Wrong Girl (9 page)

Before
I even had a chance to respond to him, he hung up the phone. I’m left feeling
bewildered and stunned, staring at the phone in my hand in complete and utter shock.
What the hell just happened?

I
don’t go to bed right away. I know I won’t be able to go to sleep and don’t
relish the idea of being awake for hours. Zack sounded torn when I spoke to him
on the phone, he was struggling with something. It was almost like he was at
war with himself, battling his own demons whilst trying to regain some control
over his emotional outburst.

The
sound of his voice stirred up something deep inside of me, something I’ve never
felt before in my entire life. I don’t even know where to begin when it comes
to defining my feelings for him. Before that phone call I would have described
them as lust. I knew I wanted him and I knew it was wrong of me to want him but
now… now I know it runs deeper, deeper than I was willing to believe.

I
don’t know what’s going to happen or how things are going to be from now on.
All I do know that this is far from over, Zack and I are unfinished. I’m
inextricably drawn to him and know it’s going to take all of my strength to
fight the underlying attraction I have for him now. Our story is not one I want
to leave incomplete and as wrong as it is, I want to turn the page, I need to
find out what happens in the end or I’m going to regret it for the rest of my
life.

I
finally manage to fall asleep but all I dream about is him. His voice, his
eyes, his physique and his smile. He belongs to someone else and that someone
else is my sister. He can never be mine and he will always be off-limits.
However, for one night only I won’t allow myself to care. Tomorrow things will
change, tomorrow things will be different.

Tonight,
I can pretend. Tonight I will fool myself into believing that things will be
ok. In reality, I know I’m in denial. I know this can only end in heartbreak.

Mine.

His.

Rachel’s.

Too
bad that’s a risk I’m willing to take…

Chapter Four

Zack

I
can’t believe I just did that. What the fuck was I thinking? What the hell was
going through my mind? I know I’ve had a bit to drink but I’m nowhere near
drunk and certainly can’t blame it on the small amount of alcohol I’ve consumed
tonight.

 Rachel
and I went out with my parents as planned and the evening was a great success.
My mum and dad fell in love with Rach as soon as they met her and I can’t say I
blame them. We went to my family’s favourite restaurant and spent most of the
night talking about how Rachel and I met and the wedding.

I
honestly did not realise the amount of organisation and planning that’s involved
when it comes to organising a wedding. It’s completely overwhelming and I seriously
found myself questioning why the hell we didn’t decide on eloping instead. We
could be married right now, we could have had the ceremony on an exotic beach
somewhere thousands of miles away from here. Thousands of miles away from
her
.

My
thoughts never strayed far from Samantha throughout the entire meal with my
parents. I tried to take part in the conversation the three of them were having
but could feel my phone burning a hole right through my pocket the whole time.
It was tormenting me with the knowledge that her number was inside it, taunting
me with the idea of being able to get in touch with her.

 I
know what I did was wrong. I can’t even begin to try and explain myself because
it’s inexcusable. I really don’t know what I was playing at and can’t believe I
sunk to the darkest depths of despair. It was devious, immoral and completely
out of character for me to do something so sneaky. I’m at a loss when it comes
to clarifying my actions, I had Sam’s phone in my hands and felt the inexplicable
need to put my details in there. I wanted her number as well but knew I didn’t
have the time to exchange both. I actually considered asking Samantha for it outright
but realised how weird that might appear to her. I did think about asking
Rachel for it but then decided that would only arouse her suspicion. She’d quiz
me about it and I’d have no reasonable explanation to present to her. How could
I explain why I wanted her sister’s number in my phone?

I
suppose that’s what lead me to do it. I felt like I was in a hopeless situation
and had no other choice. I didn’t allow myself to really think about it, I just
acted. I put my name and number in her phone before handing it back to her and
later on that night, I secretly managed to get a hold of Rachel’s phone at one
point when she was out of the room and got her sister’s contact details from
it.

I
know how loathsome it is and I know how despicable that makes me. I’m a weak
and pathetic human being who doesn’t even deserve the stunningly gorgeous girl
I’m engaged to. I was sat across from her at the restaurant, watching her
laughing and joking with my parents. She looked breathtakingly beautiful in the
black dress she was wearing, so elegant and charming. I couldn’t understand how
everything changed so quickly, how my whole world could be turned upside down
in the space of twenty-four hours.

