Waiting for Perfect (10 page)

Instead, she shakes
her head and says, “No, Nick.”

What does that
mean?
 
No, she didn’t hear what
people are saying about her?
 
No,
we don’t have to set them straight?
 
Again, I stand speechless.
 
There’s a rage in me for everything Kendra has been through, and I’m
afraid if I open my mouth again, it will all come spewing out.

Her hazel eyes are
staring through me.
 
She’s
beautiful.
 
I want to touch her
hair and pull her close to me.
 
I
want to make all her hurt go away.

She sighs.
 
I think she’s going to say something,
but she just spins around and starts walking away.
 
I want to stop her and tell her how sorry I am for
everything.
 
If I could turn back
time, I’d do it.
 
If I could fix
this for her, I would.
 
There are
still so many questions I want to ask.
 
There are a million things I want to say.
 
All I do instead is watch her leave.

When she gets past
the portables, she turns back around to face me.
 
I wonder if she’ll start scolding me again for fighting
Ryan.
 
Maybe she’ll yell at me for
even getting involved in the first place.
 
Maybe I’m just making everything harder for her.

She shouts across
the campus, so I can hear her.
 
“I
never told you thank you.
 
Thank
you, Nick.
 
For everything.”
 
With that, she turns and walks away.

SEBASTIAN

When I see my
dickhead cousin in the parking lot after school, I try to keep my cool.
 
I can’t believe Nick just left me with
those swim jocks at lunch.
 
I had
to endure an earful of what pussies we Venetos are.
 
I almost clocked Shanahan, but Mrs. Dunn walked in and broke
up our yelling match before it came to blows.
 
I guess it was for the best, but damn, it would have felt
good to punch that jerk.

“Thanks for
ditching me with Shanahan,” I say seriously.
 
“Don’t tell me you’re going chicken-shit on me, cuz.”
 
I know he left with Kendra, but we were
trying to defend her.
 
He should
have stayed to back me up.

I can tell he’s not
in the mood.
 
He heads for the
passenger side of the Mustang without a word.
 
When I sit down behind the wheel, he’s already got his
earphones in.
 
I wonder what
happened with him and Kendra.
 
Maybe she blew up at him for telling everyone what Ryan did to her.
 
Whatever the hell happened, Nick looks
like he was just kicked in the nut sack.

When we get home, I
run to our room and grab my gym bag.
 
All the bottled up adrenaline from lunch is going to make me explode if
I don’t get it out somehow.
 
Lifting weights and punching the bag seem like the perfect release.
 
Nick follows me upstairs and sits on
his bed.
 
He pulls the sketchbook
from his backpack and settles in against his headboard.
 
I don’t even say goodbye.

On the short drive
to the gym, I try to keep my anger focused on Shanahan and the swim jocks and
not on my cousin.
 
Sure, I’m a
little pissed that Nick ditched me at lunch, but what I’m really mad at is all
the ignorant people at our school who are so eager to believe the rumors
instead of wanting to learn the truth.
 
Kendra is in a shitty place with this mess.
 
I still wonder how the hell Nick and I ever got involved in
this.

When I get to the
gym, I head straight to the locker room to change into my shorts and
t-shirt.
 
The place is pretty dead,
and I’m glad.
 
I don’t feel like
dealing with anyone right now.
 
I
pull out my iPod and push the earphones into my ears before shoving my bag into
one of the lockers.

I’m stretching in
the free weights area before picking up the medicine ball for my warm-up.
 
Movement in the lobby draws my attention,
and when I glance up, I see a girl coming through the door – a girl whose
perfect legs I could never forget.
 
She is wearing a hot pink shirt and tiny white shorts that compliment
her tan legs beautifully.
 
Her hair
is pulled back into a messy ponytail.
 

I’ve never seen her
at this gym before.
 
My curiosity
gets the best of me, and after a full minute of watching her, I walk over to
where she’s just started on a treadmill.

Before she’s able
to get her earbuds in, I say, “Kendra, hey.”

She looks over at
me, and for a split second, I think I see disappointment in her eyes.
 
Once again, she blows my ego.
 
I wonder what she has against me
anyway.

“Oh,
Sebastian.
 
Hi.”
 
There’s not a trace of joy in her
tone.
 
“What are you doing here?”
she asks.

I try to muster up
confidence that is quickly waning.
 
“I was about to ask you the same thing.
 
I haven’t seen you here before.”
 
I take residence on the treadmill next to her and turn up
the pace to a nice jog.
 
