Why Men Love Bitches (9 page)

The mere fact that the bitch can throw a little weight around or put him in his place once in a while gives him the impression she doesn’t need to be with him. She can stand on her own two feet. So, instead of feeling as if he’s lost his freedom, he feels as though he’s gained a strong woman. The relationship is a contributing force, rather than an obligation he’s stuck with.

This is also why giving him space is so important. It makes you look proud rather than desperate. It enables you to remain a challenge indefinitely. Why? You
chose
to be with him. You didn’t
need
to be. As a person, you feel you are complete with him or without him. This is the most important thing you can convey: independence rather than dependence. This is what gives him the perception you can
hold your own
.

Then you turn the page. “Buy a new lip gloss…pluck out all your eyebrows and draw them back in…stick three vials of collagen in your glossed-up lips…” And this will get him eating out of your hand, right? Not in
this
life. You’ll be right back where you started but with no eyebrows.

Ever wonder why you see a gorgeous guy marry the girl-next-door? To your eye she looks plain, but to his eye she’s a “natural beauty.” It doesn’t matter if her most glamorous moment was winning the Miss Pumpkin Patch contest on a farm at age six. When he goes to bed with her, he’s happier than a fat rat in a cheese factory.

In general, there are two things a woman does to encourage a man to fall madly in love
after
he is attracted to her. First, she appeals to his imagination, sexually. Second, she waits a little while before consummating the relationship, sexually. This brings us to the “candy store” theory:
Don’t give up the candy store at once. Give it one jujube at a time.

What men don’t want women to know is that, almost immediately, they put women into one of two categories: “good time only” or “worthwhile.” And the minute he slides you into that “good time only” category, you’ll almost never come back out.

It’s not that the bitch is slutty or more conservative—it’s that she demands that he treat her as though she is “worthwhile.” And, more often than not, it means revealing her sexuality a little at a time.

With her demeanor, the bitch is subtly “driving that train.” Because he perceives her as slightly standoffish, he knows a lot of other men can’t get to her. In fact, he’s not even sure if
he
can have her. So he’ll rarely get the luxury of being able to assume that she’s a “good time only” companion.

The doormat is more likely to be perceived as a pushover sexually because she’s more likely to sleep with a man for the wrong reasons—and
much
too soon. It has nothing to do with whether she appears conservative. Whether her style is long skirts and a ponytail and she attends napkin-folding class—or she wears sexy clothes and seems like a party girl—the outcome can be the same. In either scenario, if she has sex with a man because she feels she
needs to do so in order to win him
, he’ll sense it and begin to lose respect for her.

A man named Brad described this distinction: “There are two types of sexy. The woman who is obviously
trying
to be sexy. Then there is the woman who
isn’t trying
to be sexy—she just is. Most guys find the second one to be much sexier. It may not seem like that, because the woman who is
trying hard
will get you to do a double-take because she’s more obvious about it. But the woman who isn’t trying is sexier. And that’s the girl you’ll take seriously.”

What is more interesting is that Brad is just out of college. And if a guy in his early twenties saw this with 20/20 vision, rest assured—so will most men you meet.

The following table shows how a man can quickly make these observations with relatively little information. Note that both types of women exude sexiness, yet one appears
needy
and the other doesn’t.

How long should you wait before having sex?
As long as
you can.
At the very least, keep it platonic for the first
month
. This tactic gives you time to learn about him. You don’t want to wait until after you sleep with him to learn he’s married. Or that he has an ex-girlfriend who has chronic car problems and regularly needs a lift. Or that his first cousin recently dumped him when he cheated on her with her older sister.

Giving up the candy store one jujube at a time isn’t about being celibate or virginal. It is about ensuring that you look out for number one. It ensures that the man develops a habit of putting forth effort so that you are treated
the way you want to be treated
.

Not having sex right away is about playing your cards right so that small things matter. This is when he’ll get a chill down his spine because you gently hold his hand in a public place. Or he’ll call you several times just to get a glimpse of you. And in his mind, you are the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. It’s all about having
that magic spark.
And men live for that spark.

It is true that there are those rare “chance” liaisons between two people who are generally not promiscuous, and it ends up working out well. But this is the exception, not the rule.

One of my closest girlfriends, Brittany, is a pharmacist and a beautiful “worthwhile” woman with a lot going for her. Almost always, she sleeps with a man on the first couple of dates.

Recently she slept with a guy she really liked. Right after they had sex, he appeared to be in his own thoughts. Then he looked at her and asked, “Do you do this with all the guys?” She recalled how it made her feel: “I was
mildly
insulted!”

If you have sex immediately with a man, he’ll say to himself, for a short while, “She just couldn’t resist me!” But then he’ll begin to scratch his head and wonder how many
other
men you also couldn’t resist.

When sex happens at lightning speed, the man has achieved what he wanted. The reason he thinks more clearly after sex is that he’s relieved and has already attained his goal. Meanwhile, the woman is just starting to pursue her goal. She has unfinished business. Then she chases
him
…and he runs.

Like it or not, in the beginning you’re subtly negotiating the terms of your relationship. And if you strike a deal too soon, you give up all your bargaining power. The bitch takes her time deciding whether the man is someone she wants to strike a deal with in the first place. And she won’t be a pit stop or a notch on a belt.

At first, he wants to sleep with you. He doesn’t care what you do for a living. He doesn’t care what kind of car you drive. He doesn’t care that you like a doughnut and coffee in the morning with Equal and nonfat milk. So you have to
turn it into
something else.

When you make him wait, he begins to notice that you are “different.” And that’s when he begins to care that you like nonfat milk, not cream, in your coffee.