Why Men Love Bitches (6 page)

Men often admit, “You always want what you can’t have.” The bitch never lets him feel that he has her under his thumb. Since he never quite has her, he never stops pursuing her.

So when he thinks he’s making progress and he has you right where he wants you, sometimes it’s appropriate to gently remind him that you aren’t under his thumb. Here are just a few comparisons between the nice girl and the bitch.

The difference in these situations isn’t as much how you treat him as how you treat yourself. The bitch’s behavior lets him know without any words that she will not pull the plug on her life to accommodate him.

If you’ve answered yes to five or more of these ten questions, you are giving far more than you are receiving. Let’s explore why giving yourself up is never in your best interests.

Women understand the concept of balance between work Prefer and play. They balance time with family and time with friends. They balance a job with getting an education. But when it comes to a man, the nice girl abandons all sense of balance and immediately makes the man the whole pie. But with a bitch, he is just a piece of it. She keeps the other pieces intact.

It all starts out subtly. “What are you doing right now?” he asks when he calls her from his cell phone. “Well, I was going to catch a movie with a girlfriend,” she answers. The operative word is
was
(past tense). Then he asks, “Want to hook up?” She pauses for two seconds. “Okay.”

A man will try to get you to be very accessible because it’s natural that he’ll want to make things more convenient for himself. And he’ll do so by saying the following to pressure you to accommodate him:

Another key factor that distinguishes the nice girl from the bitch is how much of herself she’ll give up. Once you’re in a relationship and he’s shown a pattern of being interested over time, then it’s okay to be a little more spontaneous. In the beginning, however, don’t make yourself so accessible. If you do, the relationship will always be on his terms.

The nice girl will often cancel plans with a girlfriend if she gets a last-minute date. The bitch will hold her own simply by keeping her previously set plans. I know one bitchy woman whose partner absolutely adores her. If she’s painting her toenails when he calls, she’ll still say, “Thank you so much, but I’m a little busy right now.”

Sometimes a man will get tickets to something at the last minute. Or he’ll plan a romantic surprise. He is spontaneous, but clearly you’re his first priority—so this is harmless. You’re in good shape if he’s calling you all the time and wants to see a lot of you.

What you want to guard against is going on last-minute dates or getting those last-minute calls to do something because he didn’t have anything better planned. Sometimes when a woman has feelings for a man, she can’t distinguish between the two.

A common example is the typical “booty call.” First, the guy waits to hear back from someone
else
before confirming whether he can see you. He’ll call at 5:00 and say he hasn’t showered yet and he’s on the way. At 7:00 he calls again and pulls the plug: “My friend Troy stopped by.” Then he says he’ll make it an early night with Troy and tells you he wants to get together afterward. He gets in late, and that’s when he offers to see you, providing you drive to his place.

No matter how much you want to see him, don’t go. At this point, you want to
seriously
consider not ever seeing him again. If you do go, you won’t be more appealing to him; you’ll be turning the dimmer switch down on his attraction for you.

A friend of mine named Crystal was in this exact situation and handled it perfectly. A man named Brett called her on a Saturday night; it was well after midnight and raining, and he asked her in a seductive tone of voice to drive to his place. A classic booty call. Crystal hadn’t heard from Brett in two weeks, since he’d indicated he wanted to “see other people.” He also lived 35 miles away from her at the time.

Crystal said, “Okay, sweetie. I’m on my way. Give me five minutes to put on a garter belt under my raincoat. I’ll be there in forty minutes.” She also asked Brett to wait downstairs for her in the rain with an umbrella, so she wouldn’t get drenched walking to the front of his apartment complex. He waited and waited and waited. Three hours later, it occurred to him like a stunning revelation: No booty cometh.

In the morning Crystal awoke to several messages from Brett. In one of them, he mentioned that he had come down with a severe case of the flu from standing in the rain. (Not her fault. He should have gotten his flu shot.)

Again, the bitch is very nice. She is as sweet as a Georgia peach. But inside every sweet peach is a strong pit. And this means she won’t explain the obvious when a man is disrespectful. There is no way to hold your own in a relationship and simultaneously accept rude behavior. A quality man doesn’t want a woman he can trot all over. There is nothing wrong with having a little self-respect—and a few conditions.

If you treat yourself as a valuable commodity, he will naturally put more stock in you. For example, he calls and says, “When can I see you?” Don’t say, “I’m wide open around the clock. Pick a time.
Anytime
!” He suggests Friday. “Okay!” He suggests Tuesday. “Okay!” He suggests three weeks from next Sunday. “Okay!”

Instead, politely tell him you have two nights that are good for you. Then let him choose one. He’ll probably choose both.

Here’s a similar circumstance. A doctor I know started a private practice. He didn’t want his receptionist to say, “Sure, we have tons of openings. Drop in any time.” Instead, he instructed her to say, “We can get you in at 2:15 or at 4:15. Which would work for you?” Most people would tend to value an appointment more with a doctor who appears to be fairly busy
but is willing to accommodate them
than with one who is always open like an all-night convenience store.

He says he’d like to see you at 9:00 p.m., and you don’t want to be out too late? Tell him, “I’d prefer to get together earlier.” If he can’t because he is working late, make no issue of it. Simply suggest getting together another night.