The Three Sisters (13 page)

“I know,” Detective Hole paused. “There’s only one solution, and that’s for me to personally put up the reward money.”

John stopped flipping the coin.

“I can think of no better way of using my savings, other than giving the money to God, and in a sense, I guess I am giving the money
to God.”

“How much were you thinking about offering?” John
cautiously asked.

“I’m not sure, but it has to be enough to make the children of our nation, and even adults, stand up and take notice. How
about $
10
,
000
?”

Hotchkiss gulped at the
sum. “$
10
,
000
?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I think that ought to do it, but how do we tell everyone about
the reward?”

“Actually, that shouldn’t be any problem. If you remember, I’m supposed to appear on the
700
Club
tomorrow.”

“Oh yes,
that’s right.”

“What I can do is read an announcement on TV. Not only will I tell the people of America about these criminals, but I will offer a reward for information leading to their arrest and conviction. The government can use the media to spread the information, and if God is willing, we will find these
three sisters.”

“You know, this will be great PR for you and the department,” John assured Detective Hole. “We can get to work on it first thing tomorrow so we’ll get full coverage in the newspapers, TV and radio. We’ll make sure everyone knows what the three sisters look like. Shall I get someone
to write…?”

“No, if I’m to deliver the message, then I should write it myself. I shall begin working on it tonight and not rest until it is completed,”
he resolved.

“I know you can write well, so I look forward to hearing your speech, sir. I hope your plan works, especially since I may have a promotion riding on this case,” said John, laying down
a hint.

“Oh yes, when are you up
for review?”

“In a couple
months, sir.”

“Well then, I hope for your sake that the three
are captured.”

“So do I. I’m glad we formulated a strategy tonight, and I’ll do my all to make sure it succeeds.” Having reached twenty-two heads and twenty-two tails, John put the coin back in his pocket. “Well, if you don’t need me anymore,” John said, preparing to leave for a late-night rendezvous, “I’ll
be going.”

“Go ahead, but make sure I’ll be able to get the news to the media because every minute we wait, the more likely it becomes that the three sisters will perpetrate another crime, and we cannot allow them to sin against our nation anymore,” the
detective declared.

“First thing in the morning, sir,” said John, heading for the door and hoping to leave before the
inevitable happened.

“Oh, John,” Detective Hole called in a brighter tone. Damn, thought John Hotchkiss, realizing he was about to hear another of the detective’s
religious riddles.

“Yes,” he coyly replied, pretending he had no idea that a riddle
was forthcoming.

“I have a riddle for you, a brand-new
one too.”

“Oh, really, I’d like to hear it,” John said, lying through
his teeth.

“Why did God choose Noah to build the ark above all others? Take your time.” Feigning deep concentration, John tried to figure out how long to wait until he would admit his failure. About a minute later, he confessed his ignorance and asked for
the answer.

“Why?”

“Because Noah knew everything. He was a Noah-it-all,” answered Detective Hole while laughing and allowing a rare smile to
present itself.

“Of course,” admitted John Hotchkiss after giving an insincere laugh. “I’ll have to tell that one to my friends.”

Detective Hole got up and walked John to the door. “I’ll see you
tomorrow, John.”

“Tomorrow,” he promised as he left quickly for more urgent business elsewhere in Virginia.

Below is a copy of Detective Hole’s announcement which he gave the following day on the
700
Club
.

“My dear friends, I am Detective Schmuck Hole, and I want to tell you today about a frightful cancer which threatens our nation, one which must be stopped before it is too late. Trying to catch criminals is my job, and as a Federal official investigating crime, I have been assigned to numerous cases during my career. Each in its own way has represented terrible acts against society, but now I have been assigned to a case which shocks me even more every time I reread the facts surrounding these criminals and their slow slide from salvation into the slime of salacious sin. I had hoped that we could quickly recapture the three women we are after, but now we are forced to appeal to fellow Christians to help us, for only by working together can we recapture these criminals before they infect our society with their subversive ideas
and activities.