I’d rather
be punching the bag, but I can run for a little while, talk to Kendra, make
sure she’s okay.

When she sees I’ve
started running, the disappointed look comes back.
 
I can tell she wants to be alone.
 
I get it.
 
I
usually work out alone too.
 
It
helps me clear my head.
 
I promise
myself I won’t stay long.
  
Five minutes of warm up.
 
That’s
all.

“It’s my first time
at this gym,” she says.
 
“I usually
go to the one by my house.”
 
A wave
of sadness passes over her face.
 
“But
that one is crowded.
 
Too many
people I know.”

She looks to me,
waiting to see if I understand.
 
I
do.
 
That’s why she is disappointed
to see me.
 
And here I am running
on the treadmill next to her.
 
Not
exactly what she’d hoped for, I’m sure.

I turn off the machine
and slow to a stop.
 
“I’m sorry.
 
I’ll get out of your way.
 
I didn’t mean to bother you.”

She looks confused
for a minute, and then she smiles.
 
“No.
 
It’s okay if you want
to stay.
 
It’s just…there are
certain people I’m trying to avoid.”
 
She follows quickly with, “But you’re not one of them.”

Music to my
ears.
 
I smile broadly, happy to
know she wants me to stay.
 
I’m
sure my dimple is on display because I see her eyes dart to it and quickly look
away again.
 

She hides a smile
and focuses on her treadmill panel to increase her speed.
 
I turn to mine and do the same.
 
We run slowly at first, neither of us
saying anything, just listening to our music.
 
After a few minutes of warm up, I increase my speed.
 
I notice Kendra do the same.
 
Another minute passes, and I increase
my speed further, until I’m running at about eighty percent of my max effort.
 
Again, Kendra quickens to keep my pace.

I glance at her,
but her eyes stay trained ahead.
 
I
smirk and turn back to my machine, increasing the speed until I’m pushing
myself to nearly a hundred percent.
 
My arms and legs are pumping furiously, and my breath is coming hard and
fast.
 
When I peek over at Kendra,
her eyes meet mine, and then narrow.
 
She realizes I’m challenging her.
 
She hits a button on her treadmill panel, and soon she’s running as fast
as me.

Both of us are
wildly swinging our arms, and our feet are flying beneath us.
 
I know I won’t be able to keep this
pace much longer – I can barely breathe as it is – but there’s no
way I’m going to let her beat me, so I keep going.

Over my music, I
can hear her panting, or maybe that’s me panting.
 
Sweat is rolling down my forehead, and I can’t even wipe it
away because I’ll probably lose momentum and end up flying off the machine.

I glance at her and
can see the strain on her face.
 
It
makes me feel a little better to know this is just as hard for her.
 
When she smiles at me, I wonder if
she’s about to give up.
 
Instead,
she clicks up the speed a few more times.
 
Is she serious?
 
Damn this
woman!
 
I know I can’t match her
pace, and since I’m about to puke from exertion, I decrease my speed until I
reach a slow jog.

Kendra flashes a
smug grin and decreases her speed as well.
 
When we’re both jogging comfortably, she removes an earbud
from her ear.
 
I do the same.
 
Before I can catch my breath enough to
congratulate her on a fair race, she surprises me by saying, “I’ve never run
that fast before.”
 

Huh?
 
Could have fooled me.
 
She looked like a freaking track star.

I smile my
concession, still panting.
 
“I must
bring out the best in you.”
 
It
sounds cocky, but I’m trying to hide the fact that this girl has once again
bruised my ego.
 
She’s getting
really good at that, by the way.
 
I
hit the off button on my treadmill, and her smile fades.

“Done already?” she
asks.

I step off the
machine and nod toward the weight room.
 
“I’m going to lift some weights for a while.”
 
When she doesn’t say anything, I add, “Oh, and thanks for
kicking my ass.
 
I’ll know who to
follow in the zombie apocalypse.
 
You could outrun anything.”

I start to walk
away, but she stops me with, “Unless I get turned first, of course.
 
Then you’re screwed.”
 
She smiles.
 
Even with bright red cheeks and sweaty hair, she’s beautiful
when she smiles.
 
My dimple shines
again with her comment, and I think I just might want to make this girl smile more.

KENDRA

Oh my, I’ve got
problems.
 
I swore I wasn’t going
to do this, but today I was actually attracted to Sebastian Veneto.
 
After one of the most terrible days of
my life, I go to the gym to forget about the dirty looks and whispers I
received at school, and who do I run into?
 
