Waiting for Perfect (7 page)

KENDRA

My head is
pounding.
 
I keep my eyes closed while
stretching my arms above me.
 
My
hand hits an iron-rod headboard that I know is not mine.
 
I’m in Lexi’s bed.

I blink open my
eyes, trying to avoid the blinding morning light, and try to remember coming to
Lexi’s last night.
 
She is asleep,
tucked under her lavender duvet with her back to me.
 
I squeeze my eyes shut again, cursing myself for drinking so
much.
 
I can’t remember
anything.
 
I’ve had one blackout
from alcohol in my life, and I swore I’d never repeat it.
 
What the hell happened?

When I sit up, I
realize I’m fully dressed.
 
It must
have been a small feat for Lexi to drag me upstairs and into bed.
 
I hope to God her parents didn’t hear
us come in.
 
If I was wasted, I
probably made an ass of myself.
 
And if her parents saw me like that, they would tell my mom for sure.
 
I’d never hear the end of it.

And what about the
party?
 
God, I don’t even remember
anything past playing pool.
 
Was I
acting like an idiot?
 
Shit.
 
I’m never drinking again.
 
Lexi better tell me everything.

I tap her back a
few times.
 
She groans and
stretches herself awake.
 
When she
turns toward me, I can see her eyes are red and puffy.
 
She looks like hell.
 
I wonder if she got as drunk as me last
night.
 
Maybe we got a ride home.

“Hey, sunshine.”

“Hey,” she mumbles.

“Okay, I don’t even
remember coming home last night.
 
I
must have been wasted.
 
Please tell
me I didn’t get naked and dance on the pool table.”
 
I laugh, but secretly I’m mortified I may have done
something completely humiliating.

Lexi doesn’t even
crack a smile.
 
Crap.
 
It must be worse than I feared.

“Oh my God, I
did!
 
I danced naked on the pool
table!”
 
I slam my face into the
pillow and scream.
 
Not a good
idea.
 
The vibration in my pounding
head is excruciating.

When I remove my
face from the pillow, I look over at Lexi.
 
The corners of her lips curl up slightly.
 

“No.
 
There was no dancing naked on any
tables.”
 
She sits up against the
headboard.

“Thank God!”
 
I lie down on the pillow and stare at
the ceiling, waiting for her to spill.
 
She doesn’t.
 
“Lexi!
 
What happened?
 
I seriously don’t remember
anything.
 
Why’d you let me drink
so much?”

“I didn’t, Kendra,”
she says defensively.
 
Geesh,
someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
 
I can’t blame her.
 
I’m sure both of us will be royal bitches today.

“Well, what
happened?” I ask, turning on my side to face her.

She hesitates.
 
I can see her contemplating.
 
Then, she says, “Nothing.
 
You drank too much.
 
I drove us home early.
 
My parents were asleep.
 
We came upstairs, and we went to bed.”

I get the feeling
she is holding something back.
 
“That’s
it?”

She looks down at
me and pushes a hair from my eyes.
 
“That’s it.”

I sit up too fast,
and my head throbs.
 
“Good.
 
I was freaking out.
 
I am never drinking again.”

After we make
coffee, we sit in the kitchen and gossip about the party last night, or what I
remember of it anyway.
 
She tells
me how Troy showed up after flying in from Hawaii with his dad.
 
They played pool together, and he
actually kissed her on the cheek after they won.

I can see how much
she adores Troy.
 
Maybe this will
be the year for them after all.
 
I
ask her what she thought of Nicolás, or Nick, as he insists on being called.

She looks away from
me, her eyes focusing on nothing in particular.
 
“I like him.”

“I like him
too.
 
And his cousin is freaking
gorgeous, even if he is a bit full of himself.”

She turns her focus
back on me and giggles.
 
“And why
do you say that?”

“You saw him
hanging all over Megan last night.
 
If a guy goes for that kind of girl, he’s a player.
 
She obviously attracts that type.”
 
I try to keep my voice even,
unaffected.
 
I don’t know why the idea
of Sebastian and Megan together bothers me so badly.

Lexi shrugs.
 
“I don’t know.
 
He seems like a nice guy.”
 
There’s something in her expression
that I can’t place.

“You seem very
‘Team Sebastian’ this morning.
 
What’s up?”

She shakes her head
and sips her coffee.
 
“I don’t
know.
 
I like both the Veneto
boys.
 
I’m really glad they were
there last night.”
 
She seems lost
in her thoughts again, and I wonder what she’s not telling me.

“Yeah, me
too.”
 
I guess Sebastian wasn’t
that
bad.
 
