With Wings I Soar (6 page)

When school ended, Tabitha took her time leaving her locker. She put on lip balm and slid on her gloves, trying to stay warm indoors as long as possible. She wished for the millionth time that she was old enough to drive and didn't have to walk back to Katie's house in the chilling wind. When Tabitha finally got outside, Katie was shivering on the front steps of the school. A notebook sat sprawled across her lap. Katie was writing in it with a brightly colored gel pen.

“Journaling?” Tabitha asked as she sat down next to Katie.

Katie abruptly slammed the notebook closed and stood. “No, just some extra homework for one of my classes. I can always use extra credit.”

“What are you talking about, Katie? You have the second highest GPA in the school!”

“Yeah, second highest. Not the highest.”             

Tabitha gawked at her friend for a moment. “Isn't the highest GPA your brother's?”

Katie nodded curtly, looking serious for a moment before both girls erupted in laughter. She stood and began walking. Tabitha matched her stride, content for a moment to be walking with her friend. She knew things were going to be different this year for all of them. Maybe trying to beat her brother academically was a power play for Katie. Maybe it gave her something worth striving for. Maybe it made her feel like everything was going to be okay.

Maybe it gave her some sense of control.

“Well, I guess my chances of beating my own brother's GPA are a little slim, but it never hurts to try. Once he graduates next year, I'll definitely be the smartest kid in school.”

Tabitha smiled and nodded, but then reminded her friend, “You know, it's okay to not be the smartest kid. I'm not saying that because I'm not, or anything, you know...I just want to make sure you aren't studying too hard for the wrong reasons.”

Katie stopped walking and swirled around to face Tabitha. “And what
are
the 'right' reasons, Tab? Wanting to go to college? Trying to get a scholarship? Impressing a boy I barely know? Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do. You have no right to judge mine.”

Tabitha tried not to recoil at her friend’s harsh words, but she knew Katie was right. Tabitha wasn’t exactly someone who should be dishing out life advice at the moment.

“You're right. I'm sorry, Katie. It's not my place. I'm just worried that you're overdoing it.” She took a deep breath, trying to ease the tension that was sifting between them.

“You and everyone else. My mom actually told me to go to a movie yesterday, like that would help keep my mind off my dead dad.” Katie let out a sigh and rubbed her fingers across her notebook. “I just wish everything would be normal again. I want my dad home, and if I couldn't have him at home, I'd want his letters and pictures and emails and phone calls.”

Tabitha knew it wasn't the right moment, but the words slipped out before she could catch herself: “I talked to my dad.”

“What?” Katie looked shocked. “When? What happened? How? And how did you not call me immediately?”

“It was really late,” Tabitha explained. “Last night I managed to get a phone call through and we talked for a little while. I guess he wants to see me now. He said he wanted to see me this whole time but Mom wouldn't let him.”

Katie balked before answering.

“That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Why wouldn't your mom want you talking to your own dad?”

Tabitha shrugged, squeezing back the tears that were threatening to pour down her cheeks. Katie had enough going on right now. She didn’t need to sit and watch Tabitha cry. Not today. Not ever.

“I got into a huge fight with her about it. She said she was just trying to protect me from him. Like, she didn't want me to get hurt like she got hurt. I don't really get it. I mean, he can't leave me twice, right? He already walked out once. A few phone calls aren't going to hurt me.”

“Be careful, Tabby,” Katie warned. “Divorces are tricky things. Sometimes things aren't always what they seem, and sometimes your parents will tell you anything to get full custody of you. I don't know your dad that well and I mean, I can't judge his motives, but I think you should be careful.”

“Why, do you think he's just saying whatever he wants to get me to go live with him?”

“Not necessarily, but even if he gets joint custody of you, there's always the chance that he'll bail on his responsibilities again once something better comes along. Just be careful.”

Tabitha paused before shooting back, “Why can't you just be happy for me?”

“What?” Katie looked surprised at her friend's reaction.

“I finally get to talk to my dad and the only thing you can do is be negative. Why can't you just be glad that I even get the chance to talk to him? You
just
said that you would give anything to talk to your dad again and have him around. Well, I finally get that chance, and it sure sounds to me like you don't want me to have it. So what, Katie, if you don't get a dad, nobody does?”

