The Saddler Boys (18 page)

Her words whipped him back like a gale-force wind. ‘
What?
'

‘You heard me. After you went back to the farm there were others. Who knew which one was really the father? But I knew you would help me out. You were always good to me back then. So I came to you, said it was yours, but I don't really know.'

‘You're fucking kidding me! Are you just being a bitch, or what?' It couldn't be true. Billy had his eyes – a lighter blue, but still they were similar, and his walk was the same as Drew's. Not that that was genetics, but still.

‘The courts won't let you have him if he's not even yours. If you let me see him, then I won't say he's not yours,' she said. Her dark eyes were challenging him, but was it just a bluff?

‘He's mine regardless,' he said, summoning a strength he didn't feel. Don't come back here unannounced or I'll call the cops. I'll make your life hell, Simone, so don't push me on this.'

‘I want to be in my son's life. I gave birth to him, I know he's mine,' she said, opening her car door and getting in. ‘I won't give up either, Drew. You need to let me be in his life. It's the easy option for all of us. You really want to lose your farm over this?'

‘Goodbye, Simone.' Drew shoved her door closed and turned away. If she didn't leave now, he was going to do something stupid. He clung to the side of his ute, breathing heavily and waiting as her car started and drove off. He turned to watch and make sure she left Dragon Rock for good. When there was no more dust, Drew turned around and punched the door of his old ute as hard as he could, cursing loudly enough to scare the nearby birds. Then he punched it again for good measure. The pain was sweet relief, flooding his body and momentarily voiding his brain of thought for all of two seconds. Then his knuckles began to throb and bleed where he'd split the skin.

This was not happening.

Simone had to be lying. Yet a small part in the back of Drew's mind kept yelling out that it was totally possible. This was Simone, after all. She didn't take their break-up well; she'd probably spent the month afterwards in a drug haze, sleeping with anyone who looked half interested. The idea churned in his stomach and he wanted to hit something again. The crumpled door of his ute just wouldn't do. How would he explain the big dent he'd already put there?

Drew swore and sank down onto the ground. Tears came, not from the possible broken bones in his fist but from the tearing of his heart. Billy was his son in every way. There was no way he would give him up, even if he wasn't his. How could Simone do this to him again? She'd thrown his life into chaos in seconds. He swiped at his face with rough hands but the tears came faster, blurring his sight. He wished his parents were here. How was he going to fight this on his own? How was he going to keep this from affecting Billy? Where the hell did he start?

A wet tongue ran along his arm. He pulled his hands away from his face to see a blurry Turbo, who licked him again. He nudged his head in close, curious.

Turbo glanced back to the house and Drew realised sitting here feeling sorry for himself wasn't going to help his son.
His
son. As he fought back another wave of tears, he got up, using Turbo as a crutch. ‘Thanks, boy.' Drew lifted his shirt and wiped his face. Turbo was right. Billy was inside, needing a father. And he was the man for the job, regardless of what some DNA test might say.

DRIVING
through the farm gate to return Billy after he'd spent the week with her, Nat tried to imagine how awesome it would look with Kim's big dragon standing nearby. The sculpture was sure to attract new orders for her. Nat wondered how Kim ever found the time.

‘Are you excited to see Dad?' Nat asked Billy as they drove onto the farm. He had a broad smile on his face.

‘Yeah! And I miss Turbo.'

Nat drove to the shed, as Drew had suggested via text message. He was loading up the grain truck and would take Billy back out with him.

‘I see him, I see him!' said Billy, pointing.

Billy was out the door the moment she stopped the car. Drew turned off a motor, ran to Billy and flung him up into the air, then hugged him tightly. Nat found herself grinning at this reunion between father and son.

‘Hey,' she said as she approached them. Drew put Billy down and Nat noticed his hand. ‘Oh my god. What happened?' She reached for his arm but he jerked it away.

‘It's nothing. Just me and machinery don't mix.'

Drew put his hand behind his back but she'd already seen the split knuckles, the puffy, dark bruising. How was he working with it in that state? ‘Have you seen the doctor? It could be broken.'

‘Nat, it's fine.' Drew's eyes went back to Billy, avoiding Nat's gaze. He'd been doing that since she'd arrived. ‘Man, did I miss you.' He rubbed the top of his son's head with his good hand.

‘Turbo, I missed you too, buddy,' Billy said as the dog jumped up to lick his face. He ran off, Turbo barking and chasing him.

Nat stepped towards Drew. She just wanted to stand a bit closer; whether it was so she could smell him, or make him look at her, or even just because she felt a pull towards him, she wasn't sure. But she'd missed his company. Seeding was horrible.

