With Wings I Soar (10 page)

Tabitha sat in her bedroom, staring at the piles of boxes surrounding her. Furniture aside, she was bringing all of her belongings with her. Packing had been a terrible and exhausting experience. It was amazing how many memories, treasures, and useless items Tabitha had managed to fit into a single room.

Upon their return from the courthouse, Mom had handed Tabitha a pile of boxes and some packing tape and let her do all the work alone.

“Let me know when you're done,” Mom told her. “And you can call Katie to say goodbye.”

“A phone call? You don't even want me to go see her?”             

Mom pursed her lips, staring at Tabitha. “Do you really think you deserve to see her face to face after your recent behavior?”

Tears welled up in Tabitha's eyes but she refused to cry in front of Mom's calloused heart. She grabbed the boxes and the tape and headed upstairs to pack.

Now, just a few hours later, the room was almost entirely in boxes. Tabitha had thrown away several items during the packing process – namely gifts from Mom that she no longer cared to look at. Tabitha sat on her barren mattress and stared at the boxes. Mom had taken away her cell phone so she couldn't even text Ryan to let him know she was leaving.

“The last thing you need is distractions while you pack,” Mom ticked as she took away the phone.

Tabitha could care less at this point. She realized that she would never have the freedom she so desperately craved. While she had once been able to make most of her own decisions and choices, it seemed that Mom believed Tabitha abused her independence and needed to be watched carefully, protected perhaps.

The boxes sat in piles throughout the room. Tabitha tried not to stare at special items or relieve precious memories as she packed, but it was more difficult than she anticipated. Several times she found herself staring at a picture of Katie or touching an article of clothing she had worn while spending time with Ryan.

Ryan. He would wonder where she'd gone. Maybe he would think Tabitha couldn't stand to be around him and was leaving him. Maybe he would think that Tabitha tried to get away from their newly blossoming friendship. She didn't know. Tabitha wondered how she could bear to leave without one last hug, one last kiss, one last touch.

She sealed the last box and zipped her backpack. She would take her bag with her in the car. Dad's new house was only an 8 hour drive away, and Tabitha knew she needed ways to entertain herself so she could avoid speaking to Dad. She packed a school book and her journal, along with several pencils and her mp3 player.              

Satisfied that her packing was done, Tabitha headed downstairs for her goodbye phone call to Katie.

When she reached the living room, Mom was sitting with Mrs. Miller. Surprised, Tabitha gave Mom a questioning look.

“Tabitha,” Mom said, setting down her cup of tea, “Mrs. Miller came by to ask if you could say goodbye to Katie in person.”

Tabitha shot Mrs. Miller a grateful glance as Mom continued.

“Upon her insistence, I've decided that it would be fine for you to go visit Katie and say goodbye to her. Katie's lost a lot this year, and I know it would be painful for her not to say goodbye to her very best friend. Mrs. Miller will drive you to their house and bring you back afterward.”

Tabitha smiled at Katie's Mom, who gave her a sly little wink. Mom didn't see.

“Under no circumstances,” Mom continued, “are you to visit your boyfriend or walk home alone. Do you understand? Katie's Mom will drive you home after your visit.”

“Okay, okay, thank you so much,” Tabitha burst out, her heart suddenly joyous as she realized she would at least get one good thing out of her day.

Tabitha grabbed her jacket and headed outside with Mrs. Miller.

“Don't worry, Rhonda, I'll have her back soon.” Mrs. Miller closed the front door and guided Tabitha to her minivan.

Once safely inside, Mrs. Miller turned to Tabitha and said, “Okay, dear, now where exactly does this boyfriend of yours live?

Tabitha gave Mrs. Miller a questioning look. Katie's Mom smiled knowingly at her.

“Sweetie, I was young once, too. I don't it would be very fair to either one of you to have to leave without saying goodbye.”

