The Way We Were (17 page)

Mummy was very nervous about us meeting Dan for lunch. She kept saying, ‘If you don’t like him, I’ll never see him again,’ and ‘He’s never going to replace your dad,’ and ‘He’s really just a friend …’

Eventually Jools lost her temper and shouted, ‘Will you just relax? It’ll be fine.’

But, really, we were all nervous – even Jools was jittery. Mummy told us that Dan’s daughter, Stella, was coming. Mummy hadn’t met Stella before, so I think she was worried about that too.

When we arrived at the restaurant they were waiting for us. I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until Jools nudged me. ‘Breathe or you’ll pass out.’

I let out a big puff of air.

‘He’s not nearly as good-looking as Dad,’ Jools whispered.

Dan isn’t handsome like Daddy. He’s smaller, but he does have nice blue eyes.

‘Stella looks cool,’ she mumbled.

She did, in the kind of way that Jools loves. She had lots of really chunky jewellery and her hair was held up by chopsticks in a messy kind of way.

We all shook hands and a waiter showed us to our table.

‘Sorry about the restaurant,’ Stella said. She poked her dad playfully in the ribs. ‘Dad picked it. I told him it was far too
stuffy. We should have gone somewhere with a bit more atmosphere.’

Dan held up his hands and smiled. ‘Guilty as charged. Sorry, girls, I wanted to book somewhere nice, but Stella says I got it all wrong.’

‘Have you eaten at the Shark’s Fin?’ Stella asked Jools and me.

‘No, but I really want to. Is it amazing?’ Jools asked.

‘It’s the best sushi in London. You have to go – you’ll love it. My friend is the manager, I can get you a table, if you like.’

‘Cool.’ Jools’s eyes were really wide and she was smiling.

Stella and Jools chatted all the time. We sat at a round table. Stella was between me and Jools. ‘So we girls can chat,’ she said. I didn’t really know what to say so I just listened.

Stella told Jools all about the art gallery she worked at, then pulled up some photos on her phone of the artists they showcased.

‘Call in anytime – you can see whose work we’re exhibiting.’

‘Seriously?’

‘Sure. I’ll give you my number so you can just text when you’re free.’

‘Wow, thanks.’

I think Jools was a bit in love with Stella. I liked her too – she was really warm and friendly – but I was distracted by the way Dan was looking at Mummy. You could see he really liked her. His eyes were all gooey when he talked to her.

Mummy wasn’t relaxed – she was really jumpy and knocked over a glass of water. I watched as Dan put his hand on Mummy’s and whispered, ‘Alice, darling, it’s okay.’

I felt a bit hot and sick when he called her ‘darling’. It just
felt strange to hear another man call her that. Jools’s hand squeezed mine under the table. I felt better then, calmer.

Dan was very friendly. He asked me and Jools about school and what we wanted to do when we left. I said I wanted to be a surgeon like Daddy and everyone went very still. But Dan just smiled and said that that sounded like a great idea: surgeons were very special people.

Jools said she wanted to be an artist. ‘I’m sure Mum’s told you I’m not very academic, so I don’t think university is an option for me.’

‘The only thing your mum’s told me about you is how proud she is of you,’ Dan said.

Jools went a bit red and looked pleased.

‘Besides, I wasn’t academic either. In fact, I left school when I was sixteen because I failed all of my exams.’

Jools perked up when she heard that. She asked him how he became so rich if he was stupid.

Mummy went all red in the face and said, ‘Jools, don’t be rude,’ but Dan didn’t seem to mind. He laughed and said he was a good businessman and that he’d always been good with numbers. He’d left school, got a job, then bought a tiny flat, done it up and sold it for a profit, and that was what he’d been doing ever since.

‘And if it makes you feel better, I wasn’t great in school either. I could have tried harder, but all I’ve ever been interested in is art,’ Stella said. ‘Dad was great. He never pushed me – he always said, “Follow your passion and you’ll be successful.” I was never good enough to produce my own work, but I enjoy selling other people’s. I just love being involved in that whole world.’

‘Wow.’ Jools looked at Dan. ‘That’s pretty cool. Did you hear that, Mum?’

Mummy nodded. ‘Dan’s made me think differently about it. I think he’s right, that you should follow your passion. So maybe you should look at going to art college or getting an internship at a gallery.’

