Waiting for Perfect (30 page)

SEBASTIAN

I
know what you’re probably thinking.
 
I’m a dick cousin.
 
I knew
Nick liked Kendra, and I still went after her.
 
That probably violates some bro code or something, but you
know what they say.
 
All is fair in
love and war.

Kendra
got to me right from the start.
 
She is different than other girls.
 
She is smart, funny, and not to mention absolutely gorgeous.
 
She isn’t a phony.
 
And in Orange County, that’s
refreshing.
 
It threw me off my
game.
 
It made me want her.
  
I didn’t even know Nick liked her
until last night.
 
And it was
me
that she kissed.
 
That’s not my fault, right?

And
damn, it felt good to finally kiss her.
 
The setting was less than ideal, but the weeks of want were finally
satisfied the second she pressed those plump, pink lips against mine.
 
I couldn’t keep my hands off her
– that is, until I saw my cousin staring at us.

I
know I said all’s fair, blah, blah, blah, but seeing the look on his face in
that instant nearly killed me.
 
I
don’t think I realized before that moment how in love with her he really is.
 
Then, minutes ago, he hammered a steel
nail through my heart.
 
He called
me out on the kind of guy I am, the player, the jerk – the guy I prided
myself on being in San Antonio but am trying so hard to change in
California.
 
But then again I did
enjoy grinding against Emma at Jeff’s party a month ago, and I did kiss Megan
in the parking lot at school yesterday.
 
Shit.
 
Have I even really
changed at all?

Nick
storms out of the music room, leaving me alone with my thoughts of
self-doubt.
 
He laid into me
hard.
 
He swears I will hurt her,
and he vows to be the one to pick up the pieces after I do.
 
He says he’s the better man, and you
know what?
 
He probably is.
 
He’s kind and respectful.
 
There was a time I thought he was a
pussy, but he sure as hell proved me wrong when he kicked Ryan Morgan’s
ass.
 
Sure, he’s a little weird
with all his piercings and long hair, but he’s a good guy.
 
He’s better than me.

What
the hell am I doing?
 
The guy
obviously loves her.
 
A part of me
knows she’d probably be better off with Nick, but I can’t seem to stay away
from her.
 
I want Kendra, and I’m
used to getting what I want.

Nick
avoids me the rest of the day.
 
I
don’t blame him.
 
I don’t even try
to talk to him, knowing that right now, there’s nothing I can say to make this
better.
 
At home that night, I stay
in the living room until well past eleven, letting him have his bedroom to
himself.
 
I know we need the space.

As
I’m lying in bed in the dark, I think of Nick going to meet Ryan by himself
this morning.
 
It was a bonehead
move on his part.
 
He should have
told me so that I could have backed him up if Ryan and his friends had planned
to jump him.
 
God knows Nick has it
coming.
 
Maybe Ryan’s lawsuit is
all the retaliation we should expect.
 
He’s too much of a chickenshit to fight back.

My
thoughts drift to Kendra and the taste of her tongue on mine.
 
Her body fit perfectly under my rough
hands, and I imagine all the places I’d like to touch her.
 
I replay the whole scene in my mind
over and over again until my thoughts go dirty, and we’re doing a lot more than
just kissing on the side of the 900 Building.

I
still wonder what Ryan did to make her cry.
 
She never really told me.
 
She said she saw him.
 
He obviously scared her.
 
The look in her eyes when she was running toward me was pure fear.

Nick
mumbles something in his sleep, and I try to decipher what he’s saying.
 
He’s probably yelling at me in his
dreams.
 
I know he’s crazy about
Kendra, but I’m crazy about her too.
 
I have never felt this for any girl before.
 
She actually makes me nervous.
 
I’m never nervous around girls, and here comes Kendra Voss,
and I’m drooling like a puppy dog.
 
Obviously, she feels something for me, or she wouldn’t have kissed me
today.

Why
shouldn’t I be happy?
 
Why
shouldn’t I be the one to make Kendra happy?
 
She’s a jewel to be treasured.
 
I know that.
 
And I know I don’t have the best track record for treasuring
a woman, but Kendra’s different.
 
She demands respect.
 
Someone
would be a fool not to give it to her.
 
I do respect her, more than any other girl I’ve ever met.
 
I can do this.
 
I can be the one to respect her, to
treasure her.
 
I can be that
man.
 
I know it.
 
And Nick?
 
He’ll be fine.
 
He’ll get over this.
 
When
he sees how much Kendra and I mean to each other, he’ll be okay.

I
toss and turn all night, trying to convince myself that I deserve to be happy
with a good woman and that doing so won’t destroy my relationship with my
cousin.
 
I awake tired and groggy,
but I’m finally convinced that Kendra and I are perfect for each other.
 
And I plan to tell her so as soon as I
see her today.

I’m
surprised to see that Nick’s bed is empty.
 
I’m usually up before him.
 
I take a shower and head down for a quick breakfast.
 
Nick is nowhere in sight, which makes
me think he already got a ride to school.
 
He’s trying really hard to avoid me.
 
That’s fine with me.
 
I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to talk right now.

Morning
classes are relatively uneventful.
 
At lunch, I jet to the quad.
 
I haven’t seen Kendra all day, and I’m having withdrawals.
 