Tabitha felt overwhelmed at Mrs. Miller's generous gesture and gave her Ryan's address. When they arrived, Mrs. Miller told Tabitha to take her time. Katie's Mom waited in the car as Tabitha approached the house for the very last time and lifted the heavy doorknocker. Pitter-patters of little feet echoed throughout the house as Ryan and Dylan raced to open the front door. Ryan won out and opened the door to see Tabitha standing on the front porch, tears streaming down her face.

“Hello, Beautiful,” he said, stepping outside into the misty night and wrapping his arms around her.

Tabitha buried her head in his shoulder and tried to build up the courage to speak.

Ryan held Tabitha for a long time before she finally pulled away.

“What's wrong, Tab?” Ryan asked, rubbing her arm gently. “I tried calling and texting you but you never said anything back.”

“My mom took my phone away,” Tabitha explained quietly. “She said I'm bad...Ryan, I have to go live with my Dad. They're sending me to an all-girls boarding school so I can't get into any trouble.”

Ryan's face fell. “I knew there was a chance you might have to leave, but, no! That's not even fair. Your whole life is here, Tab.”

“I know, but my Mom is beyond pissed about seeing us kiss and she thinks I'm going to make 'bad decisions' if I stay here. Her solution is to ship me off to show me who's boss, I guess.”

Ryan grabbed Tabitha and pulled her close. He pushed a strand of her soft hair back behind her ear and leaned down to whisper to her.

“I will always love you, Tabitha Peterson, and I will never, ever forget you.”

Ryan kissed Tabitha hard and deeply, wrapping his arms tightly around her. For a moment, Tabitha felt as if stars were colliding in her heart, creating miniature explosions of joy as they burst into flames of passion, but as Ryan pulled away, the feelings subsided, and she was just a girl standing in the snow.

“Will you write to me?” Tabitha asked.

Ryan nodded, but they both knew that it wouldn't happen. While many people believed long distance relationships didn't work out, the chance of a high school long distance relationship lasting was almost nonexistent. Tabitha knew this was probably the last time she would ever see Ryan. Tabitha glanced at Ryan's front window and saw young Dylan's face peering out at her. He waved wildly, excited that someone had finally noticed him. Tabitha laughed and gave a slight wave, then turned back to Ryan.

“Goodbye, Ryan. I won't forget you.” She kissed him on the cheek and ran back to the car, sliding into the front passenger seat.

Mrs. Miller started the car and as she drove away, Tabitha stared at Ryan standing on his porch until the car rounded a bend and he slipped out of sight forever. Tabitha sunk back into the soft, warm seat of the car. Mrs. Miller said nothing to her, and Tabitha was thankful for the silence. She stared out the window and wondered if it was at all possible to cry any more tears.

It was.

Katie was waiting in the living room when Tabitha arrived at her house. Mrs. Miller walked Tabitha inside and promptly disappeared into the kitchen to make some hot chocolate and snacks for the girls.

              “Take your time, dears,” Mrs. Miller called out. “And don't you worry about Tabitha's Mom. I can handle ol' Rhonda just fine.”

              The girls smiled at Mrs. Miller's confidence in dealing with Mrs. Peterson and collapsed on the couch together. Katie held Tabitha's hand tightly and stared at her friend.

              “Mom told me what happened.”

              “How did she find out so quickly?” Tabitha asked, wondering how news had traveled so fast.

              “Your mom called, I guess. Apparently she was pretty angry about the whole you having a boy-toy thing and wanted to know if I had anything to do with setting you two up.”

              Katie released Tabitha's hand and leaned back into the couch, propping her feet up on the wooden coffee table.

              “Once my Mom convinced her that I had nothing to do with your little love relationship, she said we could see each other to say goodbye. Apparently your Mom thinks there was some sort of conspiracy and you've been dating a ton of people behind her back.”

              “Why would she even think that? I don't get it!”

              “Because you've been moody and pissy and sad for six months.”

              “My DAD left!” Tabitha shrieked, exacerbated. “I was a little sad, all right? I admit it. But why doesn't anybody care that you're sad about your dad?”

              “Well, first of all, my Dad's dead, so I'm allowed to be more angry than you.” Katie poked Tabitha jokingly, but there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. “But also, I poured my anger and frustration into extra school projects. You poured your frustration into Ryan's lips.”

