Threads of Steel (Bayou Cove) (25 page)

With a nod, Anna Marie pushed open the door and plastered a smile on her face.
“Hi,
Doti
.”

Nancy added her greeting as the two women stepped next to her bed.
Doti
looked greyer than she had the last time Anna Marie saw her. Her eyes, sunk deep into her face, had black circles under them.

Doti
gave them a half-smile. “I’m glad you came.” She lifted her bed, but struggled to catch her breath. Anna Marie sneaked a glance at Nancy and wondered if she too saw a friend who was dying.

Nancy spoke up. “Sorry I haven’t been up here to see you,
Doti
, but I really didn’t think you’d want me to drag those four kids up here. It’s not often I have time to myself to actually visit with other adults.”

“Maybe having children here would liven up this place.” She looked around. “Can you think of any place more depressing?”

Nancy laughed. “Oh they’d liven up the place, all right, but I’m afraid the floor nurses would escort us out after the first argument.”

“My mother brings Caitlyn here, but she doesn’t stay long. Being up here depresses even her.”

The two women talked about their children while Anna Marie stood back and listened. What could she add to this conversation? She pushed aside a bout of self-pity, knowing that
Doti
had taken away her chance of ever having a child of her own with Ronnie, and now nearing thirty-five, she doubted she’d ever have one.

Then
Doti
did the unexpected. She reached out and offered her hand to Anna Marie. For a moment, Anna Marie just looked at it, then stepped closer to the bed and placed her hand into her former friend’s.
Doti’s
fingers tightened around it.

“Anna, I wanted to talk with you today, but I wanted Nancy here with us because I know she understands children.”

Anna Marie glanced up at Nancy who shrugged.

“I wanted to talk with you about my Caitlyn,”
Doti
said. Her voice cracked.

“What about your daughter?”

“Well, I’m making plans for when I’m gone.”

“Now,
Doti
, don’t. . .”

Doti
raised her hand and stopped Nancy. “We all know I won’t be here much longer. I have to make plans for my daughter.”

Nancy nodded.

Doti
looked back at Anna Marie. “I’ve given this a lot of thought. I want my girl taken care of. I want her to have a life where she doesn’t have to scrape and scramble for everything she needs. The money from the house will help assure her that, but she’ll need more than that. She needs guidance and love.” She closed her eyes, took several long, ragged breaths,
then
opened her eyes once more looking directly at Anna Marie. “You can give her those things, Anna.”

Anna Marie yanked her hand back to her body and stepped back. “What do you mean?”

“Please hear me out.”
Doti
tried to smile. “Don’t run from the room before I finish.”

Scared to hear the rest of what
Doti
was about to say, Anna Marie nodded, or at least she thought she did.

“I’ve given this a great deal of thought. My parents are not well. They can take my daughter for a while, but it wouldn’t be fair to them or her.” She looked at Nancy. “Nancy has her hands full with four children, but, you,” she looked back at Anna Marie, “you have a life that I’d like my daughter to have.”

Anna Marie raised her hands.

“No,
Doti
. Don’t go any farther. If you’re suggesting that I raise your daughter, you have no idea what you’re asking.”

“Yes, I do. I know you. You’re a good person, a loving person.”

“But I’m a single, working woman who lives in a big city alone.”

“But you wouldn’t be alone if you had my daughter.”

Anna Marie turned around and walked to the window. Her breath stuck in her chest. She slumped against the window ledge, a wave of nausea belting her in the stomach. What
Doti
wanted
her
to do was impossible, selfish, and totally unheard of
.

How in God’s name did
Doti
expect her to raise her child? It didn’t matter how precious and sweet the girl was, Anna Marie couldn’t grasp the idea of raising a child that should’ve been hers—her child with her husband—not a child from a torrid affair between her husband and her best friend?

No,
Doti
had no right to ask her to do this.

She heard whispers behind her,
then
Nancy stepped close to her and put her arm around her shoulders.

“What
Doti
is asking you to do,” she said quietly in her ear, “
is the most trusting
and loving thing I’ve ever heard. She wants to give you the most wonderful gift she has.”

“I could never do this,” Anna Marie whispered. “I don’t know how to raise someone else’s child.”

“Anna,”
Doti
said from the bed. “Please think about this.”

Anna Marie turned around and faced
Doti
. “What you’re asking me to do is impossible.”

“It’s impossible only if you want it to be,”
Doti
threw in. “Anything is possible with a little work. My Caitlyn is the most wonderful little girl you’ve ever met.”

“What about her father? He’s the logical person to raise his daughter.”

“No. You know how I feel about Ronnie. He’s, he’s . . .”

“He’s her father,” Anna Marie finished the sentence for her. “He’s her father and no judge would give your daughter to me with him in the picture.”

“They would if they knew what his life is like.”

“
Was
like.
What if he’s changed?’

Doti
shook her head violently. “No.” Then she started coughing. Anna Marie stood back while Nancy lifted Dot’s head and gave her a drink of water.

When the coughing subsided, she spoke to Anna Marie. “Don’t refuse me before you have time to think about it and meet her.”

Anna Marie shook her head. “You’re asking me to do something that I’m not strong enough to do.”