“Let me tell you about the three atheists I am trying to find. Almost two weeks ago, three terrible and vicious women, Coito Gott, Theodora Suora, and Regina Grant, whose pictures appear on the screen now, escaped from a jail in a small town in Tennessee after viciously assaulting a deputy officer. They had been put in jail for a crime too reprehensible to describe. After escaping, they left town in a stolen vehicle and headed east. We located their car in eastern Kentucky, but by then it was too late. Not only did we fail to recapture the three escapees there, but we found further evidence of their criminal ways. These atheists flaunted their disregard for the elderly, and have kidnapped, maybe even killed, an older couple who ran a local funeral home. We do not know what has happened to the couple whose picture is on the screen now, but we can only pray that they are still alive
and well.

“It pains me to describe these mockers of the Christian faith to you. Abiding by no moral rules and fearing not the God which will someday punish them, their lives have been a continuous orgy of self-indulgent sin. Like lions seeking out an animal to devour, these wretched women search out sin as if it were their only means of sustenance. I have been told by people who used to know them that at one time these women wore the clothes of the Catholic faith, and as God-fearing women should do, they kept in their place, but since then, they have denied their upbringing and have begun to lead a life dedicated to
the devil.

“I dare say that these women, if I can call them that, are so degenerate and ungodly that the morals of this very nation dedicated to God are threatened by them. I fear for each of us if they remain free. I have decided to make this appeal today so that each of us can watch for them until they are captured. I call upon everyone in our great nation, but especially on the children of America, who believe in their nation and in God, to aid us in recapturing
these criminals.

“We must work together. A picture of each of the three is on the screen now. Study their faces so that when you see them, you will know them. I will arrange for the newspapers to publish, and churches across the nation to put up, pictures of each of these three criminals so they can be readily identified when they are seen. I implore you, for the sake of their very souls and for the sake of our nation dedicated to God, that if you see them you will contact me or the police. I am personally putting up a reward of $
10
,
000
for their capture and conviction, and with your help, I pray that we can bring them to justice. The toll-free number through which I can be reached if any of the three sisters is sighted is
1
-
800
-
666
-NUNS. I will continue my search and with your help, I hope we can capture them before their crime wave spreads further and they corrupt our nation even more. Again, the number is
1
-
800
-
666
-NUNS. Please call if you have any information which may lead to their arrest. I await your call.
Thank you.”

CHAPTER V

Would (the Americans) even revise the book of Genesis to put themselves on the front page?

– Jose
Rodó,
Ariel

nder the cover of darkness, the sextet arrived in Washington, D.C. without incident. Thanks to Theodora’s constant supervision, Tony had driven the speed limit every mile of the way from the True Love Mortuary to Washington, D.C. because the travelers of the night were trying to avoid the law the way a pregnant nun avoids confession. “Being a criminal makes you a very law-abiding citizen,”
Theodora commented.

Victor Virga had forewarned his three employees that their residence was being watched by federal agents, so they would be unable to return home. The FBI men in question had been followed by employees of the Kennedy Center ever since the government had tipped its hand by sending an agent to the Kennedy Center. He had tried to ask Victor questions about the three escaped criminals, but Victor’s time was too valuable to waste on a mere government official. Victor feigned surprise that three of his employees would have committed the crimes of which they had been accused and referred the agent to his lawyers.

When a government official brought Victor irrefutable evidence that his employees had committed the crimes in question, Victor was forced to admit the possibility that his employees might be involved. But Victor saw how eager the bureaucrats were to close the case, so he asked his lawyers to work with the government officials to try and strike up a deal which would satisfy all parties involved and provide a minimum of inconvenience to his three hunted employees (preferably probation so they could continue to assist him at the Kennedy Center). All of these promises, of course, were contingent upon the supposition that Victor could get in contact with the three accused lawbreakers and convince them to turn themselves in. While these discussions continued, the FBI tried to find the three sisters on their own, but Victor made sure the agents
would fail.