Jools almost fell off her chair. ‘Really?’

Mummy smiled. ‘Yes.’

‘You should come and hang out where I work. I’ll introduce you to lots of people,’ Stella said.

‘OMG, this is the best day ever. Thank you!’

Jools was so happy, and I felt really glad for her. I know it bothers her that she’s not good in school, but now it looked like she’d be able to do something after she finishes next year that she loves. Dan and Stella were super-nice.

When we were leaving, I saw Mummy reaching for Dan’s hand. He turned and kissed her on the lips. I felt a bit funny inside – it was strange to see Mummy kissing a man who wasn’t Daddy.

But I liked Dan. He was nice and kind, and he asked me about school and was interested in all of us … but most of all in Mummy.

When we got home, Jools Googled him. Until we met him, Mummy had refused to tell us his surname. Kevin had said he was rich, but Jools started screaming when she saw that he had a property portfolio worth £600 million.

I don’t care about his money. I just care that he’s nice and that he loves Mummy. You can see that he really does. And Mummy is all smiley. It’s as if a big weight has been lifted from her. She’s funny and relaxed and just … well, happy.

Alice looked at herself in the huge bathroom mirror. Her face was flushed with alcohol and adrenalin. ‘You can do this. Just take a deep breath, close your eyes and do it. It’s like riding a bike.’

She squeezed a bit of toothpaste onto her index finger and began to haphazardly brush her teeth. She rinsed her mouth, counted to three, turned the big brass lock and opened the door.

Dan was standing, sipping a glass of red wine. He handed Alice a glass.

‘Nervous?’

She smiled gratefully for his understanding. ‘Very. I feel like a teenager. You’d swear I’d never had sex before.’

‘It’s not easy after being married to someone for a long time. After my wife left me, it took me almost a year to have sex with someone else. The first time is the hardest. After that it’s like –’

‘Riding a bike?’

Dan smiled. ‘I was going to say it’s like a familiar jacket but with new buttons.’

Alice laughed. ‘I’ve never heard it described like that before.’

Dan pressed a remote control and some music came on – ‘I Want Your Sex’ by George Michael.

‘Jesus, Dan, you don’t have to spell it out. Subtlety is always a good approach.’ Alice giggled.

Dan reddened. ‘Sorry.’ He pressed a button. ‘All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You’ came on.

He pressed it again. ‘Tonight’s The Night’.

Alice’s laughter grew louder.

Dan pressed more buttons. ‘Damn. I’ve no idea how this ridiculously complicated music system works. Stella made a playlist for me. She said I should use it on a night when someone special came back to the house and I’m afraid I’ve never tried it before.’

‘How long ago did she make it?’ Alice asked.

Dan smiled. ‘About nine months ago.’

‘No one special’s been up here in all that time?’ Alice raised an eyebrow. She hoped it looked sexy, not squinty.

Dan winked. ‘No one … special.’

‘It feels like a honey trap. The wine, the music, the flattery …’

Dan threw the remote control onto the couch and moved towards her. ‘I only want to trap the queen bee. And so far she has proven very evasive.’

Alice took a swig of her wine. Her heart was racing. ‘I’m here now.’

‘After six bouquets of flowers, five lunches, four dinners and three films. I find I’m usually more irresistible.’

‘I’ve always been choosy.’

‘The best things are worth waiting for.’

Alice winced. ‘I’m not sure how brilliant this is going to be. I’m good at sex – I mean I was with Ben and before – but now … I’m not sure … I hope … but I –’

Dan took Alice’s face in his hands and kissed her. It was soft at first and then she opened her mouth and let him in. It
was deep and sexy. She could smell his aftershave and feel his light stubble rubbing against her chin. A groan of pleasure and longing came from deep within her.

Alice let herself go. She sank her body into Dan’s and he responded.

Within minutes her dress was on the floor, and she was lying back on his four-poster bed impatiently pulling Dan’s trousers off. Within seconds he was inside her and she wrapped her legs around him willing him to be closer, to go deeper, to consume her.

‘Wow!’ Dan fell back on the bed, panting. ‘You’re quite the tiger.’

‘How were the new buttons? Did you like them?’

‘I loved them!’ He grinned.

