Wrong Girl (5 page)

 We
were literally bombarded by Rachel’s relations after we finished the meal and
it was a little overwhelming to say the least. By this point I was so ready to
leave, I wanted to get out of there and needed to clear my head. I eventually
managed to detach myself from the crowd of people surrounding us and made my
way outside. I thought Samantha would be on the balcony again and went out
there to check but she wasn’t there. I searched everywhere but she was nowhere
to be found. I hated the idea of her leaving without saying goodbye but there
was nothing I could do about it. It was probably for the best.

I
was just about to make my way back into the lounge when I heard indistinct
voices coming from the hallway. I recognised one of them to be Sam’s and
paused, wondering if I could somehow ‘stumble’ across her before she snuck out.
Miranda walked right by me a few seconds later but I purposefully hung hid behind
the doorway so she couldn’t spot me and drag me back into the party. She’d just
finished her conversation with Sam so I knew if I was quick I might just catch
her before she left.

I
used the excuse that she hadn’t said goodbye and then insisted on taking her home.
I think I even suggested the idea of us walking, knowing it would give me a few
extra minutes to be alone with her. She was still incredibly nervous around me
and I quickly wanted to dispel any of the concerns she might have about being
alone with me. I wanted her to feel comfortable, I wanted her to feel like I’m
someone she can trust and someone she can talk to. Lord knows she might need
someone after the diabolical way her own family treated her tonight.

The
journey in the car was full of awkward silences, it was clear that neither of
us knew what to say to each other and to break the silence, I ended up offering
to give her some driving lessons. I felt like an absolute idiot as soon as I suggested
it, especially when she politely declined my offer.

My
next attempt to engage her in some sort of conversation was when I tried to
delve a little deeper into her relationship with her mum. She was reluctant to
give anything away but revealed enough for me to understand the tension between
them goes back a long way.

I
was close to despair by the time I dropped Samantha home. My time with her was
coming to an end and all I cared about was stealing few extra moments for us to
be alone. I was scared of being alone because I knew I stood the chance of
being entirely consumed by my mixed up feelings. I didn’t know what was
happening to me but I knew it involved her, she was the route of my insanity
and I needed to find out more.

The
jealousy that coursed through me when she mentioned her friend Jason was
indescribable. I’m normally not the envious or possessive type but all of that
changed as soon as I thought there was another guy in the picture. I’m not even
envious over Rachel, she’s always had male friends and it’s never been an issue
for me before. I couldn’t comprehend why the thought of another man waiting for
Samantha inside her apartment made me furious. I had absolutely no right to
feel that way, I’m engaged for Christ’s sake! I knew it was wrong but it still
mattered to me. I didn’t want my fiancé’s sister to be with anyone, I didn’t
want there to be any other guy in her life. How messed up is that?

I
relaxed for a fraction of a second when she told me Jason was just a friend. It
didn’t last for long when I started to think about the possibility of a man and
woman really just being friends. I wanted to ask if Jason was gay but knew how
appallingly rude that would be of me. I hoped he was, at least then I wouldn’t
have to worry about them being along together in her apartment. All these crazy
thoughts kept whirling around inside my head. My hands were trembling and my heart
was thumping violently inside my chest, making me hope she wouldn’t be able to
hear it.

I
watched her get out the car and walk away from me, she disappeared inside her
building without giving me a backward glance and I let out a frustrated groan. I
leant my forehead against the steering wheel as I attempted to regain some
control over my unsettling thoughts. I could have stayed in my car for a bit
longer but I knew how creepy that would make me sitting outside her complex and
sped out of the parking lot in anger.

I
wanted nothing more than to be alone after that but knew I had no choice in the
matter. I had to get back to Rachel who was still at her mum’s place, she was
probably wondering where the hell I was and I’d left my phone behind before I
took off with Sam. I switched on the radio, desperate to dispel the chaos going
on inside my head. The Robin Schulz remix of ‘Waves’ by Mr. Probz came on and I
drove through the empty streets and fought to control my own subconscious,
battling to eliminate the intrusive thoughts of Sam that kept infiltrating my
mind. The track is one of my favourites, it normally helps me to relax but for
once it did the opposite. It intensified the fucked up thoughts racing through
my head, increasing the speed with which I made it back. I figured the faster I
drove, the sooner I’d manage to abolish everything to do with her.

