’ll know eventually anyway. There are only so many ways to hide a baby in your stomach.
“You sure?” His brow pulls together in concern.
“Yeah, whatever. It’s fine.” I nod. What’s one more person?
It feels like any moment the whole world will know that I got myself knocked up before high school graduation. This is not who I wanted to be my senior year.
5
“Where have you been?” Mom demand
s as I come through the door.
Daniel’s sitting
on the living room floor doing his homework. Leave it to him to finally be doing the responsible thing when I’d forgotten to call.
“At school.” I’m resigned. I wonder what will happen to me. Anything I get in trouble for now will all just be practice for the big one when they learn I’m pregnant.
“Doing what?”
“Finishing up some school work and talking with a few friends.”
“Who?”
s
he asks.
“Don’t say Kristin and Jill because they both came over to help your father organize the youth closets.”
I cringe because
I completely forget we were going to do that today. The idea of Kristin and Jill alone with my dad also isn’t a pleasant thought. Though I’m sure if they’d said anything, Mom would have used different words when I came through the door.
“With Michael and his sort of sister, Tracy.”
“Ha!” Daniel laughs from his spot. “That sounds like typical Mormon family stuff.”
“What are you talking about?” I whip around
feeling protective
. I can’t believe how rude he sounds.
“They’re just the Morm
on kids, that’s all.” He shrugs. A
pparen
tly his joke should be obvious, but I don’t get it.
“No more.” Mom
glowers
.
“They’re ju
st kids I go to school with
.” I can’t fathom what the big deal is. Everyone knows they’re straight arrows.
“You don’t need to be hanging out with a bunch of Mormon kids.”
Here’s where I should know to keep my mouth shut. But I don’t. “It wasn’t a
bunch,
Mom. It was two
,
and they’re from the same family.” What’s with me lately?
“Enough with your smart mouth
. Y
ou can tak
e
Daniel’s spot helping me in the kitchen tonight.”
I slump and let my backpack fall to the floor.
Mom rests her weight on one leg, letting her hip slide out to the side. “Pick that up, put it in your cubby, wipe that pout off your face and come do as you’re told.”
I fight the urge to plaster
on a huge grin
as I cross the room. I can see Daniel smiling at me out of the corner of my eye. I wish I had the courage to hurl my pack at him. Where did all this hostility come from? Must be the hormones. Maybe I should test out my anger, and do something rash.
~
~
~
L
unch is becoming this big issue
because I have no one I want to sit with.
Kristin and Jill are giggling about something that’s probably ridiculous and inconsequential. There are a few others with them today
,
and I don’t feel welcome there anymore.
Tracy’s eyes catch mine as I look their direction and she waves me over. I sigh and start their way. I don’t know how welcome I actually am.
When I sit down next to Tracy, Michael
smiles warmly at me
across the table
as if we sit like this every day. Three other people are there that I don’t know quite as well. John’s a big guy who plays pretty much every sport he has time for
,
and
two other girls
, Jennifer and April. April was worried about me last week
,
and I give her a small wave.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hey Dani.” April’s round face holds a genuine smile
. “How’s it going?”
“Fine.” I’m still surprised she knows me well enough to call me Dani.
“Welcome to the Mormon crowd.” John grins widely. So that’s why they’re all sitting together. “We don’t always travel in pac
ks like this.” He laughs and takes
an enormous bite from his burger.
I open my lunch,
not sure how to handle the easy friendliness they have. Being as quiet as possible seems like my best option.
“Michael said something
to me after we dropped you off,” Tracy whispers
. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?” She puts her arm around me in a half hug and returns to her lunch.
“Thanks.”
I’m honestly a little overwhelmed. My two good friends didn’t react this way at all.
I scan the cafeteria until I see Kristin and Jill who are
holding their hands over their mouths while watching someone from another table. I wonder if they miss me at all. I realize also why we were never close. They kind of drive me crazy. It’s
an odd realization to have
after spending most of the school year with them.
~
~
~
“So, how are we d
oing?” Michael asks as we walk
down the hallway together. I like being this close to him. He talks quietly but not in a way that would draw an
y attention.
Just like before, the weight of his question makes it hard to think.
“
Dunno
.” Why do I feel like crying at that one stupid question?
“How you feeling?” He touches his chest briefly to indicate our conversation.
“Confused.” A mess is what I should say
,
but confused sounds better.
“Well, that’s better than nothing.” He smiles at me as he turns into his class.
I’m not so sure.
~
~
~
This feels like something I should be doing with someone else. Like no one should have to sit in a doctor’s waiting room alone. The ticks of the clock start to hurt my brain, but thinking more deeply than that will hurt in places I’d rather ignore. A girl can only cry so many times before it starts to drive her insane.
This is another
one of those surreal moments—l
ike at any
second
I’ll wake up in my bed, in the room I share with Hannah
,
and realize all of this is some crazy dream.
“Dani?” A nurse in scrubs with pink and blue jungle animals is standing at an open doorway.
Okay, Dani.
Last chance to wake up.
Now
.
Crap.
I stand and follow her through the door.
They poke and prod and try to make the whole process less embarrassing by telling me what they’re going to do before they do it. Telling me you’re going to touch me in private places before touching me in private places actually doesn’t help anything but my sudden desire to have a panic attack.
When I finally get to leave, my head is too full of
information and my body feels…
I d
on’t know…
exposed or something. Maybe just thinking of something that’s a step worse than what I’m doing will help me feel better about this mess. Or, I’ll run out of worse situations, and that would really be depressing.
I guess I should just focus on the fact that it wasn’t as horrible as I imagined and go from there.
