The Stranger's Woes (64 page)

I really did go to Jafax. I thought I’d use the opportunity to visit Lady Sotofa, since I’d promised her I would. Days were short, and there was no end of urgent matters to attend to, but I didn’t want to look like a swine, throwing all thoughts of friendship to the winds.

A few minutes later I stood by the impregnable walls of the Residence of the Order of the Seven-Leaf Clover, just where, according to my vague recollection, there should have been one of the Secret Doors. I suppressed a sudden burst of shyness and sent a call to Lady Sotofa Xanemer.

Is that you
,
boy?
she answered
.
It hasn’t been three hours since that old fox Juffin hid himself away in Xolomi and you’re already in trouble? I don’t believe it
.

I just wanted to take advantage of the situation to skip work and have a cup of kamra with you
.

“And to learn a secret or two, while you’re at it, eh?” said Lady Sotofa, who had suddenly appeared behind me.

“You read me like an open book,” I said. “I never pass up the opportunity to learn something new at someone else’s expense.”

“Don’t suck up to me, boy,” said Lady Sotofa, laughing. “You don’t have to because I love you anyway. Give me your hand, and I’ll take you into the garden. You could have learned to open our Secret Doors already. It’s not a difficult trick.”

She took me by the hand and pulled me to the wall.

“Try not to close your eyes now. It’s time you learned a few simple things.”

For my obedience, I was rewarded with something extraordinary. I saw Lady Sotofa’s blue-and-white looxi dissolve in the dark stones of the wall like sugar in a cup of coffee. Then the wall appeared so close to my face that I couldn’t see anything. Or, rather, I saw too much: some barely noticeable scratches on the dark stones, small pieces of dust, and something else—tiny, nimble, alive, and, it seemed, even aggressive. The thought that this must be what germs looked like passed through my mind. Lady Sotofa laughed, a thin branch flicked me across the nose, and I realized that I was on the other side of the wall, in the Jafax garden.

“Oh, goodness me!” Lady Sotofa couldn’t stop laughing. “‘Germs’!” Dark Magicians only know how many novices I have taught to walk through the Secret Door, but I’ve never heard anything like this before.”

I also laughed. Sure I had said (or thought) something incomparably stupid, but I was still pleased with myself. Sometimes we need to say silly things just to stimulate a warm and friendly atmosphere.

“Aren’t you glad I came?” I said.

“And how!” said Lady Sotofa. She stopped laughing very abruptly and gave me a penetrating look. “You know, Max, your charm will be the end of you. Don’t tease Eternity with your cute little smile. It’ll backfire.”

“I’m sorry?” I said, perplexed.

“Oh, never mind,” she said, and smiled again. “I fancied I saw something. I’ll tell you some other time.”

“Some other time,” I said, still bewildered. “I still don’t understand.”

“It’s for the better. Come to my office and I’ll treat you to some horrible kamra, brewed according to the recipe of the late great-grandmother of the current keeper of the
Country Home
tavern. You went there when you were in Kettari, right?”

“Oh yes, that was when Shurf left all our money in the back room. He just had to play some Krak, you see. But they had excellent kamra there. Don’t slander your wonderful homeland.”

“Oh my, you liked it?” said Lady Sotofa. “Then again, it’s easier to love someone else’s homeland than your own.”

“That’s true. My romance with my own homeland turned out to be a disaster.”

“You’re not the only one, so don’t fret,” said Lady Sotofa as she opened the door of a cute garden house for me. “Most people are born in places that are completely unlivable for them. Fate just loves to play pranks like that. Sit down, Max, and take a sip of this kamra. Praise be the Magicians, it’s ready. When did I manage to brew it, I wonder?”

“Are you making miracles unbeknownst to yourself?” I said, tasting the thick, hot drink with pleasure. “I forget, Lady Sotofa, is it all right if I smoke here?”

“Only tobacco from another World,” the wonderful old lady said sternly. “I find the smoke of our local tobacco completely unbearable.”

“So do I,” I said, producing a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of my Mantle of Death.

I was gradually running out of my Kettarian supplies, a generous gift from the old Sheriff Mackie Ainti, but this wasn’t a big deal anymore. I had learned the lessons of Sir Maba Kalox very well, and could probably fetch a pack of cigarettes from the Chink between Worlds without too much sweat.

“So, what kinds of secrets did you want to learn from me?” Lady Sotofa said as she sat down across from me.

“Well,” I said, “you’re going to laugh at me.”

“Oh, may that be the worst misfortune you suffer in your life.”

“There are some things I still don’t understand,” I said. “First, what’s the Spirit of Xolomi? Why does it feel like ‘dancing,’ and how are Juffin and Shurf going to rein it in?”

“They’re just going to hold it by the head and the legs,” Lady Sotofa said very seriously. “How else?”

“It has a head and legs?” I said.

