The Saddler Boys (13 page)

DREW
paused by the door, taking in the scene before him. Natalie and Billy, with aprons on, working together in the kitchen. It made his chest ache and yet brought him this surreal happiness. For the first time, Drew thought about what it would be like to have someone for Billy, and someone for himself. Someone as caring and fascinating as Natalie, who would make coming home special. Seeing them together made him realise what they'd both been missing out on over the years. Maybe having his mum around had disguised their needs and wants. For the first time in a long time he yearned to wake up beside a beautiful woman, the same one every morning – one to share his thoughts, his dreams and fears with freely.

He'd always put Billy's needs first, worrying about bringing someone new into their home, but now he saw that it could be a good thing. Billy shone when he was with Nat, and she was so gentle, accepting and loving with him. This old house certainly missed a woman's touch.

‘Hey, Dad, we're making mac and cheese for tea. I hope you're hungry,' he said, quoting one of Alice's many sayings.

‘Sure am.' Drew walked over to Billy and knelt down in front of him. He saw his son's face drop as he remembered he'd done something wrong. Drew held his arms gently so Billy couldn't run away but smiled to ease his son's anxiety. ‘You had me so worried today. Promise me you won't do that again? I'll take you to Nan anytime you need; you just have to ask.'

Billy nodded.

‘Good. I love you.' Drew pulled him into a tight hug. He smelt like cheese and soap but also like innocence and childhood. It was hard to realise his little boy was growing up right before his eyes.

Nat was watching them, her delicate fingers on her lips, her eyes shining with emotion.

‘Right, I'd better not hold you up,' he said, ruffling Billy's hair.

Drew left to wash up and found himself wondering how life would be if he was married to a woman like Nat. Maybe he should keep his eyes open, be willing to let someone in. He almost laughed – he was so out of the game he wouldn't know how to go about it.

Later that night, after tea, he mentioned it to Nat while Billy was taking a shower and they did the dishes. He'd just finished teasing her about the faint hickey on her neck. Seeing Nat go all shy and flushed made him move on to his own problems.

‘And so you're worried you can't remember how to date?' she asked.

‘Yeah, is that silly? I've been so focused on the farm and Billy over the last eight years.'

‘Drew,' Nat laughed, ‘you wouldn't have to do anything, the girls would come to you. There're quite a few who would jump at the chance,' she said, shaking her head.

Drew picked up a pot and started to dry it while he tried to get his head around Nat's words. ‘No, there aren't. Are there?'

‘Drew, you're the town catch. There are a few girls who've been hoping you'll notice them. I won't name names but just believe me when I say you'd have no trouble finding a few dates.'

‘Yeah, but it's not just dates I want. I think I'd like to find a wife, and mother for Billy, maybe have more kids. Billy was cool as a baby, the cutest dude ever. I miss that,' he said truthfully.

‘You're a good dad, it would be a shame if you didn't have more kids.'

‘Thanks. Some days I'm not so sure. It's hard enough running a farm, let alone raising a kid. There are no manuals and they constantly change.' Drew put his tea towel down and leant his hip against the sink as he faced Nat. ‘Like today, what was that really about? I've been dying to ask but not in front of Billy.'

Nat glanced towards the bathroom and put her finger to her lips. ‘When he's asleep.'

Drew was even more curious now, but he nodded. ‘Okay.' He liked the idea that Nat was going to hang around for longer.

Moments later, Billy came out in his green Scooby Doo pyjamas, his hair still damp, and sat up at the breakfast bar watching them do the dishes.

‘Did you brush your teeth?' Drew asked. Billy showed him. ‘Good. Say goodnight to Natty and I'll tuck you in.'

‘Can Natty tuck me in too?'

Drew didn't get to answer, Nat beat him to it.

‘I'd love to. Let's go,' she said, drying her hands.

Billy hopped into bed and Drew kissed him and pulled his doona up around him. ‘Night, my boy.'

‘Night, Dad. I'm sorry I ran away,' Billy said softly.

‘I know, mate. You scared me, but I'm glad you're back home. Now get some rest.'

