This Regret (33 page)

“I know I should have called firs
t. There were so many times I wanted to call or text, but I didn’t know how to start.” He reaches out to run a finger over my lips and his touch is so gentle it tickles. “Let me take you out on a date. We can start over and-“

Before I can process what he is saying or even think of how I am going to respond, I feel a hand grip my waist and suddenly,
I’m pressed into a stiff body. A rough hand cups around my cheek as a set of lips roughly take mine, sucking and nibbling.
He tastes so good . . .

It doesn’t take me seeing his face or hearing his voice to know it’s him. It’s all there in the taste of his mouth and the way he makes my body tremble with one touch. His lips take mine, his body claiming me as he holds me closely against him. The feeling is so intoxicating I can’t even breathe.

Finally, our lips part and Kellan is standing above me, holding my face as he looks down into my eyes. “I’m going outside to make a call. I’m not going anywhere.” He looks beside us at a stunned Aiden and grips my waist tighter, running his lips up my neck. “I’ll be right back.” He gives him a warning look before kissing my lips again, but gently this time, tasting me and breathing heavily as if he’s just run a marathon.

When h
e’s done, he looks over at Kade who is angrily slamming down glasses, preparing some drinks for the girls in front of him. Kade keeps his eyes on Kellan as he walks out the door, looking as if he’s ready to smash his face in.

My mind is spinning or maybe it’s just the room. I can’t tell right now.
What the hell just happened?

“So you have a boyfriend,” Aiden asks through tight lips. “It would have been nice if you told me in the first place and saved me from embarrassment.”

“No,” I breathe. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
I could only wish.
I reach up and touch my lips without thinking. “He’s an old friend. It’s complicated.”

Aiden reaches in his pocket and pulls out his keys. “I can tell. Well, once you get over this complication, my number's the same as before. Give me a call. I should get going.”

He turns to leave, but I reach out and grab his hand, stopping him. “Wait.” I look at him, wishing I could want him like he wants me, but I just don’t feel it anymore. I guess sometimes distance doesn't make the heart grow fonder. Sometimes the wives tales are wrong. All I can think about is Kellan. He occupies every spot in my brain, destroying me bit by bit, leaving no room for anyone else. “I’m sorry, Aiden. It was nice seeing you.”

His hand slips from mine and he walks away. Walks away as I stand there stunned, still touching my lips, while leaning against the table for support. Since when did things become so complicated?

I’m standing here alone, lost in thought when I hear someone trying to get my attention by the pool table.

“Yo, Phoenix. Wake up. We could use another round of beer over here.”

I shake my head and try to stand, but I get dizzy for a moment and have to catch myself. Looking around the bar, the faces start to blur and my breathing quickens.
Damn anxiety
! It always hits at the wrong times. I close my eyes and rub my hands over my face while taking long, deep breaths in an attempt to calm down and get a grip. “I’ll be right there,” I barely get out because my voice cracks. “Just give me a minute.”

I stand there for I don’t know how long, gripping the edge of the table and trying to clear my thoughts, before I finally feel somewhat normal. I release the table and walk over toward the pool table, but when I get there, all of the bottles are full. “You guys are good?” I ask James, one of the regulars.

He positions his pool stick and nods his head. “Yeah, are you okay? Maybe you need a break. You spend too much time here,” he says while squeezing my arm. “Why don’t you let that other dude up there fill in for you? He’s the one that brought us our drinks. There’s no reason to have three of you here right now.” He knocks a ball into the right pocket and looks up as I stand there staring like an idiot. “And where’s that band? Isn’t it band night?”

Ah, shit!
He’s right. It is band night. I almost forgot. “Sorry about that,” I apologize. “I just needed a moment to myself. The band should be here soon.”

James smiles and elbows his friend in the side to get his attention. “Your turn, dumbass.” He takes a sip of his beer and smiles. “No worries, beautiful.” Then he sets it down and gets back to his game.

