Waiting for Perfect (8 page)

SEBASTIAN

I’m late for
class.
 
I usually see Nick at
lunch, but I haven’t seen him since we got to school this morning.
 
Megan was her usual flirty self in
history, which tells me she still doesn’t know anything about what went down
with Ryan and Kendra.
 
Some friend.
 
I’m sure there’s a good reason Candace
and Lexi aren’t telling her what happened.
 
Those two have been avoiding me like the plague.
 
And from what Nick tells me, he’s been
experiencing the same.

I guess I can
understand why they don’t want to talk to us.
 
They’re protecting their friend.
 
It’s been over a week, and Nick and I still don’t know if
Kendra is okay.
 
The thought of
what Ryan did to her still evokes images of his jaw open to the curb and my
foot coming down on his head.
 
Nick
is quieter than usual, and I know the “what-ifs” are swimming around in his
head.
 
“What if…I had found her
sooner?”
 
“What if… I had never let
her out of my sight to begin with?”
 
“What if… I had made more of an effort to talk with her that night?”
 
I can see the guilt in his eyes.
 
I’ve tried to assure him that he did
everything right.
 
But I’ve been
lying to myself.
 
We both think we
should have done more to protect her.

I’m usually smarter
than that.
 
I should have seen a
warning sign.
 
I should have been
paying more attention to her and Ryan instead of messing around with
Megan.
 
I should have gone with
Nick to look for her.
 
In San
Antonio, my senses were sharper, lethal.
 
How could I have let my guard down so much in a few short months?

I don’t know much
about Ryan, so Jeff has been filling me in.
 
He and Troy both hate the guy.
 
Some of the football players consider Ryan a friend, but
Jeff assures me that he and Troy will be the first ones to join us whenever
Nick and I decide to beat his ass.

I’ve wanted to take
my own particular kind of revenge against Ryan, but I don’t want my aunt or
cousin seeing that side of me.
 
Instead, I’m waiting for Nick to take the lead on that.
 
I think he’s too worried about Kendra to
focus on planning some kind of attack.
 
He’ll probably run into Ryan at random and spontaneously jump the
guy.
 
I just hope I’m around when
it happens.

Ryan’s face is
still cut and bruised.
 
He’s been
wearing a padded bandage over his nose and has stitches above his eye and
across his cheekbone.
 
Every time I
see him, I glare at him with everything evil I have inside me.
 
He tries to avoid me, and he’s better
off that way.
 
If Nick doesn’t do
something soon, I will.
 

I met Kendra
exactly twice, and somehow, the way she wanted nothing to do with me makes me
want to know her more.
 
I’m not
used to girls brushing me off like she did.
 
She’s smart, and she acts like she doesn’t know she’s
gorgeous.
 
Sweet combination.
 
No one that sweet deserves what that
asshole did to her.
 
I want to see
her again soon to make sure she knows that Nick and I will take care of this
for her.

After the bell
signals the end of the school day, I wait by my car for Nick.
 
He hasn’t smiled in a week, and I guess
he’s not starting now.
 
His eyes are
narrowed on me, and a frown is plastered on his lips.
 
He starts walking faster toward the car.
 
As he approaches, I realize he’s not
looking at me at all.
 
His jaw is
tense as he drops his backpack on the hood of the Mustang and walks right past
me.

“Nick, what the
hell, man?”
 
When I turn to follow
him, I see what he’s got his eyes set on.
 
Ryan Morgan is getting into his Jeep about twenty yards away.

“Hey, asshole!”
Nick yells.
 
Ryan ducks into his
car, but Nick is right beside him.
 
He reaches into the Jeep and pulls out Ryan by his shirt.

Here we go.
 
Just like I thought – spontaneous
attack.

When I run up to
the Jeep, Nick is shouting a string of curse words into Ryan’s face.
 
I can see in Ryan’s expression the
exact moment when he’s had enough.
 
He brings his fist back and lets one fly, but Nick dodges it.

In return, Nick
head butts him in his broken nose and screams, “You want more of this, asshole?”

Ryan bellows, “Get
your hands off me, Veneto!”
 
He’s
holding his nose and squeezing his eyes shut in pain.

The yelling attracts
attention, and kids begin surrounding us to see what’s happening.

One of Ryan’s
friends starts yelling something about Nick being a loser.
 
Then I hear him say, “That slut got
what she deserved.”

That’s it.

I burst toward him by
instinct and throw a left hook to his ear.
 
He buckles over, palming a bloody eardrum.
 
Another of Ryan’s friends comes into
view, swinging for my face.
 
I
easily duck out of the way.
 
The
guy is thrown off balance, so I move to his side and come down between his
shoulder blades with my elbow.
 
He
crumbles to the ground, arching his back in pain.

I turn to check on
my cousin.
 
Nick, towering over
Ryan by at least six inches, has him in an easy chokehold.
 
