My Forever (5 page)

Oh, wait.
I’m mad at
Jill. I glare
and wave my hand so she’ll shut up
.
I keep walking. My palms press on the outsides of my eyes to keep the moisture in. Oh yeah, this is going to be fun. I look around for Michael again
,
but he’s gone.

~
~
~

I spend the next week avoiding everyone. I go to school early, throw up in the nurse’s bathroom, and head to class. When I don’t want to be part of the world, I pull out my camera. No one questions, everyone knows me as the girl with the camera anyway. I get a few concerned looks from kids that I know a little
,
but no one bothers me. I must be doing a good job of looking like I shouldn’t be bothered. Living in a house with eight kids has given me some practice with that.

On Wednesday, a girl named April in my AP English class sits next to me. She usually sits up front. I glance over at her a few times while I read. We’re reading
Jane Eyre
. I love it, as every plain girl should.

She glances around her book at me. “You okay Dani?” she whispers.

I look back at her confused. She’s nice
,
but I don’t consider her that kind of friend.

“I guess.” Seems like a good enough answer. I don’t really have another one that doesn’t come with a long explanation.

She doesn’t look appeased. Her brow comes together and she looks like she’s about to say something else.

Mr. Mattson clears his throat from his desk. He looks around his computer and over his glasses at us. I go back to reading. I really need to fly under the radar for a while. Like for the rest of the year.

~
~
~

After briefly surveying the cafeteria, I carry my small lunch bag into the hallway and sit down where it’s reasonably quiet. I don’t feel like playing smart with my honor society friends, and I’m
only friends
with a few o
f the band kids.
I
’m
the girl who plays piano when they need backup. I take my ponytail out to redo it
,
and tighten it up a bit.
Just fidgeting. Filling up time.
My sandwich looks totally unappetizing
,
but I take a bite anyway.

“Hey there.” Michael smiles down at me. Michael. Now what? I need to talk to him
,
but I don’t know how. I look up at his athletic frame and deep brown eyes. He has lashes any girl would kill for.
And his smile just…really hits the pit of my stomach in an awesome nerve-tingling display.

Oh, Michael’s still looking at me, waiting for a response.

“Hi.” That was lame
,
but at least I didn’t just keep staring.

“No camera today?” he asks.

I look down, which i
s stupid. I know it’s not here. “Nope, not today.”

“Mind if I sit?”

I shake my head
unable to find words
.  Crap, I
gotta
get myself together. He’s just a boy.

“You were at the game the other night.” He
slides down the wall to
sitting
.

“Yeah.” I nod. “You did good.”

“It was a good night for me.” He grins. “So, what’s going on?” He pulls his knees up, getting comfortable. I’m happy to have him next to me like this. He’s a good guy.
And cute.
And a bit
indimidating
.
And I need to talk to him.

“I’m pregnant.”
Then I lose the air from my lunge because
I can’t believe I
just said that
to him. Seriously. Guess I don’t have to worry about how to bring it up.
Now
I can’t breathe back in. It’s going to be a problem in a moment.

He freezes, mouth slightly open. I know I’ve never seen him at a loss for words. Everyone likes Michael because he’s always saying something
,
and it’s usually funny. That and he’s a good
listener, and not bad looking…a
ctually the list is pretty long.

“Wo
w.” He pauses again. “That was…
unexpected.”
His brow pulls down
. “Why did you tell me?”

I suck in a breath. I don’t know what else to say yet.

“Does anyone know?”

“I told Kristin and Jill.” I take another bite of sandwich, afraid to watch his actions too closely.

“Ho
w did that go?” He leans back probably because he saw this morning, and h
e already knows
it didn’t go well
.

“Not great I guess.” I must be better than I thought at putting annoyance in my voice. One day I might rival Gloria. The thought tries to tug the corners of my mouth into a smile, but only for a moment, because I realize that I don’t care too much. The
pregnancy
is too much to deal with
for me to spend a lot of time worrying about lost friends
.

“How are you?” He opens up a small bag of chips. It seems like such a casual, normal thing to do. It makes the personal conversation a little easier.

I look down at my lap
feeling overwhelmed at his simple question
. “I have no idea,” I admit. It’s probably the most real answer I’ve given anyone.

“Why did you tell me?”
h
e asks again.

“Because you were adopted.”
Because it just came out. And you’re nice and won’t judge me.

“How did you know that?”
He stops eating to stare
. Any attempt at being casual is gone.

“You told me.” I finally look at him. His deep brown eyes flood mine.

“I don’t tell anybody.” He’s watching my face carefully now
, his
Dorito
frozen between the bag and his mouth
.

“Well you told me last semester, in Chemistry
. W
e finished a project early and I told you about my big family and you told me about your small family and then you told me you were adopted and not to say anything.”

He looks up at the ceiling for a moment before leaning back against the wall. He
p
ops the
Dorito
in his mouth and takes another one
from the bag. “That’s right.
Weird. I remember now.
I just had the strangest compulsion to tell you
,
and I had no idea why.” His face relaxes. Confusion gone. His gaze is unwavering
,
and I have to look away.

“It’s just that…
it feels like the only good option for me right now…” I don’t know how to ask him more.

“And you’re curious, from my perspective.” He shakes his bag to get the last of the crumbs into the corner.

“I guess so.”

“Well, I’m stuck after school this week and next week for some student government thing that Tracy has. Stick around sometime.” Tracy is his cousin who li
ves with him and his mother. Michael’s
parents divorced when he was young and Tracy’s mother, Michael’s aunt, wasn’t i
n a position to take care of Tracy, so Michael’s mother has been raising them both
. And now I’m sort of impressed with myself for remembering all of that.

“Yeah. Maybe I will.” I really want to. Does he mean it? What will I tell my parent’s I’m doing? Does this mean I might be moving forward?

“I don’t give a lot of thought to being adopted, if that makes you feel better. My parents are my parents.” He shrugs.

“Michael!” A
boy’s voice boom
s
down the hall. “Game of horse? Or are you too chicken!” There’s squawks from the guys behind his friend Calvin, who’s also the captain of the basketball team.

“Are you just going to take that?” I say. Our moment is too intense. I need an escape.

“Are you being sarcastic?” h
e asks.

“Are you just going to sit here?” I ask again.

“I don’t know.” He looks confused. I can hear continued squawking from his guys.

I laugh at him then.

He jumps up. “I don’t know what to make of you
,
Dani.” He smiles wide as he looks back down at me.

“Is that good or bad?” Please say something interesting.

“Um…
it makes me curious.” His head tilts to the side
,
and he looks at me in a way that makes my heart jump a little.

It’s good.

“Don’t be afraid t
o ask me for something, okay?” Ther
e
’s no doubt he
means it.

I get more support from a boy I barely know than the two friends I spend the most time with.  Does that say something about
me or them
?

I nod once and lean my head against the wall. I stuff
the rest of my lunch in my bag. I haven’t eaten much but
already feel full. I wonder if I’ll be able to concentrate on anything but being pregnant for the next nine months.

~
~
~

A few days after my strange conversation with Michael,
I’m walking down the hallway, clutching my bo
oks
,
when I almost run into Tracy
.

“So, are you staying after today?” Tracy asks.

Where did she come from? I must be getting colossally unobservant. “What?”

“Michael said you might stay after school with us this week.”

“Oh, right. Yeah
,
I think I will.”