‘I've packed Billy and you some snacks to have while you're on the tractor. His iPod is charged too so you should be set for a fair while.' Drew had offered to take her for a spin once but it hadn't eventuated. Maybe because there wasn't much room in the tractor.

‘Thanks, Nat, I really appreciate it.' Finally he turned his deep blue eyes in her direction. ‘I couldn't do it without you.' The stubble on his chin was getting quite long and his hair was looking scruffy. ‘Didn't let Billy out of your sight?' he asked softly.

‘No. I did as you asked. He's never been alone or out of my sight, even at school while he played. I've kept a lookout for her car as well.' Nat was itching to ask him again about the meeting. By Billy's account it all went nicely. Yet Drew had made sure she was on protection duty and hadn't explained why.

‘Thanks. I just don't want her near him until we have everything legalised. I don't want her in his life, Nat,' said Drew as he watched Billy try to catch Turbo's tail. Turbo was dancing around him, tauntingly waving his tail at him before bounding away. ‘I can't see Simone bringing anything good into his life, not until I know she's really changed. But even then . . .' His words dropped away.

‘Are you okay?' Her gut said something wasn't right.

‘Yeah, all good. Should get this seeding done by next week. Just in time for the Bogan Bingo night. I think we'll all need a break by then. You included,' he said, changing the subject.

‘Billy's been great, don't worry about him. We've been getting on brilliantly. He isn't a problem at all.'

‘Are you off to the city now?' Drew's brow creased.

‘No, we're having a meeting with the Pingaring, Karlgarin and Mount Walker schools, which are on the closure list. I'm heading to Lozzy's after here and she's driving us. It could be a long afternoon.' Nat knew she should really get going but she didn't want to leave Drew just yet.

‘You going back tomorrow? To the city?' he clarified.

‘Ah, yeah. Everyone wants to see me and I can't go home next weekend with the bingo on. Lozzy would kill me.' She didn't mention Gary. Since that night Drew had kissed her cheek she'd been careful to hardly mention Gary at all. Drew's eyes always flashed with a dark fury and she hated seeing him like that. Plus, it made her feel uncomfortable; she didn't like talking about Gary or what happened. She'd only just started to reply to his emails. Nat thought it was only fair that she tell him how she felt, how he'd made her feel. Nat hoped it was a step in the right direction, getting Gary to realise she was scared.

‘Did Lozzy tell you about the meeting at the school last week with the local minister?'

‘Yeah, Matt mentioned it was quite hostile.'

‘It was crazy. I know they were there to do a job and just tell us why it was happening but the passion from the community, it was amazing. I felt sorry for him in a way, but I hope he went back with a real understanding of our position.'

‘He might,' said Drew. ‘But it would mean shit to the others. I doubt that bloke could make the Ed Department see our point of view. We really need to tell them in person.'

‘You're so right. Lozzy and I think we should take a few of us to meet the minister in Perth and go and meet these people making the decisions. Take signs and our petitions. We need to make a noise, otherwise they'll just roll us over.'

‘Squeaky wheel always gets the grease.'

Nat smiled at Drew, who was finally talking to her like he used to, like they were a team again. ‘Totally,' she agreed.

‘So have you decided what you're going to do about Gary, then?'

The unexpected comment came so suddenly it almost knocked the air from her lungs. ‘What?'

Drew glanced at Billy, who'd raced off to his motorbike for a quick ride, before stepping closer to Nat. He held her arm with his good hand and set his sapphire eyes on her like trained targets. ‘I'm not going to sit back and watch you become a punching bag, Nat. If I have to nag you until you do something about it, then I will. Even if it means losing you as a friend.'

Her heart thudded with a slow, painful beat.

‘I know you're scared, Nat. I just want to make sure you're not burying your head in the sand.'

He didn't know what her situation was. It wasn't that simple. ‘Just leave it be, Drew,' she said a little harshly.

‘Am I pissing you off? Are you angry?'

She wasn't sure what she was feeling, whether she wanted to scream at him or just run away and hide.

‘Drew,' she growled in warning.

‘Good. I want you to be pissed off, because that's how I feel. I won't see you hurt again, Nat. I'll be checking up on you next week.'

She pulled her arm from his grip and then closed her eyes so she didn't have to see him and those eyes that were reading her thoughts. Turning, she headed back to her car while trying to gather her thoughts and her breathing. Why was she so upset? She knew Drew was only looking out for her, but she felt ashamed and silly. Why did she feel like this was all her fault?

