Touch Me There (7 page)

Although the clitoris is often regarded as the female’s equivalent of the male penis, this notion is not wholly correct and is, in fact, sexist. Unlike the penis, the clitoris has no reproductive or urinary function, and it does not lengthen nearly in the same way as a penis, despite becoming en- gorged with blood when stimulated. The clitoris and penis do, however, stem from the same embryological tissues. So if we’re going to equate body parts, perhaps we should say that the penis is the equivalent of the fe- male’s clitoris, non?

Clitoral Orgasm

The
clitoral orgasm
, characterized by involuntary rhythmic contrac- tions of the pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle), is wildly popular. This is because about 90 percent of women can have an orgasm from direct cli- toral stimulation. Also known as the
vulvic
or
vulval orgasm,
it is con- sidered the most reliable, easily obtainable, and most insatiable of the fe- male orgasms, especially since it often produces multiple orgasms. This is because the clitoral orgasm is triggered by the body’s pudendal nerve and because the clitoris is centrally attached to the urethra and vagina. These three areas together form a tissue cluster that researchers believe is central to female sexual function and orgasm. It is also believed that the repeated stimulation of the glans clitoris evokes a uterine reflex response, known as the clitorouterine reflex, which is yet another component of a woman’s sexual response. Thus, it is no wonder that clitoral orgasms create the most sensation in the lower one-third of a woman’s vagina.

The practice of reflexology sees the clitoris as corresponding to the kidneys and bladder. Stimulating the clitoral area excessively is said to tax the kidneys, possibly causing water retention, bladder infection, or weight problems.

Clitoral Myths and Misconceptions

Myth: Masturbation causes the clitoris to enlarge.

Although the clitoris may temporarily become larger when stimulated, masturbation does not cause permanent clitoral enlargement.

Myth: A larger clitoris makes for more intense sexual arousal.

A clitoris is highly erogenous no matter what its size.

Myth: Only neurotic women have clitoral orgasms.

Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud was wrong when he said clitoral stimula- tion is for adolescent girls and that only mature women learn to transfer erotic sensations to the vagina. Every woman, of every age and maturity level, has the potential to enjoy clitoral orgasm.

Myth: All women respond to clitoral stimulation.

While the overwhelming majority of women enjoy clitoral stimulation and orgasm, not every woman will find it a hot spot, and a woman should not be made to feel less of a woman or less sexual if this is true for her.

Myth: Clitoral piercings make for more orgasmic sex.

If you’re considering getting a clitoral hood piercing, know that research has found
no
dramatic difference in orgasmic functioning in women who have one. There is a positive relationship, however, between a vertical cli- toral-hood piercing and the woman’s sexual desire, frequency of inter- course, and arousal.

Clitoral Stimulation

Playing with the clitoris is often the key to any satisfying sexual romp. If it is bypassed during foreplay, the chances of a woman attaining climax are not nearly as great. Before going right for the clitoris, however, it’s impor- tant to know a couple of things. First, make sure you know the rules of cli- toral play (see below). And second, seduce the clitoris. A lover should never just home in on the clit and go to town. Like a good meal, the main course is always a little tastier when you’re hungry for it. While clitoral play is often a form of foreplay, a woman’s whole anatomy usually needs a little warm-up before the clitoris is able to offer its treasures. Working the entire vulval area before concentrating on any part, especially the clitoris, makes for a much better, body-tingling sexual experience—and response! Whether it’s your own vulva or somebody else’s, start by placing your hand over the genitals, your fingers pointed toward the woman’s back- side. Massage the entire area, pulling your hand up toward the belly, then pressing on the mons pubis as you push back down. This motion provides

indirect sensations to the clitoris. Start out slowly and gently, steadily get- ting faster and faster and applying more and more pressure. A woman will enjoy the heat produced by this action. After a while, let your fingers start to wander. Apply pressure with your fingertips to each area as you explore, saving the clitoris for last. Then, lightly tickle the clitoris, pressing your fingers intermittently on the surrounding areas, before you work your magic with your fingers or tongue while performing the exercises that ap- pear on the following pages.

Rules for Clitoral Play

• Take care that your nails have been trimmed, leaving no hangnails or rough edges.
  
• Make sure you’re stimulating the right part (not the urethral opening).
  
• Although steady rhythm is effective, don’t rub this hot spot like you’re trying to remove a stain. Experiment with different types of fondling, realizing that different touches may feel good at different times and from one sexual experience to the next.
  
• Make sure you use plenty of lubricant. The vagina often doesn’t pro- duce enough natural lubrication, especially around the clitoral area. Working a dry clitoris, especially over a long period of time, can make it feel raw, irritated, and even sore. Having a tube of water-based As- troglide or silicone-based Eros handy, or even using your own spit, will help to keep things smooth and comfortable. Baby oil or petro- leum jelly are also options, but be aware that the oil in these prod- ucts can cause both latex condoms and dental dams to deteriorate.
  
• Be careful not to apply too much direct pressure to the clitoris, since this can cause pain or irritation in some states of arousal. You may need to ease off every now and then. Sometimes indirect stimulation is much more pleasurable, so try rubbing the sides of the clitoris and the inner lips instead.
  
• Communicate with your partner! Every woman is different. What may have worked for one may not work for another, and only your lover can tell you what feels good or painful. This will be especially
  

  important as she experiences more intense sensations and moves closer to the Big O, a time when direct pressure on the clitoris may become too much.
  

• Communicate with yourself! Get to know your clitoris. Make sure you’re familiar with what turns you on and what kinds of pressure, stimulation, and sensations your clitoris likes, so you can share the info with your lover. Also, be sure to make a date with your clitoris on more than one occasion. What you find you enjoy when you’re tired may be totally different from what strikes a special chord when you’re already sexually charged, so it’s good to know what your body likes under different circumstances. Having this knowledge makes it easier for you to teach your lover about your body and your needs.
  
• If it’s your clitoris, don’t get too caught up in yourself at the expense of missing out on your lover’s reactions to turning you on. Many partners find clitoral play highly arousing, sometimes so much so that it brings them to the point of orgasm themselves! So enjoy watching your adored one smiling, glowing, concentrating on, and basking in—simply spellbound by—the joys of clitoral wonder.
  

Give a little demonstration of what feels good. As you do so, ask your partner to cup their hand over yours in order to feel your rhythm, energy, and motions. As you eventually allow your lover to take over, don’t be afraid to guide the hand motion, all the while offering affirmative or con- structive feedback, saying, for example, “I like your rhythm, but now I need just a little more pressure.”