With Wings I Soar (5 page)

              Tabitha spent the evening working on a short story for her literature class. She was still anxiously waiting to receive her last essay back from the instructor, but working on her next project gave her something to focus her attention and energy on. Her story was very brief and featured a futuristic theme. Tabitha became very absorbed in her work and let herself become part of the story as she wrote. She flew to the highest heights and swam in the deepest oceans. The heroine of the story was brave, strong, and courageous: everything Tabitha wanted to be. Finally, satisfied with her work, she decided to print out her story and head to bed.

Tabitha headed downstairs to use the printer in the office. As she turned into the hallway, she heard a muffled voice coming from the room. Wondering who Mom was talking to this late, Tabitha slowed her walk and tip-toed to the office door. It was slightly ajar and she could clearly hear that Mom was in a heated discussion.

“No, that's just not going to happen. She's my daughter. I'm the one who poured years of work into staying at home with her and I'm not going to let anything change that. No. No way....I don't think you understand...Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but divorce is never easy for anyone...You can have the house. I don't care about that...No, she's mine. I want full custody. No debate...Get over yourself, Paul. You were a lousy husband and you're going to make a lousy ex. She doesn't want to see you....Of course I told her you sent her a gift. She thought it was stupid...No, she wants nothing to do with you, so just do us all a favor and leave us ALONE.”

Mom slammed the phone down loudly and breathed heavily, like she was catching her breath. In shock at what she had just overheard, Tabitha quickly sneaked back upstairs and hurried into her room. She slipped into her bed and pulled the blankets up to her neck. Soon she heard Mom's telltale footsteps climbing the stairs. Mom liked to check on Tabitha before she turned in for the night. She said it was to make sure she was okay and wasn't too cold or anything like that. Before, Tabitha had thought Mom's gesture was a kind and gentle one, but tonight she just felt betrayed.

Closely her eyes tight, Tabitha pretended to be asleep when Mom entered the room. Mom tiptoed gingerly across the creaky floor to Tabitha's bed and placed an extra, warm blanket on Tabitha's shivering body. She hadn't realized just how cold the house was until she felt the warmth of the blanket, and for a brief moment, she felt grateful for Mom. The soft wetness of Mom's kiss on her forehead made her feel angry and upset. When Mom left the room Tabitha threw the blanket on the floor in a silent act of protest.

A sea of questions whirled about Tabitha's mind as she lay silently in the darkness. A stream of moonlight poured in her window, but Tabitha didn't feel like soaking in the beauty or thinking about its whimsical properties. Instead she wondered why Mom had lied to her about contacting Dad. Why hadn't Dad replied to any of her text messages? Why didn't she know Dad had sent her a Christmas gift? For months now, Tabitha had felt abandoned by her father, but now she wondered if he really wanted to see her and be with her. Why had Mom hidden that from her? Was Mom the enemy in this story?

There were too many questions for Tabitha to cope with. She couldn't sleep. Every gust of wind that shook the house's frail frame just urged her to think and question and ponder even more than she already was. After awhile, Tabitha heard Mom getting ready for bed and the tell tale closing of Mom's bedroom door. The door had a very distinct closing sound, and Tabitha knew it well.

She stood, quietly, and sneaked out of her bedroom. She peered down the hall to make sure Mom was really in her room before quietly hurrying downstairs to the office. Tabitha sat at the desk and examined the phone that rested on the desk. It was digital, and it had a list of recent calls. She didn't see any numbers she recognized, so she lifted the receiver and hit “redial.” The phone rang several times before a groggy voice answered.

“Rhonda, what's wrong? It's nearly midnight.”

Tabitha choked back tears as she feared the question she was about to ask. “DAD?”

She could tell her father was as shocked to hear her voice as she was to hear his.

“Tabitha? Sweetie, how did you get this number? Did your Mom tell you? Does she know you're calling me?”

“No, no she's asleep now. I just, I overheard her yelling at you and....and Dad...” Tabitha began to tear up as she spoke with her dad, finally, after all this time. “Dad, I thought you didn't want to see me. I tried texting you and you never texted back and I just miss you so much Dad.”