Billy's motorbike came to a skid beside her and she jumped. He tore off his helmet. ‘Bye, Natty, thank you for having me.' He jumped off the bike and hugged her tightly.

‘Anytime, Billy. I loved having you.'

Freckles moved on his cheeks as he squinted into the afternoon sun. ‘Can I come back one day?'

She brushed some dust from his cheek and smiled. ‘Of course you can. Be good for your dad now, okay? I'll see you at school next week.'

He hugged her again and murmured something into her red coat. She was sure she heard the words ‘wish' and ‘mum'. But the breeze was whipping around them, taking his words. He let her go and Nat continued to her car, determined not to look back. It wasn't until she was behind the safety of her tinted window and driving away that she finally turned back to watch Drew. He was by the truck, filling the bin with grain.

She waited, and waited. At the last minute she saw him turn his head to watch her go and it filled her with relief.

It wasn't until twenty minutes later that she got a text message from Drew.

I'm sorry. I'm still your friend. Here anytime you need. I just care. Ok?

Nat grinned. She felt like hugging her phone.

I know. Thanks. I'm here for you too. I'll always be your friend. :)

NAT
pulled on her black skinny jeans, Lauren's tight black T-shirt and the red-checked shirt over the top. Already she felt like a bogan. It certainly made getting ready easy – there were just her work boots to go. She'd left her hair out but added a bit of wax so she was rocking a Kurt Cobain look.

She hurried to the hall to see if Lauren needed a hand with the last-minute details. They'd set up the hall earlier in the day with Aussie flags, AC/DC posters, eskies, ugg boots and blow-up guitars. Lauren had bought posters of muscle cars off eBay, along with checked flags. By the time they'd finished putting them all up, along with setting up tables with stubby holders and pistons with tea lights on top, the hall was looking awesome. Red and black streamers were twisted along the walls and hung from the ceiling – anything to try to hide the cracks. Stepping inside now, she could hear AC/DC's ‘Thunderstruck' already blaring from the speakers. Nat couldn't help but smile at the transformation. It was going to be a fun night.

‘Hey, there ya are, Nazza,' yelled Lauren.

Nat chuckled at Lauren's red leopard-print leggings and Guns N' Roses singlet. Everything was hanging out, but it made the look even better. She wore black thongs and a massive blond curly wig. ‘Hi, I'm Shazza,' she said cheekily, putting on a real ocker voice. ‘Mazza is out the back, bringing in the auction items with Drewie.'

‘Kids all happy?' Nat asked.

‘Yep. They'll be fine with Doris. No doubt she'll be feeding them too much and letting them be total ferals, but it's worth it for a night off.'

Matt walked in carrying a large framed Dockers football jumper. It had been signed by Nat Fyfe for the auction, as they were raising money for the P & C. They were all staying optimistic and positive about the school closure. Matt wore boardies, thongs, a VB singlet and a blue flannel shirt. He'd blacked out a few teeth and his mullet wig made Nat chuckle again.

Drew followed him in torn jeans, white singlet and blue-checked shirt. Nat couldn't pick anything wrong with what he was wearing. He still looked hot. Until he stuck a black handlebar moustache on his face.

‘That is shocking,' she said as they set up the auction items by the nearby table, laid with the coloured bingo balls and ball roller.

‘You love it,' teased Drew, giving his fake facial hair a wiggle.

His right hand was looking much better than when she'd seen him last week. The swelling had gone and only a light tinge remained of the bruise. They'd texted and talked a few times since that day, their friendship back on track. Billy had spent the last week between Doris and Lauren, Drew wanting to give Natalie a break. But truth be told, she had missed the little guy's company.

As they brought in the last of the auction items, of which most had been donated by local businesses, people turned up with their big eskies full of ice and drinks, ready for a night out. They posed for photos, laughing, with the blow-up guitars. Nat took a selfie with Drew, Lauren and Matt.

It was hilarious to see the members of the community, young and old, getting into the bogan spirit. And after they'd all had a few drinks, Nat was seeing more than she ever expected. The young lads like Dicko and Wazza were a riot, giving the air guitar competition a red-hot go. Pansy had overdone it and was passed out on the ground outside and they hadn't even made it to the auction yet. Ross, the principal, Scott, the pub owner, and Frank from the shop were some of the surprises. Who knew Ross was a massive AC/DC fan? He'd come dressed like Angus. There was even some impromptu singing to great rock songs in between the bingo rounds. Matt had started a trend by dotting a yellow spot on Lauren's ample bosom with a bingo fluoro marker; towards the end of the night, several people had fluorescent spots on them. At one point, Nat was laughing so hard she was trying not to spit out her wine, which was served in a middy glass and stubby holder, and Drew squished a pink splodge on her forehead.

