Wrong Girl (30 page)

“Sick.
I feel sick to my stomach.” I reply truthfully, struggling to avoid the
powerful magnetism his touch brings me.

“Why?”
He asks, lowering his lips towards mine.

“Why
do you think?” I snap, jerking my head away from him.

“Because
you’re jealous.” He replies simply, tilting his head to the side with a bemused
expression on his face.

“Fuck
you.” I snarl, glowering at him viciously.

“You
can if you want to.” He whispers, speaking directly against my ear.

“Just
stop it. You disgust me.” I groan, shrinking away from him.

“Sam,
last night was a mistake, it really was. I knew that it felt wrong as soon as
we started…”

“No!
Stop! I don’t want to hear it!” I interrupt him, violently shoving my palms
against his chest, intending to at least bruise him this time.

“No!
You’re going to hear this. I have to explain myself to you.” He grabs hold of
my wrists in a vice like grip, unyielding and determined to stop me from
pushing him away.

“How
many times do I have to tell you? I don’t want to hear it.” I speak slowly, as
if he’s slow to understand.

I
hope it will be enough to stop him. I can’t bear to hear any more about his
illicit tryst with my sister and I’m starting to fear what the repercussions
will be if I actually throw up all over my mum’s pristine carpet… a definite
possibility if he continues.

“Sam!
Zack! Where are you guys?”

The
sound of Rachel’s voice coming down the hallway is enough to break us apart. I
purposefully make sure there’s enough distance between us and pray we don’t
rouse her suspicions.

“Say
nothing. I’ll take care of this.” Zack instructs me, casually leaning against
the wall opposite. He shoves both of his hands inside his pockets, exuding
confidence and calm.

“There
you are! We’re all waiting for you two in the dining room.” Rachel turns the
corner and furrows her brow when she spots us, a bewildered expression on her
face.

I
nervously glance at Zack, wondering how on earth he’s going to explain our
absence to her. This must look really suspicious, even to an unsuspecting
person like Rachel.

“I
had to discuss something with Sam, something private. Wedding business.” Zack
grins at her, oozing self-assurance and composure.

“Oh,
wow! I don’t want to ruin the surprise so I won’t ask anything else. We really
do need to start with dinner though, mum isn’t happy.” Rachel rolls her eyes at
me before turning on her heel and leaving us alone.

I’m
about to follow in her footsteps when Zack reaches out and grabs my arm,
preventing me from taking another step.

“This
is not over.” He growls, breathing heavily against me.

I
shrug him off me and ignore his warning, mentally preparing myself to get
through the next couple of hours unscathed.

Famous
last words.

I
avoid the malicious and spiteful glare of my mother when we join the others,
taking my seat at the opposite end of the table to Zack and Rachel. I’m
actually relieved to be so far apart from them, the last thing I need right now
is to watch the two of them all over each other. I’m quite happy to sit in the
corner and be ignored, it’s nothing new to me and if I’m being entirely honest…
I sometimes think I prefer it that way. I’m so used to existing in the shadows,
completely outshone by my sister’s light.

“You
must be so thrilled that Rachel has asked you of all people to be her Maid of
honour.” One of my mother’s friends says to me, forcing me out of the
trance-like state I had become lost in.

I
glance across the table at her and smile weakly, refusing to even acknowledge
such a blatantly rude statement. God knows what my mother has told people about
me but they sure seem to have a low opinion of my existence. Just like she
does…

Zack
continues to fixate his hypnotic gaze upon me throughout the entire meal and I
shift uncomfortably in my seat, struggling to understand how no one else seems
to notice the tension between us. Not even my sister.

“Of
course I would like Rachel’s Uncle to give her away. I just hope that he will
be able to fly over for the wedding.”

My
mum’s sudden announcement causes me to jerk my head in her direction. My mouth
falls open and my breathing becomes erratic. My body feels weak and yet my
heart begins to hammer inside my chest, threatening to burst out at any moment.
I clench my fists, digging my short nails into the palms of my hand. I’m so desperate
to feel physical pain right now, frantically trying to distract myself from the
searing storm of agony that’s consuming my very being.

“Mum,
I haven’t even said yes to the idea. It was your suggestion for Uncle Harry to
give me away.” Rachel reprimands her gently, nervously moistening her lips.

She
casts a glimpse in my direction but refuses to look me in the eye, clearly
caught off guard by our mum’s revelation.

“It
was my suggestion and a good one. You’ll see sense soon enough and I can’t wait
to tell Harry the good news. You have no idea how excited he will be,
Sweetheart. You know he thinks the world of you.”

I
clench my fists, battling against the overwhelming urge I have to throw my
dinner plate at my mother’s head. I cannot
believe
that she would invite
that…
monster
back here.
Or
that she would partly convince my
sister to even consider it.

Evil.
That’s exactly what she is and it’s taken me twenty-three years to discover it.

The
conversation carries on with my mother explaining to the rest of the table that
my late father’s brother, Harry, has been living abroad for several years. She
goes on and on about what a successful businessman he is, building his entire
empire single-handedly. I count to one hundred in my head, willing myself to
remain righteous and composed, knowing an emotional outburst is exactly what my
so called mother expects from me right now.

One
person’s attention still remains. His searching gaze stays on me throughout it
all, inquisitive at first and then downright discerning. I feel as though he
can see right through me. He’s probing my mind, I can almost visualise him flicking
through the pages of my life, scanning the contents of my brain and trying to
decipher the traumatic events I’ve experienced. Intrusively venturing into my
most private thoughts and attempting to translate them into a language he can
understand.

