The Stranger's Woes (65 page)

“No,” said the buriwok, digging his bill into a pastry.

Soon I was cursing myself for doing this, as I was trying to clean the sticky cream off his bill. An hour later, Kofa came in. He immediately grasped the situation and laughed a good-natured laugh.

“If you had your way, you would dismiss the entire City Police Department, too, and try to do their work singlehandedly. You’re so humane it’s almost disgusting.”

“Is it really?”

“Oh, yes. Want a piece of advice? Order me to take your chair and go home. I’m sure Tekki’s waiting for you.”

“I’m sure she is,” I said, and heaved a sigh. “Is my humanistic nature catching?”

“You might say that. I’ll be honest with you, though: I’m going to keep Lady Kekki Tuotli company. Tonight is her shift, so you, Sir Venerable Head, are only going to get in my way.”

“Well, well, well, I turned out to be a good matchmaker, huh?” I said enthusiastically.

“You are, indeed. Seriously, Max, you can go home with a clean conscience. Juffin, by the way, usually leaves work at around dusk.”

“I guess you’re right,” I said.

I got up, smiled at Kofa, and opened the door. “Good night, Kofa.”

The
Armstrong & Ella
was very crowded. It surprised me at first, but then I realized that I hadn’t had the chance to stop in at dusk in a long while. Usually, I was just getting to work at this time of day.

On a barstool, dozing off, sat my friend Anday Pu. He had become a regular at this place recently. That in itself was surprising because Tekki served no food. Is he on a diet? I thought. Echo’s star reporter was soused to the eyeballs.

“Am I dreaming?” said Tekki. “What a surprise!”

“You can say that again,” I said, sitting on a stool next to Anday, who reeked of drink. “I thought I wouldn’t make it back here for another dozen days or so, but the Heavens, assisted by Sir Kofa, had other plans for me. It’s too bad this place is packed. To tell you the truth, I had some fantastic plans for tonight.”

“They’re leaving pretty soon,” said Tekki. “I’m telling you, they come here every night with only one thing on their minds: to watch you flirt with me. Now their dreams have finally come true.”

She was right. A half hour later the place was empty and Tekki and I were alone, serenaded by Anday’s snoring.

“This guy can sleep all the way through until morning if you don’t touch him,” said Tekki, sighing. “No wonder, though, considering that he’s been poisoning his body since noon today.”

“What is his problem?” I said, shaking Anday by the shoulder. “What’s wrong, you ancestor of Ukumbian pirates? Life is good—life in general, and yours in particular. Haven’t you been burning like a comet for a little too long today, Blackbeard Junior?”

“You keep coming up with these otherworldly names for me,” said Anday, still sleepy. “You still don’t catch a thing.”

“But I do,” I said. “Depression again?”

“Max, would it kill you to buy me a ticket to Tasher?” said Anday. “I want to go south. It’s warm, and—”

“And they appreciate poets there. I know, you told me. I’d love to think that they appreciate poets somewhere. How come you can’t buy the ticket yourself? As far as I know, you get one heck of a paycheck from Sir Rogro. I’m afraid the newspaper will go bust just trying to keep up with your salary.”

“It keeps disappearing. Somewhere. You know, those little round metal things. I just don’t catch where,” said Anday. “The dinner is totally over.”

Tekki and I spent three hours and learned just two simple, indisputable truths: Mr. Anday Pu wanted to go south because it was warm there. And in Echo nobody can “catch” anything. The rest of the night, however, was ours and ours alone—something that I considered to be a rare and lucky event.

A call from Sir Kofa Yox woke me up in the morning. I didn’t get enough sleep again, but Kofa was very persistent.

I know it’s unforgivable of me to call like this
,
but the sooner you come to the House by the Bridge the better
.

Okay
,
if you say it’s important, then I’m sure it is
.
Could you please order some kamra for me at the
Glutton
?
I won’t be able to get any at home at this point
.

I already ordered it
.
Come on
,
Sir Max, show us your top speed
.

“I will,” I said out loud, addressing the bottle of Elixir of Kaxar would save my life once again. Back home in my World, where I had only black coffee at my disposal, I would have given up the ghost long before from chronic exhaustion, given my crazy schedule. Here, though, I was doing all right.