His eyes shot open and his mouth made an O. ‘It was an accident. Your head bumped into my marker.'

‘You little . . .'

‘What? Shit? Arsehole? Come on, Nazza,' he slurred slightly. ‘Give me your best shot. Don't play nice. It's bogan night, remember.'

‘You wanker,' she said with a giggle. She snatched up her orange marker and launched at Drew. Her chair slid out from under her, sending her flailing and falling on top of him, at which point they both fell on the floor, laughing hysterically. Luckily they didn't take the plastic tablecloth with them. Even on the floor, Nat wrestled with Drew as they both waved their markers at each other. She got him on the cheek, then he got her on the nose, and she laughed harder when she got him on the mouth. And then he got her a beauty down her neck. Eventually they wore themselves out – that and they ran out of bare skin to mark.

‘You look like a bloody Oompa Loompa,' cackled Lauren. She was bent over, her phone in her hand, trying to snap pictures between peals of laughter. ‘Oh my lordy, you two are the funniest things. Come on, I need a photo.'

Nat pressed her face next to Drew's, still lying almost on top of him, and they smiled for the camera.

‘Say “Shazza”!' said Lauren, clicking away madly.

Nat looked at Drew's face and realised she'd missed a few spots. ‘Wait, hang on. Don't move.' She held his face with one hand while she coloured in the bare spots, just like her kids would do at school. She poked her tongue out the corner of her mouth, as if she was painting the
Mona Lisa
. ‘There, done. Now you're a real Oompa Loompa.'

Nat realised he'd been watching her, in a way that made her blood overheat. Then she realised she was still pressed against him. Suddenly she couldn't think, her head swimming. She scrambled up and righted her chair, leaving Drew to get up on his own. ‘Phew, that was hard work.' His face was completely coloured in. ‘Do I get to shout “bingo” now?' she asked, pointing to Drew.

Lauren and Matt burst out laughing, Matt spraying some beer across the table while Lauren was clutching her sides.

As it turned out, no one on their table won at bingo, but they all pooled their money together to get a box of goodies from the shop. The chocolates and marshmallows were already being sorted for a bonfire.

‘At our place one weekend,' said Lauren. ‘You have to come, Nazza. You haven't experienced country life until you've sat at a roaring bonfire during winter underneath the stars. Bloody magic.'

‘Well, how could I say no to that?'

‘Maybe we should do that for Drew's birthday. A big bonfire bash,' said Matt, whose mullet had slid sideways and now looked like a ferret trying to climb his head.

‘I like that plan. You gonna bring the food and beer too?' asked Drew as he leant on the table, unfazed that his face was completely orange. Everyone in the hall was past caring. Wigs were skewiff, moustaches were found in various places like foreheads and backsides, and their table wasn't the only one playing human bingo with the markers.

‘The kids would love roasting marshmallows, and we can do some damper for you, Nat. Alice taught Billy how to make the best damper. That kid will probably grow up to be a chef, not a farmer,' said Lauren teasingly. ‘Set up a restaurant in the city.'

‘At least you know it wouldn't be vegan food. He could do surf and turfs, real man's food. Yum,' said Matt, licking his lips.

‘He wants to be a farmer, just like his dad,' said Nat. She smiled at Drew but his brow creased. ‘He's a natural. He told me that all he wants to do is stay on the farm with his animals and you.' Nat thought her words would make Drew happy, yet she saw tears fill his eyes.

Abruptly he got up, grabbed his beer and headed off outside. Confused, Nat turned to Lauren and Matt for answers but they were too busy laughing at Wazza, who was trying to unbutton his checked shirt, one eye squeezed shut as if he was seeing double.

Drew had gone through the double doors out the side and Nat's gut feeling had her rising to follow him.

Outside, the cold night air was like a slap in the face, her breath misting. It was quiet – no kids running around, just cars parked outside the hall. The sky was bright with stars and Nat had a moment to appreciate the way they sparkled. There were so many she almost wondered if she was seeing double like Wazza. She searched the parking area and found Drew sitting on an upturned bathtub. She had no clue what it was doing outside the hall. Drew's shoulders were hunched and as she walked towards him they appeared to be shaking. Were her eyes playing tricks on her?

It wasn't until his beer bottle fell to the ground and his hands came up to his face that she paused, mid-step. In the light she saw a grown man falling to pieces, and it broke her heart. Should she give him space? Every part of her wanted to run to him and hold him tight. Without waiting a moment more, she stepped towards him, sat on the bath and wrapped her arms around him.

