With Wings I Soar (2 page)

Mitchell High was a fairly small high school, consisting of only 308 students. Nestled in the heart of Kansas, the school was surrounded by lush shrubbery and a number of large walnut trees. Tabitha stared at the landscaping as the girls approached the brick building. There were a few large steps leading up to the school's oversized glass doors. Tabitha counted each step carefully as she walked up to the building, still not entirely ready to face her day. Katie held the door open for Tabitha when they reached the top of the stairs. Warm air blew in Tabitha's face as she walked inside. Grateful to be out of the cold, she slid her gloves off of her hands and shoved them into her pockets.

“Come on, let's go.” Katie led Tabitha down the hallway to the principal's office.

“I have to go now,” she explained. “I can't be late for my first class or Mrs. Aldin will absolutely kill me.”

Katie hugged Tabitha and left her standing outside the large, brown door. A small black sign read “PRINCIPAL” and was posted next to the door itself, which had a small window in the center. Tabitha peeked in the window to see a slender young woman working at a desk. The receptionist, she supposed.

The door squeaked loudly as Tabitha pushed it open. The woman inside the room looked up and smiled warmly.

“Can I help you?” She asked.

“Hi.” Tabitha was suddenly nervous. “I'm new today. I need to get a copy of my schedule.”

“Oh, yes, of course you do.” The woman rustled through a few papers on her desk while Tabitha glanced around the room. The receptionist's desk stood in the center of the room. It was laden with piles of unsorted papers and a variety of colorful pencils. A tall bookshelf leaned against one wall, filled with textbooks, yearbooks and several small teddy bears. Two cushioned chairs sat in front of the receptionist's desk. Tabitha noted a small nameplate on the desk.
Melinda Jones.
She smiled. Melinda seemed really nice.

“Aha!” Melinda suddenly pulled out a sheet of rustled paper and handed it to Tabitha.

“Here you go, sugar. This is a copy of important school numbers. You can give it to your mom. Principal Raven will see you now. He's right in here.”

Melinda led Tabitha through a door that stood next to her teddy-bear-filled bookshelf and introduced her to Principal Raven before ducking quietly out of the room.

Tabitha sat in one of the matching chairs in front of Principal Raven's desk. He seemed very warm and welcoming and made an effort to make small talk with Tabitha as he printed out her class schedule. The school guidance counselor was out on maternity leave, he explained, so he was overwhelmed with extra work while she was gone. He slapped the side of the printer and it roared to life. Principal Raven smiled at Tabitha's surprised expression.

“Budget cuts.” He said simply.

Principal Raven was a pleasant, older man who reminded Tabitha a little bit of Santa Clause. He was very short and had a dense, graying beard. When he spoke, his eyes lit up and sparkled, like he had a secret that he was bursting to share.

“Now, I understand,” Principal Raven began, “that this is your first time in school.”

“Yes,” said Tabitha, “I've been homeschooled my entire life until now.”

“Mitchell High will be different from what you've experienced before, but I'm sure you'll adjust quickly. If you need anything at all, please stop by and see me. I'm always happy to talk.”

Principal Raven told Tabitha that in addition to himself, she was free to meet with the school guidance counselor or the nurse for any emotional, social, or physical needs.

“Counselor Bailey will be back next week, and Nurse Holbrook's office is down the hall.”

Tabitha thanked Principal Raven and assured him that she would manage just fine. He smiled jubilantly.

“I know you'll be fine. You're a good kid. I can tell.”

Just then, a knock sounded on the door and a scrawny, gangling boy entered the room. His blonde hair was cropped short, showing off ocean-blue eyes. The boy grinned. “What's up, Mr. Raven? I'm here to show the new girl around.”

Principal Raven smiled and introduced the boy quickly to Tabitha. His name was Ryan, and he was in the 11
th
grade. He had been home schooled in elementary school, so he understood how difficult the transition from home education to public education could be. That was why Principal Raven selected Ryan, out of all the students in the school, to be Tabitha's buddy for the day.

“The buddy system is our way of making new students feel welcomed,” the principal explained. “You'll skip home room today and instead, Ryan will give you a quick tour of the grounds and help you find your classes. It's just for today. Tomorrow you'll be on your own.”

Tabitha nodded and thanked the principal before following Ryan out into the hallway.

“Well, off we go!” Ryan offered his arm to Tabitha, who hesitated for a moment before accepting it. She felt silly, like they were being formal, but Ryan's relaxed personality immediately put her at ease. He didn't smell half-bad, either.