Victor had persuaded some of the three’s fellow workers at the Kennedy Center to put up Coito, Theodora, and Regina until the “heat was off,” as Regina put it, and he arranged for the Rams to stay at another house nearby. After getting rid of Tony, the three nuns on the run took the Rams to their temporary residence and made sure the Rams got settled in. After this, Coito, Theodora, and Regina went to the house of Joan Dark who had rented rollaway beds for each of the three sisters. Joan would be the three’s hostess until Victor and the government could come
to terms.

Each of the three would miss their rooms back at their own house. Coito’s room was a study in orderly chaos. Although the posters and furniture looked as if they had been randomly placed in her room, the seeming aleatory allocation allowed K to frequently change things around and ensure that her room rarely remained the same. For K, what could compare with sleeping in her own bed (covered with a hapharlot to keep her warm) whose tacky baroque headboard had a two-foot figure of the Virgin Mary with folded hands and uplifted eyes standing between two bodiless cherubs? “With all the things I do on that bed, it’s no wonder the Virgin always looks upwards,” Coito had told one of her friends some time before.

Similarly, Regina would miss her room whose walls were covered with movie posters, inserts and lobby cards from the past. “Unfortunately, my
Gone with the Wind
poster is from a re-release, not an original from
1939
. It’s always fun to accuse K of stealing some of her mannerisms from Vivien Leigh. She gets so mad when you accuse her of being unoriginal. There are other stars who remind me of K sometimes, such as Barbara Stanwyck in several of her films. I also have a Lobby Card from Dead End which, of course, has Sylvia Sidney in it. She reminds me a lot of Thea in that movie—trying to make things better but always having trouble fighting her way out. I have a great window card from
Skyscraper Souls
. I showed that to Victor one time because Warren William reminded me of him. I don’t know who I’m like though. Someone said I had the sprightliness and looks of Gloria de Haven in
Two Girls and a Sailor
and the shape of Rita Hayworth in
Cover Girl
, but I don’t know if anybody could fit
that combination.”

Theodora was more indifferent to where she stayed as long as she had ready access to classical music (preferably some Bach which would restore order to her world) and books which dealt with the historical subjects she was interested in. Though Theodora could not return to her house to get her most treasured records and books, she did have Joan check some books out of a
local library.

Three of their co-workers, Joan Dark, Dawn Winters, and Shirley Williams, shared a large house in Virginia, and it was there that the three ended their long trip from the True Love Mortuary. After their tiring journey, the three had hoped for a quiet evening so they could settle into their beds and sleep, but gossipy Joan had already informed a handful of friends that Coito, Theodora, and Regina were back in the nation’s capital seeking exilient exercise. Joan invited half-a-dozen male friends over to help her welcome the three sisters back to Washington, D.C. by throwing a party which would last as long as its participants were able. The prospect of a quiet evening having evaporated, the three resigned themselves to enjoying a night of perverted pernocation during which they would converse and conjoin with the men who came to
see them.

The trip from Kentucky had left the three feeling in need of a bath, so cleanliness being next to godlessness, the three prepared for the night’s party by removing their clothes and leaping into Joan’s pool. Undight and uninhibited, K recited Psalm
26
:
6
to bless their bathing. When the visitors began to arrive, Joan’s friends joined her guests by jumping in the pool with the three sisters and Sister Carla.

The asyretic ceremony went well until Ed Glass sneaked up from behind and unexpectedly grabbed Regina’s euclunious contours. Regina released a scream of surprise and delight which caused Sister Carla (who had kept an eye on Regina from beneath the water’s surface) to make like a bullet for Ed Glass, hitting him square in the sides and causing him to double over, sidelining him for the rest of the night. “You should be glad you didn’t try anything violent,” Regina later comforted him. “Sister Carla would have aimed herself at your crotch and ruined you for life.” This little incident convinced the men that they could more readily and less painfully enjoy themselves inside, so they motioned that they retire to the house where they could pursue their search for venerable venery
in earnest.

In the bedrooms and elsewhere, winebibbers and riotous eaters of flesh began the pleasures of the evening with deliberate speed. The men, now naked as worms, lost no time in turning the house into a veritable Sodom and Gomorrah, causing some women to cry salty tears of passion as they filled the house with sounds of ecstasy. The participants indulged their insatiable appetites on anyone they could find until smiles vertical and smiles horizontal filled every room of
the house.

