Touch Me There (28 page)

• Earthy, pungent
  patchouli
  relieves stress, increases sexual energy, and clears distracting thoughts.
  
• Ginger
  promotes circulation, increases body warmth, and stimulates sexual interest and energy.
  
• Jasmine,
  associated with the third-eye chakra, can enhance romantic feelings and increase sexual interest and energy.
  
• Peppermint
  promotes circulation.
  
• Ylang ylang,
  which comes from a tropical Asian flower, has euphoric, aphrodisiac qualities, increasing blood pressure as well as sexual in- terest and energy.
  

Other great scents include white musk (the crown chakra’s scent), or- ange blossom (the sacral chakra’s scent), rose (the heart chakra’s scent), carnation, amber, cinnamon, sage, sandalwood, eucalyptus, wood, mint, floral, neroli, cedarwood, and vanilla. Smells that have been found to in- crease penile blood flow in particular include freshly baked cinnamon buns, a combination of fresh doughnuts and pumpkin pie or licorice, and a combination of lavender, pumpkin, cinnamon, and nutmeg, so you might want to consider what you have for breakfast.

Know that you don’t always need these specific scents to get things going in terms of aroma. You can spice things up by blindfolding your partner and stimulating the nose with handier fragrances, ones you might have around the house, such as red wine, orange peels, and chocolate. Even easier, use each other’s body smells. Try closing your eyes and letting your nose lead you, breathing in the different arousing scents your lover’s body produces around the armpits, on the scalp, and near the groin. Have your love do the same to you.

Whether or not you have had sex, get under the covers and simply breathe, enjoying whatever smells await you. Fresh, clean sheets will have an invigorating effect, while sheets that have seen some sleep and/or sex action are likelier to offer up familiar scents that are calming and stimulat- ing—that is, if you like your partner’s scent. Smelling your partner’s hair, scalp, neck, and face can also be a turn-on that reinforces your bond with your lover. (However, a smell that’s a turn-off may make you want to re- consider the relationship.)

As you massage your lover’s head, neck, and shoulders, use the power of smell to further enhance your seduction and relaxation efforts, particu- larly by using a lotion or shampoo containing any of the scents listed above.

Since breathing fully and deeply is such an important component of better sex, practice the following exercise on a regular basis, with or with- out your partner, to get more in tune with your breath and to better con- trol it during any kind of lovemaking.

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EXERCISE 9.7:
Tuning In to Your Breath

1. Sit tall in a comfortable, cross-legged position.
   
2. Place your right hand lightly over your heart and your left hand over your abdomen.
   
3. If it helps, close your eyes.
   
4. Breathe in steadily, feeling fresh air enter your nostrils.
   
5. In your mind, follow this breath down into your chest and belly.
   
6. Breathe out through your nose, feeling the warmth of the air leaving your nostrils.
   
7. Repeat the breath, only this time feeling the rise and fall of your body against your hands.
   
8. Inhale slowly for five counts, letting the breath sink deeply into your lower belly and chest.
   
9. Hold your inhalation for five counts.
   
10. Exhale slowly for five counts.
    
11. Hold your breath out for five counts.
    
12. Repeat until you find yourself able to do this comfortably and with- out distraction.
    

Results: Practicing conscious breathing on a regular basis will help you to breathe more fully during sex, allowing you to immerse yourself in the experience as you channel the breath to energize your body and spread your orgasmic response. Breathing also increases your sensual awareness and pleasure, fortifies your sexual reproductive system, opens your heart, stabilizes your emotional intimacy, enhances your vigor, and makes you present in the moment, enabling you to give and receive more fully.

When focusing on your breath—or when refocusing on it if your mind strays—silently say the following to yourself:

im
“It is the breath that brings me vitality.”

im
(As you inhale) “My inhalation nourishes and energizes my body.”

im
(As you exhale) “I am purified.”

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EXERCISE 9.8:
Breathing Your Way to O

Given the role of breath in climax, try this breathing technique during sex to produce a bigger, more intense orgasm: Inhale deeply and steadily through your nose. Imagine the air filling every part of your body, energiz- ing every cell. Then, exhale as slowly as you can through your mouth. Continue to take these long breaths as your heart rate gets faster and sex play becomes more charged, till you explode with an ethereal orgasm.

Lips

The lips are among the body’s most sensitive spots since the mucous membranes that comprise them have a dense supply of nerve endings; specifically, touch and pressure receptors. Since the skin of the lips is very thin, these nerves lie close to the surface, making them more responsive to stimulation. As we become increasingly aroused, our lips become more fully engorged with blood, further heightening sensitivity. Sexual reflexol- ogy teaches that in deep (otherwise known as soul or French) kissing, the tongue reflects and connects lovers’ hearts via each partner’s Functional and Governor channels, creating a complete circuit of energy flow.

Most humans love being kissed. Our brain pays nearly twice as much attention to the lips as it does to the genitals. Consider how often you un- consciously lick or bite your lips as you’re thinking. Think about what a tease it is when somebody kisses you all over—how good the wetness, suc- tion, and pressure feel. Think about how tantalizing
not
being kissed can be, especially when your love purposefully avoids your lips, kissing every other part of your face and neck in order to build anticipation. Think about how amazing it feels to receive an incredible kiss versus a mediocre one and how much this can play into your decision to want to go farther physically with a potential lover.

It is important to always give good attention to the act of kissing since it is one of the top ways to get turned on. Since some couples neglect this type of sex play after being together for a while, strive to pucker up while you’re working your other moves (e.g., as you run your hands all over your partner’s body) in order to take things up a level. Make sure you mix up

your kissing techniques every time you embrace, depending on the mood. Plunging straight into the mouth with your tongue may have its mo- ments, but it gets really old if that’s all you do. Vary the intensity of your kisses, making them sometimes gentle and grazing, sometimes lip-lock passionate. Take turns being the active and passive kisser.

According to Eastern thought, the lips are related to the genitals. Tantric teachings hold that a nerve-like connection exists between a woman’s upper lip and her clitoris. When she’s kissed, the sensations run along the channel from her lip through her body to her clit. Having her vi- sualize this flow of sexual energy during the kiss will help to enhance these sensations even more fully. Likewise, orally caressing her clitoris sends sensations through her body to her upper lip. By licking and sucking the lips of her mouth, you can stimulate her sexual organs. If you keep this in mind while you’re kissing, your movements may take on a whole new life. Visualize how the various ways you use your mouth are actually stir- ring your lover’s loins. Lick your partner’s lips as though you were lapping whipped cream out of a mug of hot chocolate, or lick your lover’s lower lip softly and then suck it into your mouth. When you move to French kiss- ing, open your mouths together, but don’t swap tongues right away. Pause in order to relish the anticipation. Cradle your lover’s head as you finally