The campus itself was very small, consisting of only two major buildings. The primary building was where the teachers' offices and most of the classes were held, while the secondary building housed a small auditorium and music room. The second building was also where the locker rooms were, as it was adjacent to the football field.

Ryan walked her around and pointed things out that might be interesting or important. Tabitha nodded politely, making sure that she at least
pretended
to pay attention.

“So why did you transfer?” Ryan inquired as the two headed back to the main building.

“My dad left.” She said it before she could even think up a lie. Tabitha felt strange just blurting out the truth, but it was a relief to tell someone. Even Katie didn't know yet. Tabitha simply hadn't had a moment alone to pour her heart out to her best friend, so she had kept it bottled inside for three exhausting days. Tears welled up in her eyes as she thought about Dad now. His soft brown hair, the way he smelled like Old Spice, his laugh.

“He just left me. No goodbye. No phone calls. He just left.” She looked at her hands, then to Ryan, then back to her hands. Her world was empty now. She wanted to say that she felt sad or that she felt alone, but those words didn’t seem strong enough.

No, Tabitha felt destroyed.

She felt broken.

She felt crushed.

“Hey now, it's okay,” Ryan said, jerking her back to reality as he wiped away one of Tabitha's tears. “Lots of people's dads leave. It's not the end of the world.”

“It feels like it.” She shrugged, silently begging her tears to stop. “It's just...everything's different now.”

Ryan hesitated before responding. “I know. It'll get better though. You just have to try not to think about it.” He looked sad. He looked like he had lost someone once.

Tabitha wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve. “It's all I can think about.” She sniffled, embarrassed at her break down. She barely knew Ryan at all. Why had she thought it would be okay to tell him about her father? "I think I'd like to go to class now.”

“Yeah, okay.” Ryan opened the glass door and allowed Tabitha to enter first. The hallway was full of students now.
Students who all have dads at home,
Tabitha thought angrily, pushing back the urge to cry again. She felt humiliated that Ryan had seen her tear up. She promised herself that she wouldn't let it happen again. She couldn't.

“Thanks for showing me around. I can find my class from here.”

“Are you sure?” Ryan hesitated, not sure whether he should hug her or let her go.

“Yeah, I'm fine. See you later.”

Tabitha took off quickly, abruptly immersing herself in the crowded hallway. Ryan faded out of focus as she was swallowed up by the crowd of bustling students. Everyone had a friend and everyone had something to say, it seemed, but Tabitha managed to find her first classroom despite the noise and slipped quietly from the crowd into the empty room.

The rest of the day rushed by as Tabitha was given new textbooks and homework, guaranteed to keep her busy long into the night. She had a lot of catching up to do, so she headed home immediately after her last class, opting not to spend the afternoon with Katie as they had planned.

“Are you sure you don't want to come over?” Katie asked when Tabitha explained the situation.

“Yeah, I just feel kind of overwhelmed and want to get started on this homework. I even have a paper due this week in one class. The teacher wouldn't give an extension or anything.”

“Okay, yeah, I understand. Mr. Turner is harsh like that. Seriously, though, let me know if you change your mind.”

“Thanks, Katie.”

Tabitha tightened her grip on her backpack straps as she turned. The sidewalk was long, and empty, and Tabitha dreaded walking home to her empty house. Each step felt like the end of the world. Her tennis shoes, designed for quiet walking, seemed to bang on the sidewalk like a drum.

Stomp.

Stomp.

Stomp.

Her steps echoed into the empty air, reminding her of how alone she was. It was then that the rain drops began to fall, melting into Tabitha's skin and soaking her clothing. She began to run as fast as her feet would carry her, wishing it was over, wishing the pain was gone. With every thump of her feet and every splash of the gathering rainwater, she felt the aching crack in her heart spread deeper and deeper until the pain exploded and the tears began to fall once more.

The house was empty when Tabitha got home. She left her wet tennis shoes by the front door where a small puddle quickly formed around her shoes. She tossed her backpack on the couch and ran upstairs to take a long, hot shower.

Tabitha stared at herself in the bathroom mirror while the water warmed up. Her hair fell loosely over her shoulders in thick, delicate curls. Her eyes were piercing, but hollow and filled with pain. Tabitha wondered if the world would ever feel right again.

Somehow, she doubted it.