I
made it back in less than five minutes and reluctantly made my way back inside
the house. There were only a handful of people left and I was glad that I’d be
able to make my own excuses and leave soon.

“Zack,
where have you been?” Miranda asks, walking over towards me.

“I
just dropped Samantha home. I didn’t want her to walk home by herself this
late.” I said sharply, scanning the room for Rachel.

“Oh,
you didn’t have to do that. She should have got a taxi.” Miranda replied
dismissively.

“I
told her not to. I was insistent that I drive her home. It wasn’t safe for her
to get a cab at this time.”

“Zack!
Where did you disappear off to?” Rachel interrupted us, throwing her arms
around my neck.

“I
took your sister home.”

“Samantha
left?”

She
looked genuinely bewildered which infuriated me. It was obvious that she
couldn’t care less about her sister’s presence at her own engagement
celebration and this left me feeling angry on Sam’s behalf.

“Yes.”
I sighed impatiently, removing myself from her embrace. “She would have walked
home by herself if I hadn’t stopped her.”

“That’s
so sweet of you.” She cooed affectionately.

 I
could smell the wine on her breath and although she wasn’t drunk, she was no
longer entirely sober.

“Not
really. It was the decent thing to do.” I said quietly.

Rachel’s
mum decided to leave us alone and walked away to say goodbye to some of her
guests. Funny that it was supposed to be our engagement party but Miranda only
invited the people
she
knew.

“Listen,
mum said our room is all ready for us upstairs if you want to go up. She knows
how tired we must be from the long journey this morning. The caterers can tidy
up and mum doesn’t mind us making an early exit.”

“I’m
actually thinking of going home tonight.” I told her, guiding her by the elbow so
I could lead her back outside onto the balcony.

I
didn’t want to have a discussion with her in front of the remaining people
inside, her relatives seemed to watch our every move and it made me
uncomfortable.

“You
want to go to your place? Ok, give me a few minutes to get my things together and
I’ll be right with you.”

 She
made to turn around but I grabbed her hand and stopped her, she misunderstood
what I meant and I had to set her straight.

“Rachel,
you’ve yet to meet my parents. Do you really want your first time seeing them
to be tomorrow morning when you first wake up?”

“It’s
not ideal but if you want to go back to your place tonight then I don’t really
have a choice.”

“I
meant that
I’ll
go back to my parent’s house and you can stay here. Spend
some quality time with your mum whilst you have the chance.”

“Are
you sure you don’t mind?” She asked doubtfully, appearing concerned.

“Nope,
its fine. I’ll see you later.” I slid open the balcony door, half way out of it
before Rachel tried to stop me.

“Aren’t
you going to say goodbye to my mum and thank her?”

“Can
you do it for me? I’m exhausted and don’t want to interrupt her just to say
goodbye. I’ll see her tomorrow when I pick you up.”

I
gave her a peck on the cheek before I turned and left. I know I was being
dismissive and a little harsh but I was desperate to be alone. All I wanted to
do was go to my own mum and dad’s and go to bed. I had to try and put the
events of the evening behind me, hoping that I would wake up the next morning
feeling refreshed and revitalised, Samantha a distant thought in my head. Of
course that didn’t happen.

I
arrived home late, surprising my parents who were almost on their way to bed. I
told them all about my evening (excluding my deranged and insane fixation with
my future sister-in-law) and went off to bed. I spent three hours tossing and
turning, unable to sleep and unable to get her out of my mind.