Nancy and
Doti
spoke up together. “You’re wrong,” they both blurted out.

“No, I’m right, but you’re right too. I shouldn’t refuse you until I think about it and meet the girl. But you have to do me a favor as well. You have to think about Ronnie taking her. You have to think about seeing him again. See how he’s changed.”

Doti
stared at her. “I’ll think about it, and I’ll even talk with him, but my Caitlyn deserves more than he could ever give her. She deserves stability and respectability and love. You can give her those things.”

* * *

She needed to talk with someone.

Anna Marie sat alone in her hotel room, staring out the window. After leaving Nancy standing in the hospital parking lot, she drove around a long time. She drove through the old neighborhoods of town, then stopped in front of Miss Ellie’s house but didn’t go in. She finally found herself on the winding road that took her along the beach. Here she parked and looked out at the water, thinking about what
Doti
asked her to do.

She only thought her life was confusing before, but now what
Doti
asked her involved another human being. Anna Marie could deal with life’s problems alone, but if those problems involved someone else, as they would if she took the child, would she be able to cope? Except for her mother, she’d never had to care for anyone else. Could she do it now?

And the big question, did she want to do it? Tears ran down her face. She swiped them away, but it didn’t stop others from coming.

For all the years since her divorce, she’d always told herself that Ronnie’s leaving her for
Doti
was for the best. The man had been worthless. When he left, she pushed her love for him down deep within the dark corners of her heart and refused to let herself wallow in what could have been. He had ruined their dreams of a future together or rather her dreams for a future together. Obviously, Ronnie had never loved her as she thought he did.

Anna Marie knew she was good at moving on without looking back. She’d made it through high school without dwelling on having a father in prison. She’d gotten her degree after Ronnie blatantly left her for
Doti
, and she’d moved away from Bayou Cove without a backward glance.
She’d learned to live on her own and do for herself and look only toward the future.

But now what
Doti
was asking her to do
opened
the door to all those feelings she’d stored away. Pain and torment from years of loneliness crashed down on her like the waters from a giant tsunami. Her heart physically hurt.

For a long time she sat in her car. When the sun dropped below the horizon, she drove back to the hotel.

Picking up her cell phone, she hit Doug’s number. After their night together in New Orleans two weeks ago, she tried really hard not to talk with him every day. Their time together had been wonderful—too wonderful. It scared her to death, and Doug knew it.

Nothing was lacking in their love-making. Physically, Anna Marie had given herself completely to him. He was a caring, selfless lover, and for the first time in years, she’d let herself actually transcend the moment and lose herself in love.

Tonight she was torn. She wanted him. Needed him, but if she called he’d come to her, and she would give herself to him again.

That’s not what she needed. Not tonight.

She hit the red off button on her phone, stared at it,
then
with a grunt, she punched in his numbers again
.

When he answered, she didn’t hesitate. “Can you come to the hotel?”

CHAPTER
16

Doug pulled his car into the parking lot, but instead of getting out, he sat for a few minutes. Something was wrong. Ever since he’d made love to Anna Marie, he felt her putting up a wall between them. He knew she enjoyed making love to him, and, lord knows, he loved it. How long had it been since he’d made love to someone, especially someone he cared about, and he did care about this woman.

Was she keeping her emotional distance from him because of his age? There was six years difference in their ages, but six years wasn’t that much. Or maybe he was kidding himself. Six years might be an eternity to someone her age.

He hit the steering wheel with his hand. “Great, McCall, you finally find someone you’d like to get to know better, and you scare the hell out of her.”

He yanked the door open and got out. Since she’d called him to come to the hotel, he shouldn’t be concerned about pushing himself on her. Still, after being away from the dating scene for so long, he wasn’t sure how to handle the situation.

He found her room and knocked. Immediately she opened the door. She’d been crying. Her eyes were red and swollen, and it was all he could do not to pull her into his arms.

But he resisted.

“Anna Marie, is something wrong?”

She shrugged, then turned around and sat in one of the chairs by the little round table in the room. He pulled out the other chair, sat down,
then
took her hands in his. “What is it? What happened? I wasn’t expecting you to be back on the coast so soon.”

He watched her lift her head. “
Doti
wanted to see Nancy and me. She said it was really important. I needed to see the attorneys again so I took a couple of hours off this afternoon. I promised Stephen I’d be back early tomorrow morning. He’s really being a doll about all this time I’ve been away.”

“So did you see
Doti
?” He didn’t know a lot about Anna Marie, but he’d been married long enough to know when a woman was upset and worried.

She nodded. “Nancy and I went to see her as soon as I got to town.”

“And?”

She looked up. Her lips quivered. “Oh, Doug, she asked me to do the impossible. She wants me to take her daughter after her funeral.”

Doug couldn’t believe his ears. He let go of her hands and crossed his arms in front of his body. “Let me get this straight. Is this the child she had when she and your husband were having an affair?”

Anna Marie nodded. “Yes, it’s her only child.” She looked up, tears ran down her face.

“And she wants you to adopt her?”

“She didn’t use the word adopt, but she did say she wanted her daughter to have what I could offer her. She said I was responsible and she trusted me to raise Caitlyn.” She swiped a hand across her cheeks to push away tears. “I don’t know if I can do that.”