The
desert is finally served. I only manage the smallest of mouthfuls before I push
my plate away, unwilling to play along with this charade for a moment longer.
No one tries to engage me in conversation and I’m more than happy to remain
silent, at least then I can pretend I’m invisible.

All
I’ve ever wanted to be.

My
mother suggests that everyone stay for a nightcap after the meal and that’s
when I decide to make my exit. I wait until Rachel is distracted, she’s caught
up in a meaningless conversation with one of our distant relatives and it’s the
perfect moment for me to leave unnoticed.

I
don’t plan on saying goodbye to everyone, they’re all too caught up in talking
about the wedding and the thing I need to do now is escape. This house is like
a cage, a cage I need to break free from before I slowly suffocate from its
clutches.

I
quickly head towards the hallway, hoping to grab my coat and make a speedy exit
without being spotted. However, it’s when I’m walking past the sliding doors
that lead out onto the balcony that I pause. I can’t help but remember the
first night that I stepped out here with Zack to take in the magnificent view.
I remember the electricity that already existed between us that night and how
unnerving it was for me to feel so drawn to my older sister’s new fiancé.

I
thought he felt it too. He almost convinced me that he did and then he made
love to her. I know they’re engaged and I know there is absolutely no future
for me and him but it still… hurts. Who am I kidding? It’s killing me and
that’s why I need to get out, I need to stop this right now before it strips me
of everything that I am, everything I need to hold onto.

That
still doesn’t stop me making my way out onto the balcony, I silently open the
sliding door and close it behind me, breathing in the cool evening air outside.
There’s a full moon and I gaze up at it for the longest time, remembering the
children’s story my dad used to tell me about a man living on it. When I was a
little girl I truly believed in him and every single night I used to pray to
that man in the moon. After my father died I used to do it more often, I
couldn’t understand why God had taken my daddy away, I didn’t know why the
awful things had started to happen to me and I had no idea how to stop it. I
used to think that the kind man in the moon had all the answers and if I
listened hard enough he just might tell me what to do.

It
was a full moon the night that Harry came into your room.

I
shake my head in disgust, banishing the intrusive thought from my head. I don’t
want to hear it, I’ve never listened to my subconscious before and I refuse to
start now. The minutes tick by as I wait. God knows what for, maybe I’m still
waiting for that man in the moon to say hello, to let me know where I went
wrong and what I can do to change it.

Silence.

That’s
the only response I ever got as a child and no doubt the only one I’m ever
going to get.

“I
wish you could tell me everything is going to be alright.” I whisper softly.
“Just this once.”

 I
continue to gaze up at the starry sky, wishing with all my might to hear
something good.

“Everything
is going to be ok.” A deep, masculine voice startles me, forcing me to whirl
around in a panic.

I
inhale sharply when I come face to face with Zack. He’s standing by the sliding
doors which lead out onto the balcony. He must have followed me out here and
somehow managed to do so in silence.

“What
are you doing out here? Were you spying on me?” I narrow my eyes at him in
accusation, struggling to contain the fury and indignation coursing through my
veins.

“Of
course not.” He replies calmly, holding his hands up in surrender.

“But
you followed me out here.”

“Ok,
I admit it. I did come looking for you but I couldn’t find you anywhere. I
thought you might have left but decided to check out here… just in case.” He
says softly, slowly closing the distance between us.

“I
still don’t want you sneaking up on me like that.” I reprimand him, folding my
arms across my chest to shield myself.

The
truth is that I’m embarrassed. I can’t believe I let Zack catch me talking to
myself like that. It makes me feel humiliated and more than a little ridiculous
as well as extremely vulnerable.

“Baby,
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you and I certainly don’t want to piss you
off more than I already have done tonight.” He soothes me in a placating tone.

“You
shouldn’t even be out here, Zack. Go back inside, go and be with Rachel.”

“I
don’t want to. I don’t want to go in there and pretend anymore. It’s not her I
want, Samantha. It’s you.”

“Is
that what you told yourself last night when you were inside her?” I ask
contemptuously.

“Sam,
let me explain what happened to you. Please.” He begs me, agony and desperation
intensifying his voice.

“It’s
none of my business! And I
really
don’t want to hear all the gory
details.” I proclaim loudly, attempting to cover my ears.

“I
was drunk! I know it’s a really lame excuse but that’s the honest truth. Part
of me thinks that was part of Rachel’s plan all along. She knew my parents were
out last night and she turned up on my doorstep unannounced. She had several
bottles of wine with her and I tried to make her leave, I swear I did but she
wasn’t having any of it. I thought she would only stay a while and eventually
get tired of me being so unresponsive to her but she didn’t.” He sighs deeply,
walking over towards the railing of the balcony where I’m stood. “I was already
feeling low and I mean really, really low. I had no absolutely no idea when you
were coming back and a part of me felt responsible for you leaving in the first
place. I swear I’ve been in absolute torment since you left, torturing myself
over what happened last week and how I ran out on you when Rachel called me
from the restaurant to pick her up. Before I knew what was happening I was
drunk and I mean completely intoxicated. I could hardly put one foot in front
of the other. We somehow made our way upstairs and that’s when my mind goes
blank. I know we slept together but the only reason I know that for sure is
because I thought of you the whole time. I know that disgusts you but it was
out of my control.”

“You’re
sick.” I respond scathingly, picturing the two of them together as I say it.

I
can’t help the undeniable urge I have to punish him, to throw his seemingly
sincere apology back in his face and humiliate him. I don’t like this
vindictive version of myself but as much as I try to ignore it, my need for
revenge is quick to rear its ugly head.