Stepping back, he waited by the door and watched as Nat knelt by the bed and stroked his son's head with soft fingers. Billy closed his eyes in sheer delight and for Drew it brought back strong memories of Alice doing the same. Drew felt his throat constrict, his eyes blurring, and he made a quick exit back to the safety of the kitchen.

He got out two beers and waited for Nat to return. As she walked back down the passageway he was struck by how well she seemed to fit in his house. Not something he would have thought when he'd first met her.

‘Thanks for that, Natty.' He handed her a cold beer. ‘Come, we'll sit outside on the verandah.'

Outside it was dark and the night was still. Drew liked sitting out at night, enjoying the quiet – except for Turbo barking at the odd fox.

‘It's nice here,' said Nat, sitting beside him on the wooden bench.

Drew nodded. He could just make out Nat's features from the inside lights. Her brow was creased, not a look she wore often. ‘What's bothering you?' he asked.

‘How did you know something was bothering me?'

‘Come on, spit it out.'

She sighed as she played with the label on her beer. ‘Okay. Billy ran off because a lady came up to him saying he was her mother.'

It took a few moments for her words to sink in. His heart began to race. ‘Simone was here?' he said, feeling sick to his stomach.

‘Simone?'

Drew leant forward, elbows on his knees, his beer clasped in one hand while the other ran through his hair as he tried to process the news.

‘Is Billy's mother alive?'

He could sense Nat's hand on his shoulder but he felt like he was in a separate galaxy. All he could think about was Simone. Was she here, had it really been her? Why had she come back? Did she want Billy? His gut clenched and his beer soured in his mouth. Never. He would not lose his son.

He became aware of Nat's voice. She was sitting closer and shaking him gently with both hands.

‘Drew? Are you okay?'

‘Sorry.' He didn't move and neither did Nat. She waited patiently. ‘Yes, his mum is alive,' he eventually whispered.

‘So you did lie to Billy? That's what had him torn up.'

Nat's words hurt him more than any knife wound could as he thought of his son so confused and upset. ‘Ah, shit. What a mess.'

After a moment, Drew sat back and looked at Nat. Her kind green eyes were like sparkly gems in the light. They cleared his mind for a moment. ‘I met Simone when I was in my first year at Muresk. We partied hard, and she was always the life of the party. We did all sorts of reckless things. I found out Simone was into some heavy stuff and had some crazy issues.' The next bit was hard. ‘Then out of the blue my dad, Bill, died. Car crash. I was supposed to finish uni and join him on the farm until he was too old to work, and then it would be mine. Instead I got it at eighteen. I hadn't even finished a semester at uni.'

Drew stopped to sip his beer, even though it had lost all its taste. He needed to wet his dry lips. Nat was facing him, her hand resting on his thigh in support.

‘So I packed up and came straight home. Mum was a mess, I was still grieving and had a farm to figure out how to run. Of course, there was plenty of help. Matt, Kim and their dad did so much for me in those early days. I don't know how I got through it; maybe being so busy helped.

‘Anyway, it was only about four or five months later that Simone rang me. She said she'd just found out she was pregnant and it was too late for an abortion. She was freaking out. Said it was mine and the dates seemed to fit. She didn't want a baby and planned to give it up. After talking with Mum we knew we didn't want that so we got her to come to the farm, and we looked after her until Billy was born and then she left. Just like that. She didn't even want to look at him. She turned her head away, wouldn't acknowledge him. He was just a harmless baby. That proved to me that he needed us, our protection and love.' Drew shook his head. ‘To think she couldn't even hold him, wouldn't, even though we tried.'

Nat let out a breath.

‘So you can see why it seemed easier to tell Billy his mum had died. I couldn't bear telling him his mum never wanted him. I couldn't do that to him. Now it seems I did the wrong thing. I never thought Simone would come back for him. She's never reached out before.'

‘No contact at all?'

‘Nothing. Now eight years later she's decided she wants to be his mum? I don't think so. She gave her rights up when she left him with me. I'll lose this farm before I lose my boy and that's not something I'd ever want to part with either.'