My
gaze kept on gravitating towards her finger, the one that wore the ring I gave
her. I was absolutely bewildered and perplexed by my own thoughts and feelings.
My dazzling fiancé was right in front of me, captivating everyone around her
and I was sitting there, hardly speaking and finding it absolutely impossible
to think of anything else but Sam. She was in my head, overriding every single
thought that invaded my mind. I was really anxious to get back home, I really
wanted to be alone so I could stop with all the pretence and get away from the
hectic noise in the restaurant. As terrible as it sounds, I wanted to be alone
so I could at least think about the possibility of calling her.

I
was hoping I could at least drop Rachel home without any drama or confrontation
with her. She wanted me to stay with her at her mum’s house and practically
begged me to go back there with her to spend the night. I knew I was seriously
running out of reasons for us to keep on sleeping apart and it was really
difficult trying to explain to her why I had decided to stay with my parents
again.

I
really don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me but I just can’t risk being
alone with her right now. I know what being alone together will lead to and I
can’t chance anything like that happening right now. How can I have sex with
her when the thought of her damn sister is permanently carved into my
subconscious? I really don’t trust myself to be intimate with her when someone
else is dominating every single corner of my brain. I’d feel like such a
bastard if I were to fuck Rachel right now, my body would be telling her one
thing when I’d be feeling something else entirely. The only girl I want to be inside
of right now is Samantha. I know how deplorable, contemptible and absolutely
shameful it is but that’s the truth.

I
truly thought my inappropriate feelings would disappear. I’ve noticed beautiful
women before, I’m a guy and guys inevitably notice other women. I’ve been out
with Rachel plenty of times before now and saw a gorgeous woman but I’m
respectful of her and never allow my appreciation for anyone to become
apparent. It means nothing and it’s something I’ve never taken seriously
before. I would never, ever act on the impulses that some people choose to
explore, I don’t cheat and I’ve never felt the need to do so in any
relationship I’ve been in before.

I’m
mindful that the messed up situation I’m in now is completely different to
anything I’ve ever experienced before. The distinction is I actually
want
to act upon the unwarranted and desires that continue to invade the dark
recesses of my mind. I want to pursue my depraved inclinations towards her and
that’s what makes this whole scenario so twisted.  

I
ended up giving another excuse to my fiancé and made sure I dropped her off
first before going with my parents back to their place. My mum and dad seemed a
little confused, wondering why I didn’t want to spend the night with the girl
I’m newly engaged to and I can’t say I blame them. They told me they would have
been fine with Rachel staying over with me at their place, wondering why I
insisted on us being separate. I somehow managed to convince them that
everything was fine, I explained that I just wanted to spend some quality time
at home with my family, especially since my brother will be back home in a day
or so and we drove the rest of the way home in silence.

My
mum and dad went straight up to bed when we got back and I was left alone,
contemplating my next move and struggling to control the blazing, all-consuming
desire that I had to contact her. I took a shot of whiskey, tried to watch TV
and seriously considered taking Rachel up on her offer of spending the night
with her. Maybe that was exactly what I needed, it could be the only thing that
would work and I was willing to try anything. Sex with Rachel would definitely
make me feel better, relieve all of the tension I was carrying around and
hopefully abolish my ridiculous obsession and infatuation I had with Sam.

One
hour later and I was still in turmoil. My fists were clenched and my eyes were fixed
on the phone right in front of me on the table. I went to reach for it several
times, warring with myself over what I should do. I remembered the conversation
Samantha had with Rachel earlier on in the car, Sam told her she planned on
spending the evening with Jason and I angrily recall how angry that made me
feel. I had absolutely no right to feel jealous but that’s exactly what I felt.
Just the thought of them together was enough to make my blood boil with fury
and I was desperate to quiz Rachel about the nature of their relationship. Picturing
them together was driving me insane and I the relentless images of them being
intimate with one another kept bombarding my brain.

I
looked at the clock and noticed it was after midnight, did that mean he would
have left already or would he still be there? I didn’t give myself another
second to think about it, I grabbed the phone and hastily typed out a text message,
sending it before I changed my mind.