One of Ryan’s friends runs up behind
Nick and kicks him in the back of the knee.
 
Nick’s reaction is to let go of Ryan.
 
But when he does, the friend is there
with an uppercut to Nick’s chin.
 
Nick’s
head flies backward from the impact.

Gasping for breath
from Nick’s chokehold, Ryan stands erect and stares me dead in the eye.
 
“You should have stayed out of this,
Veneto.
 
I didn’t have any business
with you.”

I laugh.
 
“Anything having to do with my cousin
is my business, asshole.”
 
I’m
about to rush him when Ryan’s other friend appears, still arching his back from
my elbow attack.
 
Can I take two at
once?
 
I have before.
 
Hell, this is easy compared to some of
the fights I’ve been in.

As I assess the
situation, Jeff Weaver comes into view.
 
He and Troy McCall are sprinting toward us.
 
Without a word, Troy runs to one of Ryan’s friends and gives
him a swift punch to the stomach.
 
I
steal a glance at Nick, who is bent over with his hands on his knees.
 
Blood is dripping from his chin onto
the parking lot pavement.

About ten yards
away, Jeff looks at me and nods toward Ryan.
 
I know he wants me to handle him.
 
He must know how badly I want it.
 

This is it.
 
I’ve waited for this moment for nearly
two weeks.
 
I almost feel bad,
thinking this moment should be Nick’s to finish and not mine.
 
But Ryan is going to get what’s coming to
him one way or another.
 
At least
it will be from a Veneto.

My adrenaline is
pumping.
 
Ryan starts running toward
me.
 
I take a deep breath and time
it perfectly.
 
When he’s two feet away,
I throw a quick left hook that meets the side of his jaw.
 
When his head tilts sideways from the
blow, I send another left hook to his kidney and a right cross to his face.
 
He falls to the ground, nursing his left
side.
 
I’m sure he’ll be pissing
blood for a week.

Nick lifts his head
and wipes the blood away from his chin.
 
He slowly walks over to where Ryan is lying in agony on the street.
 
The crowd has gathered around to see
what Nick will do.
 
It’s so quiet
that I could hear a pin drop.

Nick looks like
he’s ready to destroy him. I’ve never seen Nick this pissed.
 
He looks maniacal.
 
Even I’m a little scared of him.

He hovers over
Ryan.
 
His forearm muscles flex every
time he pumps his fists.
 
“You sick
asshole,” he says.
 
Then he spits
on him.
 
He circles him several
times like an animal ready to pounce on his prey.

Finally, he brings
a long leg behind him and thrusts it forward, kicking Ryan in the stomach.
 
Ryan lets out a big whoosh of air.
 
His arms cross over his abdomen as he
attempts to protect himself.

Nick looks at me,
raising his barbelled eyebrow.
 
I
wonder if he’s asking my permission to kick him again.
 
Uh,
yes, please
.
 
I shrug.
 
Nick kicks him again in the stomach.

“Shit, Veneto!
 
Stop!” Ryan yells, his voice cracking.

“You didn’t stop,
Morgan,” Nick yells.
 
“How’d you do
it?
 
Did you drug her?
 
Slip something in Kendra’s drink?”
 
He kicks him again.
 
“Did you screw her, you shitbag?”
 
Sending another Converse tennis shoe
into Ryan’s ribs, he yells, “Did you
rape
her, Morgan?”
 
He sends another
blow, and another.

Ryan is holding his
arms around himself.
 
I think he’s
crying.
 
I want to jump in and kick
him in the teeth, but this is Nick’s moment, and I let him have it.
 

Jeff and Troy flank
Nick, and each of them grabs an arm.
 
Troy says, “Whoa, okay, man.
 
Chill out.
 
It’s over.”
 
He and Troy push Nick away from where
Ryan is lying on the asphalt, dry-heaving.

I realize I’m
standing there speechless with a wicked grin across my face when I should be
helping Jeff and Troy calm down my cousin.
 
But the sight of Ryan writhing in pain is just too
satisfying.
 
Slowly, I lift my eyes
from the sniveling mud pile on the street and take in the crowd of students
surrounding us, whispering to each other.

Then, I get it.
 
Nick said it.
 
When he was kicking the shit out Ryan, he yelled it out
loud, accused Ryan of raping Kendra.
 
Shit.
 
If no one knew before,
they all know now.

KENDRA

The room is
supposed to make a crazy person feel comfortable.
 
There is a window with its blinds cracked open, letting in
the natural sunlight.
 
Bookshelves
are filled with old, leather-bound books that give the room a musty smell.
 
Hanging on the wall in front of me is a
watercolor painting in a heavy, oak frame.

Beneath the
painting, the man in the leather executive chair removes his eyeglasses and
stares at me.
 
“How does that make
you feel?” he asks in a thick, Indian accent.