And so it was for the rest of the night. Every man and every woman did what was right in their own eyes. Men and women cleaved unto one another until they became but one flesh. For this reason, the three stimulating sisters were so happy to be back in the nation’s capital, where they could once more enjoy themselves, that they completely forgot about their legal problems for the rest of the night. To commemorate their return to the nation’s capital, K recorded the activities of the night in the style of the author of the eponymous club she had formed in college.

Ineluctable modality of the sensual: at least that and no more, thought through my eye. Signature in all things I am here to seaspawn and seawrack the nearing tide. Purplered pink: colored signs. Limits of the diaphane (long gone). But he adds: in bodies. Then he was aware of them bodies before them colored. How? By knocking his sconce against them, sure. Go easy. Bald he always was with millions to spare,
maestro di color che sanno
. Limit of the diaphane in. Why in? Diaphane, adiaphane. If you can put your five fingers through it, it is a gate, if not a post. Shut your eyes
and see.

I am a stride at a time. A very short space of time through a very short time of space. Five, six, the
nacheinander
.
Hin und her
. Exactly: and that is the ineluctable modality of the tactile. Open your eye. No. Jesus! If I fell over a cliff that beetles o’er his bat, fell through the
nebeneinander
, ineluctably. I am getting on nicely in the dark. Ashen sword from my side. Tap with it: they do. Sounds solid: made by the mallet of Los Demiurgos. Crush, crik, crick. Wild
sea honey.

Won’t you come to
Mount Sandy?

Madeline
the mare.

Rhythm begins you see. I hear. A torose queaving and lambs marching in. No, agallop; deline
the mare.

Open your eye now. I will. One moment. Has all vanished since? If open and forever the adiaphane in the diaphane.
Giammai basta
. I will see if I can sea. There all the time without you: and ever shall be world without end.
Frauenzimmer
, down the flabby shore coming down to our mighty mother. Number one swung lourdily, the other’s gamp in her breach. From the liberties, in and out for the day. The Hindu’s highest state is to be absorbed into the universal deity says he. Squealing for and into life. Cords of all link back of front. Will you be gods? Put me in Edenville. Luc, alpha: naught one,
oh one.

Spouse and helpmate of Adam Kadmon: Heava, naked Eve. One navel not two. Adam’s rib, now her rib. Belly without blemish, bulging big, rip, standing from everlasting to everlasting. Womb
of sin.

Made not begotten they clasped and sundered, did the coupler’s will. From before the ages He willed me and now. A
lex aeterna
stays about him. Is this then the divine substance wherein the Father and Son are consubstantial? Harry S no period, only women. Hairs romped around him, nipping and eager heirs. Energetic infibulation. They are coming, waves. The whitemaned seahorses. And after? Yes, go easy with. Yes, I
must. Yes.

His pace slackened. Here. My consubstantial father’s voice. Did you see anything of your artist brother? No? Sure he’s not down with his Aunt Sally: couldn’t he fly a bit higher to that, eh? So high, melt then come down. And tell us Stephen, how is Uncle C? No respecter. O weeping God, the things I merried into. De boys up in de hayloft, de boys in de stable. Spirit in the waters. And skeweyed Walter stirring his father, no less. Sir, Yes, Sir. Mary wept: and now wonder, by Christ.

Assured that federal officials were not watching the Kennedy Center during the day (though visiting it by night), the three sisters and Sister Carla took the Rams to meet Victor Virga at the KCDC. Ever since Theodora had arrived at the True Love Mortuary a week before, she had made diligent efforts to explain her new life to the Rams. Getting the Rams to accept K’s and Regina’s idiosyncrasies was a minor task compared with trying to explain the Kennedy Center to them, not only because of the prurient nature of the events which occurred there, but because Thea did not know how shocked the Rams would be to learn that their formerly religious neighbor now worked in such a place. Theodora daily provided more and more details about the Kennedy Center to the Rams to lessen the impact of an actual visit there, and by the day of their visit, Thea had warned the Rams about the Center so many times that nothing could have lived up to
their expectations.