The Three Sisters (55 page)
“So how do we make arrangements to use the
Lincoln bedroom?”
“I can tell I’d better not leave any of you three alone here at night,” said President Nixon.
“And make sure you don’t reactivate any secret taping system. I don’t think you’d want recordings of us to
leak out.”
“Trust me, I won’t make that mistake again. Now, as to why I asked you
three here.”
“If there’s anything we can do for you, just let us know,”
said Theodora.
“Hey Dick, want to see a real ‘Pink Lady?’” asked K of Mr. Korea, Communism, Corruption, and Costs.
“How about a natural fur coat?” asked Regina.
One of the silent TVs against the wall was showing a New Year’s Day Parade that preceded a Bowl Game, but no one commented on the irony of such a sudden return
to normalcy.
“Oh, I’ve got an even better idea. We can all make a public appearance at the Statue of Liberty. Just think, an orgy at the top of the Statue of Liberty,” thought concupiscent K. “The mere thought of it’s enough to drive
me wild.”
“Coito, having orgies in the Washington Monument under Carter is one thing, but I will not permit you to do the same as long as I’m
in office.”
“We’ll just make sure we aren’t caught again.”
“Just don’t do it, for my sake. Don’t do it,” President
Nixon insisted.
“Tell you what, we’ll make you a deal. Send Schmuck Hole to Rangoon or Timbuktu or someplace like that, and we promise not to visit the Statue
of Liberty.”
“How about if we film a movie here in the Oval Office and call it
All the President’s Women
. You’re the star, and we’re the supporting cast. You know the old saying, better an unclad President than one clothed in State
Department pinks.”
“Don’t you girls ever
slow down?”
“Never, with all our nervous energy we have no choice but to pursue earthly delights ’till death do
us part.”
“Ladies, I have a lot to do. My new administration will have to work hard to correct the problems created by Carter and rebuild the relationships which I had built up so carefully. Carter alienated some of the Europeans with his focus on human rights instead of
realpolitik
. I will be visiting Europe in the next few months to work more closely with the European leaders, but I was wondering if you three would be willing to become goodwill ambassadors if I need you.”
“Do you think you could get us into
Buckingham Palace?”
“As long as you three don’t cause an international incident.”
“You drive a
hard bargain.”
“After all you’ve done for us, we’ll be happy to help you,” promised a
thankful Theodora.
“We’ll do whatever is needed for the Office of the President,” Regina
reassured Nixon.
“If you need us, we’ll be there for you,” concluded K.
“Winning’s a lot more
fun, girls.”
“Being alive is a lot more fun, too,” said K which stood for Cunegonde.
“’Twas the best of all possible coups in the best of all possible countries in the best of all possible worlds,” Theodora interjected.
“Then happy days are here again,” promised Richard
Milhous Nixon.
“Dick, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship,” said Regina.
“‘
Tout est pour le mieux dans le meilleur des mondes possibles
,’” (All is for the best in the best of all possible worlds,) quoted K which stood for Candide as she stared out at the
Rose Garden.
“
Cela est bien dit
,” said Theodora, “
mais il faut cultiver nos jardins
.” (Yes, but we must tend
our gardens.)
And tend their gardens
they did.
Image Sources
In order of appearance.
Luther, Martin.
Das Neue Testament Unsers Herrn Und Heilandes Jesu Christi
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1803
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public domain.
Monk, Maria.
The Awful Disclosures of Maria Monk
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Assault in St. Joseph’s Convent
Avery, Rand.
Why Priests Should Wed.
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Accessed via Google Books (
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25
June
2013
.
Public domain.
Schreiber, Brent.
Wanted
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2013
. Mixed media. Commisioned by
the Author.
Stoughton, Cecil. Members of the Warren Commission Present Their Report on the Assassination of President John F. Kennedy.
1964
. Photograph. LBJ Presidential Library, Austin, TX.
Public Domain.
Van Eyck, Jan.
Annunciation
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1434
. Oil transferred from wood to canvas. National Gallery of Art, Washington, DC.
Public Domain.
Schreiber, Brent.
Terrorists with Tits
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2013
. Mixed media. Commisioned by
the Author.
Liguori, Alfonso Maria De’, Peter Dens, and B. C.
The Confessional Unmasked
. London: n.p.,
1851
.
Public Domain.
Interpolates:
Monk, Maria.
The Awful Disclosures of Maria Monk
. London: The Booksellers,
1836
. Print,
public domain.
Schreiber, Brent.
Lady Justice
.
2013
. Oil on canvas. Commisioned by
the Author.
Public domain.
Adaptation interpolating the following:
1
) Da Vinci, Leonardo.
The Last Supper
.
1495
-
1498
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2
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La Maja Desnuda
.
1797
–
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. Oil on canvas. Museo del Prado, Madrid. Adaptation commisioned by
the Author.
Canonical Classics for Catholics
Schreiber, Brent.
Canonical Classics for Catholics
.
2013
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the Author.
Meyer, Elijah.
Mary Magdelene Cosmetics
.
2013
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the Author.
Meyer, Elijah.
Virgin Mary Milk
.
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the Author.
Meyer, Elijah.
Spanish Inquisition Toy Set
.
2013
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Mémoires Historiques Pour Servir à L’histoire Des Inquisitions
. Cologner: Slebus,
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. Print, public domain. Commisioned by
the Author.
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
ryan Taylor is a double PK, a preacher’s kid of a preacher’s kid. With that legacy he faced two destinies, being an unhappy triple PK (Jubilees
17
:
23
, “He that is born unto the son of a preacher and himself preaches shall be miserable until his dying day and suffer eternal damnation.”), or being sacrilegious and happy. He decided to forsake the Southern Baptists for Catholicism, but when he applied to join a convent, he was rejected (sex discrimination!), so he decided to do the next best thing: write a novel about the three nuns he would most like to meet. Bryan Taylor has traveled to
50
countries, more than any Pope except Saint John Paul II. He now lives in California, which is one of the few places with people crazier
than him.