Besides his ungodly good looks, he does seem to be a pretty
fun guy.
 
At least he doesn’t seem
to have the asshole gene that usually accompanies the gorgeous gene.
 
I’ve met plenty of those guys, and the
second I see the asshole gene show itself, I run like hell.
 
Life’s too short to stick around and be
treated like shit by anyone.

I was happy that
Nicolás remembered me.
 
The couple
of times I saw him at school yesterday, he seemed totally oblivious.
 
I thought I had scared him off.

We leave Lexi’s house
around noon.
 
My shift at Rose
Canyon starts at four.
 
I dread
working with a hangover, so I decide to sweat out some of the vodka at the gym
before work.

 
I don’t really need a job – my mom
and Derrick pay for everything I need and give me a weekly allowance for gas
and entertainment expenses.
 
It was
my dad who was adamant about me working.
 
He said it would build ‘character and discipline’.
 
Those are his words, not mine.
 
My mom wanted me to focus on getting
good grades and becoming an Ivy League trophy wife, but my dad insisted.
 
They agreed to me working no more than
twelve hours per week.
 
I enjoy my
job at the restaurant so I’m happy my dad won that argument.

Lexi drops me in
front of my house and waves to my mom through her window.
 
My mom’s talking to our neighbor in the
driveway.
 
She is wearing a low cut
tank top that enhances the cleavage Derrick bought her and is holding a wine glass.
 
She waves at Lexi as she drives away.

As I walk closer, I
catch the last few words coming out of my mother’s mouth and cringe.
 
Putting on my best plastic smile, I
turn to our neighbor.

“You’ll have to
excuse my mother, Mrs. Rider.
 
I haven’t
even turned in my college applications yet, so there’s no way I’ve been
accepted to Harvard.”
 
I glare at
my mother, embarrassed that she is spreading rumors of my acceptance.

My mom flashes her
laser-whitened teeth.
 
“Oh, but she
will
, Danielle.
 
I’m sure of it.
 
She’s brilliant.
 
And once she wins Prom Queen this year,
they’re sure to take my girl.”
 
She
brings the wine to her lips and takes a sip.

I can smell it on
her.
 
I wonder how many glasses
she’s already had, but I keep my mouth shut about it.
 
She turns into a bitch if I say anything about her
drinking.
 
I’m sure she knows what
I’m thinking, though, because when she glances back in my direction, her eyes
are cold.

I can take a
hint.
 
“Nice to see you, Mrs.
Rider,” I say, already turning to walk up our front steps.
 
I hear Mrs. Rider wish me good luck with
Harvard, before the door slams shut behind me.
 
Great.
 
Why does
my mother have to tell everyone about
her
plans for me?
 
Now I’ll have
another person to disappoint.
 
I
hate her.

I march up to my
bedroom to change into my gym clothes.
 
Nothing gets the frustration – or the vodka – out
of my system better than a hard run.
 
I stuff my iPod and earphones into my purse, grab a towel from the linen
closet, and make my way to the Benz.
 

“Bye, mom!” I yell
over my shoulder, as I jump into the front seat.
 
I can’t back out of the driveway fast enough.
 
I pull onto the street with my music
blaring and my windows rolled down, letting in the late summer breeze.

I push myself
enough on the treadmill to let go of my frustration with my mom.
 
Later, when I get to work, I feel
better.
 
My headache is finally
gone, and my brain is not as foggy as it was this morning.
 
Derrick was at home playing with Marcus
when I left for the restaurant, which made me feel better too.
 
I hate leaving Marcus home alone with
my mom when she is inebriated, which seems to be more than ever lately.

Two hours into my
shift, I see Emma and her dad come into the restaurant.
 
It makes me think of my own father and
how much I miss him.
 
My dad used
to live in Orange County.
 
After my
mom left him for Derrick, he stuck it out in OC for another eight years before
moving away.
 
I saw him every other
weekend and for two weeks in the summers for eight years.
 
I only saw him once last year.
 
We still talk on the phone a lot, but
it’s not the same.
 
Yeah, I miss him.

My shift moves
quickly, and soon I’m clocking out and saying goodbye to everyone in the
kitchen.
 
By the time I get home at
ten, Marcus is in bed watching the Disney Channel.
 
I sneak in and give him a kiss on the cheek.
 
He tells me about school and how he’s
sitting next to his arch nemesis, David Klein.
 
I tell him maybe he and David will get to be friends this
year, and he gives me a dirty look that makes me laugh.

After I say
goodnight to Marcus, I go to my bedroom to get ready for bed.
 