Those
first few minutes were utterly excruciating. I received no response and started
to feel like the world’s greatest fool. I thought about all the possibilities
and why she might have chosen not to respond to it. She could have gone to bed,
she might not have heard her phone, she might be unnerved by it or worse… she
could still be with him. He could be touching her, kissing her,
fucking
her
and there was nothing I could do about it.

I
jumped up from the sofa and started pacing. The thought of them together was
too much, it was messing with my head and I didn’t know how to eliminate her
from my thoughts. I was tormenting myself over the decision I’d already made to
contact her, petrified that my idiocy would ruin everything and berating my
fucked up self for reaching out to her in the first place.

I
jumped out of my skin when I noticed the screen on my phone light up, letting
me know I had a new message. I grabbed it off the table with trembling hands,
tugging on my hair in frustration.
Please let it be her, please let it be
her, please let it be her.
They were the only words that kept on swirling around
inside my head. My despair would have been immense if it hadn’t have been her.

Her
message asked me if I knew who she was. She obviously couldn’t understand why
the hell I was texting her and she also asked me if I’d put my number in her
phone earlier on that day. I knew I had no other choice but to come clean. I
had to be honest with her if I had a hope in hell of persuading her to hear me
out. God knows what I planned on saying to her, all I wanted at that point was
to hear the sound of her voice. I had to know what was going on inside her
head, I had to know if w were we on the same page or if I had completely misunderstood
the situation and misread the signals.

I
persisted and eventually managed to convince her to accept my call. I closed
the door leading into the hallway so many parents wouldn’t overhear anything
and sat back down on the sofa, taking a deep breath before pressing the call button.

“Hello?”

Fuck
. She sounded
terrified and that’s when I realised I had absolutely no damn right to make her
feel afraid. I despised myself for doing it to her and wanted to rip out my own
tongue before I openly confessed everything I was feeling for her.

 I
suppose on some psychological level I
did
want to punish her. It’s
almost like I wanted to make sure that she was in as much torment as I was, I
wanted her to suffer just as much as me and sending her those ambiguous, mysterious
texts was my way of doing it.

“Samantha.”
I paused, breathing heavily. “Thanks so much for not freaking out on me. I know
how crazy this must sound and I realise how late it is.”

“What’s
going on, Zack?” She demanded, clearly frustrated by my cryptic text messages.

What
the fuck was I supposed to say? Where the hell was I meant to start?

“I
don’t even know. I don’t know what to say or where to start. I just wanted… I
guess I wanted to know if you…” I trailed off, at a loss for words and
violently enraged with myself for being a selfish bastard. I was putting my own
needs and desires above anyone else’s and that made me worthy of such a name.

“If
I what?” She challenged me, obviously wanting to bring an end to our
conversation.

I
felt like such a fucking idiot. I’d acted impulsively and went behind Rachel’s
back to sneak her sister’s number out of her phone and I even tricked Samantha,
surreptitiously typing my name into her phone. I’d made a mess of the whole
thing and was already having to deal with the consequences of my thoughtless,
insensitive actions.

“God,
I’m so sorry. This is so fucked up and just plain wrong. I should never have
called you, can we just pretend like this happened? Ignore everything I’ve just
said, Samantha. Please?” I begged her, anxious to put the whole thing behind me
and forget the fact that I’d tried to reach out to her.

However,
there was another part of me that didn’t want to do anything of the sort. The
last thing I wanted was to put even more distance between us, I was
inextricably drawn to her and a fucked up part of me
did
want to explore
the magnetic pull I felt towards her, I had a yearning to find out more. I has
this exasperating need to delve right inside this girl’s head and uncover all
her darkest secrets.
I
wanted to be the one she told them to, the one
she would choose to confide in and the one she felt compelled to be with. I
know all of this is ridiculously insane and immoral but that doesn’t make it
any easier to deny.

I
had to end the call before she had a chance to reply. I caught a brief glimpse
of the metaphorical EXIT sign and made a dash for it, almost flinging my phone
against the wall in front of me in frustration. My breathing was laboured and
my heart rate accelerated, I was desperate to burn off some energy and take my
aggression out on something. My old gym in London would still have been open if
I was there but all the local one’s around here close early, there was nowhere
for me to go and no way I could unleash all of the tension building up inside
me. I thought about going for a run but knew it wouldn’t help, it would only give
me a boost to heighten the adrenaline already coursing through my veins.