The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7) (15 page)

“If you please, Persephone, I perceive a bouncing dot of artificial light moving in this direction.”

“I say, quite so, Rhianico. I am sure, as are you my dear, that this denotes the successful return of our young heroes, eh hem?”

“Hai, Persephone, it is now quite clear that this is Jubei and Ichsa-bod, swiftly returning to us on the dynolectric-cycle!”

“Indeed, Rhianico, for in a dramatic, sliding, squeal of burning latex from the ballooned tyres, our two stalwart adventurers bring their brass and steel steed to a halt. Yes, as the dusty road worn mummies remove the scarves that protect the lower part of their grimy faces, and then release the goggles from above, clean rings of flesh surrounding their twinkling eyes do reveal our happy beaus. Let us run to greet our happy and grinning boys, eh hem?”

“If you please, Persephone,
hai!”

                   “Rhianico!”    “Jubei!”

          “Miss Plumtartt!”    “Mr. Temperance!”

                 
  “Mmmmmmm!”

“All right, then, Mr. Temperance, please tell me, were you able to stop ZodGila from devouring ToeKey-Oh, eh hem?”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am! Me and Jubei got him to turn away from the city!”

“Oh, my, how wonderful! I had every confidence in you gentlemen, I must say.”

“Hai, Persephone. I have a shameful admission to make. Ichsa-bod’s safety was placed in my hands, yet I attempted to...”

“Oh! Hey! Jubei! There ain’t no need to worry Miss Plumtartt with the more sordid elements of our little adventure. So long as everything turned out all right, I’d say that it worked out for the best.”

“Hai, if you say so, Ichsa-bod.”

“Hi, Jubei!”

“Well, if you cannot flesh out the baser means of your tale, then can you not elaborate more on the brighter points of your escapades, eh hem?”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, I reckon what happened was kind of like that ‘Line’.”

“To what ‘Line’, do you refer, Mr. Temperance?”

“You know, that old story about ‘DanderFleas and the Line’? It’s from the A-Sops Table.”

“Perhaps your reference intention is ‘Androcles and the Lion of Æsop’s Fables?”

“If you please, I see the approach of ZodGila! He is moving across the land in a direct course for Monstrous Island.”

“He sure is something to behold, ain’t he, y’all?”

“ZodGila is indeed a remarkable and impressive sight, Mr. Temperance. We are enjoying a rare and poignant moment, my friends. ZodGila interrupts the red rays of the rising sun, the triangular ridges along his back outlined in sharp detail. We are afforded a spectacular view of the greatest of creatures. The magnificent beast carries himself with dignity... Hello, what’s this? ZodGila has stopped. A stern and excited demeanor has suddenly taken the great beast. Whipping his enormous tail back and forth in unexpected consternation, ZodGila is unable to restrain his instinctual exhibition of extreme agitation. The monster is casting about, looking into the night sky.”

“Yes, Ma’am. Now his attention is locked in. His gnarled brow is pulled forward into an expression of complete focus. I’m looking where he is looking, but I don’t see nothing. Wait, there is something out there! A star is moving! I reckon it ain’t really a star, though, is it? That little ol’ speck of light is definitely on the hop! ZodGila don’t seem to like it nary a bit, neither! He is really upset to see this little light moving through the night sky and seemingly headed straight for us!”

“My word, Mr. Temperance, the shooting star is going to crash! This fiery meteor is now ripping, roaring, and burning through Earths atmosphere leaving a turbulent trail of smoke and cloud in its wake as it plunges towards the Pacific Ocean!”

~
B
O
O
O
O
O
M!!
!
~

“Woo, whee! What a gigantic fireball, y’all! That sure ‘nough was a powerful impact on the water! The concussive wave that followed the blinding flash pert’ near put us all on our bee-hinds! It looks like that sucker came down just a few miles from here!”

“If you please, my friends, ZodGila is now animated into a colossal rage! He is changing his course and making directly for the source of that explosion!”