Kade is just hanging up the phone as I make my way up to the bar. He looks at me and grips his curls in his hand before leaning over the bar. “Well, looks like we’re shit out of luck for music tonight. The band obviously has van troubles. Those little shits better not be lying.”

Dale hates the bar going without a band on band night. He says it gives the bar a bad rep when we promise something we can’t deliver. Very true. I don’t blame him. His business is so successful because of that kind of thinking. “Well, what about Blindside? Can they fill in for the night?”

Kade looks up, his eyes settle behind me and he smiles. “Nah, they can’t, but maybe my big bro here can.” He smirks. “You know how to play guitar, right?” He laughs under his breath and tosses me a towel to help clean. “Maybe you can save the night. Be everyone’s fucking hero, for once.”

What is he doing?
He knows Kellan can’t sing for crap. He always did, just messing around when we were younger, but even he admitted he sucked. He’s doing this on purpose to challenge Kellan. He knows Kellan will never say no to a challenge.

“Kade, no. It’s fine. We don’t need a band. It’s not even busy tonight,” I say a little too desperate to protect Kellan. I turn to Kellan but he just walks back out the door without a word.

“Damn you, Kade. Why do you have to be such an ass?”

“It’s just my thing, you know. I was always the asshole brother and Kellan was always the kind, protective one. Let him be the damn hero again. Are you worried he can't take the heat?”

I shake my head and lean over the bar, covering my mouth with my right hand. When I look up again, I see Kellan walk in with his guitar in hand.
Oh, how he looks so sexy with that thing
. Too bad, he’s going to embarrass himself. He can’t hold a tune for crap and people don’t just want to see a band to hear them play music. They want to hear them pour their heart and soul into the lyrics as well.

I grab Kellan’s arm as he walks over toward the stage. “Kellan, you don’t have to do this. Kade is just trying to work your nerves. You know that.”

Kellan smiles as if he could care less. “It’s cool. I’ve kind of wanted to play lately anyways.” He grabs my chin and tilts it up. “I see you still worry as much as you used to. Don’t stress over it. You’re too tense.” He leans in and runs his lips over my neck and whispers, “You need a long, deep massage. Playing will help work my fingers first.”

Then he walks away, leaving me standing there on weak legs.

Kade leans over the bar with a cocky smile. “This should be good. Good thing I cleaned my ears today.” He motions me behind the bar with his head. “I could use a little help back here, now that your boyfriends are preoccupied with other things.”

I flash him a dirty look. “Ha! Very funny, dick.” We both smile, although I know his is only because he’s counting on Kellan to make a fool of himself. Not that it really matters. Kellan is never embarrassed. He’s not afraid of who he is or what people think of him. That’s one reason I’ve always been so drawn to him.

Cleaning up the mess, I sneak a peek in Kellan’s direction as he sets up the microphone and stool, turning all the equipment on.

“Kade,” I whisper, looking back at him. He stops what he’s doing to meet my gaze. “I’m sorry about how things went down. What you and I had was just for fun, right?” I ask hopeful. I can’t stand things being so tense between us.

He clenches his jaw and glances over at the stage. “I guess you’ll never know.” He shoves his hands in his pocket and leans his hip against the bar. “The question is, would it have mattered?”

I never stopped to ask myself that before. The question kind of throws me off. “I don’t know,” I whisper. “We’ve always just been friends. I never expected you to kiss me that day or for me to find you naked in my bed, Kade. I don’t know how to answer that.”

He steps closer to me, so his front side is pressed against part of my ass. Then he leans over me and reaches for a lime and whispers, “You liked it. Admit it.”

My eyes linger over to the stage. Kellan is sitting on the stool, messing with the strings on his guitar, but his eyes are zoned in on Kade. I can’t really read his expression, but it doesn’t look good.

I scoot my way across the bar so I’m free from Kade’s body. This causes Kade to laugh. “What? Is Kellan your boyfriend now? Is he going to get jealous if I do this?”

