Touch Me There (27 page)

To wrap up your exploration efforts, first rub your hands together to create warmth. Sit behind your partner, perhaps with their head in your lap, and then lay a hand over each closed eyelid, cupping the area for a couple of minutes. This act of tenderness will feel amazing to your part- ner. Seal your efforts with a kiss in the middle of your lover’s forehead.

When you practice this exercise another time, make it memorable by creating different sensations. Instead of producing warmth with your hands to end the experience, use an eye pillow, eye mask, eye cream, or eye gel (L’Occitane makes a good one for producing an awakening effect). Any such activities will relieve tired eyes and tension and leave your partner feeling revived and much friskier!

The Eyes

Sight plays an enormous role in arousal and attraction, whether you’re eyeing your partner or other erotic stimuli. When people first fall in love, they spend oodles of time gazing into each other’s eyes. Considered by many, particularly those involved in Chinese medicine, to be the windows to the soul, the eyes signal sexual interest and love. This is one of the rea- sons why tantric sex is very much about maintaining eye contact with your lover during lovemaking as a way to stay connected and feed each other energy. Try to stay mindful of the role of the eyes as a hot spot so you won’t take them for granted when engaging in sex play.

Since the eyes are so central to the processing of erotic stimulation, cover- ing them often makes sex play that much more exciting. Blindfolded lovers feel enjoyably vulnerable and titillated because the rest of their senses come to life. What a person can’t see can become more arousing than what can be seen because it creates an exciting unknown (as well as pro- viding a great way to fantasize about the unknown!). Also, the partner without the blindfold gets off on the power they hold over the helpless one as they see their partner in a whole new light. Don’t be afraid to give the exercises and activities described in this book an entirely different flavor by using a blindfold. On occasion, try an activity with both partners blindfolded or make it an Arabian night: Wrap a scarf around your face so that it covers the lower half. Seeing only your eyes makes you mysteri- ous; it can be like having sex with a totally different person!

Although valuable for new lovers, the following exercise is especially important if you and your partner need to reconnect, or if your passionate love has cooled, or if you want to rediscover how you used to turn each

other on. Known as soul gazing, this practice transmits a wealth of sexual energy between lovers; some people attain orgasm simply by gazing at their beloved.

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EXERCISE 9.6:
Soul Gazing

1. Standing or sitting, face your partner and gaze softly into each other’s eyes. Make sure that your bodies are aligned.
   
2. Pay more attention to your partner’s left eye, which in tantric prac- tice is considered the receiving eye.
   
3. Stay relaxed, and blink as you need to. Don’t stare intensely.
   
4. Feel yourself melting more deeply into the union between the two of you.
   
5. Remain conscious of whatever feelings surface while being careful not to get distracted by any one thought.
   
6. Tune in to your body’s reactions, and try to remain relaxed and com- fortable.
   
7. Continue for as long as both of you want to.
   

EXERCISE 9.6: Soul gazing

You can vary this activity by putting one hand on your partner’s face as their right hand rests on your heart, and by placing your other hand on your left thigh. The next time you’re intimate, try to maintain this type of soul gazing during thrusting, if the position allows it. The results will be explosive.

Results: This exercise builds trust, promotes relaxation, and helps lov- ers to merge.

We could devote an entire book to visual sexual stimulation. Scores of works already address the topics of erotic art, pornography, and the like. You can use any number of visual stimuli to get turned on—for example, sex flicks, literary lesbian erotica, etc.—but we’re going to focus here on the importance of color. The next time you don lingerie or buy silky bed sheets or paint your bedroom or change your lightbulbs, consider incor- porating the following colors to totally pump up the titillation factor:

• Lavender
  signifies fantasy, romance, and imagination
  
• Pink
  is linked to commitment, compassion, and companionship
  
• Purple
  is all about passion and spirituality (and is related to the crown chakra)
  
• Red
  screams pleasure and vigor (and represents the root and heart chakras)
  

Envisioning these colors as you make love will trigger emotional reac- tions that will bring you even more into the moment.

Give new meaning to keeping the lights on during sex. Grab a flashlight, get under the covers, and have fun exploring each other. Shining a spot- light on your own and your lover’s most precious parts is one way to show off your bodies and see them in a whole new light—literally.

The Nose

The nose is a major source of eroticism for a number of overlooked rea- sons beyond its role in smell. First, the nose is central to tantric practice because it’s the entrance to the breath, the life force known as
prana.

Fully and deeply filling your lungs with breath during intimacy allows your body to relax, calms your body when it is stressed and tense, and helps you to better focus your mind; plus, it enhances your senses and mood and energizes your body. All of this leads to more satisfying sex.

Second, the tip of the nose is believed to hold great energy potential. According to tantric practice, it lies on the meridian that connects to the root chakra. Touching it sends energy flowing through that meridian, revi- talizing the base of the pelvic area. If you trace your lover’s meridian path from the tip of the nose down along the front of the abdomen to the root chakra and then back to the nose, you create a total energy circuit that awakens sexual desire. Give it a try!

Third, while odors can turn a lover on—or off—they do something equally important. They leave an association imprint in your memory. If a specific event is associated with a certain smell, when reencountering that smell, a person is more likely to recall not only the event, but also, just as importantly, the feelings that went along with it.

Aromatherapy, the use of essential oils to trigger specific effects or re- sults, is especially effective at helping people to associate luscious smells with erotic moments. Certain scents are valuable in increasing attraction and enhancing sex play. If you use essential oils (oils that give plants their characteristic fragrance or flavor), incense, scented candles, massage oils, or scented soaps in your boudoir, give special consideration to the follow- ing fragrances, especially those that correspond with the chakras (see Chapter 1):