“The Spirit of Xolomi has a head, legs, and other things that any respectable Spirit would have. As for your other questions, you know, Max, one can see the Spirit of Xolomi and observe its destructive power. One can even counteract the destructive power, which that sly old fox Juffin and his Mad Fishmonger have already done once before. I have no reason to doubt that they will be able to do it now. By the way, our ancient kings were able to tame the Spirit of Xolomi on their own, without any outside help. But this doesn’t mean that a person is able to explain to you what the Spirit of Xolomi is, why it fancies throwing a party every so often, and why it would wish to leave its own abode in ruins, not to mention the entire City of Echo. Some things are simply beyond explanation. Are you disappointed?”

“But is it really that dangerous?” I said. “Are you absolutely sure that Juffin and Shurf can keep it at bay?”

“Of course they can. I wish I had your worries, boy,” said Lady Sotofa, laughing. “You don’t know Juffin very well yet. If he doubted his own abilities, he wouldn’t even go there. He would have sneaked off to some other World and watched how it all ended from there.”

“Really? He’d do that?”

“Yes, he would. And that shouldn’t surprise you. Learn to see through people, boy. Someday you’re going to need it. Now, what about question number two? Well, never mind. I know what you’re going to ask. You want to know what you’re supposed to do now since Juffin offloaded so much responsibility onto you, right?”

“Something like that, yes. But considering what you’ve just told me, it looks like it’s not that relevant. You know, it never really occurred to me until now that anything could happen to this wonderful World, that it could end just like that, at the drop of a hat. Knowing that makes my problems at work seem—”

“Any World can end at any minute, and when it happens, it happens precisely in that manner—at the drop of a hat,” said Lady Sotofa. “When you think about it, all other problems pale in comparison, don’t you think?”

“I do,” I said with a sigh. “You sure know how to cheer a person up, Lady Sotofa.”

“Oh, my goodness, now this nice young man will suffer for the rest of the day,” said Lady Sotofa, smiling. “Don’t go borrowing trouble. Drink your kamra before it gets cold.”

Three minutes later I got pretty tired of worrying about the fate of the World, and I laughed, to my own surprise.

“I think I know why Juffin made me his deputy. If the World could end any minute now, it doesn’t really matter what kind of a mess I make in just twelve days.”

“Quick learner, my boy!” said Lady Sotofa. “That’s how I was going to answer your second question, if you had asked.”

Soon, it was time to say goodbye to the wonderful Lady Sotofa. She walked me to the invisible Secret Door in the wall around Jafax.

“Don’t bother yourself with the fate of the World,” she said. “What you really need to do is to look after your shaggy, disheveled head. And remember, don’t tease Eternity. It’s already studying you with acute interest.”

“Huh?” I shuddered. It was the second time this powerful witch with the manners of a loving grandmother had mentioned Eternity, which I was apparently “teasing.”

“Never mind that,” she said with a sigh, and suddenly gave me a quick hug, as if she were parting with a son going off to war. “Go take care of your silly duties, boy. And don’t worry, you won’t fail. Ever.”

I went back to Headquarters feeling very confused. It was the first time that a conversation with Lady Sotofa had left a weight on my heart. But which heart? I wondered.

“Oh, here’s our Venerable Head,” said Melifaro, jumping down from my desk. He looked at me seriously, but his eyes were laughing. “Officer Melifaro reporting: nothing happened on my shift, sir! I mean, literally, nothing. Even the police are loafing. Kofa came by. He says that the citizens already know whose bottom is now occupying Sir Juffin Hully’s chair. And they are almost sure that you kill people on the spot for the slightest misdemeanor. I guess Echo’s criminals decided to take a break and wait for Juffin to return. They were used to him.”

“Good, good,” I said. “They should take their kids to the zoo, if there is one in Echo, which I doubt. They need a vacation like anyone else.”

The accursed weight finally fell from my heart. I even thought I heard it hit the ground. The best remedy for metaphysical worries is two glances at Sir Melifaro before meals. And it’s best to chase them down with something strong.

I said, “Has Kofa left already?”

“Of course. Our Master Eavesdropper-Gobbler is back at his post. He’s probably munching away on delicacies in some tavern. I don’t know what kinds of secrets he’s uncovering, but I’m sure that when he moves his jaw, the walls start trembling.”

“We should follow his example,” I said, and beckoned to Melifaro with my index finger. “Let’s go.”

“Where?” Melifaro said, wrapping himself in his dreadful yellow looxi.

“To the
Juffin’s Dozen
. I want to bring another client to that terrible Moxi. Maybe he won’t smack me with his horrible ladle. What’s more, I hope that surly man will give me a free drink since I’m going to do him a favor.”

“Whoa, are these the new rules?” said Melifaro. “Did I hear you right? You’re leaving your post during working hours, but you’re not going to the
Glutton Bunba?
That’s bold. Very bold.”

“You heard right, mister. I’m the greatest hero of all times and places, didn’t you know?”

This bravado was a sign that I was almost myself again—the flippant dimwit. Frankly, I was only too happy with that development. Given that the World could end any second now—ready or not, here I come.

I returned to the House by the Bridge about three hours later. I let Melifaro go “have some fun,” as he put it.

Pondering the situation a bit, I realized that I was a lousy boss. My subordinates were loafing around Magicians knew where, and I was back in the office. Strictly speaking, it should have been the other way around.

“What’s up, smarty?” I said to Kurush as I placed a parcel with pastries beside him. “Anything happen?”