The Remedy Files: Illusion (24 page)

CHAPTER 30
 

“Evangeline, get up! We have to go!” I hear a familiar voice but it sounds so distant and insignificant. I can’t keep my eyes off the scene in front of me. The blood is pouring out from the two bodies. Gavin’s hair is now caked in it, and the breeze is causing strands of it blow in the wind as though there was still life in his follicles. I fall to my hands and slowly move one in front of another, crawling towards my Gavin.

“Evangeline, get up now!” A strong arm yanks me up and pulls me closely to a warm body. Liam. His left arm encompasses my waist as he drags me with force, warning shots firing out of the barrel of the gun in his right hand. I am vaguely aware in the distance behind Gavin that there are black shadows crouched down, shooting in return. But I don’t care.

“We can’t leave him! Gavin!” I sob again, reaching out as though the space would shrink between where I stand and Gavin’s inert body. I hear more gunshots all around me, but I can’t find the will to run. I am pulling against Liam, fighting to get out of his arms but he is dragging me further away.

“He’s gone, Evangeline. We need to move! They’re- ooomph!” Liam gasps as a bullet hits him in the shoulder of the arm that’s around my waist. He cries out in pain but somehow manages to keep his arm tight around me.

I look over my shoulder at his, and watch a red river seep out through the hole of his shirt. It’s enough to dry up the tears blurring my vision as my brain clicks back into action, and I hear the screaming it’s been trying to do all this time, warning me that we are in great danger. It’s enough to surge sense back into my muscles, getting them to run from the scene without the help of Liam. I can’t lose him, I need to move if I’m going to save him.

Our feet pounding in unison on the ground is the only sound I focus on. We find a spot in the thickets highlighted by a flashlight that Liam had left behind. He grabs the flashlight as we push through, making sure to turn off the light so we can blend in with the dark night for the rest of our journey.

The moon is mostly covered by clouds tonight. At some spots we can see the outline of the objects in the forest better than others. But somehow still, we manage to avoid running into anything. Although I’ve never been this way before, it feels as though I have. I don’t have to think about where I’m going; I simply seem to instinctively know even as we weave in and out of the trees.

After a few miles, Liam points to a large tree, surrounded with thick branches and leaves, making the top part virtually invisible, a dark canvas to anyone standing at the bottom. “Can you climb?” He whispers.

I nod, feeling a bit of déjà vu as bits of my nightmares are colliding with reality. Liam crouches down, putting out two hands for me to use as a step stool to get a start. I put one foot on his hands and he boosts me up so I’m able to grab the first branch and pull myself up. I’m amazed by how thick and wide the branch is. It could easily hold three people sitting side by side. All of them look to be this way.

Leaning over the side of the branch, I put my hand out for Liam. He takes hold of my arm, and uses his feet to climb up the side of the trunk. He’s not using his right arm so I know he’s in pain. I pull with all of my might to help him up, grabbing on to his pants when he’s closer and helping him swing over to the side.

Liam leans against the trunk, panting. His eyes are shut tightly together and his left hand is gripping his right arm. 

I crawl over his legs, to where I’m straddling them and looking straight at his face. I can feel the muscles in his lower thighs twitch in reaction to my bodyweight. His eyes widen through the obvious exhaustion and pain that he’s in.

Silently, I slide my hoodie off my shoulders, tugging the fabric down my arms and keeping my eyes focused on his. Taking the knot tied at the end of one of the chunky hoodie strings with my teeth, I bite at it until it unravels. I yank on the other side of the string, pulling it through the hoodie until it comes completely out. Then I rip off the large pockets, one by one.

I move up closer on Liam until I can reach his shoulder. Taking the two pocket pieces, I press them against his bullet wound, and wrap the string around the fabric, circling under his underarm and back around. When I tie it, Liam exhales loudly, biting back a scream. I close my eyes tightly. I can’t stand to know that something I’m doing is hurting him. Once I finish the double knot, I examine it closely to make sure the blood loss has stopped. For now, it looks like this will work.