Drew knew his voice was raised and he sounded mad. He was flitting between throwing his beer in anger and punching the verandah post, or bursting into tears. Either one would probably have Nat running for her car. Instead, he put his beer down and fisted his eyes. His head felt like an overinflated truck tube.

‘Have you got any legal documents, anything in writing that stipulates she didn't want . . . him?'

Nat stuttering over the words made him realise how much she'd come to care for Billy. She couldn't fathom how anyone could give him up either. It made Drew sit up and attempt a smile. ‘We have a bit of paper somewhere, which says she didn't want any ties to Billy. I'm not sure if it will hold up in court. I'll have to try to find it now.' Alice would have put it somewhere safe, but where?

‘Mum wanted proper documents drawn up but when Simone had Billy she checked herself out of the hospital before she could sign them and then we were so busy with a newborn and a farm I never got around to chasing her up. God, I felt like I was drowning every day for ages. I had lots of learning to do with Billy and the farm. I'm so lucky Mum was there. In a way Billy saved us both after Dad's death. He gave us purpose, light and so much joy. Lots of hard times too but they don't seem to be the bits you remember.'

‘Sounds like Billy was meant to be here,' said Nat softly, squeezing his leg. ‘What are you going to do now?'

Drew blinked as he tried to focus on her high cheekbones and full lips. She was holding him up right now, keeping him from falling into the unknown abyss. ‘I don't know. I'm so glad you're here, I'd have no one to talk to otherwise. Not many know about Simone. We tried to keep her hidden, didn't want the district to talk, but they probably all knew at the time. After she had Billy and disappeared, we went on as normal. Rumours would have been rife and when they finally got up the nerve to ask we just said she'd died giving birth. It stopped heaps of questions. We didn't want Billy finding out about his mum years later from some kid at school so we tried to control the situation.'

‘What about Kim and Lauren?'

‘No, Kim was so young herself and Lauren was busy with Seth. Matt was the only one I confided in, and that was a while later. Matt is loyal to a fault and I don't even know if he's told Lauren the truth. Even if he has, it hasn't got around town, that I know of. They love Billy too.'

He sighed. He'd have to find that bit of paper, then see what he could do legally. Man, his head hurt, and the mac and cheese was rolling around in his stomach like lumps of polystyrene in off milk. ‘I'm going to be at that bus stop every day now. Maybe she's been watching him for a while. Oh, Nat.'

‘It's okay. If you're with him here, then I'll keep an eye out for him at school. I'll have a little chat with him tomorrow and see if he can remember what colour car she was in and I'll watch out for it. What does Simone look like? Do you have a photo?'

‘No, I don't. She was always changing her hair so I'd hate to guess.'

‘Doesn't matter,' said Nat. ‘My uncle is a lawyer. Is it okay if I talk to him about what your options are? Or I could get him to give you a call?'

Drew didn't know what to say. He had to slow down, take some long, deep breaths before he lost control. ‘Nat,' he managed to say, but it came out more of a squeak. ‘Thank you.'

They talked for a little longer, until Drew was feeling calmer, before she said she'd better go home. He walked her to the car under the light of the moon, their feet crunching on the gravel the only sound.

‘I don't know what I would have done without you today, Natty,' said Drew as they stood by the car. ‘You certainly are a special person and I'm so glad Billy and I have you in our corner.'

‘Anytime, Drew. I'll do whatever I can to help.'

Then she leant over and gave him a hug. It was tight and soothing, and he felt himself melt into her arms, into her sweet scent. He hadn't had a hug like this since his mum had passed, and boy, did he need one now.

‘I really needed this,' he said, his voice straining with emotion again.

She rubbed his back and nodded, then eventually pulled away. ‘Try to get some sleep. Call me if you need. Bye, Drew.'

‘Bye, Natty.'

He watched her drive away in the dark, her lights bright in the night and that powerful motor of hers waking up the sleeping birds. He stayed for a while in the night, thinking, processing, and when he dropped his head down to his shoulder he could still smell Nat's perfume. It lingered like a life-preserver floating on the water, waiting in case Drew ever needed to grab it.