The
soothing sound of the kitchen clock is the only company I have. I’m restless,
agitated, unsettled and anxious. These emotions are completely new to me,
normally my life is good. I’m happy, confident, content and self-assured. I
don’t have sleepless nights and I don’t torture myself like this. I thought I’d
wake up tomorrow morning feeling foolish, I hoped I’d chastise myself for my
inappropriate response to another woman and forget all about it. What I did
not
predict was this unimaginable feeling. It’s clawing its way inside my body,
stealing every inch my freedom that still remains. She’s entirely consumed me
and I don’t know why. I don’t know what to do or how to handle this. I’m lost
and don’t know how to find myself, I don’t know where to start or how to
understand what’s happening to me.

What
I do know is very important. I
have
to see her again, I
need
to
see her again soon. Until then… I hope the unbelievable emptiness inside of me
will go away. I long for the ache in my chest to go away and forget everything
that happened tonight.

The
problem is I somehow instinctively know that this is not the end. It’s only the
beginning…

Chapter Three

Samantha

“So
how are you
really
?” Rachel asks, glancing over at me across the table
in the small coffee shop we’re seated in.

“I’m
ok.”

I
know I sound ambiguous but I’m just not used to discussing my personal life
with Rachel. She’s been away for so long, there’s a lot she’s missed out on and
a lot she doesn’t know.

“Tell
me the truth, Samantha.” Her eyes implore me to be honest with her and I sigh
resignedly. I suppose it can’t hurt to open up to her a little bit.

“I’m
taking it day by day, you know? Some days are better than others.” I say
truthfully.

“And
what about today? Is it a good day so far?” She inquires, dabbing the corner of
her mouth with her napkin.

We’ve
just finished eating lunch. I didn’t really fancy anything but my sister convinced
me to have something, even though she only ordered a salad for herself. I
suppose she’s grown used to taking care of her figure, being an actress means
you’ve got to be comfortable under a spotlight.

“Definitely
a good one.” I grin at her and watch her face light up.

 It’s
invariably easy to fool Rachel, she believes everything I say and that’s why it
really isn’t too hard for me to convince her that I’m really ok.

Rachel
phoned me early on this morning and asked if it would be alright for her to
meet me in town instead of picking me up. At the time I didn’t know why she
made that suggestion but didn’t mind at all. We arranged to meet outside
Starbucks in town and then went onto check out a couple of bridal boutiques.
She tried on a couple of dresses but nothing caught her eye and we eventually decided
to call it a day and have some lunch.

 It
was after we placed our order that Rachel told me the reason she couldn’t pick
me up this morning. Zack never stayed at over at my mum’s house with Rachel
last night and therefore she didn’t have any means of transport to pick me up
this morning. Zack had already made plans for today and was catching up with
some of his old friends. Rachel explained that she didn’t want to ask him to
rearrange anything and I told her I completely understood.

“So
why didn’t Zack stay at mum’s with you last night?” I asked her whilst we were waiting
for our food to arrive.

“He
was exhausted and I think he just wanted to spend the night in his own bed, in
his old room.” She said it like it was no big deal but I could tell that his
decision bothered her.

“You
didn’t want to go with him?” I asked, glancing down at the menu.

We’d
already placed our order so I don’t know why I did it. I guess I just didn’t
want her to think that I was being too nosy. She’d only clam up if I made out
like it was strange for him to want to spend the night apart from her and I
wanted Rachel to be honest with me.

“I
haven’t met his folks yet so it wasn’t ideal for me to stay over. The four of
us are going out for a meal tonight though and I’m already so nervous! What if
they don’t like me?” She wailed, clutching her chest as though she was about to
hyperventilate.

“Rachel,
they’re going to love you. You’re the most perfect daughter-in-law material,
what more could they ask for?”

“I
suppose so.” She nodded her head in acceptance of my reasoning.

I
was only speaking the truth. Rachel
is
perfect and everyone I know feels
the same way. I realise that Zack must think so as well or he wouldn’t be
marrying her, right? I gently shook my head, wanting to rid myself of any
thoughts of him whatsoever. I’d had a restless night and it was a struggle for
me to fall asleep, when it finally happened I only dreamt of him.