Dad explained that he had changed his number after he moved out. His cell phone had been on a family plan with Mom's number and the phone company wouldn't let him switch to an individual line. He had to get a new number to have his own phone account. He had texted and called Tabitha many times, he told her, but had never been able to get ahold of her.

“Maybe Mom blocked your new number and I didn't know,” Tabitha wondered aloud. “Dad, I've just missed you for so long. What happened? Why is Mom keeping us away from each other?”

“Your mother is afraid,” Dad explained gently, “That if you know how much I want to see you that she won't get full custody when we go to court next week.”

“I didn't know you were going to court. When did you decide to go to court?”             

“We've been meeting regularly with our lawyers to try to settle the terms of our separation, but it's taking longer than we anticipated. Your Mom is really afraid of losing you. Tabitha, you need to know that I would never do anything to take you from your mother. She's a great parent and she's sacrificed so much for you, but I do want to see you. I've requested to have joint custody with your Mom, but her attorney is pushing for her to get you all the time. If she gets full custody, which is what she wants, I won't be allowed to visit you or see you very often at all.”

Tabitha was shocked. She wondered how Mom had managed to keep all of this from her. Then it hit her: she had been so busy with Katie and crushing on Ryan that she hadn't even paid attention when Mom had dropped hints about court. Mom had mentioned meeting with her lawyer after work a few times each week, but Tabitha hadn't really cared or noticed. She had never asked Mom about the meeting or the proceedings and had just assumed that Mom hadn't been talking with Dad either. Now, burdened with the truth, she felt betrayed.

“Dad, Dad I want to see you,” Tabitha told him.

“I know, honey, I know that now. I just don't think it would be a good idea right now because your mom will think I planned it behind her back. I think it's really important to respect her wishes, at least until after our hearing.”

“Can I come?”

Dad hesitated before responding. “Yes, you have every right to be there. Actually, you might even be required to be there. Your mom should bring you with her to the courthouse, but in case she conveniently forgets, let me give you the information. You can call a taxi to take you, or have Kenny drive you. Do you have a pen?”             

Tabitha grabbed one and Dad filled her in on the details. This meeting was basically the last step in finalizing their divorce. They would decide who would get the house and how child support would work. Dad said he'd been sending Mom checks each month since he left to help cover the cost of Tabitha's school supplies, food, and clothes. He had even sent extra money and a gift for Christmas, but Tabitha hadn't seen the gift.

“I'm sure your mother still has it somewhere,” he told her. “Just give her time.”

Suddenly, Tabitha heard a noise in the house and whispered, “I have to go, Dad. I love you.”

Quickly, she hung up the phone and turned to go back upstairs before Mom woke, but when she turned around, Tabitha was shocked to see her mother's figure standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips. A frown covered her face.

“Tabitha Peterson, you have a lot of explaining to do.”

By the time Mom had finished yelling, Tabitha felt like she had aged ten years. In fact, she was sure she had a few gray hairs now. Unfortunately for Mom, the only thing Tabitha heard was the sound of screaming. Mom yelled so loudly that Tabitha couldn't understand most of what she said. “Sneaking” and “betrayal” were a few words tossed around, but other than that, she was at a loss.

“What are you even mad about?” Tabitha finally interrupted Mom. “You're the one who lied to
me.
Remember? You said Dad didn't want to see me. You told me he didn't want a relationship with me and that you hadn't talked to him. You
lied
to me, Mom! You've never lied to me before. Why now?”

Mom breathed out heavily, placing her hand on the back of a nearby chair to steady herself. Yelling and shouting had worn her out, and the glaring tell-tale signs of fatigue began to appear on her face. Tabitha stared at her as she began to speak.
She really is looking worn out,
Tabitha thought quietly.
This must be harder on her than I thought.
But Tabitha quickly wiped the thought from her mind, instead replacing her momentary feelings of compassion with anger. Mom had no right to lie to her about Dad. It wasn't just unfair – it was plain
mean.

Finally, after a lengthy moment of silence, Mom began to speak. “Tabitha,” she said softly, lowering her body into the chair, “I only did it to protect you.”