THE
rest of the week went off without any problems and the next week Nat knew Billy would be safe at home with Drew, on first-term school holidays. They'd talked on the phone Friday night as Drew was unsure how to tell Billy about his mum and Nat had offered her thoughts.

‘You could tell him the truth, that his mum wasn't ready to raise a baby. And that you didn't want to upset him so you thought it would be better to say she'd died. Make sure he knows it's not his fault she left.' Whether it was sound advice or not she wasn't sure, but Drew promised he'd call her and fill her in. He'd invited her out to the farm again but she had to go back to Perth for the weekend as one of her friends was having a birthday party.

And Gary was home, wanting her to visit, which she was feeling confused and even a little scared about. It had only been a few days since Gary had left. He'd called and sent emails, but seeing him was a different thing altogether. He was behaving as if nothing had happened and Nat was starting to wonder if it really had. It felt like a strange horror movie she'd watched months ago. Surely he would never do it again? The look of shock on his face when he'd realised, she knew it had scared him as much as it had her.

Nat made her visit to the city shorter by leaving Lake Biddy on Saturday morning. She arrived at her parents' place just before lunch.

‘Darling, it's so good to see you. Have you been using your moisturiser? Your skin looks dry. It's that bush heat and sun. Are you wearing sunscreen?' said Jennifer as she hugged her only daughter. ‘You need to visit Sally while you're home,' she added, touching the ends of Nat's hair. Sally was her mum's preferred hairdresser.

Nat brushed her mum's comments aside. She was used to it. ‘Hey, Mum. How are you? Is lunch ready?' Nat stepped inside, pulling her Louis Vuitton bag with her. This wasn't her childhood house, which was probably why it didn't feel like home. It was very grand, with its sweeping staircases and expensive art, but felt somehow cold to her. The first house she'd grown up in was still extravagant compared with the homes in Lake Biddy, but it was smaller than this one and the kids' art had hung from the fridge. Their toys had made it feel lived in and loved. This house looked like something out of a magazine. Nothing was ever out of place, thanks to Samuel, the gardener, and Carla, their housekeeper, who worked every day of the week. Mum liked it all to be perfect in case a friend dropped around to visit. Nat always thought they couldn't be much of a friend then if they couldn't handle a bit of ‘living'.

Maybe that's why she loved the warmth of Drew's house. You could tell they lived there; they had their stamp on everything, from the pile of farm magazines on the table to the stack of dishes on the sink and Billy's schoolwork on display, his little stool tucked in the corner and the toys scattered about.

The only thing in her parents' house that showed something about them was the family portrait that hung in the lounge room, but it was a professional one. Not like the candid shots on Drew's fridge and on his walls, showing laughter and life.

Jennifer shut the door and walked off into the kitchen area, her heels on the marble echoing throughout the spacious house. ‘Yes, I'm just about to serve it up, your father should be down any minute. Go wash up.'

Nat put her bag in her room and went to her ensuite to freshen up. With its Italian tiles and extravagant accents, it was a far cry from her little bathroom in Lake Biddy. For good measure she tied her hair back so it wouldn't be a focal point for her mum. She went to her balcony and looked at the ocean view that had eased her mind over the past seven years. It had been her escape. She must get down there for a walk along the beach. Maybe take a jar of sand back for Billy, or some shells if she could find any.

Nat joined her mum at the table, which had some steamed fish and salads already dished up and crystal glasses filled with her mum's favourite wine.

‘Wait for your father,' said Jennifer as Nat was about to pop a cherry tomato in her mouth.

‘Hello, darling!' Her father came down from his office upstairs. The tallest in the family, he almost had to duck his head under the low archway. Even on the weekend he wore work slacks and a dress shirt.

‘The country air must agree with you,' he said, holding her at arm's length and giving her the once-over. ‘You look so radiant.'

‘It's the sun, Vincent,' said Jennifer.

‘No, it's not. Look at her, she looks happy.'

‘Thanks, Dad. I am happy. I love my job.'

‘So tell us how it's all going.' Vincent gestured to the table and they all began to eat.