“Mum
mentioned something about a lot of visits to the doctor lately?” Rachel’s
question drags me back to the present. Our lattes are nearly finished and it’s
almost time for us to go. I thought all we had left to do was split the bill
and leave but it seems as though she’s about to start an in-depth inquisition
on the state of my mental health.

“It’s
under control.” I say defensively.

“What
is?” She questions, raising her eyebrows.

“You’re
going to make me say it?” I groan, my cheeks turning red with embarrassment.

“Yep.”

“Fine,
I guess my anxiety has shifted onto my health lately. I’ve been to the doctors
a bunch of times but they keep reassuring me that I’m alright and that nothing
is wrong with me.”

“That’s
great news!” She encourages me.

“Yeah,
if only I could believe them.” I reply dismally.

“It’s
going to take some time, Sam. You’ll get better, just take it one day at a
time.”

“That’s
what I’m trying to do.” I say hopefully.

“It’s
got to be tough for you right now… it’s been five years, hasn’t it?” Her tone
is cautious, she’s reluctant to broach the subject with me but it’s not enough
to stop her.

“Y-you
remembered?” I ask disbelievingly, so moved I can scarcely breathe. I’m overwhelmed
and incredibly touched by the fact that she still sympathises with what I went through.

“Of
course I do. Every year I think about you during this time.” She says softly,
placing her hand on top of mine.

“It’s
been five years.” I whisper.

“I
know.”

“He
would have been five now.”

“You
still think of him as a boy?” She smiles weakly.

“I
always will.”

“Oh,
Sam. You don’t still blame yourself, do you?”

“Sometimes.
It’s just… I was so scared, Rachel. I’ve never been so terrified in all my
life.”

“I
know that, baby. I know.” She empathises, squeezing my hand.

“It
still hurts. I can’t believe it still hurts after all this time.”

“It’s
always going to hurt, Sam. It’s going to hurt because it meant so much to you. It’s
something that changed your life and words can’t even begin to describe the
pain you felt, the suffering it caused you. You lost something that you loved
very much, you lost your baby and you’re never going to forget that. What you
need to realise is that it’s ok to remember, it’s ok to still feel sad about
it.”

“Do
I even have the right to feel that way?” I say tearfully.

“Of
course you do. Sam, I remember how you were and I remember the agonising
decision you had to make. You were unwell, you made yourself sick because of
it.”

“You
never think it’s going to happen to you. An abortion is not something you
visualise as a little girl, it’s not something you ever envision for yourself.
It’s something you assume happens to other people, strangers who you don’t know
and will never meet.”

“Sweetheart,
I know. You don’t ever need to explain yourself to me. You tortured yourself
before and after you reached your decision. It’s time to stop punishing
yourself. You’ve suffered enough and you deserve happiness more than anyone I
know.”

By
this time my eyes are brimming with unshed tears. I long to break down and cry
but we’re still in a public place and I know I must keep it together until I
can be alone.

“I’m
not punishing myself, I guess I’m just sad. My heart is still broken when I
think about that baby.”

“It’s
ok for you to feel that way. It’s perfectly understandable for you to be sad, all
I ask is that you don’t let it overshadow any possibility you may have of
finding happiness.”

There’s
so much compassion in her voice, I don’t know whether to thank her or weep with
gratitude.

After
we’ve paid for our lunch, I reach behind me for my jacket hanging off the back
of my chair. I’ve enjoyed my time with my older sister but I’m ready to go
home, run a hot bath and curl up with a good book for the rest of the day.

“Not
so fast! Have you not noticed the weather out there?” Rachel points towards the
window behind me and I notice the heavy rain pelting down.

“I’ve
got an umbrella, we’ll be ok if we make a run for it.”

“I’m
not going out in that. I’ll phone Zack, he can come and pick us up.” She says,
reaching into her handbag for her phone.

“I
thought he was spending the day catching up with his old friends?” I remind her
anxiously.

“He
is but he’s not too far away from town. He’s playing snooker in a bar just a
couple miles away.”

“Oh.”
I don’t know what else to say, I know can’t protest too much or Rachel’s going
to get suspicious.