“Protect me from
what?
From my own
father?
”

“Yes and no...I just wanted you to be happy and move on with your life. I didn't want you to have to feel trapped, waiting for a court's decision on where you would go to school or who you would live with. There's just so much that the judge will decide next week and I wanted you to not have to worry about it. I thought that if I let you talk to your dad, you would want to see him and talk to him, and I didn't want anything he said to you to lead you astray. I want you to be with
me,
Tabitha. Dad is the one who left. And yes, we both are responsible for our failed relationship, but I don't want you to be constantly exposed to his poor decisions.”

“What do you mean? What poor decisions?”

“Sweetie, I didn't want to tell you this because I don't think you're old enough to understand, but the reason your father and I separated isn't just because we argued a lot. I know that was part of it, but the other reason is that your father cheated on me. He had an affair and I found out about it. He ended the relationship with the other woman but I don't really think he regretted his choice. I want you to know that kind of behavior isn't okay. It's not okay to cheat on your spouse just because you're unhappy. That's not the kind of example I want you to learn from.”

Tabitha was speechless for a moment. She had never suspected Dad of being unfaithful. He didn't seem like the type of guy who could ever do something like that. He cared about her too much. He cared about
Mom
too much. But now, faced with this curt reality, Tabitha wondered if anything she had ever believed was true.

“Mom, I know you hate Dad right now, and I hate him too, sometimes, but talking to Dad tonight was so great. I really missed hearing his voice. I don't know what happened with Dad and that other girl or why he would ever do anything like that, but I still think...I still think I should have a chance to spend time with my Dad. Even if he's a screw up and you hate him, I know he loves me, deep down.”

Mom nodded and said nothing. She rose slowly from her chair and walked to the desk. She pulled a key from her pocket and unlocked the bottom drawer of the desk. It was the drawer where Mom and Dad kept all of their important financial papers and stuff like birth certificates and passports. Tabitha had never bothered to try opening the drawer because it never seemed important. But now, as Mom pulled a small, brightly wrapped package from the drawer, Tabitha wished dearly that she had snooped around.

“This is from your Dad: a late Christmas gift.”

Tabitha stared at the package for a moment before tearing off the silver and gold wrapping paper. It fell loosely to the floor and she opened the small box in her hands. Inside the box, nestled snugly in a bed of soft cotton, was the most beautiful necklace Tabitha had ever seen. A strand of silver held a pendant of a bird. Its wings were lined with sapphires and diamonds, and in place of an eye, the bird had a small emerald. Tabitha gasped softly.

“Help me put it on?” She told Mom, but it was more of a question than a command. Mom nodded and clasped the necklace behind Tabitha's neck. The bird lay across her collarbone.

“It's flying away from everything,” Tabitha whispered, staring at it. “It must be so wonderful to have wings.”

Mom placed her hand on Tabitha's shoulder. “I think it's about time you got to bed, Sweetie. It's late.”

Tabitha nodded and without protest, climbed the stairs to her bedroom and collapsed on her sea of blankets. She took the necklace off and held the bird in her hand.

“Fly away, little birdie,” she whispered as she drifted off to sleep.

Tabitha met Katie the next morning. She had decided to leave her new necklace at home so she wouldn't lose or break it. Tabitha was notoriously clumsy, and her necklace was so special that she wanted it to be protected. Mom had a large wooden jewelry box on her dresser and had allowed Tabitha to place the bird necklace inside the jewelry box for safekeeping.

“Hey Katie,” Tabitha greeted her friend as she neared the Miller's home. Katie was sitting on the front porch. As usual, she had a book sprawled in her lap. She looked up at Tabitha, a sly grin playing on her face.

“So, hotshot, how was your date?”

Tabitha laughed. “It wasn't really a date.” She blushed before admitting, “Actually, I kind of fell asleep and Ryan left. His sister drove me home when I woke up.”

Katie erupted in laughter. “Worst date ever!”

