Why Men Love Bitches (4 page)

A top teen magazine recently gave women the following bad advice. They said to slip notes in unexpected places like his backpack or locker, or to “write a poem and slip it under his windshield wiper.” As if this wasn’t enough to give his attraction the kiss of death … Wait, it gets better. In addition, they advised catching him off guard by “having a pizza delivered.” Okay. Put it all together and what do you get? A magic recipe for convincing him you are a
stalker
.

Again, it isn’t about learning how to play a game. It’s about understanding human nature and behaving accordingly. A man will always want what he can’t have. When a man meets a woman and she seems nonchalant, it becomes a challenge for him to win her affections.

Or, if he tries to get a woman to react in an insecure way but she holds herself with a level of dignity and pride, suddenly the dynamic changes. The same guy who was gun-shy of relationships becomes a believer. Now he begins to fantasize about getting the so-called bitch to cook him a meal, fold his socks, or chase him around. But if you
start out
dependent on him, he simply doesn’t value it the same.

Another mistake that a woman can make is to put herself down. When you’re on a date, you should never talk about the plastic surgery you want to have or the weight you want to lose. Don’t talk him out of a compliment. This is the time to be sure of who you are.

So, what’s the right attitude? “This is me, in all of my splendor … and it doesn’t get any better than this.” Don’t spend a fortune on a therapist. Just say it to yourself until you believe it. Eventually you
will
believe it, and so will he.

Humility? Don’t worry. It’s a treatable affliction, a mental glitch. If you catch yourself being modest or humble or any of that nonsense, correct the problem immediately. Go directly back to believing you are “a catch.” Period. End of story. Case closed. If someone else doesn’t like your confidence, that’s their problem.
Why? You always come before they do, that’s why.

Case in point: Ever hear a man say that all the guys wanted his ex-girlfriend? He’ll build her up so much that when you finally see a picture, you are dumbfounded. What you really want to say is, “Honey, she looks like she had the starring role in
Lassie Comes Home
.” Don’t bother because he’ll rush to her defense: “She looked better in real life.” No sale … try again. “She looked better back then? (Pause.) It was a really bad picture, no, really.” (Still, no sale.)

What women need to understand is that when a man considers a woman to be a prize, looks have very little to do with it. In the above example, it was a simple mind trick that goes like this: She acted like a prize, and then a funny thing happened. He completely
forgot who he was looking at.

The same works in reverse. A beautiful woman can make herself look ugly in the eyes of a man if she is very insecure.

He pursued you; therefore, he finds you attractive. An understated demeanor and a confident attitude will convince him you’re gorgeous.

Never assume you are not attractive enough, and therefore you have to overcompensate or chase a man. Taste is subjective. One man’s “ugly” is another man’s “beautiful.” The first date is about looks. When he falls in love, it’s about your attitude. It’s about whether you can hold your own. Which is all about how you hold
yourself.

A woman also demeans herself when she compares herself to another woman. So, don’t let on when you feel threatened by another attractive woman who walks into the room. If you want to make a woman who is a 6 on a scale of 10 look like a 12, what do you need to do? Simple. Act threatened by her. If you pretend not to notice her, he’ll see your confidence in yourself and then he’ll become intrigued with
you
. Then another curious thing will happen. Suddenly she won’t look so good. She only has as much power as you give her.

A girlfriend of mine named Samantha went on a first date with a man who took her to a local boxing match. In between rounds, as always, there was a sexy, barely dressed stripper who came out holding the round number. Her date looked at the woman and then, in an effort to be a gentleman, turned to look at Samantha. She acted as though she was oblivious as to why he had turned to look at her.

When the woman came out again in the following round in a see-through lace nightie, my friend leaned down under the seat and nonchalantly asked her date if she could drink some of the water in his water bottle. He said, “Sure.” At no time did she behave as if she was threatened. Instead, she remained very composed as though the other woman didn’t even exist. By the end of the third round, he no longer noticed the woman in the boxing ring.

The end result was that he was completely enamored with Samantha. And while driving home, he kept saying how incredibly beautiful he thought she was. The proof was in the pudding. He continued to pursue her, not the stripper who overcompensated, to get the kind of attention
that is often very short-lived.

While my friend’s behavior was exemplary, his wasn’t all that romantic. It should not go unnoticed that a man is willing to take you somewhere unromantic on the first date. If a man takes you to a boxing match, a strip joint, or a place he might typically hang out with a bunch of guys, he’s telling you by the choices he is making that he doesn’t plan to have you around that long. If this is where he takes you on a first date,
don’t
go out with him a second time.

If you are in an uncomfortable situation, don’t feel compelled to compete with another woman. In addition, you don’t need to expose a lot of skin or feel as if you have to work harder to earn a man’s sexual attention. I know a woman who takes off layers of clothes based on how the other women in the room are dressed. The issue again is overcompensation. No need.

Wearing your sexuality on your sleeve isn’t advantageous in luring a man. The issue is not about whether you are successful in turning him on; this is no big achievement. He can get aroused from riding a motorcycle or from sleeping. The issue is not whether you turn him on; it’s whether he
stays
turned on
after
he has been satisfied. This is the key.

Quality men are attracted by less, not more. If he sees a pretty secretary wearing her hair in a bun, right there in broad daylight he’s going to start wondering what she looks like with her hair down. If he sees a woman dressed in a way that shows there is something moving behind a sweater that he can’t see, his desire to see is greater than if she’s showing it right off the bat. When you show your shape, but don’t expose every inch, the “unwrapping of the gift” becomes much more stimulating. If he has to unbutton an item of clothing to get to what he wants to see, it turns him on
more
. Not less.

You often hear a man say of a provocatively dressed woman, “I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers.” This is true until he’s had “his way” with her and then crackers or no crackers, he moves on. The difficult part isn’t getting a man’s interest. The trick is knowing how to
sustain
it.

Much of holding your own in a relationship begins with
how you hold yourself.
Overcompensating is overcompensating, and it includes everything from calling a man too much to cooking a four-course meal to dressing too provocatively. Remember the saying: The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

If, at a later date, you dress provocatively, that’s another story. Then he knows you are doing it just for him, so it becomes a treat. This is why you often hear men say they want a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom. It’s what you don’t show that keeps him intrigued.

Don’t let the advertisements on TV be your guide. The woman who sustains a man’s interest is not the one who feels confident because of a particular miniskirt, a belly ring, or a black dress with a plunging neckline. A bitch doesn’t rely on these things to feel good about herself. She relies on
who she
is as a woman
.

“He should accept me as I am!” says the woman who is too nice. Accept you? Oh no, sister. Slap yourself. He should want you madly. Acceptance has nothing to do with it. He
accepts
a doormat. But he
desires
his dreamgirl. If you want acceptance, go to a self-help group. We’re talking about what he craves. It started when he was a kid. When he received a toy for Christmas that he didn’t even ask for, he played with it for a whole five minutes. The toy he cherished was the one he bought with two months’ allowance that sat on the top shelf in the toy store. He couldn’t reach it but went in to look at it all the time. He got up every morning at the crack of dawn to toss papers on a paper route to get that toy. It’s the one toy he will always remember because he had to earn it.

But with the bitch? There’s no lack of sexual chemistry.

It isn’t about looks; gorgeous women get dumped every day. It isn’t about intelligence. Women of all types, from brilliant women to women with the IQ equivalent of plant life, pull it off every day. It’s about mystery and learning how to create intrigue.

When you lose your
edge
, the relationship loses its
fire
. Think of him as the match. You are the striking board on the back of the match cover. When the rough edge or sand wears off and starts to become dull, it is much harder to get that spark.