Is this guy
serious?
 
How the hell does he
think it makes me feel?

I answer with a
taut, thin-lipped frown.
 
“I feel…used,
violated, scared, angry – to name a few.”
 
I smirk because it’s better than crying.
 
I feel like I’m in a dream – like
I’ll wake up soon, and this all will have been a horrible nightmare.

The doctor returns
his glasses to his wide nose and scribbles something down on his notepad.
 
“You said it makes you feel
scared.
 
Why are you scared?”

I hate answering
these stupid questions.
 
It makes
me wonder if visiting the crisis center was a good idea.
 
Candace insisted, but sitting here in
this quaint, little office with Dr. What’s-His-Face, I’m not so sure.

“Ryan was my
friend.
 
He betrayed me.
 
I feel like I can’t trust anyone.”

The doc nods and
moves his pen across the page.
 
“And your friend, Lexi.
 
Tell me about her.”

I don’t think it’s
a coincidence he brings up her name after I’ve mentioned trust.
 
She’s the one person I thought I could
trust the most, and she betrayed me too.

I sink into the old
woven fabric of the stupid maroon couch with its used-up springs.
 
My eyes dart around the room.
 
Just the thought of her causes anger to
pulse through my veins.
 
The doctor
is staring down at me over his wire-rimmed spectacles, awaiting my reply.

“She was supposed
to be my best friend,” I start.
 
My
eyes get heavy and wet with tears I refuse to shed.
 
I feel like if I let them come, I’ll never be able to stop
them.
 
I blink them away.
 
“She’s not anymore.”

The doctor shows me
a weak smile, full of sympathy and pity.
 
I want to slap it off his face.
 
“Kendra, from what you’ve told me, you’ve had some anxiety in the last
week.
 
The symptoms you are
presenting are consistent with post-traumatic stress.
 
That is a perfectly natural response to what you’ve gone
through.”

When I don’t say
anything, he continues.
 
“At some
point, you will have to decide if you are going to press charges against this
young man.”

I nod.
 
“I know.”
 
How much could the police really do?
 
I wasn’t raped.
 
They probably wouldn’t do
anything.
 
And if they did, I might
have to go through a trial and re-live this whole nightmare.
 
“Part of me wants to, Doctor, but part
of me just wants to forget about the whole thing.”

Dr. Sunji closes
his notebook.
 
He leans forward,
resting his elbows on his desk and steepling his hands together.
 
“Pressing charges or not pressing
charges will not be the determining factor for banishing this incident from
your mind, Kendra.
 
I want you to
understand,” he says slowly, like I’m a child or a mental patient, “the only
way to work through the feelings you are having – the anger, the fear,
the anxiety – is to accept that this has happened to you and manage the
feelings by talking about them.
 
Whether you decide to stay in counseling with me, or decide to attend a
group with other young women who have experienced something similar, it is
important to continue to deal with these feelings you are experiencing.
 
They will not just vanish on their
own.”

I stare into the
old man’s eyes.
 
All I want is to
go back in time and not take that stupid drink from Ryan – or not even go
to Jeff’s party at all.
 
I want my
life back the way it was.
 
It
wasn’t perfect, but it was normal.
 
I don’t know how to live this new life.
 
I haven’t been able to go back to school yet.
 
I’m afraid to face anyone.
 
What if I see
him
? I thought Ryan was my friend.
 
Instead, he drugged me and almost raped me.

Almost raped
me.
 
But as luck would have it, a
certain Nicolás Veneto walked into that room exactly when he did.

Candace had told me
about Jeff’s party and about everything after, from Nick’s fight with Ryan to the
Veneto cousins trying to corner her at school to see how I’m doing.

Candace had taken
me to the clinic to be tested.
 
We
had gone to Santa Ana, where I was sure not to run into anyone I knew.
 
The rape kit test was awful.
 
Candace was in the office with me,
holding my hand the whole time.
 
When the doctor told me there were no indications of sexual intercourse,
I had never been so relieved in my life.

A urine sample was
taken to test for any drugs in my system.
 
The lab called me a few days later to let me know they had found Rohypnol.
 
I assume that’s what Ryan put in
my drink that night.

Thank God for
Candace.
 
She’s been with me
through this whole ordeal.
 
I don’t
know what I would have done without her.
 
Even though I love Candace now more than ever, it should have been Lexi
going through this with me.
 
But
no, Lexi had known everything, and when the opportunity was there to tell me,
she didn’t.
 
Was she ever going to
tell me?
 
Did she think I would
never find out?

I sigh heavily and
realize Dr. Sunji is staring at me.
 
Has he asked me a question?
 
I blink a few times waiting for him to say something.

“Would you like to
schedule another appointment, Kendra?” he asks.

All I’d like to do
is get out of here.
 
I stand and
smile politely.
 
