They Don't Teach Corporate in College (37 page)

One day last winter, things just weren't going my way. I'm not crazy about my job to begin with, and on this particular day, my laptop wasn't working. I was also managing a major project that was going horribly. I was totally freaking out, so I went to the cafeteria and ran into one of my coworkers. I told him how I was feeling and he said, “What's the worst thing that could happen?” My response was, “I could get fired and have to go on welfare.” He went on to ask me if there was much of a chance of that happening. I felt a little silly, but from that point on I refused to let work stress me out too much. Whenever I feel anger or worry starting to overwhelm me, I always think of that conversation.

Kim, 23, Minnesota

Once upon a time, I spent huge amounts of time worrying about the past and the future. I worried when something bad happened, and I worried that something bad was going to happen. Then, one day, I visited my grandmother in the hospital. After we talked a while about my anxiety, my grandmother told me that I was wasting energy, because most of the things we worry about never come to pass. I decided to do a little experiment. I went home and wrote down all of the things I was worried about. A month later, I looked at the list and laughed. The worrisome things that had occurred were already just innocuous memories, and most of the other things had never happened. My grandmother was right. I was wrecking my mental and physical health for virtually no reason at all!

As I've talked about, you can only control the moment you're in right now. Because you can't change the past and you don't know what the future holds, what's the use of worrying? As Robert Louis Stevenson once wrote, “Let's be content to live the only time we can possibly live: from now until bedtime. Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall.” You'd be surprised how negative energy diminishes when you focus solely on the moment at hand. After all, doesn't any problem seem surmountable when you look at it from the vantage point of taking one small step at a time? Now, don't get me wrong: you should absolutely prepare for your future as best you can. But once you've done everything possible to increase the likelihood of a positive outcome, let go of your anxiety.

One summer, I worried obsessively about landing an agent to represent my novel. Every day as I drove home during my lunch break to check the mailbox for agent responses, my blood pressure zoomed into the stratosphere. Several weeks later, I finally recognized that my worry was out of control, and I talked about it with my husband, who is a psychologist. He said that I should consider the worst-case scenario and resign myself to accepting that outcome if necessary. I took his advice and imagined that I couldn't find an agent, and that my novel would never be published. I then brainstormed ways to improve the situation. This was a hard pill to swallow at first, but I actually felt better once my mind was purged of all the what-ifs. Free from worry, I was able to concentrate rationally on new strategies for obtaining an agent.

Just because you refuse to worry about a problem doesn't mean you are denying its existence. I'm just suggesting that you skip the part in which you play out a thousand variations of the same drama in your head. As soon as you become aware of a problem, consider the best way to approach it rationally.
Make a careful decision based on facts, take action, and then consider the matter over and done with.

There are always going to be bumps in the road, and if you think about it, there's no end to the things you could worry about. Remember, though, that those who break the habit of worrying live happier, longer lives. From a practical perspective, they're more productive, because they spend time resolving issues rather than fretting over them. They're also more pleasant to be around, because they're not constantly surrounded by a cloud of negativity. When you consider all of these benefits, why wouldn't you want to stop worrying?

The World Health Organization calls job stress a worldwide epidemic. It costs companies billions annually. What does it cost you? During the first few years of my career in the business world, I was so stressed that I came home from work every evening and collapsed on the couch. By the time I woke up, it was almost time to go to bed again and I had missed the whole evening. I was in the doctor's office so much with aches and pains and coughs and colds that the nurses thought I was a hypochondriac. I cursed my poor health all the time until I signed up for a self-improvement class. It wasn't until then that I was able to pinpoint the problem. There was nothing wrong with my health, but my stress management did need some serious work.

Did you know that people get physically tired because of emotional factors such as boredom, frustration, and anxiety? True intellectual stimulation, on the other hand, doesn't exhaust us at all. If you are drained at the end of the day, it's not because of the mental work you have done, but rather the way in which you did it. The first time I heard this, a lightbulb went off. It occurred to me that I could write nonstop for 8 hours and then run a 5K immediately afterward, yet after spending a few hours at my corporate job I could barely drag myself to the train station. I now make reducing stress a priority, and I do not consider a day productive unless I have a substantial amount of energy left at the end of it. Here are some strategies for managing stress on a daily basis.

Identify what stresses you, and plan to cope with it in advance.

Work in a comfortable position.

Schedule frequent, short breaks throughout the day.

Take time-outs to stretch, massage your temples, or get a drink of water.

Join a gym and go during your lunch break.

Pick your battles: If it's not worth it, let it go.

There's also no substitute for leading a balanced life. Even if you love your job, remember that people who work all the time are boring, one-dimensional, and, ultimately, unsatisfied. Careers in the professional world are demanding, but don't let your intellectual, social, and spiritual needs slip through the cracks. Do family members or your old college friends live nearby? Visit them. Do you like to read for pleasure? Peruse that classic novel instead of another industry trade magazine. Spend a few hours volunteering on the weekends, because we feel better when we attempt to make our world better. And regardless of your religion, don't forget to pray. Seriously. Did you know it's been proven that people who practice religion lead more contented lives? They have faith in a power greater than themselves, and their attitudes reflect it.

My roommates once made fun of me for sleeping more hours than the average 2-year-old. Now my husband has to coax me to bed at midnight. Was my job then any harder than it is now? Definitely not. In fact, I've climbed the ladder a bit, so my current position is objectively more taxing. The difference now is that I remind myself every day how stress once destroyed my health and well-being, and I don't let it win!

A key ingredient in frustration is the lack of control that a person perceives for the outcome of their work. In psychology, this is called
locus of control
, a concept that was originally developed by Julian Rotter in the mid-20th century. One has an internal locus of control if he believes that he controls his own destiny, and he has an external locus of control if he believes that his destiny is controlled by other forces such as authority figures, fate, or God. In the last half century, psychological research has determined that males tend to be more internal than females, older people more internal than younger people, and people at higher levels in the organization more internal than junior-level staffers.

In general, having an internal locus of control is viewed as more desirable, because these individuals tend to be more achievement oriented. They are more persistent and work longer and harder to get what they need or want. It's better from a mental health perspective too, because when you feel that you can affect the outcome of your work, you are more satisfied and have a greater sense of accomplishment.

If you are a person who is prone to an external locus of control, this could be a major cause of your attitude problem at work. Fortunately, there are things you can do to develop an internal locus of control. For example, you can try a little of what psychologists call “exposure.” This strategy involves making a list of the everyday situations that annoy you (driving on the highway at rush hour, waiting on hold for a customer service representative, and so on) and subjecting yourself to them gradually so that you can increase your tolerance.