The Strip Club Dating Survival Guide (14 page)

“Hello, I’m [insert your name here] it’s nice to meet you.”

Perhaps you think that I’m being a little ridiculous by going over this in detail, but I can assure you that guys mess this part up fairly regularly. From my own experience, I can tell you that quite a few people out there seem to think that leering suggestively, making inappropriate sexual remarks or otherwise acting like a pubescent child at a nude beach is somehow correct etiquette for introducing oneself to members of the opposite sex in a strip club.

People who think that are wrong and that is why I am forced to explain this basic crap to you.

You may now ask her to sit (she will accept, but you should still observe the formality of making the request, earning points for doing so) and move to pull out a chair for her. You will do this in the same manner in which you introduced yourself a moment ago.

As you pull out her chair, try time-tested phrases like,

“Allow me,”
or,

“Would you care to join me?”

This should help to keep the ball in your court and your dancer off balance. Let’s take a moment and run through what we’re talking about here:

Dancer approaches clearly intending to speak with you. You stand, face her and smile. She greets you, asks your name and puts out a hand. You take (
not shake
) her hand and say,

“Hello, I’m [insert your name here] it’s nice to meet you.”

You release your grip on her hand; pull a chair out from the table and say,

“Care to join me?”

You stand behind her chair as she sits, then return to your own seat.

See, that wasn't so fucking hard now was it?

This is how you make a first impression on a dancer…or anyone else for that matter. This will set the stage for all future interactions with the girl in question and help make you welcome any time you appear in the club. You will want to do this kind of thing with any stripper that you are interested in so that they all get a positive impression of you, one that they will reinforce amongst themselves when they talk.

Engaging in this kind of behavior will also create a
visual cue
 for other dancers regarding what kind of girl you are interested in talking to. What I mean is that the girls will see how you are acting with dancer A, B and C; if you are suddenly behaving in a different, less welcoming fashion, with dancer X, Y or Z, they will start understanding who you don’t want to be bothered with. This is a convenient method for
screening 
strippers that don’t meet your criteria or pique your interest without ever having to say, “No, go away.”

A great way to be clear about this, and to remain respectful and “gentlemanly,” is simply to do the same thing with every dancer regardless of whether you are interested but just don’t ask the girl to join you if she doesn’t appear to be the kind of person that would interest you. So, a girl comes out on the floor, and you look to see if she’s the right kind of dancer for you or if it’s someone you already know. She is neither, so you quit looking and focus on something else.

Of course, she probably comes over anyway. When she does, you stand just as you normally would, and offer a gentle yet firm handshake. Release your grip on her hand, while saying,

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you. I hope you have a good night.”

And then you just sit back down without offering a chair or anything else. This should be the signal to her to move along, but sometimes dancers can be dense, obstinate or just not willing to take a soft “no” for an answer. In the event she persists, or decides to seat herself, you will need to be gently assertive. Look right at her, and use a phrase like,

“No thanks, I’d prefer to be alone right now.”

THAT
WAS
YOUR
CUE

When you do something like that it also helps to signal your intentions with the use of body language. Try tilting your torso away from the girl, sit forward somewhat on your chair, and cross one leg over another in such a way as to place your knee, shin, and foot between yourself and her. If possible, shift the orientation of your body away from the girl.

This need not be an exaggerated, clearly visible move on your part; simply allow yourself to shift slightly away from her in a subtle fashion, moving toward your open side. This is a
nonverbal display
 indicating that you’re uncomfortable with the presence of the person with whom you are speaking and that you desire to protect the sensitive areas concentrated at the front of your torso, pelvis, and head.

If your legs are crossed, your lower body will have an
open side and closed side
,
dictated by which leg is crossed over the other. If your left leg is crossed over your right knee, then your left side is closed, and your right side is open. If the right leg is crossed over the left knee, then the opposite is true. If you are protecting yourself from a dancer because you aren’t interested in her, you should ensure that you are presenting the closed portion of your body to her. This means that your left leg, if crossed over the right knee, is displayed facing her so as to protect your open, right side.

If you don’t wish to cross your legs, simply perch forward on the edge of your seat, adjust one foot (the one farthest from the stripper) so that it is oriented away, as if at any moment you might suddenly stand up and walk off in that direction. Place the elbow of the arm closest to her on the table so that your arm is vertical, with your hand close to your face. You can now use the arm to block her, and hand to shield your face. You can rest that hand across your mouth with the index finger lightly resting along your upper lip, as if you are hiding your teeth from view. Try maintaining this position even when you are speaking with her.

If you happen to be standing when an unwelcome entertainer approaches, turn away from her slightly. Make sure one foot is positioned away. If she is not getting the hint, just keep adjusting yourself farther, and farther away until eventually you are side-on to her, presenting either the left or right side of your body, (not the back or front.) Once you have shifted into this position, called
blading
, adjust your feet so that they are lined up with your torso in the direction of intended travel, as if you are about to walk off at a right angle. If she is still engaging you, turn only your head toward her as you respond, keeping the rest of your body bladed to her. If this is not effective, simply say,

“Thanks, it was nice meeting you.”