“Zack,
it’s me. Listen, would it be ok for you to come and pick up me and Samantha?
It’s pouring down with rain and we’re going to get soaked if we go out in this
now. We can phone a taxi if you’re still busy with your friends but I just
thought I’d check with you first.” She asks him, her whole face lighting up at
the sound of his voice. I listen intently, straining to hear his voice on the
other end of the phone but hear nothing.

“I’m
sorry, I didn’t get chance to ask you if everything was alright with your
meal?” A pleasant looking waitress enquires, approaching me with a friendly
expression on her face.

“It
was lovely, thank you.” I smile at her in appreciation and watch her walk away.
By the time I switch my attention back to Rachel, she’s finishing up with her
phone call.

“Ok,
see you soon. Thanks, baby.” She coos affectionately, twirling a strand of hair
between her fingers.

Ugh,
he’s obviously agreed to pick us up and I hate myself for the fluttering in my
stomach. Knowing that I’ll be seeing my sister’s fiancé should not give me
butterflies. I shouldn’t be feeling anything. I desperately need to get the
thought of him out of my head… somehow.

We
only wait a few minutes for Zack to arrive and he sends Rachel a text to let
her know he’s outside. We make a sprint over to his car, frantic to get out of
the rain. We’re both soaked by the time we reach the safety of his vehicle,
laughing and combing our finger through our damp strands of hair. Rachel gets
in the front and I sit in the back. I’d normally complain because I get really
bad car sickness when I’m not in the front. However, I decide against it just
this once, I need to put as much distance as I can between me and Zack.

“Did
you two have a good time?” He asks, pulling out into the road.

“We
really did, I had so much fun. Thanks for coming with me today, Sam.” Rachel
turns around in her seat and grinning at me.

“It
was my pleasure, I had a great time.” I say sincerely.

“Find
anything you like?” Zack asks Rachel, interlacing his fingers with hers when
she reaches for his hand.

I
have to look away. I know how preposterous that sounds but I just can’t watch.
It hurts me to see them being so intimate with one another. Not because I’m
envious of their relationship and not because I want one for myself. It’s
purely because I’m envious of her. I want him and I don’t have the faintest
idea what I’m supposed to do about it. There’s nothing I
can
do. They’re
together and in love, I’m irrelevant and that’s how it should be. I should play
no part in their relationship and that’s exactly how it’s going to stay. I know
I’m going to be Rachel’s Maid of honour and I’ll help her out as much as I can
when it comes to the wedding but as far as he’s concerned… I can’t get too close.
I need to keep my distance.

“Not
really, I tried on a couple of dresses but today was mainly about getting some
ideas and doing plenty of research.”

“Research?
You need to research wedding dresses?” Zack chuckles softly, glancing in the
rear-view mirror, our eyes connect with one another and we hold our gaze for
several seconds, neither one of us willing to look away first.

“Of
course! We only have four months until the wedding and I want everything to be
perfect, especially the dress. It’s the most important part.” Rachel talks
excitedly, reapplying her lipstick in the flip down mirror in front of her.

“I
see.” Zack pauses, hesitating before asking his next question. “What about
you?” His eyes fixate upon mine and I can feel his penetrating stare upon me,
causing me to squirm uncomfortably in my seat.

“What
about me?” I respond timidly.

“Did
you find anything you liked?” His interest in our shopping trip can’t be
genuine, so why does he continue to pierce my soul with those eyes?

“We
weren’t really looking for my dress today.” I murmur quietly, averting my gaze.

“We’ll
start looking for you soon, Sam. I want you in something different to the other
bridesmaids. You’re going to look beautiful.” Rachel assures me, tugging a hair
brush through her sleek hair. It’s the colour of dark chocolate and it always
looks really healthy and glossy.

“There’ll
only be one beauty on the day and that’s you.” I tell her, hoping that I don’t
sound too jealous. I adore my sister and have always been proud of her
accomplishments and elegance, I genuinely mean it when I say that I want her to
be happy. I’ve never been envious of her before… until now.