“I say and oh my, I beg your pardon my friends, but I feel impelled to share a sense of nameless dread, no doubt caused by the frigid hand of fear that has gripped my heart, at an impossible sight. If I am not mistaken, I do believe that I can make out the silhouette of a titan on the horizon. Merciful Heavens, the creature must rival even the incomprehensible ZodGila himself to be seen at this distance, eh hem?”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, there is a definite, dark spot, indicative of a very large obstruction where that meteor impact occurred. I might have to add, that I think it is rapidly moving in this direction, y’all.”

“Hai, Ichsa-bod, for in the first rays of today’s dawning sun, we are afforded a slow illumination of our visitor from the endless voids.”

“If you please, my friends, I am detecting a slight radiance from that what approaches, as the Sun’s early rays, reflect a golden light from Earth’s guest.”

“ZodGila is leaving the shore and running out into the ocean to meet this thing. Look at ZodGiler run, y’all! The way he brings his feet and knees up to his sides in wide circles to clear the oceans surface, his elbows held high with head and tail working in counter-point to the splashing, three-toed lizard feet, reminds me of a child’s frolicsome behaviour as they may exhibit when they first run into a beaches breaker waves. That thing headed this way runs diff’ernt. I think it’s galloping like a horse. No, that ain’t quite it. The leaping manner reminds me of something else. Reminds me of a big cat, like a cougar or panther. Holy cats, you guys, its a three headed monster that is headed for a dire collision with ZodGiler!

“Eee-
Aye
-r
KULCK!!!”

“My word, I don’t believe it! The three-headed fiend has dodged away at the last moment to lash out with its flail-enhanced tail! Our own ZodGila has run full tilt into the entire force of our apparent adversary’s strike to be upended out of the water to complete an airborne tilt-a-whirl, before returning to crash unceremoniously into the ocean with an enormous splash to accompany this evidence of heavy impact! Quite so, rather, I say, indeed!”

“He done sure ’nough turned ol’ ZodGiler upside down and inside out, y’all! I ain’t never seen nobody clocked like that before!”

“Hai, Ichsa-bod, and now the behemoth stands still and straight, showing disdain for ZodGila, by posing with his back to the fallen giant. This super-monster knows that he has struck a decisive blow against his opponent. And now, we get a good look at this super-monster that has defeated that which cannot
be
defeated.”

“If you please, my Jubei, I would describe the creature first as magnificent! Covered in overlapping scales of gold, the super-monster is a living treasure. He possesses the body of a lion, except that his tail is a mighty mace!”

“Great, bitey, bedbugs, is he getting bigger?”

“No, Mr. Temperance, the beast is spreading his aforetold folded wings!”

“Hai, he is as the three-headed hound of Hades!”

“If you please, but with the body of a lion. If I am not mistaken, the three heads are strikingly feline.”

“Yeah, but the kitty heads are on the end of long snaky dragon necks. The one in the middle is wearing a thin, red, collar. This boy is kind of like a jumble of several mythical monsters. I think this feller might be referred to as a Hi!-drer-grifted-on-Sir Bee’ause, right Miss Plumtartt?”

“Almost, Mr. Temperance, thought if I may be allowed to assist you on your awkward, traipse through mythic lore, we might say the fellow were a hydra-gryphon-Cerbius, golden skinned, and of the super-monster variety. On a massive scale, I am inclined to add. Stand by, my friends, for if I am not mistaken, this super-monster is much like our own Terran variety in his irrepressible urge to voice his presence, eh hem?”

“Hai, Persephone, for the great beast has tensed the mighty sinews that power his extraordinary physique. With deliberate intent, he draws a huge amount of air into the  immense bellows of his lungs. Prepare yourselves my friends; this release promises to be enormous!”

“REEER-REERLL!”

“REEER-RAWRLL!”

“REEER-RORLL!”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Your destruction”

“is what I bring.”