‘Gary said they are going to close down your school,' Jennifer said before Nat could start. ‘Does that mean you'll be back here sooner? Can we bring the wedding forward?'

‘No, Mum. They won't close us down midway through a year, it would disrupt the kids. I was thinking if we can save it, I might do a second year.' Nat regretted the slip straight away. Her mum looked as if she'd just said she'd shacked up with a woman, wanted dreadies and turned vegan.

‘Natalie! You can't do that to Gary, or to us. We've been waiting for this wedding for ages.'

‘Mum, we've only been engaged for a month.'

‘You're lucky Gary let you go at all. He's been so good about all of this.'

Nat clenched her teeth but let that one go through to the keeper. She started to share her news and her enthusiasm but conversation soon turned to the latest gossip in Jennifer's circle of friends. A divorce, someone's daughter's pregnancy scare and stress over not getting an invitation to a birthday party. Nat tried to listen but found her mind wandering back to Lake Biddy. Had her time there created a gulf between her and her parents? Or had it always been there, and she just hadn't noticed?

After the meal, Nat said goodbye to her parents and got in her car. Driving towards Gary's place gave her another feeling. Was it anxiety? Would he mention their last encounter? Would he bring up Drew again?

Gary just must have been so far out of his comfort zone in Lake Biddy. It really wasn't like him at all.

Gary pulled into his driveway just as Nat was getting out of her car.

‘Hey, beautiful,' he said with his mega smile, and Nat caught herself thinking of Drew's crooked incisor that showed when he smiled. Quickly she pushed the thought from her mind.

‘Hi, Gary. Just back from the office?'

‘The gym actually,' he said, pulling out his gym bag. ‘Must keep in shape for my lady.' He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her with everything he had.

‘Hmm, I missed that,' said Nat, eventually relaxing. But did she believe her own words? She wasn't sure.

‘So what's Alisha got planned for her birthday? Can I come?' he asked as they walked arm in arm up the paved pathway to his apartment. They'd discussed buying a house with a yard once they were married. Nat wanted room for kids, and Gary wanted a home gym and lap pool.

‘Do you want to? I wasn't sure . . . you don't really like her, do you? I think we're going out to her favourite restaurant and then on to a few clubs. You can come; others are coming with partners.'

‘I've got the night off and want to spend it with you, if that's okay.' He stopped to open his door, pausing to brush strands of hair back from her face. ‘I miss you so much.'

‘Well, that'd be great. I'd like you to come. I left my stuff at Mum's but I'd rather get dressed here so we can go together.'

‘We'll get it later. First we have some catching up to do.' Gary shut the door and swept her up in his arms, carting her off to his room.

That night as Nat was putting on her make-up she heard Gary call out, ‘Your phone's ringing!'

‘Is it Alisha again?' she asked, coming out of the bathroom with her lipstick in her hand.

Gary was by the table where her phone sat. He glanced up when she got closer and his eyes suddenly darkened. Nat felt her body spasm. Warning bells were ringing loudly but it was too late. His hand snapped out, gripping her neck and forcing her forwards. His other hand dug into her shoulder, fingers like metal rods trying to pierce her skin as they worked together to push her face down to her phone.

‘Why is
he
calling you?' Gary demanded. She saw Drew's name on the phone just before the call finally ended. ‘I thought I sorted this out. Did you not understand me before? I don't tolerate betrayal.'

Not this again, please, not this again
, Nat chanted over and over in her mind. ‘Gary, please,' she begged as calmly as she could while her heart raced. She fought the pain he was inflicting, even though she wanted to cry out. This was ten times worse than last time. Her neck felt like it was in a vice and breathing was hard, which made trying to speak even harder. ‘It's not what you think. His ex is trying to take his son away and I told him that Uncle Kent could help him.'

Gary squeezed harder. ‘You're lying.'

She had to try to remain calm so she could talk her way out of this. She needed Gary to understand so he'd let her go. ‘I'm not, I swear.' She used her hands to pull at his fingers, letting some much-needed air in so she could continue to speak. ‘Call Uncle Kent and ask him. I'm going there tomorrow to pick up all the paperwork he's put together for Drew.'