Alice smiled back at him. Dan leant over and kissed her softly on the lips. Something about the gentle gesture triggered it – a tide of emotion hurtled through her body and exploded in her chest. Alice cried out and began to sob.

Dan didn’t ask. He knew. He understood. He held her and rocked her, rubbing her back and telling her over and over again that it was ‘going to be all right’.

When Alice had calmed down enough to speak, she wiped her face with the tissue Dan handed her. Then she apologized.

‘Was I that bad?’ he asked.

‘No, it was bloody brilliant. I think that’s the problem. I didn’t think the sex was going to be any good.’

‘Thanks a lot!’

Alice gave him a watery smile. ‘I thought I’d never be able to let go with anyone else. But it felt so good to be with a man, and then I felt guilty for enjoying it and … Oh, God … I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.’

Dan tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. ‘Forget everyone and everything else and tell me … what do you feel?’

Alice bit her lip. ‘I feel alive.’

‘Is that so bad?’

‘I’m not sure. How are widows supposed to feel the first time they have sex with someone else? I’m new to this.’

‘I’ve never been widowed, or is it widowered? Anyway, I don’t know how you’re supposed to feel, but I think if you feel alive, that’s a good thing.’

‘It felt so good, so raw, so real.’

‘Yes, it did!’

‘Was it okay for you, though? Did I rush things a bit too much?’

Dan put his hand under her chin and raised her face. ‘Darling Alice, it was pretty mind-blowing. If you feel up to it, I’d really like seconds.’

Alice threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

When Alice came down to breakfast the next morning, Kevin glanced up and did a double-take. ‘Someone got laid last night!’

‘Sssh,’ Alice said, panicked.

‘I’m whispering, the door is closed and the girls are in the lounge watching TV. So …’ Kevin beamed at his sister ‘… gory details, please.’

Alice blushed and covered her face with her hands. ‘I feel so upside-down.’

‘Was it good?’

‘Amazing.’

‘Wow!’

‘I know, but that’s just it, I feel guilty even saying it. Is it wrong to like being with someone else? Is it betraying Ben and the girls? It feels too soon.’

‘It’s been almost two years, Alice. You’re allowed to live and have fun and have a life.’

‘I keep wondering how I would feel if Ben was having sex with someone twenty-one months after I’d died.’

Kevin spread jam on his spelt bread. ‘I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but I reckon Ben and ninety-nine per cent of red-blooded men would have had sex a lot earlier than that.’

‘Do you really think so?’

‘I know so. Anyway, tell me about it.’

Alice sipped her coffee. ‘It was just lovely. He’s lovely. He’s so … nice and sexy too.’

‘And
loooaded
, which always helps.’

Alice frowned. ‘I don’t care about the size of his wallet.’

‘Just the size of his package!’

Alice giggled. ‘Stop! You’re like a teenager.’

‘You’ll have to introduce me to him now that you’ve consummated your relationship.’

‘Three times,’ Alice said, with a grin.

‘Go, Alice!’

Alice closed her eyes, savouring the memories. It had been hard leaving Dan’s bed in the middle of the night, but she’d wanted to be home when the girls woke up. They still had to come first, even if she was in a tailspin with all these exciting new experiences.

Jools walked into the kitchen, followed by Holly.

‘I’m hungry.’ Holly went to get some cereal.

‘Ask Jools about Lance,’ Kevin said, with a wicked grin. Jools shot him a look and stuck out her tongue at him.

‘How’s Lance?’ Alice asked.

‘He’s great.’ Jools smiled like the cat that got the cream. ‘He’s totally over Saint Hayley and is totally into me. I must say we make a very hot couple. Everyone says so.’

‘Poor Hayley, she looks sad,’ Holly said.

‘It’ll give her more time to feed the homeless and save the lepers or whatever she wants to do.’

‘Jools!’ Alice was not impressed.

‘What? She’s always banging on about wanting to help others, so now she has more time to do it.’

‘Heartbreak isn’t easy,’ Alice pointed out.

Jools scowled. ‘My father was blown up by a landmine – I know all about heartbreak. Shit happens and you just have to get over it.’

They all stared at her.

‘Well, she has a point,’ Kevin said finally, breaking the silence.

‘Do you really like this boy?’ Alice asked.

‘Yes, totally.’

‘No, she doesn’t,’ Holly piped up. ‘Now she’s got him, she doesn’t even really want him. She said he’s boring.’