I dressed quickly and rushed downstairs. I got in my amobiler and took off at the speed of light. Then it dawned on me: something nasty had happened. Sir Kofa wouldn’t have bothered me if it hadn’t been something serious.

“So, what is it?” I said as I stepped into the office.

Sir Kofa looked at me with genuine admiration.

“Only eight minutes! I timed you. You came all the way from the New City, right? I’m impressed, son.”

“Mind you, it took me at least five minutes to come to my senses,” I said, and poured myself some kamra. “But what happened?”

“The living dead have been spotted at the Green Petta Cemetery,” Kofa said in an offhand tone. “The guard sent me a call. The poor guy was on the verge of fainting. He almost didn’t get away. Nothing out of the ordinary, but we have to do something about the undead, and the sooner the better. We can’t let that scum hang around the Left Bank.”

“Are they hanging around already?”

“Not yet, but they’re going to spread about soon, I believe.”

“Are there a lot of them?”

“If there weren’t a lot of them, I wouldn’t have woken anyone up and would have dealt with them myself. The problem is that there are a few dozen of them already, and new ones keep popping up.”

“Where are Melifaro and Melamori? Did you send them a call?”

“Of course I did. But unlike you, they move at regular human speed. They’ll be here soon.”

“If I get this right, we’re going to go to the cemetery and tear them limb from limb,” I said doubtfully.

Sir Kofa nodded yes. “That is precisely what we are going to do. Where are they coming from, I wonder?” he said.

“From the graves, naturally,” I said.

“What’s from the graves?” said Melamori, frightened. She entered the office briskly. Unlike me, she looked absolutely stunning. She had clearly had a good night’s sleep.

“It’s all very grave,” I said mechanically.

A moment later, the silliness of the exchange dawned on us and we laughed.

“Is this a comedy club? It’s bad taste to laugh like that so early in the morning,” Melifaro said in a sleepy tone.

His bright-violet looxi was a perfect match for the dark rings under his eyes. He is definitely feeling worse than I am, I thought, not without pleasure.

Without saying anything, I handed him the bottle of Elixir of Kaxar. It wasn’t an act of kindness on my part—I usually don’t suffer from that. I did it in the interests of the case.

“Okay,” I said, and gulped down the rest of my kamra. “Time to get down to work. Melamori, you’re staying here and holding down the fort. We’re going over to the Green Petta Cemetery, where we’ll finish off those zombies. Then we’ll come back here and have some breakfast together.”

“Why am I staying here again?”

Sometimes Melamori can be a pain in the backside, to tell you the truth.

“Because I say so. And I am the law, according to the Borderland dwellers, an official delegation of which is approaching Echo as we speak.” I winked at Melamori. “Think about it: we don’t need to step on anyone’s trace, praise be the Magicians. And making you fight those undead monsters is like hammering in nails with a microscope.”

“What’s a microscope?”

Melamori was no longer offended. Phew, it looked like I had managed to come up with a compliment that pleased her.

“It’s a special contraption that you don’t want to use for driving in nails,” I said. “Sir Kofa, I’ll feel so much better if you don’t leave Melifaro and me to the mercy of fate. I have a peculiar fear of cemeteries, and I’ll need you to hold my hand and calm me down.”

“Of course I’m coming with you. I was planning on it. Why would you think otherwise?”

“Because you’re still sitting in the chair, and I’m already on my way to the Left Bank, as it were.”

“You’re a quick lad,” Kofa said, getting up reluctantly. “So much for my hoping to escape from Juffin the Quick and Nimble and all his candlesticks.”

“He lent me some of them,” I said.

“So very kind of him,” said Melifaro. He was finally beginning to look like himself again.

I parked the amobiler at the cemetery gates and we got out.

“So, guys,” I said hesitantly, “you can kill them, too, right?”

“Don’t worry, boy,” said Kofa. “We have a trick or two up our sleeves. You’re not going to be doing this dirty business alone. Are you surprised?”

“No, not really, but I just wanted to make sure. Life’s full of surprises, so I can’t be sure of anything. Silly, huh?”

“No, not silly. Let’s just say a little unexpected. You did guess, however, that of the three of us, Melamori was the only one who couldn’t do it.”