My mom knocks on my door to ask me how
work went.
 
She seems sober, so talking
with her isn’t half bad.
 
It makes
me happy she actually remembered to spend time with me.

 
I text Lexi before falling asleep to ask
her what she’s doing tomorrow and if she wants to go to the beach.
 
She tells me she’s doing something with
her family all day and that she’ll see me at school on Monday.
 
She never does anything with her
family.
 
I text OK and tell her
goodnight.
 
Maybe I’ll go to the beach
with Candace tomorrow.
 
I’ll call
her in the morning.

NICK

I’ve spent the last
two days worrying about this moment – the moment I’ll see Kendra and Lexi
in Calculus.
 
I’ve played it out in
my head a hundred times.
 
Do I say
anything to them?
 
Do I bring up
the party?
 
I want to ask Kendra if
she’s okay.
 
I want to tell her
that I plan to bash in Ryan Morgan’s skull the next time I see him.
 
I want to ask her if she’s going to
press charges.
 
But all my
questions will have to wait, because when class begins, neither Kendra nor Lexi
is there.
 
My teacher’s words are a
blur.
 
I can’t concentrate at
all.
 
When the bell rings, there’s
not one note in my notebook.
 
The
rest of the morning passes the same way.
 

At lunch, I look
for her at her usual table, but I only see Candace and Megan.
 
They have to know something.
 
I’m about to walk to their table to get
some answers when Sebastian appears at my side.

“Do you really
think that’s a good idea?” he asks.

“What do you
mean?
 
What’s a good idea?”

He has a
sympathetic tone in his voice. “I know you want to check if she’s okay, but
what if Megan still doesn’t know what happened to her.
 
Maybe you should wait until Candace is
alone.”

He has a
point.
 
I don’t want to be the one
to spill this to Megan.
 
I was
worried about coming to school today.
 
I received a few dirty looks from some of the football team this
morning.
 
Other than that, it seems
like nobody knows what happened.
 
And that’s the way it should be.
 
I’ll have to talk to Candace later.

As I’m looking at
her across the lunch tables, Candace glances up from her conversation with
Megan and catches me staring at her.
 
Her eyes get big, and she shakes her head barely enough for me to
notice, but enough for me to understand its meaning.
 
She’s warning me not to approach her.

“I guess you’re
right,” I say to Sebastian.

The rest of the day
is the same – me, hoping to see Kendra, but knowing I won’t, the football
players shooting me dirty looks, Candace avoiding me, and Sebastian telling me
to calm down.

I haven’t seen
Ryan.
 
I’m not sure if he’s too
injured to come to school or if he’s just got the wise sense not to show his
face today.
 
I don’t know if I’d be
able to hold myself back from giving him a fresh round of broken bones if I saw
him.

At home that night,
I try to concentrate on homework, but it’s impossible.
 
I give up my textbook for my sketchbook
and listen to music to try to distract myself from my thoughts.

When my mom opens
the door, I pull my earphones from my ears.
 
She looks pissed as hell, and she’s gripping something in
her hands.

“Nicolás Manuel
Veneto!”
 
Using my full name, she
means business.
 
She brings her
hands up, holding up one of my shirts – my Dexter shirt.

“What
happened?
 
Why is this shirt in the
trash?
 
Is this juice?
 
And please tell me this is not blood!”
 
Before I can respond, she
continues.
 
“Oh no, mijo!
 
Tell me what happened.
 
Are you in some kind of trouble?”

I hear Sebastian
running up the stairs, and then he’s standing in the doorway.
 
My mom holds the shirt out to him.
 
“Sebastian, what is this?
 
What happened to my Nicolás?”
 
She starts crying now.
 
My emotional Costa Rican mother is
always so dramatic.

“Mom…” I
begin.
 
I’m not really sure what
I’ll tell her, but I’ve got to do something.

Sebastian grabs the
shirt from her and blurts out, “It’s my fault, Aunt Maria.”

I stay planted on
my bed and look at him curiously.
 
Behind my mother’s back I mouth the words, “What the hell?” to Sebastian.

He continues.
 
“I borrowed Nick’s shirt last
week.
 
When I was at the gym on
Saturday, I got a bloody nose.
 
I
had the shirt in my gym bag, so I grabbed it to stop the bleeding.
 
I know I should have used a towel, but
this was the closest thing to me, so I grabbed it.
 
Then I think some of my Gatorade spilled on it or
something.”

My cousin’s got
talent.
 
I look to mom to see if
she’s buying his story.
 
