Why Men Love Bitches (13 page)

This conversation came up on my radio show. A caller asked if she should let the man pay, and I said, “In the beginning,
yes
.” Both my male guest and the male sound engineer jumped in and said, “But that’s not fair.” Then I got a spelling lesson: “Fair. It’s spelled
f-a-i-r.”
I see their point. But it also isn’t fair that we get sixty cents on the dollar in the workplace, that we wear painful pushup bras and high heels, and that we carry the babies and give birth. So let him be the man. A
gentleman.

The important thing is that when he pays, let him know at the end of the dinner you
really do appreciate it.
And compliment him on his taste in food, wine, or the restaurant. If it wasn’t good, don’t comment.

The dumb fox knows that the less she criticizes, the better. Which is why she doesn’t nag. Instead, she
maneuvers
.

For example, when he leaves his clothes on the floor next to the bed before he turns in for the night…don’t worry about it. He’ll probably get out of bed in the morning and pick them up. And then he’ll put them right back on.

About those socks and underwear that are peppered throughout your home? That was your fault, because you bought a hamper
with
a lid. (Much too complicated.) Get a hamper with no lid and strategically put it in a corner. Congrats. You’ve erected your very own basketball hoop. Every time he makes a dunk shot out of his dirty underwear? Two points.

Do you always change the toilet paper roll? Does he always get a full roll, while you get the last crummy little square, half of which is stuck to the cardboard? Nothing a little housebreaking won’t fix.

One Sunday morning, he’ll go in the bathroom and take his seat with the sports section. He won’t notice the absence of toilet paper for twenty minutes because he’ll be fixated on the stats from Saturday’s football game. Then, when he’s finished reading he’ll call, “Honey? Honey?! Can you hear me?!” (No response.)

This is your cue to take out the kitchen trash. After all, the sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, and the birds are chirping. (Trivia question: How long before he realizes there’s more toilet paper under the sink?)

If he doesn’t help out around the house, the dumb fox doesn’t complain and say, “You can’t put a price on what I do around the house.” Instead, she gets an estimate from a maid service. See how easy? Now not only does she “put a price on it,” she even pays it to someone
else
.

Here’s another example of how a dumb fox might “maneuver.” A friend named Sharon was running herself ragged trying to clean up after her kids and her husband. She wanted to have someone come in to help her once a week. Her husband was very opposed to paying $50 for a maid every week, even though they could afford it. He kept insisting on “just once a month.”

Dumb Sharon played the dumb fox and agreed to a maid once a month—sort of. She wrote a check to the maid once a month, and each of the other three weeks she asked for $50 in cash back when she wrote a check at the market. Not only did this prevent weekly arguments, he came home to a beautifully cleaned house every week.

The Dumb Fox Credo as outlined here, allows for smooth sailing and no room for conflict:

• Agree with everything.
  
• Explain nothing.
  
• Then do what is best for you. It will make life a whole lot easier.
  

For example, the dumb fox is smart enough to save herself the grief by insisting on separate bathrooms. First of all, the concept of guest towels or decorative towels is foreign to men. To him, a towel is a towel, which means a bath towel is a beach towel is a car-wash towel is an oil-changing towel. You would think he’d “spare” the pretty one with the pink bow, but no such luck. And the towels you use on your face? Say hello to your new floor mop.

Once in a while, you’ll come across a man who is extra clean. But generally, sharing a bathroom with a man will be sheer misery. Ten minutes after you’ve cleaned the sink and mirror with streak-free Windex, he’ll come in there and spray water everywhere. It’s like sharing a bathroom with your very own, in-house, adopted walrus. Scientists have not yet joined with zoologists to do a study on why it is that men “spray.” So, until they figure it out, insist that you have your own bathroom.

The dumb fox also cleverly divides up the personal space in the home with the utmost fairness. She gives him 20 percent of the closet, but “the whole garage” or basement to himself. He also controls the lawnmower, the cars, the barbecue, and the tools. Remember: Men are very territorial, so you’ll also want to designate the yard as his domain in the “habitat.” It will come in handy when you’re hogging the bathroom.