Kade leans in as if he’s about to kiss my neck, but Kellan’s words stop him, causing him to look toward the stage.

“The song I’m about to play,” he pauses, looks up to the ceiling, and points, “Is for you brother. Your memory will live on. Not a day goes by I don’t fucking miss you, my best friend.”

Everyone in the bar goes silent as Kellan begins to strum away at his guitar to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s
Simple Man.
Even Kade watches intently, knowing how much this song meant to Adric. He used to play it all the time at parties and events around town. Everyone knows it's his signature.

Now Kellan is sitting here in front of me, playing it as if he’s been playing it for as long as he’s been breathing. I swear this man is going to make me cry. First, he played it on the Jukebox, ripping my heart out and now he’s playing it with his own damn hands. Absolutely beautiful is putting it mildly. There are no words to describe the way I’m feeling.

As soon as the lyrics leave his lips, I want to die. A slow painful death, because it has to hurt less than the pain this renders in my heart. I stand here speechless, grasping onto the bar as his voice fills the bar. It’s so beautiful, raw and full of pain. He sings from his heart and you can tell that heart's been beaten to hell and back.

His eyes are closed, his mouth close to the microphone as he sings his heart out, his fingers dominating the guitar. He tilts his head and opens his eyes, seeking me out and his voice gets so deep and gritty, I can feel the emotions as if they’re mine.

My eyes lock with his for a brief moment before his eyes close again and he lifts his foot to rest on the foot railing below him, while his other foot digs into the ground.

I see a shadow from the corner of my eye, as someone takes a seat at the bar, but I can’t seem to peel my eyes away long enough to care. I’m too enthralled with Kellan’s performance to do anything but stare in wonder. I must look like an idiot, but I don’t care. I’m so at peace at the moment, that I could clo
se my eyes and just pretend everything bad in the world never existed.

“Excuse me. May I get a Vodka and Sprite,” a soft voice asks.

I blindly reach for an empty glass not wanting to look away. I feel glass with the tip of my fingers, but when I go to reach for it, it falls to the floor, breaking at my foot. “Dammit!”

“Is someone a little worked up?” the female voice speaks again, sounding surprisingly concerned. “Yeah, this isn’t a good day for me either.”

I finally look up and my eyes land on a very pretty, sweet looking girl with long burgundy hair and green eyes. Her eyes are the most beautiful shade of deep green that I have ever seen; although, they look sad and distant.

I shake my head and force a smile. “I’m sorry. I’m just a little out of it today.” I scoot the pile of glass out of the way with my foot and start fresh. “I’ll get that drink for you now.”

A sad smile spreads across the girl's face as she stands up and reaches for my hand. Her hands are clammy, her touch gentle and caring. “You have his eyes, ya know. The resemblance is amazing.” A tear falls down her face so she quickly turns away, releases my hand and grabs for her purse. “I’ll take a rain check on that drink. I should be going.”

“Wait a minute,” I try verbally stopping her, but fail.

She starts to walk away, but then stops to look over at the stage. When Kellan looks her way, she raises her head, smiles and grips her purse tighter before quickly walking out the door.

Kellan watches with flared nostrils, looking broken and pained before his eyes meet mine and then the ground.

Who was that girl?
She was obviously friends with Adric and knew Kellan. Could someone else really still be this torn over Adric's death as Kellan and I are after eight years?

When I look behind me, Kade is leaning against the bar staring off into nowhere.
He has a glass in his hand he just keeps wiping down with a towel even though it’s already dry. He sees me watching him from the corner of his eye so he sets the glass down behind him. “I guess someone’s been doing a little practicing.”

I lo
ok up at Kellan and notice he’s watching us. His eyes are intense as he sings the last note, causing my stomach to twist into knots. Knots I’m not so sure I can undo later. “Yeah, so it appears.”

Everyone in the bar starts clapping, screaming and whistling as Kellan sets his guitar down and stands up. Even with all the attention on him, his attention seems to be on me as he jumps off the stage and heads over toward the bar.