“Uh, no.
 
Not right now.
 
Thank you.”
 

He frowns.
 
I can tell that isn’t the answer he
wanted to hear.
 
He stands from
behind his desk and walks toward the door, holding it open for me.
 
“Let me know when you change your
mind.”

I thank him again
before going down the hallway to meet Candace.
 
Is he kidding?
 
I never want to talk about this again.

After spending a
week in bed pretending to be sick so I could avoid school, Candace told me if I
didn’t see someone for help, she was going to tell my mom what happened.
 
That was all the encouragement I needed.
 
My mother can never find out about
this.
 
She would blame me for
everything.
 
I could hear her now,
accusing me of wearing the wrong clothes, of saying the wrong thing, of giving
Ryan the wrong idea.
 
She can never
find out about this.

“Well?
 
How’d it go?” Candace asks as we’re
pulling out of the parking lot.

“Fine, I
guess.
 
He asked me how everything
made me feel.
 
I think that’s
pretty standard.”
 
I try to smile.

She smiles
back.
 
“I’m really glad you went,
Kendra.
 
I wasn’t sure you’d go for
it.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t
too bad.”

Candace appears
pleased.
 
“Good.
 
Talking about things always helps.
 
You’ll see.”
 
She turns up the music.
 
There is silence between us as we drive toward my
house.
 
I consider what the doctor
said.
 
Whether I press charges or not
is not going to make me forget what happened.
 
He’s right.
 
But
I’d rather make all this go away by dropping it and moving on.
 
Maybe I’ll see Dr. Sunji again one
day.
 
Maybe someday I’ll go to a
group as he suggested.
 
For now, I
do not want to talk about that night.
 
I can’t.

As we are pulling
into my neighborhood, Candace turns down the radio.
 
“So, while I was waiting for you at the doctor’s, Hillary
Brooks called me.”

“Oh yeah?”

She quickly looks
over to me before turning her eyes back to the road.
 
“She said there was a fight in the parking lot after school
today.”
 
She eyes me to gauge my
reaction.
 
“Nick, Sebastian, Ryan,
a couple of Ryan’s friends, Jeff, and Troy.”

“What?
 
Oh my God.
 
Is everyone okay?”

“Hillary said Nick
beat the shit out of Ryan again.
 
She
thought he probably had some broken ribs.”

I bring my hand up
to cover my gasp.
 
“Are you
serious?”
 
By the way Candace is
grimacing, I know she hasn’t told me the whole story.
 
Bracing myself for the worst, I ask, “What else?
 
What happened to everyone else?”

“She said Nick
split his chin.
 
Everyone else was
okay.”

Shit.
 
What a mess.
 
Is this because of me?
 
I don’t even know the Veneto cousins very well, and now they’ve been in
two fights with Ryan over this.
 
They probably hate me.
 

“Did anyone get in
trouble?” I ask.

Candace pulls into
my driveway.
 
She puts her car into
Park and sits sideways to look at me.
 
“She said Vice Principal Chadwick came out to the parking lot, but
everyone had already started leaving.
 
He didn’t see anything.”
 
She takes a deep breath.
 
I
wait for whatever she is about to tell me, knowing it can’t be good.

“Kendra, during the
fight, Nick was yelling accusations at Ryan.
 
There was a crowd.
 
People overheard.
 
Hillary
said the gossip mill was running rampant almost immediately.
 
She said some people think you’re
making the whole thing up.”
 
She
looks cautiously at me, waiting for a response, and then proceeds slowly.
 
“They’re saying you slept with Ryan,
and now you’re accusing him of rape.”

I am
speechless.
 
This is my worst
nightmare.
 
I didn’t want anyone to
even know about this.
 
I wanted to
forget about the whole thing.
 
Now
I am going to have to deal with the fallout of that one night for months to
come.
 
Why did I even go to that
stupid party?

“Kendra, say
something.
 
Are you okay?”

I nod mindlessly.

“I’m going to be
there with you, okay?
 
Tomorrow,
you’re going to school, and I’ll be there with you.
 
I’ll sit in every class with you if I have to.”
 
She reaches out and touches my
arm.
 
“We’ll get through it,
Kendra.”

I nod again.
 
“Okay, well, thanks for today,
Candace.
 
You’re a great
friend.”
 
I open the car door and
climb out.
 
She looks at me through
the window and waves goodbye.
 
I
watch her back out of the driveway and pull away down the street.
 
Even after she rounds the corner and is
out of sight, I stand motionless in my driveway staring off into space.

Everyone at school
thinks I slept with Ryan and that I’m now crying rape.
 
I want to set them straight, but at the
same time, I want to forget about that dreaded night altogether.
 
The thought of going to school tomorrow
almost paralyzes me.
 
I’m scared to
death to face this.
 
And with only
Candace by my side, I’m scared of facing this nearly alone.