“I
don’t think she was. She was very matter of fact about it and only told me
after it had been done… when it was too late.”
“I
don’t even know what to say to you.”
He
turns to face me, fastening those spectacular brown eyes of his on my green
ones.
“Listen,
I’ve made a lot of mistakes and so have you. We’ve both screwed up and we’ve
both hurt one another. Neither one of us have come out of this unscathed but I
do have a suggestion.”
“Ok…
what is it?” I ask with hesitation.
“That
we go back to the start. That we do it right this time. We’re going to start at
the beginning and not dive right in like we have done countless times before
now. We’re going to start over and see where it takes us.”
“And
how do we do that?”
“I’m
going to pick you up tomorrow night and we’re going to go out on our first
date.” He says firmly, resolute and decisive.
“Our
first date?” I splutter, unable to process the hilarity of such a statement.
“Why
not? Let’s go back to the beginning, Sam. Let us at least attempt to get it
right. I’m honestly willing to try. I’ll do anything it takes to keep you in my
life. For six months now I have loved you. I’ve been
in
love with you
since the first moment I set eyes on you and I’m tired of fighting it. I’m sick
of hiding it and I’m more than willing to fight for it. I know what I want.
It’s what I’ve always wanted and that’s you.”
Epilogue
My
hands are shaking, they’re actually trembling as I apply my make-up, struggling
to concentrate as I focus on sweeping my mascara onto my eyelashes. He’s going
to be here any minute and I’m not even dressed yet. I spent a whole hour
deciding what I should wear tonight, unable to decide between three outfits I
had already placed on my bed to choose from.
I
still can’t believe I’m actually getting ready to go on my first date with
Zack. I almost feel as though I’m in some parallel universe, one which I’m going
to wake up from any second. I’ve literally pinched myself several times
throughout today just to make sure I’m not dreaming.
It’s
been six months. Six months since we met and in the space of that time, I
cannot even begin to describe the turbulent journey we have been on. I think a
part of me agrees with Zack, I truly believe a part of me did fall in love with
him the first time I saw him, remembering the way my breath got stuck in my
lungs and my heart rate increased. I recall the butterflies in my stomach and
the way I could scarcely bring myself to look at him in case I said something
dumb or idiotic.
Falling
in love with Zack was not a choice, nor was it an option. I had no control over
my feelings for him back then and I will continue to believe this for the rest
of my life.
The
guilt will always remain. I realise it’s not going to disappear anytime soon
and I also know that my love for him has cost me my relationship with my
sister. Things will never be the same between us and I’m not naive enough to
convince myself otherwise. All I can do now is move forward. I could look back
but I’m no longer choosing to live in the past. I’ve spent far too much time
there and for now… I want to look forward.
Harry
and what he did won’t ever go away. Again, I’m not naive enough to believe this
is possible but I do know that I have to move on. The past is the past for a
reason and the future is the one thing we can look forward to. The present is
now
.
It’s the only thing we have that can be guaranteed. The present is a gift and I
am determined to cherish it.
My
friendship with Jason might be over. I have come to understand that a true
friend would not have chosen to break my heart like he did when he told me
those lies about Zack. He was the one who ruined what we had and until the day
he decides to seek me out and apologise… I no longer wish to know him.
My
mum was never what a true mother to me and although I wish our relationship
could be repaired, I also know that she will never be able to let go of the
past and for this reason, I have decided to let go of her.
As
for my beautiful baby I once had… he is still with me every single day. I carry
him within my heart and know that I will one day be able to see him in the
future children I might have. I still cry for him, I still weep but
know
that
you cannot truly lose what you hold so dear within your heart.
A
knock at the door startles me into action, speeding up my movements so I won’t
have to keep him waiting. I slip on my shoes and take one final look in the mirror.
For the first time in my life, I choose to appreciate my reflection. One day I
hope to see the beauty within myself that Zack does and I also hope to look
beneath all of the sadness I have carried around for so long. I hope to find
the light inside of me and the flame that I thought had died out a long time
ago.
I
walk across the living room and take a deep breath, slowly opening the front
door in nervous excitement.
“Wow…”
He exhales loudly, allowing his smouldering dark eyes to take in my appearance,
lingering on my new dress before travelling back up towards my face.
“Do
you like it?” I ask in nervous trepidation.
“You
look incredible. Astonishingly beautiful.” He replies, flashing me one of his
million dollar smiles.
The
one that still takes my breath away.
“Should
we go?” I ask, reaching for my purse which I left hanging by the door.
“Aren’t
you forgetting something?”
“No…”
I say uncertainly, trying to remember if there is anything that slipped my
mind.
“My
name.” He replies simply.
“Your
name?”
“This
is our first date, remember? You need to ask me my name.” He rolls his eyes as
though he’s dealing with someone who is purposefully being idiotic.
I
decide to go along with it and try to suppress the smile that’s tugging at the
corners of my mouth.
“May
I ask your name?” I ask sweetly, struggling to keep a straight face.
“I’m
Zack.” He grins at me and offers out his hand for me to shake, just like he did
the first time we met when Rachel introduced us all those months ago. “Pleased
to meet you.”
“Hi,
Zack.” I take his hand in my own and smile. “I’m Samantha.”
For
twenty-three years I convinced myself I was the ‘Wrong girl,’ and you know
what? Maybe I was when we first met. Maybe I should be persecuted for the rest
of my life for falling in love with my sister’s fiancé but that is not for
anyone else to decide. No one has a right to pass judgement on the choices I
have made or my mistakes. Right now I am
his
girl and that’s more than
alright for me.
About the author…
Wow…
if you are reading this I guess you just finished reading my book and once
again, I am lost for words right now. Where do I even begin?
How
do I
even begin to express my gratitude and appreciation for you purchasing this
book? I guess all I can really say is thank you. Thank you from the bottom of
my heart and then multiply it by a thousand.
I
love to hear from each and every one of you and hope you decide to email me
after you have completed this book. My email address is
[email protected]
and I seriously
cannot wait to hear from you. I value your opinions, thoughts, criticisms and
feedback and get such a buzz from receiving an email from one of my readers.
Please
feel free to contact me on Goodreads as well and remember to leave a review on
Amazon or the Goodreads website if you have a spare five minutes. I know every
author requests this but it really does mean the world to us and we appreciate
the time you take to do so.
I
really hope you enjoyed this book and I hope you come back and read the next
one!
Lauren.