Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck (22 page)

6
Serve hot or at room temperature with the cucumber sticks and peanut dipping sauce on the side.

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All-purpose, whole wheat, or brown rice flour all work here. Use what you got
.

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Olive oil, coconut oil, or grapeseed oil are cool
.

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*
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If you like it hot, go for the
2
⁄
3
cup
.

PEACH-MINT SUN TEA

If you make this refreshing motherfucker when peaches are at their peak, you won’t need to sweeten it at all.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 PEOPLE OR 1 THIRSTY MOTHERFUCKER

4 cups cold water

4 bags of your favorite black tea

2 ripe peaches, peeled (or not) and chopped into chunks

2 tablespoons lemon juice

10 mint leaves, plus mint sprigs for garnish

2 teaspoons agave or maple syrup (optional
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)

Ice

1
Place the water and tea bags in a large container with a lid and set that fucker in the sun for 3 to 5 hours. No sunny spots where you stay? Just throw it in the fridge or leave it on the counter; it will still work.

2
Once the tea has steeped, get to making your drinks. Throw the peaches in a blender with the lemon juice, mint, and agave (if using). Add the tea and run that shit until everything is mixed and there aren’t any peach chunks flying around. Taste and add more sweetener if you need it.

3
Pour over ice and serve with a sprig of mint in each glass. If you have a porch, go out there and enjoy this shit while you judge the neighbors.

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Only add this if your peaches aren’t super ripe
.

WATERMELON
HIBISCUS COOLERS

Sip on this ice-cold glass and tell the summer sun to knock off that triple digit bullshit.

MAKES 4 GLASSES

6 cups cubed watermelon
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1½ cups brewed hibiscus tea, cooled
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Juice of 1 lime

2 to 3 teaspoons agave syrup or your favorite liquid sweetener

1
Throw the watermelon on a rimmed baking sheet and put it in the freezer for at least 1 hour.

2
When the watermelon is nice and frozen, add it to a blender with the rest of the ingredients. Blend that all up until it is smooth. Taste and add more sweetener if you think it needs it.

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Seedless is ideal, but a couple of big seeds aren’t a deal breaker
.

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You could sub ¼ cup of this with some tequila if you want to party
.

GINGER-LIME
SPARKLERS

No need to sit on your ass waiting around for syrups to boil and cool. You can have this fizzy ginger limeade ready in less than 5 minutes. Take your thirst from parched to quenched in no time. The tiny umbrellas are optional.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4

1 lime, cut into small wedges

1½ tablespoons minced fresh peeled ginger

3 tablespoons sugar or agave syrup

2 cups water

3 cups tonic water

1
Grab your blender and throw the lime wedges, ginger, sugar, and 1 cup of the water right in. Yeah, the whole fucking lime, rind and everything. Just have some faith. Now run that shit on high for about 1 minute so the lime is chopped up as much as possible and that sugar gets to break down.

2
Place a fine-mesh sieve or some cheesecloth over a pitcher and strain everything from the blender right in. Throw away the strained pulp. Add the remaining 1 cup water and stir.

3
Now if you want to make a whole pitcher, just add the tonic water and kick back. But if you’re making these motherfuckers by the glass, you’ll want about ¾ cup tonic water for every ½ cup of lime mix. Done and done. And if you’re thinking of adding a shot or 2 of gin or vodka, that shit would certainly help you relax.

BLENDED
EARL GREY LATTES

Maybe you want some tea, but it’s just too goddamn hot outside for all that. Well, keep a jar of this shit in the back of your fridge for whenever you need a creamy caffeinated cool down. The tea mix will keep in the fridge for at least a week.

MAKES 2 TALL DRINKS

2 cups vanilla almond milk

½ cup water

4 bags Earl Grey tea
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1 to 2 teaspoons maple syrup or agave syrup (to taste)

2 cups ice cubes (about 12 cubes)

½ banana, cut into chunks and frozen
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1
In a small saucepan, heat the almond milk and water over medium heat until it starts to bubble around the edges. Turn off the heat and add the tea bags. Let them steep for 10 minutes while you do something incredibly unproductive. If you let the tea steep too long it could taste bitter, so set a fucking timer. Take the bags out and stick all that in the fridge to cool down for at least 1½ hours.

2
When you’re ready to drink, add the maple syrup, ice, banana, and tea mix to a blender and run until it is smooth.

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Honestly you can use chai, yerba maté, peppermint, whateverthefuck tea you like to drink. Go crazy
.

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This sweetens it up and helps it get creamy. It’s a good idea to keep a bag of peeled, frozen banana chunks in the freezer for moments like this
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CREAMY HORCHATA

Almonds and rice team up to make this frosted drink creamy as fuck. Pour yourself a glass, put your feet up, and let your work wait while you chill out.

MAKES ABOUT 4 GLASSES

1 cup uncooked long-grain brown rice
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2
⁄
3
cup raw almonds

3-inch cinnamon stick

4 cups water

1 tablespoon agave syrup or maple syrup
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Ice or water

Ground cinnamon

1
Rinse the rice well under cool water. Throw it in a large container with a lid and add the almonds, cinnamon stick, and water. Let this all soak together overnight or for at least 8 hours.

2
When that soaking is done, dump the whole deal in your blender, water and all, add the agave, and blend that mess until it’s all smooth. Leave the cinnamon in—don’t worry, that shit will blend up too. Pour it all through a fine-mesh strainer or cheesecloth to get out the grit.

3
If you are going to serve it right away, add 1 cup ice and blend it again to cool it down. If not, blend in another ½ cup water and stick it in the fridge. Serve cold with ice cubes and some cinnamon sprinkled on top because you’re fucking fancy like that.

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Brown basmati rice is the best here, but use whatever the fuck kind of brown rice you can find
.

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Whatever liquid, syrupy sweetener you got should do
.