“I know. I was just so tired!” Tabitha stuck her tongue out at Katie and giggled, too. She hoped Ryan wouldn't be angry when she saw him today. In all the excitement of talking to Dad the night before, Tabitha had completely forgotten about her adventure at Ryan's house.

As the girls walked to school, Katie talked about a project she was working on, but Tabitha found it difficult to concentrate on the details of Katie's work. Instead, she began to think about what Kathy had said about parenting. Logically, Tabitha knew Mom had only been trying to protect her by keeping her from Dad, but her heart still hurt, and she still felt a little bit betrayed by Mom's secrecy. At least Mom had finally come clean, Tabitha told herself, and next week Tabitha would get to see Dad again when they all went to court.

“What do you think about that?” Katie asked, bringing Tabitha back to the present.

“Sorry,” Tabitha shook her head. “Explain it again?”

Katie laughed and gave Tabitha a gentle shove. “I asked if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight to have pizza with me and Kenny. Mom's going out with some friends to have a girl's night. We're going to rent a movie and stuff ourselves silly with junk food.”

“Yeah, that sounds great. Let me just check with my mom to make sure she doesn't care about me being out two days in a row, but I think it should be fine.”

“Hurray,” Katie clapped excitedly. “It's going to be the best.”

Once at school, the girls parted ways. Katie was immediately surrounded by a group of kids in her science class, while Tabitha walked to her first class alone. As she neared the door, Tabitha saw Ryan waiting for her. She had half expected that he would be there, and she felt a rush of warmth and excitement when she saw him.

“Hey cutie!” Ryan greeted her with a wave.

Tabitha blushed. A boy had never called her “cute” before. “Hey Ryan. Sorry about last night. I really didn't mean to ruin our evening.”

Ryan laughed. “It's not a big deal. I was just wondering if you wanted to try again tonight.”

“Oh, I can't tonight. I've got plans with Katie already.”

Ryan looked disappointed for a moment, but Tabitha quickly added, “Maybe tomorrow or later this weekend, though. I had a really good time with your sisters. They're all really sweet.”

“Yeah, they really liked you, too. My nephew can't stop talking about you.”

The bell for class buzzed loudly. “I need to get going, but I'll see you later,” Tabitha promised with a wave.

Tabitha entered the classroom jubilantly and was eager to start the day. She had been enjoying her studies this week. As the semester progressed, things had started to make more sense and the work became easier and more interesting. While many of her reports and projects were complicated and required dedication and hard work, she still found herself enjoying the things she learned. Her favorite class by far was literature. Tabitha had expected class about books to be full of grammar patterns and talking about sentence structure, and while those were both a small part of the class, most of it was talking about stories and books that the students read together as a group.

Mrs. Bailey, Tabitha's literature instructor, was a short, stout woman. She had black hair that hung in soft curls and deep, piercing brown eyes. Mrs. Bailey was not a woman to be trifled with. Tabitha enjoyed listening to Mrs. Bailey's lectures and frequently participated in the classroom discussions, but she knew that her instructor had little tolerance for students who lacked self discipline. If a student didn't do her homework or came in late to class, Mrs. Bailey would mark down that student's grade without batting an eye. She was a harsh grader and difficult to please, but she rewarded genuine effort and was always available to offer suggestions and pointers to her students.

Mrs. Bailey's class was Tabitha's last one before lunch time. Her stomach growled hungrily as she slid into her second-row desk. The classroom was full of students chattering and hustling to their seats. A few girls in the back of the classroom were giggling about the upcoming school dance, while the boys who sat next to Tabitha were excited about basketball practice. When Mrs. Bailey walked into the room, the students were immediately quiet and at attention.

Today was a special day, as each student was very aware that Mrs. Bailey had promised to return their recent essays today. Mrs. Bailey took her time grading papers. While some instructors, like Tabitha's history teacher, gave back essays after a day or two of grading, Mrs. Bailey liked to take a full week to grade papers. A few students complained about this, but one day Mrs. Bailey explained her reasoning to the class.

“I realize that I take more time than most teachers to grade your papers. This way I spend adequate time on each essay and don't slap down a poor grade because I'm tired,” she offered with a gentle smile. “Be grateful. It would be much easier on me to grade all of your papers in a night. I take my time to make sure I'm being as fair as possible to each of you.”