‘Seriously? After all that work, you finally get him and he’s dull?’ Kevin was incredulous.

‘He isn’t! He just sometimes goes on about rugby too much and he made me watch some documentary called
The Incontinent Truth
by some bore called Alf Gore. It was
soooo
boring. I kept having to pinch myself to stay awake.’

Alice shook her head. Jools was impossible. For months all they’d heard about was Lance this and Lance that, but now she was going out with him, she was bored. How would she manage life? Work? Marriage? Motherhood?

‘It’s one of the best documentaries ever made. Al Gore really made people realize the dangers that society faces from climate change,’ Holly said.

‘OMG, I’ve already sat through it. I don’t need another lecture on it.’

‘Holly’s right, it is very informative,’ Alice said, even
though she hadn’t watched it either. She’d gone to see it with Ben but as they were about to go into the cinema, they’d looked at each other and both said, ‘Pub.’

‘So, are you going to dump him for being dull and making you watch dreary programmes?’ Kevin asked.

Jools popped a raspberry into her mouth. ‘No. I still like him, it’s just not as exciting as I thought it would be. But we work well as a couple. We look perfect together. Chloë said we’re like Victoria and David Beckham because Lance is brilliant at rugby and I’m really into fashion.’

Kevin sprinkled sugar on his grapefruit. ‘There’s a difference between being into fashion and being a hugely successful fashion designer.’

Jools flicked her hair. ‘Yes, well, I’ve decided that I’m going to go to art college and become a designer. Dan told Mum that people should follow their passions. Well, now she agrees!’

‘Good for you.’ Kevin beamed at her. ‘And good for you,’ he said to Alice, giving her a thumbs-up.

‘You should see her sketchbook. She’s really talented,’ Alice said. I’ve spoken to her art teacher and she said Jools should think about applying to art colleges next year because it’s what she’s best at.’

‘Good for you, Jools. Can I see the sketchbook?’ Kevin asked.

‘Sure.’ Jools ran off to get it.

‘I’ve decided I’m going to be a surgeon like Daddy,’ Holly told Kevin.

‘Good for you, Brainiac,’ Kevin replied, kissing her forehead.

While Holly told Kevin, in excruciating detail, what type of medicine she was planning to specialize in, Alice went up to check on Jools, who was taking a long time coming back.

When she approached her bedroom, she could hear sobbing. Alice went in and found Jools lying on her bed, crying.

‘Hey, sweetheart, what’s wrong? Did Holly upset you?’

‘No. I’m fine. I’m just having a moment. It’s just that I wish I could show my stuff to Dad. I know he’d be proud of me and make me feel better about doing so badly in my other subjects.’

‘Oh, Jools, I know you miss him. But I’m proud of you, really proud of you. The way you’ve handled things since your dad died has been incredible. You’ve been so good to Holly and so caring and kind to me. I wouldn’t have got through it without you. Dad would be so proud of how wonderful you’ve been.’

Jools pulled her sleeves over her hands. ‘Thanks, Mum. I’ve really tried to be helpful.’

‘You’ve been a rock, Jools. You’re the one who’s held us together. I couldn’t be prouder of you or love you more.’ Alice’s voice shook with emotion.

Jools smiled. ‘Don’t get all weepy. I’m fine.’

‘If it’s too much for you to see me dating another man, I can stop. It’s no problem. You and Holly are my priority. Nothing else matters.’

Jools wiped her nose with a tissue. ‘No, Mum. I’m glad you’ve met Dan. I don’t want you to end up alone. I want you to have someone to look after you when Holly and I leave home. Harriet’s mum is divorced and all she does is drink and smoke and shout at Harriet about how men are all bastards. I do not want you to turn out like that.’

‘Poor Harriet.’

‘It’s grim at her house. Dad would have wanted you to be happy. He loved your smile – he always said that. You’ve got me and Holly through the storm, now go and have some fun.’

Alice kissed Jools’s forehead. ‘Now I feel like the daughter. You’re a very special girl, Jools.’

They heard Kevin hissing up the stairs, ‘For the love of God, will you please come down? Holly’s torturing me here with minute details of the operations she’s going to perform. I’ll take the documentary on saving the planet any day over this.’

Jools and Alice laughed.