Why Men Love Bitches (25 page)

Again, a man wants a strong woman, not a helpless little kid. Sexually, this will impact the float in his boat.

I know one couple in which the husband, Michael, is the breadwinner. They have no children, and he pulls all of the financial weight. Every time his wife, Nancy, walks in the house with a new pair of shoes, she gets the “two feet” speech.

If she were working, would he give her this speech? Not likely. But if a man pays all the bills, the “money gets funny and the change gets strange.” Better for her to be a waitress at Denny’s one day a week, and he won’t say a word. She would put on her new shoes, strut her stuff, and not have to explain “nothin’ to nobody.”

When he views you as a little girl, he may do things that demonstrate his loss of respect. He may assign you an “allowance” or tell you how much money you can spend. Or he’ll tell you what you can or cannot buy. All of these restrictions reflect your loss of freedom and a loss of your ability to make your
own
choices. Here’s why this is relevant:

• The ability to remain an independent thinker is what keeps his interest and the mental challenge.
  
• The ability to make your own choices in life is your most important tool. It is the very thing that gives you power.
  

Not only will he tell you what you should have, the man who is paying all the bills will eventually begin to tell you what you like or don’t like as well. He won’t ask for your opinion, he’ll
tell
you what your opinion should be. It sets you up to be treated like a Barbie doll that he can control. Then the following will occur:

• He’ll begin to think that he’s entitled to the last word.
  
• He’ll behave as if what he says goes.
  
• He’ll have control over your happiness and sadness.
  
• You’ll be treated as though he’s the boss and you’re the subordinate.
  
• He may offer his help on his own terms, and you’ll wait at bay.
  

Again, it’s not a question of whether he pays most of the bills, it’s a question of whether you can still stand on your own two feet, if push comes to shove. Then he doesn’t have the title, he’s merely leasing with the option to buy. He can feel like the “head of household.” Remember, he should feel like the Grand Poo-Bah over his habitat and his domain. But he should never feel that he holds the key to your livelihood.

The ability to take care of yourself ensures that all of the following will remain intact:

1. The mental challenge
   
2. The respect
   
3. The longevity of the relationship
   
4. The sexual desire
   

A case in point. Roxanne, who could be described as a “gold digger,” lived with Kent at his Malibu estate. She drove a Mercedes Benz and made regular shopping sprees on Rodeo Drive. Her survival, her livelihood, and her whole existence were contingent on Kent, a man she didn’t particularly care for. Although on the surface she appeared to have it all, she had completely given up her pink slip.

One day, I drove to Roxanne’s place to pick her up for lunch. Before we left, she opened a drawer and took out some cash, and said she had to make a quick deposit into her account. She had bounced a check for $20. She then said, “Kent lets me keep my pride. He puts the money in a drawer, so I don’t have to ask for it.”

In this example, there was no pride to be “kept.” Pride is…having your own paycheck. There is only one thing better than “With Love” and that is the phrase, “Pay to the order of.”

In the above example with Roxanne, there is no question that the problem was financial. Kent even suggested that she get a part-time job. He said, “I’d respect you more if you had a job.” Still, she didn’t make an effort to look for work. And two weeks later, she was tearfully packing her Gucci bags.

Being a gold digger never pays, as evident by the headline stories on the news. As a matter of fact, gold diggers recently suffered an even bigger setback:
Viagra.
Now she’s working twice as hard for equal pay. And no dental benefits.

All a woman has to do to balance the relationship is pay an electric bill with her own money or bring home groceries from time to time. Any of these things express her gratitude; then the man is happy to pay for everything else. He doesn’t have to feel it’s always equal, just
reciprocal.

Another woman I know, Michelle, was living with a man for four years. For most of that time, he paid every bill and never complained because Michelle didn’t have any money coming in. Then she inherited some money. She had $120,000 sitting idle in a savings account. At that point, he asked Michelle to help pay some bills; she declined.

He didn’t ask her to carry all the weight, or even half the weight. He merely asked her to pitch in. The interest from her capital would have been more than enough to show him that she was pitching in for a few bills. Still, Michelle insisted that the money was for “her retirement.”

Shortly thereafter, he “retired” from the relationship—at which point she moved out. She was then forced to pay several times the amount of money for her own living expenses. Contributing within her means would have been the right thing to do. It was also the financially advantageous thing to do. But the point is not purely financial. The relationship would have had a better chance of working if she had
balanced things out
by pitching in.

One self-made millionaire named Benji described his perspective: “One thing a successful man learns very quickly is that women respond to his money. They realize that women will line up for a man with deep pockets. All he has to do is show them that he is wealthy or that he drives a nice car and that he owns a big house. And they line up like ducks.”

Granted, there are plenty of affluent men who like having an accoutrement or a Barbie doll on their arms who, they hope, will graduate into the esteemed ranks of a “Stepford Wife.” But this man is not a “quality catch,” and this woman will not have any “staying power.” He’ll be much more likely to trade in a helpless “dingy” type of woman for a newer model because he sees her as a toy to begin with. What a quality man wants “for keeps” is a strong woman. He wants a partner he respects and one who is worth catching: an
equal.
He may provide more monetarily, and she may be a stay-at-home mother. But she is contributing. In other words, she isn’t “on the take” and she can stand on her two feet. This means she is there by
choice
.

Dignity and pride aren’t about whether you pull money out of a drawer, a sack, or a wallet. It isn’t about being given a credit card or pulling cash out of a Versateller. If you have an income, however small, it enables you to:

1. Live by your own rules
   
2. Move to your rhythm, instead of dancing to the beat of someone else’s drum
   
3. Decide how you want to be treated
   
4. Choose what you will or will not tolerate
   
5. Leave if you don’t get what you want
   

Everything in this list is precisely what the bitch values most. She keeps her power in
every
way. And as Henry Kissinger said, “Power is the great aphrodisiac.”

When you act as if you expect something, you make a man feel unappreciated. If he pays, it’s always best to help him realize that you took time to notice that he went out of his way, and that you are grateful.

Over and over, men have expressed to me their frustration with women who lack gratitude and those who automatically expect a man to pay. There are some women who, even when it’s a man’s birthday, will take him out and expect him to pay. There were many men who, when interviewed for this book, shared stories about birthdays or holidays in which their partners still expected them to pick up the tab.

In one instance, a woman invited other people to a birthday party and expected the “birthday boy” to pay for everybody. The bill came and people reached for their wallets at the dinner table. “Oh, no, you guys. Marc will get that,” the woman said. (Needless to say, Marc was not too happy.) It was the automatic expectation that made him feel unappreciated.