Then just walk off to the rest room, smoking patio, or wherever. Once you have politely shown your back to someone in this way, your meaning should become clear. If the person to whom you are speaking can’t grasp what’s happening on a conscious level, you can nonetheless be certain that their unconscious mind knows exactly what you just said, and will react by either giving you more space in the future, or avoiding you, if possible.

When you assert yourself in ways that I am describing, you will get the message across that you are not interested and that the dancer in question is only wasting her time by loitering around your table harassing you. The last thing you want to do when you are on the hunt for the right girl is spend all night fighting off bikini-clad
wildebeests.
Just get clear with these girls, and yourself, right from the start that you aren’t interested and being an obnoxious pest will get them nowhere fast.

When you let a dancer know that you aren’t interested in what she is offering, keep it polite, to the point and as friendly as you can manage. Never act in a rude manner, imply that she is not worth your time, too fat, too old, whatever. Don’t pull that,
“You’re just a worthless whore and beneath me,”
crap that so many guys fall back on for some reason. Remember, you came walking into this joint all on your own; the dancer probably has the moral high ground here if anyone does, since she’s just offering a service that you were actively seeking. Looking down on strippers is somewhat akin to being pissed at McDonald’s for selling you a hamburger.

GETTING
DANCES

I mentioned before that there is no reason not to avail oneself of all that the club has to offer, and that would include getting private dances with certain girls. The problem here is that if you get dances with a girl, you officially cross the boundary into customer territory, and everything is strictly business from this point on, no matter how pleasurable that business may be. This is like having a crush on some girl in your immediate social circle but never being able to do anything about it because you are in the friend zone.

Getting dances with a stripper puts you into that same type of category, except that, in this case, you are continuously forced to pay for the privilege of getting no ass. In addition, should you ever stop paying money for the ongoing opportunity to go home perpetually frustrated and unfulfilled; she will then cut you off entirely from whatever dubious benefits may have been provided by the relationship.

There is another problem with getting, or not getting dances. If you never get any dances, the girls will all assume that you are a no-money waste of time. They will actively tell each other not to bother with you because,
“He never gets dances.”
What you need to do is find a set of girls (at least two or three would be best just so that you have options, but the exact number is up to you) that you will have an enjoyable time spending money on in the dance area but never plan to do anything else with.

These dancers should be attractive, obviously fun without going so far over the line that you end up getting tossed out of the club, and easy to deal with. You do not want a girl for this that will want to call you in on slow nights or any of that kind of thing. In fact, it might be best if the girls you dance with don’t have any sort of connection to you outside the club. Don’t exchange numbers with this kind of girl; don’t have long conversations with them, and don’t sit around at your table buying drinks for them. 

What you will want for your dancing partner is somebody that can walk up to your table during a dance promotion or slow time and ask for the dance, and to whom you can say yes before she even sits down. You want to be able to head to the VIP area, bang out your dances, and part ways as you exit and return to your seat. That’s how painless it should be.

As I said before, once you get dances with a stripper you will cross over into customer territory with her. Everything that you do from that point forward is nothing more than a monetary transaction to her, and so it should be so for you, as well. If all you are actually doing with her is exchanging cash for services, then there is just no need to waste your time talking her up, getting to know her or any of that other crap. Plus, if you get to know her too well, it will destroy the
suspension of disbelief
 that is vital to having a terrific time when she is grinding away on your lap.

Another reason why you shouldn’t be hanging out talking to the girls you dance with is that it gives the other dancers the wrong impression. When they see you go down on dances with someone, they will say,

“He is
A Customer That Gets Dances
with her.”

This is an indication that you have money, do what you want with it, and are a decent person to talk to. If, on the other hand, the other dancers see you repeatedly both dancing and hanging out with the same girl, they will say,

“He is
Her Customer.
”

This means that
your ass
belongs to the dancer in question, and it’s probably not worth their time to talk to you. They will assume that whatever money you have actually belongs to her, and that you are just another
lame-ass sucker
.

In other words, the other girls will essentially write you off until such a time as they can figure out how to wrest you away from the dancer that currently
owns you
, so as to get your money for themselves. You seriously need to keep this in mind when you are choosing a stripper to dance with, and always remember to keep that relationship nothing more than a fun business transaction.

PUT
YOUR
MONEY
WHERE
YOUR
MOUTH
IS

One other thing on that subject; if the girls you are actually interested in and spending time with see that you spend zero time with the strippers you dance with other than a quick dance or two here and there, it can put a damper on any jealousy. It also helps them to understand the
boundaries
 of your relationship, and act accordingly. 

Remember that you will always need to back this kind of thing up with money for the girl you are sitting with because until you emotionally hook her she will still have one eye on the clock; she is at work after all. You don’t have to be rich and shower her with cash, you just need to be respectful of her time and show it with regular stage tips, and the occasional twenty dollar bill at the table.