I point up to the next levels of branches. “We should move higher.” I whisper, and without waiting for a response, I stand up, crawling over him and lift myself to the next branch.

It doesn’t take him long to follow since the branches are more closely together than the first branch was from the ground. We climb a few levels higher before feeling as though we are completely blended in with the thick foliage. Once we arrive, we both fall heavily against the trunk, sitting side by side, our arms touching.

We don’t talk. We just listen for any sounds of people that may have followed us. The wind howls at times and seems to be speaking to us, faint words that we can’t make out swirling by our ears.

I focus on listening. That’s all I can do. Right now my goal is to keep Liam protected. I can’t lose him too. I won’t and I refuse to let my mind think about anything else. We have to make sure no one is following us and then we can get to Rebirth.

After hours pass of no unusual noises, I look over to Liam. His eyes are shut. “Liam.” I whisper.

Liam doesn’t respond. I can barely make out the movement of his chest rising and falling. “Liam.” I hiss again, except a bit more loudly this time. “Liam!”

His eyes open slowly as though it pains him to lift the lids.

“Are you okay?” I ask, worry thick in my voice.

Liam reaches up to his shoulder and smoothes out the crude bandage. “Yeah. Just fell asleep.”

“No.” I grab his arms. My voice quivers, but I fight it by asking more intensely, “No, I need to know. Are you okay?”

“Yes, Evangeline. I promise, I’m fine, I’m good.” Liam’s eyes are filled with concern. But I know it’s not for him, but rather for me. I don’t have to look in a mirror to know how I must look, how contorted my face is in ache and bewilderment.

Hearing that he’s okay is all my body needed- a simple confirmation of the other man I love being all right before it shut down. When he was hurt, it was enough incentive for my body to pull through what it needed to do to keep him safe. But now, the reality of what just happened sinks in. And there is no stopping it. Gavin is dead.

Tears flow down my face as though I am back in the punishment chamber with the faucet on full force. No noises escape my lips. My mind simply shuts down. 

I don’t remember all the details that followed. I don’t remember how we got down from the tree. I don’t remember the pain in my calf as Liam dragged me with him on the walk back to Rebirth. I remember circles of lights replacing my vision. Blurred streaks of trees as we walked. Hearing the echo of gunshots and the blending of loud shouts as images of Gavin’s final moments replayed in my head. I don’t remember how we made it back to Rebirth.

I do remember Marlena’s eyes, though. It had to have been pretty soon after we returned to Rebirth. I am barely standing, leaning on Liam for any support I can get. I watch as Marlena is running towards us and then stops in her tracks.

As though in slow motion, Marlena’s mouth forms what looks like “oh” and tears immediately inundate her face. I watch as she gradually drops to her knees. It seems like the most reasonable thing to do so I gladly follow suit. My mind is empty; I can’t even feel for Marlena as my heart is playing one numb beat after another against my chest. But I remember her eyes and the amount of pain that shot through them. I didn’t think it was possible to see agony that great in someone that wasn’t being physically tortured. 

Everything around me continues to move in slow motion. It is as though I am looking from above and not as someone else who is in the scene. At some point, my eyes close. I must have fallen asleep.

***

For the next several days, a form of death disguised as some sort of painful life takes over my body. For three nights in a row, I wake up screaming not long after I fall asleep. I would see Gavin dying over and over again or faceless prisoners locked in glass boxes. Or sometimes I was drowning and I couldn’t kick the ropes off of me to swim back up. Each time I had a nightmare, I would wake to Liam next to me, holding me and wiping the tears from my eyes.

Liam wraps up my calf every day, putting a variety of ailments on it to help it heal. He brings me water to drink and when I can’t stand the thought of pouring water down my throat, he creates a straw out of a plant stem. He encourages me to eat and holds my hair back for me if I can’t keep the food down. When I need to take a bath but the panic arises from the idea of getting into the water, he helps me with a cloth bath. Carefully and respectfully he assists me where he can and leaves me to do the rest. 