              Tabitha erupted in giggles and smiled. “He's pretty wonderful.”

              “I know.”

              Tabitha slid her boots off and leaned back into the sofa, setting her feet gently on the coffee table next to Katie's. All four feet were adorned with brightly colored, mis-matched stockings. Tabitha smiled at the scene. Both girls loved to be creative when it came to dressing, and tonight was no exception. One foot was rainbow striped, one was covered with flowers, the next foot had black-and-white zig-zags, and the final foot was completely green with a tiny red heart at the ankle.

              “Katie?”

              “Yeah, Tabby?”

              “You gonna miss me?”

              Katie turned to Tabitha and put her hands tightly on Tabitha's shoulders.

              “Of course I'm going to miss you,” she choked back a sob. “How can you even ask me that, Tabs? You're my very best friend. You've been with me through everything.”

              A tear dripped from Katie's eye, sliding slowly down her cheek. The house was silent and Tabitha swore she could hear that teardrop fall and hit Katie's leg.

              “Tabitha Peterson, there is no one in the world like you. You were there for me when I got my first period, my first 'B', my first love note from a boy. You were there for me when my dad deployed and you were there for me when I got the worst news of my life. Nobody else would have put up with my moping and eating in the weeks after his death, Tab. Nobody. Everyone else just showed up at the funeral and that was it: they expected me to be 'over' it. You were the only person who didn't push me to finish grieving, Tab.”

              Katie began to choke back sobs as she hugged her dear friend tightly.

              “I will never, ever, ever forget you.”
              Tabitha leaned in to Katie and rested her head on her friend's shoulder. Tabitha didn't want to cry anymore, not over Katie. She didn't want to leave. She didn't want to be forced to feel her heart breaking one more time.

              Tabitha was overwhelmed with anger for her parents. They didn't trust her, and she had never proved herself untrustworthy. All teenagers dated, and it seemed unfair to label her as a floozy after just one kiss. Tabitha's tears were hot and bitter, and they dripped down, mingling on the couch with Katie's soft, tender-hearted tears.

              Katie pulled back as her mother reentered the room with a small tray. Two cups of warm, bubbling hot cocoa filled two purple mugs. The cocoa was topped with whipped cream and chocolate chips. Mrs. Miller smiled knowingly at the girls as she set the tray down on the coffee table.

              “Don't worry, love,” she said, patting Tabitha's hair. “Katie is an absolute pro at keeping in touch.” Mrs. Miller winked at Katie. “If you don't watch out, she'll send you care packages every day, I bet.”

              Katie laughed. “That's actually quite true. I will write you all the time. Maybe not every day, but pretty close.”

              “I'll write you back, too.”

              Mrs. Miller turned to leave, but stopped herself. “Tabitha, dear?”

              “Yes, Mrs. Miller?”

              “I'm not going to pretend to know how you feel, dear, but I've had some bad things happen to me, too. I know that life is pretty unfair sometimes and you're probably very, very upset and angry about this.”

              “That's an understatement,” Tabitha growled.

              “It's just that you can't let it consume you, hon. Take your anger and turn it into something productive: join a play, start a band, become part of a club. Whatever it takes to burn up your energy, do those things, but just don't sit around stewing. You only have a few more years left of school, and then you can leave and do whatever you want. Once you're an adult, you never have to speak to your parents again if you don't want to, and honestly, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to. But don't...don't let this experience shape who you are. You have too much going for you to let this be your downfall. You can do great things, Tabitha, so do them.”

              Mrs. Miller left the living room and Tabitha heard her cleaning up in the kitchen. Katie was silent after her mother's little speech and watched Tabitha for a reaction.

              Tabitha sighed heavily and leaned back on the couch. She knew in her heart that Mrs. Miller had a good point, but she didn't really want to hear it right now. Tabitha felt she would have been better off being put up for adoption or running away a long time ago. She didn't want to go away. She didn't want to finish this goodbye.