In Japan, there is an interesting motto: A smart eagle does not show her claws. American women perceive Japanese women as submissive because they bow to men and walk behind them in the streets. However, Japanese men typically bring their paychecks home and give them to their wives.
The wife controls the purse strings in the Japanese home and decides how the money is spent
.

Now we uncover the
real
reason why a Japanese woman may walk behind her man in the street: It is those deep, heavy pockets that are slowing her down. The poor thing can hardly keep up.

In addition to having to feel he’s “right,” a man needs to have things be “his idea.” So, remember, it’s
always
his idea. Even if it
isn’t
, convince him that it is.

When you’re in front of a group of friends and he steps in and takes credit for something that you thought of, don’t make a fuss over it. He needs to show that he’s the chief. Don’t correct him or try to “show him up” in front of your mutual friends because he’ll feel emasculated. It’s like a mommy scolding her little boy in front of his friends at school. Publicly, he needs to “save face.”

If it’s absolutely necessary, wait until you are alone with him to bring up something he did that may have bothered you. Address it
privately,
not in front of people. If it’s unimportant nonsense, let him take all the credit. Who cares? The dumb fox knows better. She never starts a fight over something trivial, particularly if she knows in advance she’ll gain absolutely nothing from winning. The dumb fox is strong in a demure way. She stands her ground, but she’s not a ball-buster. She employs the “Science of Compliance.” She appears to give up power, but gains leverage in the process.

For all “ego-intensive” purposes, help him look manly in front of other people. Let him open doors and let him address the hostess at the restaurant. “Johnson. Party of 4.” This is just the
token
power position which is meaningless.

When you are truly running the show, you don’t need to tip your hand or flaunt it. If he is treating you like you are his dreamgirl, you have all the power you need. Remember, feminine strength is equally as powerful. It’s poetic justice: Men control the world, but women control the men.

Alice, an attractive older woman who has been married for many years, shared the following advice. “Whenever I want to do something, I convince my husband it was his idea. I’ll say ‘Sweetie, would you like to go to this restaurant or that one?’ He’s paying, so I always let him think he’s the one choosing. And after we’re done eating? I tell him, ‘What a great idea that was!’”

Most men know it’s a turn-on to a woman if they do romantic things, but women don’t understand that giving men the feeling of power has the same effect. It melts them like butter. It is a good-natured way of gaining leverage in your relationship.

Men do the very same thing. They know that we like roses. If they never saw another rose, it would be no loss to them. They’re as attached to the roses as they are to a plant in their office building or a weed growing in the cracks of a sidewalk.

Most women generally won’t say no to any reasonable request made by a man who has just brought a beautiful bouquet of roses. When you appeal to his ego, it has the same effect. He’ll want to remain a king in your eyes, and he’ll want to please you. Men work their whole lives just to have a woman look at them adoringly and say, “You’re wonderful” and “I admire you.” He’ll climb a whole mountain just to feel admired by a woman he loves.

Once you’re in charge of that relationship, you’re giving him what he needs (power) and he
doesn’t even know it
. It works with even the smartest men. Here’s what Albert Einstein said about his wife on their fiftieth wedding anniversary:

The dumb fox doesn’t have to “obey” her man as in, “I promise to love, honor, and
obey
until death do us part.” She has her own rendition of the marital vows. She “promises to love, honor, and
appear to be agreeable some of the time.”

This is not a lesson in how to give up your power or become more docile. This is a lesson in how to gain power because you appeal to a man and make him channel his energies
toward you.
Men need a little help when it comes to emotions, because they aren’t always aware of what motivates them. You have to make him think he’s in charge; then he’ll be much more attuned to what you need and he’ll apply much more effort to please you. It keeps him stimulated and it keeps his interest. Then he wants to give you the reins; at which point, you will have all the power that you need.

Women who are successful in other areas of life are often the ones who find themselves saying, “I should not have to apologize for being strong.” Then the following week they wonder why they “can’t find a good man.” Because a good man wants a good
w-o-m-a-n.
Being a bitch does not mean you lose your femininity. And it also doesn’t mean you overtly try to wear the pants in the house. It just means you don’t allow anyone to walk all over you.

The classic superwoman wants a relationship in which the man and woman are “equals.” This is a nice theory, but in practice it becomes a one-sided relationship pretty quickly.