I want to be grateful and to tell him that I am but I can’t feel anything. This was the bad side of feeling, I’ve come to realize. This is the part I could do without. This hurts more than anything physical could ever be. I caused Gavin’s death. The grief, the guilt, the shame, the longing for him to still be alive… everything is merely too devastating.

After the fifth night, I somehow manage to sleep all the way until the following afternoon. When I awake, it’s like a new person has replaced me. I’m feeling slightly better, a little more normal. I turn over to tell Liam but feel disappointed to see that he’s not there. It’s a bit of a struggle to pull myself up. But when I do, I survey my hut which seems new- like it’s the first time I’m seeing it again. There are now several cups with a variety of flowers on the table. I haven’t noticed those over the past couple of days.

“I’ve been trying to pick different flowers I see in hopes that one would be the trigger to making you better.” Liam says as he steps through the door and sees me observing them, obviously relieved that I finally took note of them.

Seeing his face again brings a wave of comfort throughout my body and I inhale deeply, trying to breathe in how it is to feel something good again. “Come here.” I say, holding out my arms.

Liam walks over and sits next to me on the cot. I put my arms around him, squeezing him as tightly as I can. He wraps his hands around my arms, holding me in place. “Thank you,” I breathe into his ear. “You have been so good to me and I can’t say thank you enough.” He squeezes my arm in response. “How’s your arm? How’s Marlena?” I ask.

“My arm is fine. Nate helped me get the bullet out and it’s on its way to healing. Marlena…” He sighs. “She’s been about equal to you, I’m afraid. I can’t even imagine if she saw what you did. I don’t think she’d be alive at all right now.”

“Can you take me to see her?”

“We’ve started moving some people to a different camp just in case Impetus tries to find us. It’s a little further away and at least if they find this one first, they’ll hopefully think we left. I sent Nate to take her along with a couple of the other people. The rest of us will follow them in a few more days. Gavin was smart that night, you know. He had us come through and leave in the opposite direction to throw them off where our base camp is if they do choose to pursue us.”

The mention of Gavin brings the visions back to my mind and tears fill my eyes. “I’m just so stupid. If I didn’t go back, he would… he’d still be alive.” I mutter in what comes out as a barely audible whisper. “And Marlena would be fine and no one would have to move and all would be as it was…”

“No, Evangeline.” Liam lets go of my arms and turns to face me. “No. I will not have you doing this. This is not your fault. You are not the one that killed Gavin. Impetus did this. Not you.” He is squeezing my upper arms a bit too tight in effort to make me see the reality of this situation. “Tell me you get that.”

“Okay.” I finally say and he releases his grip.

Liam’s face is flushed, sweat is lining his forehead along his hairline.

“Let me take a look at your shoulder.”

“It’s fine. Nate took care of it.”

“I’m not sure Nate has been properly trained.” I argue back. “Let me just make sure it’s okay.”

Liam nods and turns on the cot, pulling his leg up on it to face me so I don’t have to move. I lean over and begin rolling the sleeve of his shirt up.

Shaking his head he says, “It’s too far up.” He stands up, grabbing the hem of shirt and pulls it over his head. He sits down on the cot again.

Seeing Liam without his shirt on sends electricity firing through me. I feel more alive in this moment than I have in days.

I reach up to unwrap the bandage that covers his shoulder. As soon as my fingers graze his skin, goosebumps spread like wildfire throughout my arms. I hear him exhale lightly, the air from his mouth tingling my ear.

When the bandage is loosened, I move it to the side and peak under it. Using my finger, I move some of the green herbs out of the way to look at the wound itself. It’s a sizeable hole, made slightly larger I’m sure from Nate’s attempts to dig the bullet out.

“It’s healing nicely.” I confirm as I rewrap the bandage, tying it tightly. I shift back a bit, trying to avoid looking at Liam’s naked chest. “This isn’t over. We have to do something, Liam. If Gavin didn’t die for me, then he died for a cause. He wanted to save people from there and we have to follow through. We have to rescue our people.”