A tear slid down Katie's cheek. They had stopped walking by now and were standing in front of a tiny brick house. Smoke blew gently from the chimney and Tabitha could see a Christmas tree sparkling through one of the front windows. She thought briefly that it was a little late to still have a tree up. She wondered why they hadn't taken it down.
Just let go already. Christmas is gone.

When Katie spoke, her voice was firm, but she bit her lip between sentences. This told Tabitha that Katie was really, ridiculously upset. Katie only bit her lip in the most extreme of situations.

“That was harsh, Tab. You know me better than that. Of course I'm happy for you. And yeah, I miss my daddy more than anything. The pain is unbearable. Every day I wake up and go to my computer to send him an email before I realize that he's never going to read his email again. And any time I hear a funny joke, I think to myself '
I can't wait to tell Dad. He'll laugh so hard!'
but I can't tell him the joke, Tabitha. I can't tell him because he's dead. And he's gone. And I don't ever get to see him again. And you do get to see your Dad and that's great for you, okay? But remember this before you get back on your high horse: your dad left you. My dad didn't choose to die. He died for the good of the country. He didn't die because he didn't love me or because he didn't want to be around me anymore.”

Tabitha stared at Katie. She put a hand on her heart and felt its racing beat even through her thick wool jacket. A bird landed on the road and began jumping down the center lane. Its white wings became muddy and covered in sleet as the bird chirped and hopped. Tabitha stared at it for a moment, her mind burning. Finally, the bird flew away. Tabitha hoped it would find a safe place to hide and rest this winter. Blinking, she turned back to Katie. Tabitha opened her mouth. She tried to speak, but couldn't form the words she so desperately wanted to say.

Finally, she conceded. She knew Katie was right, and she felt stupid for being so mean to her.

“I'm sorry.” The words felt bitter and tart as they left her mouth. She meant them, but her previous words had already done irreversible damage to their relationship, that she knew.

“It's okay. I'm sorry, too.”

Neither girl spoke for a moment before Katie ventured a question. “Do you still want to come over?”

Tabitha nodded quietly and followed her friend into the house.

Katie's house was a warm reprieve from the cool winter air. Tabitha shed her jacket and gloves thankfully and slid onto the living room sofa. She nuzzled back into the couch and pulled an afghan onto her lap.

“Okay, I'm ready for movies!”

Katie laughed. She still had her jacket on.

“I'm amazed at how quickly you shed your gear and got under that blanket.” Katie carefully removed her coat and hung it on the coat rack. She slid her gloves and hat into her jacket pockets so that she would be able to find them later. While Tabitha tended to lose things easily, Katie was quite meticulous about her belongings and tried very hard to keep things in order. She dropped her book bag on the floor before sliding onto the couch next to Tabitha.

“Kenny should be home soon. When he gets here, we'll order pizza. He's got the money.”

“Sounds like a plan. What movie should we watch first?”

“We've got a bunch of classic films, but Kenny is at the family video store right now renting us something we haven’t seen before.” Even though most people watched movies digitally or on DVD, Tabitha and Katie both still loved watching movies on the rusty family VCR. There was nothing quite as satisfying as having to rewind a movie to re-watch a funny scene.

“Like what?” Tabitha giggled. There were several old movies that she wanted to see. She loved watching dramas and romantic comedies, and it had been far too long since she had the chance to sit down and really
enjoy
a movie. Sure, she had watched television since Dad left, but she had spent most of her time focusing on being angry and sad. She had spent so much time dealing with her out-of-control emotions, in fact, that she hadn't really gotten to just enjoy being a teenager.

“No idea. He's going to try to bring us a foreign flick so he can study for Spanish class, so we'll have to veto that when he gets here. I told him we didn't want to watch anything that wasn't in English, but you never know with Kenny.”

Katie flicked on the TV and flipped through a few channels before giving up. “There isn't anything good on. Let's just wait for Kenny. I'll go get us some snacks.”

Katie exited the room and soon Tabitha heard her banging around the kitchen. Tabitha felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and she pulled it out. Mom was calling.