‘Why would he call now?'

‘I don't know. Maybe his ex came back, maybe she's taken his son. I said to call if there was an emergency.' Nat had to spin it however she could. She couldn't fathom this terrifying situation she suddenly found herself in. ‘Please, Gary, stop. You're hurting me.' Suddenly she felt hatred for Gary surge through her like a wave of sickness. This wasn't love, was it?

As he watched her pleading face his fingers started to relax and eventually he took his hands away, yet she could still feel where they'd been, leaving their mark, reminding her what her friendship with Drew could cost her.

‘Kent's one of the best,' said Gary, walking back to the kitchen to get another beer.

While his back was turned Nat put her phone on silent and crept back to the bathroom to finish putting on her make-up. Her hands were shaking like a jackhammer. Tears threatened to ruin all her work and she didn't even bother with mascara. In that moment, Nat couldn't care less about her appearance.

‘Taxi's here, my love,' said Gary five minutes later. ‘You ready?'

His voice was upbeat, as if he was still looking forward to tonight. How could he change so quickly? Nat didn't want to go out with him, was too afraid to even talk to him for fear of bursting into tears. Was this really happening to her, to them? How could he be like this, so loving in one minute and so cruel the next? Was this really the man she was going to marry? Could she still even contemplate a future with him?

Maybe it was her fault – she should never have spent so much time with Drew. She thought it was innocent, but she did find herself thinking about him more than she should. Maybe Gary would feel safer once they were married. Perhaps it would all stop then. He had never been like this before. She used to be able to talk with guys, even flirt over drinks and he'd be there doing the same with the ladies, but the moment the engagement ring had gone on her finger it was like he owned her. If only she had someone she could talk to about it. Her parents would never believe her. They loved Gary.

Later, in the taxi ride on the way to the restaurant, he held her hand so tenderly, and she began to wonder if it all hadn't been quite so bad as she'd thought. He hadn't hit her, after all, just been too strong with his grip. As he helped her out of the taxi and guided her to the restaurant, she was all too aware of his hand on her back.

‘Hello, Natalie!' Alisha rushed over to them. ‘Gosh, you look great. Is that for me?' she said as she took the gift bag Nat handed over after their hugs.

‘You know it is,' said Nat, happy to be among friends.

‘Happy birthday, Alisha, you look gorgeous,' said Gary, giving her a peck on the cheek.

‘Great of you both to come. I miss Nat being around.' Alisha's bright red lips turned down but it didn't mar her beauty. She owned a fashion boutique in South Perth and never left the house looking anything but fabulous. With deep tanned skin, from regular spray-tanning appointments, and luscious dark hair, thanks to Pablo, her hairdresser, Alisha was cover-girl perfect. Nat knew her from school, when they'd both been pimple-faced girls agonising over guys and trying to be noticed.

‘I miss you, Lish. When are you going to come visit me and meet my kids?' Nat asked as they linked arms and walked towards the other guests at Alisha's favourite restaurant. You had to book way in advance but it was always worth it: the food was prepared by an award-winning chef and no expense had been spared on the elegant dining area. There were plush chairs, Egyptian cotton napkins and tablecloths in contrasting blues, grey marble on the floor and gorgeous chandeliers that gave the room a hint of warmth. Two big tables had been pushed together in the far corner, decorated with extra candles and fresh flowers, and Nat recognised some of their mutual friends from school. Gary sat down and picked up a conversation with one of the guys at the table.

‘I'm just going to the ladies',' said Nat after ordering her drink. She checked Gary was deep in conversation and slipped around the corner to the toilets. Once inside, she sent Drew a text apologising for missing his call and asking whether it was important. Then she checked her neck for marks. There was nothing really noticeable yet, but it was sore to touch. Or maybe that was the horrific memory that came with it. She shuddered. Nat was having trouble linking those horrible moments with her current life. With a hard look at herself in the mirror she sighed, reapplied her lipstick and left. Each time she ducked off to the bathroom she checked her phone, worried Simone was back or that something had happened. When Gary went to the bar to get the next round of drinks she was relieved to see a message waiting from Drew.