She had tried calling Dad three times since he left, but he never answered the phone or called her back. Now, alone in the bathroom, Tabitha pulled her cell phone from her jean pocket and stared at it, willing it to ring. Dad didn't have text messaging with his cell plan because he thought it was a waste of money, so Tabitha didn't bother typing out a short message. Instead, she dialed his number once more in an attempt to reach out to him.

“I'm not here right now,” the voice mail message greeted her after several rings, “but please leave a message and ---”

Tabitha hung up before the message finished and collapsed on the bathroom floor in a pile of tears and anguish. Her chest physically hurt as she sobbed.

“I want my daddy,” she cried out loud. “DAD!”

No one answered her cries. No one came to her rescue. There was no one home to comfort her or make her tea or promise it would get better: Mom was at work.

Wearily, Tabitha stopped sobbing long enough to take her shower. She sat in the tub and let the waves of water rush over her. The hot sprays of water washed away her tears and poured over her, sliding over her skin and down the shower drain. Tabitha knew things would never be the same, but she also knew that she couldn't handle this alone. It was time to call Katie.

Tabitha dried with her favorite blue beach towel. Dad had bought it for her one summer when she was little. It was soft and big and she wrapped herself tightly in it before walking down the hallway to her bedroom. She dressed in a skirt and t-shirt and plopped onto her bed to call Katie. Katie answered the phone on the first ring.

“I-I need you,” Tabitha sputtered, suddenly unsure of what to say.

Without hesitation or questions, Katie told her “I'll be right there.”

And she was. Katie arrived quickly and entered the house without knocking. She didn't need to knock: she was Tabitha's house more than she was at her own.

“Come on,” she hauled Tabitha to the kitchen and plopped a brown paper bag on the table.

“Mom sent cookies,” Katie explained with a smile and pulled out a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies: Tabitha's favorite.

The girls each ate their cookies in silence. The gooey deliciousness melted on Tabitha's tongue and left her feeling warm and loved long after she took her last bite. Tabitha was working up the courage to speak while Katie waited patiently for her friend to feel comfortable enough to discuss her problem.

Katie had known Tabitha long enough to know that she needed time to process her feelings about something before she was ready to share. There was nothing wrong with it, but Tabitha's mom, Mrs. Peterson, sometimes got frustrated with Tabitha's inability to instantly communicate her feelings and needs quickly. Katie, however, was a fortress of gentleness. She was used to waiting for things: her dad's deployments had taught her patience well. She could wait for anything, almost indefinitely, without growing weary or annoyed.

Finally, Tabitha explained the situation. It wasn't beautiful or dramatic or special. She just spoke. The words tumbled from her lips willfully and deliberately, and Katie waited in silence until Tabitha was done speaking.

“I just feel empty. I feel like there is a huge hole in my heart where my Daddy needs to be. I feel so empty. And I feel alone.”

Tabitha laid her head on the kitchen table and began to cry again. Katie rushed to her side. Wrapping her arms tenderly around her friend, Katie held Tabitha.

“You are not alone,” she whispered softly. “You are never alone. You will always have me.”

The girls held each other for what felt like hours. Katie wept for Tabitha's loss and for her pain, and then the tears stopped. Composing themselves quietly, Katie said she should get home for dinner.

“Mom will wonder what happened to me,” she laughed softly.

“It's okay, my mom should be back from work soon.”

When Katie was gone, Tabitha wandered around the house. Everything looked normal. Everything looked the same as it always had. The brown sofa in the living room with its torn cushion and bright red throw pillows stood boldly in the center of the room, begging to be sat on. The family photos lining the fireplace mantle glistened with dozens of smiles just waiting to be looked at and remembered. And the ancient black coffee table that housed three books and dozens of magazines sat quietly in one corner, rarely used and often forgotten.

Tabitha said nothing as she stared at the room, memories floating past her in waves. She had spent her Christmas mornings in this room, opening presents and laughing with excitement as the wrapping paper fell away from each gift. Her birthday celebrations, complete with wonderful company and delicious cupcakes, had been hosted in this room. And quiet autumn evenings like this one had been spent here as a family. After dinner and chores, the board games would come out and the small family would play for hours and hours.

Tabitha glanced at the bookshelf in the corner. The board games, which had once offered so much excitement and relief from the stresses of everyday life, were now covered in dust and shame. Tabitha walked to the games and ran a finger over
Monopoly,
wiping away a thin line of dust from the cover. This had been her favorite game once. Without hesitation, Tabitha picked up the box and carried it outside to the trash can. Unceremoniously, she placed
Monopoly
in the bin and closed the lid tightly.

She would not be playing that game again.