“Hey Mom,” Tabitha answered the phone. When she heard the tone of Mom's voice, Tabitha immediately remembered that she had forgotten to let Mom know about her afternoon plans.

“Where are you?”

“I'm at Katie's house. We're just going to watch some movies and maybe eat dinner together.”

“When were you planning on letting me know?”

“I-I was going to call you, but I just forgot,” Tabitha stuttered, caught off guard by Mom's fierce tone. “Mom, why is this even a big deal? You don't usually get home until late, anyway.”

Even through the phone, Tabitha visualized Mom frowning.

“I came home early today so we could talk. I'd really like you to come home. We have a lot to discuss.”

“Mom,
please,
can I just stay today? I really just want to relax and have some fun. It's just Katie's house, Mom. I'm not out running rampant at the mall or hanging out in a parking lot somewhere. I'm really just sitting around with her. Please, can I just stay?”

Mom sighed. Tabitha knew that Mom hated their arguments just as much as she did.

“Okay,” she conceded. “You can watch one movie, but just one. After that, I want you to come straight home. We really do have a lot of things to discuss before we go to court next week. I just talked to my lawyer and found out that you definitely need to be present when the judge decides how we'll split custody of you, so we need to go buy you some nice clothes to wear to the courthouse.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Tabitha was nervous at the prospect of going to court, but glad that she'd get to wear something nice and new. She was even more glad that she got to hang out with Katie a little bit longer before being thrust into the reality of the divorce again.

“Love you, Sweetie. Remember now, you come right home after the movie.”

“Okay.”

Tabitha hung up the phone and shoved it back into her pocket just as Katie was walking back into the room.

“Your mom?” Katie queried, setting down a tray of treats.

“Yeah,” Tabitha glanced at the food and felt her stomach growling. Katie had prepared popcorn, chocolate chip cookies, peanut brittle, marshmallows, and apple slices for their movie-time treats. “She just wanted to check on me because I forgot to call her earlier.”

“Uh oh, are you in trouble?”

“Nah, she was kind of understanding, but I can only stay for a little bit.”

“Okay, well, at least you get to stay here at all. You know, some moms would ground their kids for pulling a stunt like yours.” Katie winked at Tabitha jokingly.

“No kidding. I guess she just feels bad because of the divorce and stuff. I get the feeling that Mom really wants me to like her. I don't really understand it but it's like our relationship is altered. Now, she doesn't really boss me around a lot. Instead, she kind of tries to be really friendly and act like we're buddies.” Tabitha bit into a chocolate chip cookies as she spoke. Its chocolatey goodness melted onto her tongue and tasted like heaven.

“This is delicious,” was all Tabitha could say until she finished chewing. “I think sometimes that Mom still loves me and cares about me, but she's really afraid I'm going to end up living with my dad instead of her, and that would break her heart.”

Katie nodded and handed Tabitha a napkin.

“You have chocolate on your nose.”

The two girls laughed as Tabitha tried unsuccessfully to wipe the chocolate off of her face. Finally, Katie spit on the napkin to moisten it and began to scrub Tabitha's nose.

“Ew, gross,” Tabitha protested loudly, but allowed herself to be cleaned. “I feel like a baby kitten being washed by its mother.”

“Well, maybe once you're a big girl I won't have to take care of you anymore.”

The front door slammed loudly and both girls turned to see Kenny standing in the doorway.

“I've got movies and pizza!”

The girls both cheered as he tossed the pizza boxes on the coffee table next to the cookies and popcorn.

“I know we were going to order in,” he explained to Katie, “but Molly was working today and said she'd give me a discount if I stopped by.”

Molly was a girl Kenny liked. The two had been friends for over a year and both displayed signs of romantic interest, but Katie thought they were each too shy to make the first move.

“Those two are the most ridiculous things I've ever seen,” Katie rolled her eyes toward Kenny.

Tabitha only smiled. She was thankful for the pizza and glad to get the movie started. Kenny produced a brightly colored video and started playing it. As the trio settled onto the couch, pizza in hand, the opening credits for the movie began to play.

The words were all in Spanish.