How the hell did I get so whipped
anyway?

When
I enter the quad, it is chaotic and noisy like usual.
 
I walk directly toward Kendra’s table, knowing she’ll be
there with her girls and not giving a damn if I’m interrupting.

Candace
is the first to spot me.
 
She looks
in my direction and elbows Kendra to get her attention.
 
Kendra pops her head up and smiles once
she sees me.
 
I’m glad she’s
smiling.
 
I wasn’t sure what it
would be like between us after the whole fiasco in the music room yesterday.

“Hi
ladies,” I say smoothly when I’m at their table.

Kendra
doesn’t take her eyes off me, and I love it.
 
“Hi Sebastian,” she says through a wide grin.
 
I’m happy to see her drooling like a
puppy dog too.
 
My ego rejoices
knowing I’m not the only one feeling this connection.

“Hi
Sebastian,” the other girls say in unison.
 
Megan looks pissed, but I guess that’s to be expected.
 
I’m sure she had some sort of claim on
me with her friends and is realizing fast that she’s losing it.

“Hey,
Kendra.
 
Can I talk to you for a
second?”
 
My nerves suddenly hit
me.
 
I don’t think she’ll reject
me, but I never know with this girl.

She
blushes and lowers her face to try to hide it from me.
 
It’s just about the cutest thing I’ve
ever seen.
 
Apparently, she, like
me, doesn’t quite know what to do with this chemistry between us.

“Yeah,”
she says, pulling her long legs out from under the lunch table.

I
can’t take my eyes off her.
 
It’s
like now that I’ve allowed myself to think I can actually be a good man for
this girl, my soul is crying out for her.
 
I wasn’t confident that I wouldn’t hurt her, but after my little pep
talk with myself in bed last night, I feel like I can really do this.
 
I can be a one-woman man.
 
I know I can be, because the only woman
I want is the one standing in front of me.

My
body shifts to face the girls, but my eyes don’t leave Kendra’s.
 
“Ladies,” I nod, ever the gentleman.

I
see them smirk out of the corner of my eye.
 
I can’t seem to unglue my vision from Kendra.
 
Her blush has faded.
 
The way she’s looking back at me tells
me she wants this as much as I do.

I
place my hand gently on her lower back and lead her outside the quad to our
spot from yesterday – the spot that will forever be
our
spot because that’s where she kissed me for the first
time.
 
And what makes it even more
special is that
she
kissed
me
.
 
She smiles as I sit her down on the square of cement where
we made out.

“So,”
she says, “what did you want to talk to me about?”

I
sit next to her and take her hand in mine.
 
She doesn’t object.
 
Instead, she interlaces her fingers in mine and stares at our clasped
hands.
 
By instinct, I take them up
to my mouth and brush the back of her hand against my lips.
 
She smells like strawberries.
 
I’m learning to crave her scent.
 
I want to be smothered by it.

She
gives me a look that I can only describe as desire.
 
I know we both want a replay of this exact moment from
yesterday, but in all honesty, that’s not why I brought her out here.

I
take a deep breath, trying to fight the nerves that are rolling around in my
stomach and creeping up my spine.
 
Before I can chicken out, I blurt out, “I want you to be mine, Kendra.”

Jesus.
 
Way to scare her off, asshole
.
 

That
came out all wrong.
 
The sound of
possession in my tone will be a total turnoff for her.
 
She’ll probably stand up and run.
 
She seems to know about my reputation
in San Antonio, and my stupid exclamation proves the fact that I’m used to
taking what I want.

I
try to correct myself immediately.
 
“I mean… I want to be with you.
 
I…” I run a hand through my hair nervously.
 
I’m royally messing this up.
 
I don’t know why I’m freaking out so badly.
 
I’ve said this before to a lot of
chicks, but this is different.
 
This is Kendra Voss.
 
This
time, I mean it.

While
I’m about to have a nervous breakdown, I glance at Kendra and notice she’s
laughing.
 
She’s totally laughing
at me.
 
What the hell?
 
My precious ego is reduced to a pile of
ash.

Maybe
she doesn’t feel the same way I do.
 
She’s laughing at my attempt to ask her out.
 
I’m just about to give up and walk back to the quad.
 
My eyebrows crunch in, and I release
her hand, making a move to stand.

Just
when I start moving, she pulls me back, grabbing my hand and intertwining our
fingers.
 
“Hey!” she says, still
smiling.
 
“Where do you think
you’re going?
 
You haven’t finished
asking me out yet.”

I
lean in closer to her.
 
“You…you
were laughing.
 
I just thought…” I
stumble over my words, trying to hide my bruised ego.

Her
smile fades and is replaced by the most beautifully sexy look I’ve ever
seen.
 
She pulls our hands to her
lips and kisses each of my knuckles one by one, keeping her eyes on mine.
 
Then she scoots closer to me.
 
I can see the flecks of green in her
hazel eyes.
 
I can see my
reflection in them.

“Sebastian,”
she says in all seriousness.
 
“I
want you too.”

Damn
this girl.
 
She’ll be the death of
me.
 
I take her arms and wrap them
around my neck.
 
Then I kiss her
– hard.
 
I devour her with my
tongue, my lips, my hands.
 
I want
her to feel that I am hers.
 
Every
part of me is hers.