My Forever (27 page)

“Mom!” He looks up at Leigh. “This is awesome! You have to feel this.”

“Oh Nathan, poor Dani doesn’t want a room full of people with their hands on her tummy.”

“I actually know almost no one around here, so I don’t mind at all
. S
he’s really going crazy in there.” Something about the way Leig
h sounds or looks, I don’t know. T
here’s something that makes me feel like she’ll love it. She slowly sets down her pins and sits on the opposite side of me from Nathan. She’s still looking hesitant so I take her hands in mine and press them against my tummy where little girl kicked last.

I look down at Nathan. “I bet you did the same thing to your mom when you were in her tummy.”

“Oh, Leigh didn’t gr
ow me in her tummy. M
y other mommy did that.”

I look at Le
igh but she’s smiling at Nathan.
“Yep. Because families come in all shapes, right?”

He laughs at that. It must be a family joke. I’m guessing Brian was married before then or something, because Nathan’s definitely his kid.

“We’re on the list for a baby, but since we already have Nathan, we’re nowhere near the top.” She shrugs.

My mind is reeling. These people are so awesome. How are potential moms not fighting over them?

Jackie turns around and looks at me. “Well, Dani, we just solved your problem!”

I don’t know what to say.

“Look at them!” Jackie can’t contain her excitement. “They’re like the coolest Mormon family ever, they want a baby and you have one you don’t want!” She pauses a bit then unapologetic, “Well, not one you don’t
want
…
but…”

I’m used to Jackie. Everyone else isn’t sure what to say. They all realize she put me in an awkward position. I’m surprised that Brian and Leigh
are
Mormon. Not because of the way they are with each other, they just seem a little t
oo cool. I laugh at myself then. W
hat a silly thing to think.

“I need to help finish th
at dress.” Leigh gets up, probably
trying to give me some space. She walks over to Lori and Jackie to help finish up. “Looks like we’ve about got it
,
Jackie.” Leigh smiles at her. “I’ll help you get out of that dress without getting stuck.”
Jackie’s going
to look like a goddess in that dress
,
and she knows it. She can’t take her eyes off the mirror as she steps off the small pedestal and into the dressing room.

Lori stands up and goes to her computer behind the counter. Brian comes and sits down.

“Well, that was awkward.” He looks over at me.
“Sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay. I’m used to Jackie.”
Or, still in the process of getting used to her.
“I keep feeling like I’ll just know and it hasn’t happened yet.” I can’t believe I’m saying this to a stranger. “I’ve looked through the books at the office so many times and…” It sucks.

Nathan climbs off the couch, goes behind the counter an
d starts to dig through the bags of food
.

“I can’t
imagine what that must be like.” H
e
talks in
this nice, quiet voice. He’s a man who’s probably been through a lot.

“Well, it’s not what I would have chosen for this year of my life
,
but it’s brought a lot of good things, too.”

He’s quiet, waiting for me to continue.

“Well, I joined the church because of it. My dad’s a pastor.”

His eyebrows rise. “That couldn’t have been easy.”

I shake my head. “We don’t talk.”

“How old are you, Dani?” He lo
oks at me intently for a moment.
“I’m sorry, that was rude.”

“No, it’s fine. I turned eighteen in April.”

“And now you’re on your own.”

“I live with Jackie
. H
er family’s been nothing but wonderful.”

“I’m glad you have that then, don’t be afraid to use it. I’ve seen Jackie a
few
times.” His eyebrows raise and he looks at me like he’s seen her here a lot more than just a f
ew times. “She’s not a bad girl. T
ake any help they offer. It’s easy for them.”

I still don’t feel comfortable with th
at and
just sigh again.

“One thing my wife and I have learned is that doing things by yourself is a lot harder than doing things with help. Don’t be afraid to take it.”

I turn toward him
and whisper.
“So, your wife can’t have kids?”

“When she was your age, she was fighting ovarian cancer. They left one ovary in, just on the off chance she’d be able to have kids later and then just after we got married, she got cancer in that one. It took her a long time to recover from all of that. We m
oved out here because of my job. S
he loves it and works now with Lori. Lori’s twins are here a lot as well.”

Wow, I’d way rather be pregnant than sick with cancer. Sometimes the craziest things help you feel better about your situation.

“I ag
ree with you about the pictures,
” I say looking back up at the wall and changing the subject.

“What?”

“On th
e wall. Y
our wife said that you didn’t love them.
”

“Oh, yeah. T
hey make me crazy. They show the clothes okay
,
but what the girls do here is about so much more than that. The problem is that I maintain their website and these are the
pics
I have to work with. It’s exasperating.” He tilts his head toward my camera. “Think you can do better?”

I shrug but I
know
I can do better than that—
especially if Jackie is willing to help me.

“Well, once you get things settled a bit, you know where to find us.”

“About the baby…” I’m not sure what to say. “Maybe we could talk sometime or something?”

He looks at me carefully for a moment. “Don’t feel like you need to do anything because of what Jackie sai
d. I
t’ll happen
.”

“But what if it’s a good match for both of us?” I ask
as goose bumps spread across my body
. For the first time, I’m starting to feel hopeful. I’m wondering if they’ll even
want
my baby.

He looks hopeful too
,
but like he’s afraid
of it
. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Yeah, maybe.” I have no idea what he could want.

“Don’t tell my wife you’re even thinking about it until you’re sure. She’s had a lot to deal with
,
and I don’t want to see her crushed by something again.”

I nod. I wonder what it would be li
k
e to have someone care for you like that. Someone willing to take the hits so you don’t have to. I smile a little
, the way he loves her is so...
W
ell, any girl would want to be loved like that.

“You live in Seattle, right?”

I nod
again
—
be
en doing that a lot
.

“We do too. Leigh, Nathan and I pop down here fairly often. Leigh likes working with Lori
,
and she likes seeing her brother Joseph
,
and my job allows me to be fairly mobile.”

“I work at Pike Market. I’m near the fish stand. Maybe I’ll bump into you one day around lunch time this week.”
I’m actually hopeful.
For real.

“Then maybe you and I should both spend some time on our knees.” He looks at me intently for a moment. I can barely breathe. This is real. Then he takes a breath in and puts on a wide, friendly smile, preparing for the interruption we can hear coming.

“Whew!” Jackie says as she comes out of the dressing room. “That was
exhausting
.”

I want to laugh. Everyone but her had been working, doing something.

“So, did yo
u two hash out the details?” Jackie
leans in and whispers to me.

“Something
like
that.” I can’t believe that I might be nearing the end of decision time.

18

I have another doctor appointment today. My doctor does another ultrasound because she’s afraid the baby has turned right side up, but she’s still happily upside down, where she’s supposed to be. I ask for her to print off a picture of the baby’s face, just in case I meet up with Brian and Leigh. She’s so big now they can barely do it. I go home and pray and pray. I feel good
,
but it hasn’t all come together yet. Brian and Leigh feel good
,
but it’s almost too convenient. It didn’t come the way I expected it to.

Brian, Leigh
,
and Nathan show up at lunchtime. Brian and I both act surprised
,
and Leigh looks happy to see me again.

“Take off for a few minutes,” Tanya insists. “It’s slow today, I’m go
ing to leave you alone later on. So
take your lunch now
,
and you can chat with your friends.”

“Okay.”

Brian is looking at the photos Jackie had framed up. I’ve sold more than I expected over the summer.

“These are yours?” he asks.