“Earths demise”

“is of what I sing.”

“Earth will cry”

“In misery and pain.”

“Drenched with sorrow”

“In the deadly reign,”

“of, Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Opposite the Sun,”

“a Superior planet lies.”

“Always hidden from”

“your Earthling eyes.”

“This side of the Sun”

“is the total sticks,”

“You may not live,”

“so says Planet Eckes!”

“Super-Controller,”

“made a determination.”

“Planet Earth,”

“slated for Extermination!”

“I am Kitkara,”

“The Ineluctible One!”

“My mission is to see”

“tha
t
Earth’s days are done!”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“Kitkara .  .  .”

“My word, what a deplorable development this is, eh hem?”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt Ma’am, but looky there! ZodGila is rising back to his rear feet to face this dreadful foe, y’all!”

“Hai, Ichsa-bod, and if I am any judge of super-monster expression, I would say that ZodGila is not happy about that incredible, weighted tail blow he received from Kitkara.”

“If you please, the baleful yellow eyes beneath that reptilian brow promise death to Kitkara! Oh mighty ZodGila! Smite Kitkara on our behalf, if you please!”

“My word, once again the super-behemoths fly at one another! Oh my, what’s this? It is ZodGila that spins aside to lash out with his tail!”

“REEER-KLULCK!!!”

“Wah-hoo! Yay! Attaboy, ZodGiler! That spinning tail lash caught Kitkara square on the button of his center chin! Yee, dawgies, ZodGiler, you done returned that cat a respectable receipt!

“Hear, hear, I say, my word, good show old chap. Yes, rather, well done, ZodGila, a perfectly timed execution of your maneuver, sir.”

“Hai, the incomprehensible King of all Super-Monsters now stands, as a quivering shudder of ecstatic release runs through his impenetrable green scaly hide, and the ocean’s moisture grants ZodGila gloriously shining brilliance! He prepares to announce his royal position on this World!”

“Eee-
Aye
-rRoark!!!”

“If you please, Kitkara also rises. Though standing on all fours, the enormous Kitkara nevertheless stands above the ocean waves.”

“REEER-REERLL!”

“What have you
done!
You
filthy
animal!”

“REEER-RAWRLL!”

“You have
struck
us!”

“REEER-RORLL!”

“Inconceivable!
You will pay dearly for this despicable transgression! Die, you pitiful excuse of a super-monster!”

“REEER-REERLL!”

“REEER-RAWRLL!”

“REEER-RORLL!”

“Eee-
Aye
-rRoark!!!”

~whoom.~

~WHOOM.~

~WHOOM!~

~WHOOM!!!~

~WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP~

~WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP~

~WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP,WHOOP~

~WHOOP!WHOOP!WHOOP!WHOOP!~

“Oh my goodness, y’all! That golden, hydrer-gryphon-Cerberus-dino-dragon is taking flight! He is clear of the water and gaining altitude! From a tremendous height, Kitkara flies in a wide orbit of ZodGila. He is flying faster and faster! ZodGila is having a hard time keeping Kitkara in view!”

“Dear me, Mr. Temperance, but I am very much afraid that our champion, ZodGila, dizzies himself as he tries to keep Kitkara from getting behind him. Oh drat, I now theorize that this was that fiend, Kitkara’s, intention all along! He is now poised to freely attack the mighty ZodGila, who, unfortunately, is stumbling around like a drunken New Year’s Eve party reveler, eh hem?”

“Hai, Persephone, for now, Kitkara extends his mighty scaled lion’s paws before him and holds them stiffly, as is they are a battering ram.”

“If you please, my Jubei, ZodGila is about to get clobbered!”

~BAMMO!!!~

“Miss Plumtartt, ZodGiler is hit! He is still standing, but he is knocked loopy! That mean ol’ Kitkara is still flying around and setting up for another wallop on poor ol’ ZodGiler, Ma’am.”