She wipes
her eyes dry and says, “Oh, Sebastian, why didn’t you just tell me?
 
We could have soaked it and gotten the
stains out.
 
Now they are probably
set for good.”

I breathe a sigh of
relief.
 
My mom does not need to
know I was fighting.
 
After what
happened with Sebastian’s dad, she would be a nervous wreck.

His eyes dart to
mine.
 
“Sorry, man, I’ll buy you
another shirt.”

I smile,
grateful.
 
“That’s okay, dude.
 
It was old anyway.
 
No big deal.”

My mom takes the
shirt from Sebastian.
 
“Okay.
 
I’ll throw this back in the
trash.”
 
At the door, she turns
back to look at me.
 
“I’m sorry,
Nicolás.
 
I shouldn’t have assumed
you were in trouble.”

It makes me feel
like shit that we lied to her, but she’ll go ballistic if she knows the
truth.
 
Sebastian’s dad was a
fighter.
 
I know she worries that
Sebastian and I will turn out like him.
 
From what I know about his last year in San Antonio, Sebastian just
might.

“Thanks, man,” I
say to my cousin.
 
“You saved my
ass.”

He smiles a toothy
grin.
 
“You can pay me back
sometime.”

“Yeah, sure.”
 
Great.
 
I hate being in anyone’s debt.

The next few days
at school are torture.
 
Kendra
still hasn’t returned.
 
I try to
focus on my classes but keep finding myself doodling on my notepad instead of
taking notes.
 
Lexi finally appears
in Calculus on Thursday, but she is the last one to enter the classroom and the
first to leave.
 
She’s avoiding me
now too.

I haven’t had a
chance to be alone with Candace to ask her about Kendra.
 
I’ve tried various times to catch her
before lunch, but she always has Megan with her.
 
Ryan is back at school.
 
He doesn’t look at me, but whenever I see him, I stare him
down like a hungry dog, waiting for the perfect time to attack.
 
Sebastian keeps checking up on me.
 
I’m not sure if he is checking to see
that I’m okay, or if he is hunting for information about Kendra.
 
He seems awfully interested for barely
even knowing her.
 

When the next
weekend passes and I show up for class the next Monday, Kendra is still not
there.
 
I’m starting to get really
worried.
 
Maybe she’s so depressed
that her parents have her in a hospital somewhere.
 
Maybe Ryan got to her again, and she was hurt.
 
Maybe she’ll never come back, and I’ll
never know what happened to her.
 
I
can’t stand this.

When the bell rings
and Lexi jumps out of her seat to be the first out the door, my bag is already
packed.
 
I run to catch up with her
in the hallway.

“Lexi!” I call
after her.
 
Her pace quickens until
she’s almost running.
 
“Lexi,
stop!”
 
She doesn’t turn around,
and now some of the kids in the hallway are staring at me.
 
I don’t give a shit.
 
“Please!
 
Stop running!”

Finally, she slows
her stride, but she doesn’t turn around to face me.
 
I have a horrible knot in my stomach as I approach her.
 
What if she tells me something happened
to Kendra?
 
What if Lexi’s answers
are going to destroy me?

I walk around to
face her.
 
Her eyes are fixed to
the ground.
 
“Lexi, please.
 
I’m going crazy here.
 
I have to know about Kendra.
 
Is she alright?”

A single tear slips
from her eye and rolls down her cheek.
 
It must be worse than I thought.
 
Christ.
 
What’s happened to her?

I grip Lexi’s
shoulders and dip my head to look into her eyes.
 
My voice is almost a whisper.
 
“What happened, Lexi?
 
Please, just tell me.”

She raises her eyes
to meet mine.
 
They’re red and
watery, and it reminds me of that night at the party.
 
I’m not sure anymore if I want to hear what she has to say.

Her voice is
soft.
 
“I don’t know how she’s
doing.
 
She won’t talk to me.”

“What do you mean
you don’t know?”
 
My thoughts are
running in a hundred directions.
 
Why wouldn’t she be talking to her best friend?
 
This doesn’t make any sense.
 
“Lexi, please…”

She tries to hold
in a sob, but it erupts from her anyway.
 
She’s furiously wiping away the tears that are coming freely now.
 
“Nick, I can’t talk about this.
 
I have to get to class.”
 
She breaks into a full sprint to get
away from me.

I want to run after
her, but my feet don’t respond to my brain’s instruction.
 
I am paralyzed in the hallway.
 
Kids are hurrying to their classes all
around me, but I’m numb.
 
I can’t
do this anymore.
 
I need to see
Kendra.
 
I need to know she’s okay.