‘Oh, Drew,' she said softly as she rubbed his arms. ‘What's going on?'

At the sound of her voice his body turned towards her, his head resting against her shoulder, and his crying became softer. She waited, holding him tight and whispering, ‘It's okay. I'm here, Drew.'

‘I'm sorry,' he said eventually, wiping his face and sniffing back tears.

‘Talk to me.'

He sat up but didn't move away.

‘It's Billy,' he said, blinking back fresh tears. ‘Simone thinks he's not mine. No.' He shook his head fiercely. ‘He is mine, but she thinks he's not my biological son.'

Her mind went blank. What did she say to that? It was such an incredible blow. Straight away she started thinking about the resemblances between them – had she imagined them? ‘I just can't believe it's true. Are you going to get a DNA test done?'

He shrugged. ‘I don't know. I'm scared. I mean, it's not going to change how I feel about him, but to the courts . . .' He gazed at her with huge, tormented eyes that she couldn't look away from. ‘What if Simone gets custody? I can't live without him.'

Nat reached up, holding his face, trying to smooth away his worry lines. Tears fell, but they were hers; she felt the wet path they made down her cheeks but she didn't want to let go of Drew to wipe them away.

‘Billy is my life. I'm so scared I'm going to lose him.'

They sat watching each other cry by the dim light. ‘You won't lose him, Drew,' Nat whispered as she tried to talk calmly through her emotions. ‘You need to find out for sure and if it's bad news then we can fight for him. You bloody well fight, Drew, I know you won't let him go.'

Drew rested his forehead against Nat's as they both tried to calm themselves through deep breaths.

‘I'm sorry, Natty,' he said as he began to wipe away her tears.

Nat closed her eyes briefly, consumed by the gut-wrenching feelings that washed over her. She felt Drew's pain and fear along with her own despair at what this could do to Billy, who she loved so dearly. And then there was the soothing flutter that Drew's caresses brought as his thumbs traced across her skin. It felt so right when his lips suddenly found hers. For a moment she forgot the ache in her heart and sought relief. Drew kissed her harder and she welcomed it. His mouth opened, so warm, tasting of beer and salty tears. She gripped his checked shirt, holding him closer as the kiss reached mind-blowing intensity. He tasted so good that she just wanted to crawl into his shirt and under his skin. Her body was alive; every cell was on fire and reacting to his touch.

Drew pulled away suddenly, leaving Nat's lips open, slightly bruised and raw but still wanting more.

‘Shit, I'm sorry, Nat. I'm so sorry.' Drew stood up. Shoved his hands deep into his pockets.

She searched Drew's face, saw his anguish even though he wouldn't meet her gaze. He apologised again and walked off towards the street, away from the hall.

Nat touched her lips, still in a state of shock. Sitting there on an upturned bathtub, looking up at the stars while people yahooed inside the hall and rock music played, Nat had a very strange feeling. It was like she was alive and in tune with the world. Something was so right about this moment. Had someone spiked her drink? Maybe the wine had really gone to her head. Nat didn't care. She just looked up at the stars as if they held the answers to the universe, and felt as if time was standing still.

Nat drove out to Drew's the weekend after bingo. He hadn't texted, nor had he replied to her messages. She'd been so worried about his state of mind. He was dealing with Simone's revelation, and probably the guilt from kissing her that night. Drew was the kind of person who would punish himself for over­stepping the mark. She didn't want him to. And if she was honest, it wasn't all his fault: she'd got carried away in the moment too and she'd take it all back if it would fix their friendship. The only thing left was to face him, and so she was heading out to the farm.

She found him at the shed alone. Drew didn't meet her eyes straight away, just kept working on the motor between his dirty hands as she approached.

‘Drew, we need to talk,' she said. ‘I need to know you're okay. Are we still friends?' She tried to keep the pleading from her voice.

His head shot up then, those eyes so blue latching on to hers. ‘You still want to be my friend?' he replied, his voice full of surprise. Nat nodded and his shoulders relaxed a little. ‘I'm really sorry, Nat. I shouldn't have done that. My head was a mess. I don't want to compromise our friendship, it was way out of line.'

She saw confusion and hurt glistening in the dark centres of his eyes. It
had
been out of line – she was engaged – yet the kiss had been amazing. Nat was confused herself. She'd been stewing over it all week. Maybe it was her uncertainty about Gary that was messing with her. Was Drew an escape? Is that why she liked to be with him? Had liked kissing him? He was handsome; had she just lost herself in the moment? She had been tipsy, had that just amplified things? She was also worried: what if Gary found out? What would happen then?