After that, no one bothered old Bailey anymore. Mrs. Bailey seemed to have no difficulty controlling her class. She never had disruptions and rarely had students back talk her. When someone did act up, she simply gave them what one student referred to as the “Look of Death.” That look could stop a train dead in its tracks, Tabitha thought. There was nothing more terrifying or intimidating than Mrs. Bailey when she was upset.

When she walked into the classroom holding her students' essays, Mrs. Bailey did not look pleased. She leaned against her desk and faced her class. Tabitha tried to make eye contact but found it too difficult.

“I have graded your papers,” Mrs. Bailey said simply. “Some of you did remarkably well and exceeded my expectations for your work. Most of you, however, did not do so well. In fact, the majority of you failed to even demonstrate understanding of the assignment at all.” Mrs. Bailey let out a deep sigh. Tabitha felt immediately sorry for her. It seemed like Bailey really loved her job, but struggled to motivate the students who didn't have much interest in reading.

As Mrs. Bailey began to hand out the essays, she continued speaking. “For those of you who received less than a “C” grade, I will allow you to rewrite your essay. You have one week from today to complete the rewritten paper. If you fail to complete your rewritten paper, your current grade will stand.” A few of the students looked relieved at this revision policy. Tabitha was surprised at Mrs. Bailey's act of kindness. Most teachers would make the student keep the poor grade as a motivational tool.

Tabitha's paper landed face down on her desk.

“Please see me after class today,” Mrs. Bailey said, as she continued handing out the essays.

Tabitha flipped her paper over to reveal her grade. A large “B-” was written in red ink at the top of her paper. Tabitha was surprised at the grade, as she had hoped for an “A.” Curiously overwhelmed her as she wondered what Mrs. Bailey wanted to talk to her about. Tabitha's essay had been on a short story she had read. The essay discussed the themes of loyalty and betrayal as evidenced in the lives of two friends. She had felt a deeply personal connection to the story and had hoped that her feelings and passion were apparent in her essay. Now she began to doubt herself greatly and feared that Mrs. Bailey had hated the essay.

When the classroom emptied at the end of the hour, Tabitha approached Mrs. Bailey's desk, essay in hand.

“Tabitha,” Mrs. Bailey smiled. “I enjoyed your essay very much.”

“Then...then why am I in trouble?” Tabitha blurted out, embarrassed and confused.

Mrs. Bailey laughed. “You're not in trouble, dear. I just wanted to talk to you about your essay.”

“What about it?”

“Your writing style shows real promise. I can tell you really felt drawn in to the story. There are just a few minor grammatical mistakes that I just couldn't let slide. Without those, your essay would have been “A” work, hands down.”             

Mrs. Bailey pointed out a few problems that Tabitha had with her formatting style. She had a couple of run-on sentences and a fragment sentence. Tabitha felt embarrassed at her juvenile mistakes, but was thankful for Bailey's kind criticism.

“One thing I noticed,” Mrs. Bailey mentioned, “is that you really demonstrated understanding of the themes in this story. Many students struggle to identify different elements of a story, but it seemed to come naturally to you. I wonder if you yourself have ever dealt with a difficult friendship because your analysis of the story really captures what I think the author was trying to demonstrate about the dynamics of a working friendship. The characters really do argue and then make up, dance and then cry. The friendships in this story are so complex and multi-dimensional that they seem almost crazy, yet many friendships in real life exhibit similar characteristics.”

“Well, I haven't really, you know, had a hard friendship, I guess. I just felt like the story made sense. It seemed encouraging because the writer wasn't really sad about the broken friendship. He was just matter of face about the whole thing...like it was normal.”

Mrs. Bailey nodded and smiled. “Exactly right.” She glanced at her watch. “Oh, dear, I didn't mean to keep you so long. I suppose you'd better get to lunch.”

Tabitha nodded and hurried away, both glad for the encouragement and disappointed in herself for making such silly mistakes in her paper.

“Next time, I'll remember to proof-read
everything
,” she promised herself.