Sebastian Veneto.
 
Beautiful, not-a-care-in-the-world Sebastian Veneto.

I tried to stay
neutral.
 
I didn’t want to be the
stupid girl who giggles and flips her hair when a cute boy talks to her.
 
I was in such a shitty mood that I was
almost bummed to see him, but the sight of him sweating in his tight, white
t-shirt put me in a better mood.
 
Beating him on the treadmill put me in a great mood.
 
I’m not sure where all that energy came
from.
 
I’ve never pushed myself
that hard before.
 
Maybe a little
competition is good for me.

I jogged another
twenty minutes.
 
I could see him working
out in the weight room.
 
Even from twenty
yards away, I could appreciate the sight of his biceps stretching and enlarging
with each rep.
 
I nearly fell off
my treadmill when he pulled up the bottom of his shirt to wipe the sweat off
his forehead and flashed perfect, six-pack abs.
 
Being that good-looking is just not fair.
 
He knows he’s hot.
 
He’s cocky.
 
I’m sure he’s a player.
 
But he’s still damn nice to look at.

At home, I shove
thoughts of Sebastian out of my head to focus on Calculus homework.
 
But Calculus reminds me of the other
Veneto – the one that saved me from Ryan, the one that has fought him
twice for me.
 
The one with
penetrating eyes, kissable lips, piercings, and a tattoo down his left arm, who
is pretty damn beautiful in his own way.

There was a sadness
in Nick’s eyes when we were near the portables today.
 
I couldn’t even look at him.
 
I felt ashamed.
 
I don’t deserve his concern.
 
I got myself into this stupid mess with Ryan in the first place.
 
I sigh, trying to focus on the homework
laid out in front of me.

“Honey, it’s dinner
time!”
 
I hear my mom yell from
downstairs.
 
I slam my Calculus
book shut and head for the door.
 
I’m not really hungry, but I’ll make an appearance at dinner anyway.
 
Mom likes when we’re all together for
dinner.

Once, I went a week
without eating dinner with the family, and my mom took me to a doctor for
anorexia.
 
I was surprised she took
me to get checked out at all.
 
She’d probably be happy if I had anorexia.
 
Then my hips wouldn’t be so big.

When I get
downstairs, Marcus is already digging into his mashed potatoes.
 
I know if I put a heaping spoonful of
carb-loaded mashed potatoes on my plate, my mother would yell at me.
 
I choose chicken and salad instead.

We’re seated around
the table, and in between sips of wine, my mother says, “Kendra, how’s school
going?
 
I hope you didn’t miss too
much when you were sick last week.
 
Are you making a good impression?”

“Of course she is,”
Derrick answers.
 
“Our Kendra
always makes a good impression.”
 
He winks at me from across the table.
 
It makes me feel good when Derrick stands up for me.

While poking my
chicken with my fork, I smile back at him and then glance at my mother.
 
“I’m making some new friends,” I say,
thinking of the Veneto cousins and what an important part of my life they’ve
become in such a short time.

“That’s wonderful!
 
More votes for Prom Queen.
 
Good job, sweetheart.”
 
Her voice is sickeningly sweet and
filled with pretense.
 
She rubs her
hand over Marcus’ head.
 
“And you,
darling, how was your day at school?
 
Why don’t you tell everyone what happened to you today,” she suggests
proudly.

Marcus sets down
his fork and wipes a hand across his mouth to clean up remnant potatoes.
 
A big smile spreads across his
face.
 
He’s missing his left K9 and
has dirt on his cheeks from sweating on the schoolyard.
 
“Mrs. Baker gave me a red award
today.
 
The first one of the year!”

I remember when I
use to get excited over red awards, and the memory has me genuinely happy for
him.
 
“Nice!” I say.
 
“What did you get it for?”

He picks up his
fork again and resumes eating.
 
With a mouthful of potatoes, he says, “For reading quietly after I was
done with seatwork.”

I nod.
 
“That’s great, buddy.”

“It sure is!” my
mother exclaims.
 
“My little guy is
on his way to this year’s Gold Award.”
 
She takes a long draw off her wine glass, her eyes smiling over its rim.

My brother smiles
and playfully punches me in the arm.
 
“My first soccer game is this weekend.
 
Are you coming?”

I nod to him, but
before I can even open my mouth, my mother shouts, “Of course, Marcus!
 
We’re all going to be there, baby.
 
Front and center, ready to watch you
score.
 
I bet you’ll get even more
goals than last year.”

I never take my
eyes off my brother.
 
When my mom
finally shuts her trap, I say to him softly, “I wouldn’t miss it, kiddo.”
 
This seems to make him happy.

I requested the
afternoon shift at work this Saturday so that I could go to his game in the
morning.
 
Marcus really is an
excellent soccer player.
 
He’s good
at any sport, a natural athlete.
 
Unlike me.
 
I have no
natural talent.
 
I get decent
grades, but that’s about it.

I glance up and
catch Derrick staring at me.
 
He
raises one eyebrow, and I know it’s his way of checking if I’m okay.
 
He is fully aware of how overbearing my
mother can be.
 
I respond with a
frustrated smile and widen my eyes, sending the message, ‘See, I can still put
on my big girl face.’
 
I hear him
sigh before he returns to his chicken.

After dinner, I
finish Calculus, trying my hardest not to think about going back to school
tomorrow.
 
Today was hell, and I’m
not looking forward to more dirty looks and gossip.
 
I jump into bed and grab my phone off my nightstand.
 
There’s a message from Lexi.

Please talk to me.
 
I miss you.
 
I’m sorry.

It’s probably the
hundredth text message I’ve gotten from her over the last week and a half.
 
I still can’t bring myself to talk to
her.
 
I’m furious that she chose to
keep what happened to me a secret.
 
How do you not tell your best friend something like that?
 
It makes me wonder if we could ever go
back to being friends after this.

As I’m reaching for
my nightstand to turn out my light, there’s a knock at my door.
 
“Come in,” I say, leaving the light on.

Derrick opens the
door and peeks his head through.
 
He never comes in my room, and I suddenly wonder if something is wrong.

“Kendra, can I talk
to you for a minute?”

Oh boy.
 
I don’t like the sound of that.
 
“Sure,” I say.
 
When he sits at the edge of my bed, I
look at him expectantly.
 
“What’s
up?”

He gives a weak
attempt at a smile.
 
“Are you doing
okay?”

“Yeah,” I lie.
 
“Why?
 
Are you doing okay?”
 
Maybe if I turn the tables, he’ll stop asking me questions.

“You seem different
lately.
 
Did something happen at
school?”

I shake my
head.
 
“No.
 
Where is this coming from?
 
I’m fine, Derrick.”
 
I must not be faking it as well as I
thought I was.
 
I better try
harder.
 
I cannot let on that
something is wrong.

“Well, for one
thing, I haven’t seen Lexi around lately.
 
Did you girls get in a fight or something?”
 
He folds his arms across his chest, looking
uncomfortable.
 
I know he doesn’t
usually handle girl stuff, and I have to give him props for trying with me.

“Uh, yeah,
something like that.
 
It’s just
girl drama, you know?
 
I’m sure
we’ll get over it.”
 
I try to
chuckle for the full effect.
 
I
really want to curl up in a corner and cry.

His eyes narrow slightly
as he studies my face.
 
Finally, he
resigns.
 
“Okay.
 
Well, you know you can talk to me,
right?
 
Your mother…”

“I know.
 
My mother is a narcissist.”
 
I chuckle for real this time.

He does too.
 
“She’s a little concerned with
appearances.”

“Ha!” I blurt
out.
 
“She’s a
lot
concerned with appearances…her appearance, my appearance,
Marcus’ appearance – even your appearance, Derrick.”

“Well, then we’d
both better get to bed for more beauty sleep.”
 
He smiles a bright grin that touches his eyes.
 
“I mean it, Kendra.
 
If you ever need to talk, I’m always
here.
 
I know I’m not your real
dad, but I’ve known you forever, and I love you like my own daughter.
 
Don’t ever think I don’t.”

I don’t know where
all this is coming from.
 
He’s
never told me this before.
 
I’ve
always felt loved by Derrick, but this verbal expression of emotion is
new.
 
“I know,” I tell him.
 
“I love you, too.”

He reaches for my
hand and squeezes it tightly, giving me a sympathetic smile.
  
Then, he lets go and stands to
leave.
 
When the door closes behind
him, I roll over and turn off my light.
 
The impromptu bonding session with Derrick makes me feel uneasy.
 
I’m not used to my parents giving me
much attention.
 
I don’t quite know
how to feel about it.
 
Maybe I
could
talk to Derrick about what
happened.
 
Maybe he could tell me
what to do.

No.
 
That will never happen.
 
I can’t tell him.
 
I want this nightmare behind me.
 
I’ll just have to deal with this
myself.