The Regal Rules for Girls (28 page)
DRINKS THAT NICE PUB-GOING GIRLS SHOULD AVOID:
Pints of anything, including cider (I know it tastes like apple juice, but you must refrain.)
Bacardi Breezers or any sweet, pastel-colored “alco-pop”
Shots of Aftershock (If you
must
do shots, go with something classic and slightly less vulgar, like vodka or tequila.)
Creamy cocktails
The exquisite art of idleness is one of the most important things that any university can teach.
—O
SCAR
W
ILDE
When Rupert first invited me to visit him at his university, I was astounded. Don’t get me wrong, I partied a lot during my student days in America. In fact it was not uncommon for me to attend college parties at least five days a week.
But British students? They put me to shame. There are three major reasons for this. The first is that the drinking age in the UK is eighteen, so all colleges have their own
university-sponsored
pubs and bars. The second is that freshman year grades don’t count. That’s right. They simply
don’t count
. So your first year of college is genuinely one giant party partly subsidized by the UK government. The third reason is there are no GPAs,
12
only year-end exams—so
you often have absolutely no course work to do until the end of the term, which is when you start cramming.
Still, while academia did not seem to be at the forefront of UK campus life, the student social scene was fantastic. The more time I spent with the Bright Young Things, the more I realized the social maturity of these British college kids greatly surpassed American students of the same age. Their parties weren’t full of the juvenile fraternity/sorority antics I was used to; their bashes were straight out of Oscar Wilde. As young twenty-somethings, they seemed to be in total denial that they were living in a new millennium, and coped by pretending to be mini nineteenth-century adults. Bearing in mind that I’ve always pretended to be exactly the same thing, I loved every second of it.
Where to Go
St. Andrews, Oxford, Cambridge, Bristol, Exeter, Durham, Edinburgh, Oxford Brookes, University of West England, and the Royal Agricultural College. As mentioned previously, when scouting student territories, avoid London.
What to Expect
Raucous private house parties, university bars (avoid local ones!), minor alcohol poisoning, and
a lot
of kissing
13
—it is not uncommon for these boys to make out with three or more girls in a single evening.
What to Wear
(Unless it’s fancy dress) designer jeans, tasteful yet dazzling party tops with a hint of cleavage, high heels, a warm but flattering coat for walking home at night when you can’t find a taxi.
What to Drink
At parties? Whatever’s on offer. (Homemade sangria and cheap white wine are the usual suspects.)
At bars? Gin and tonic.
Best Flirting Spot
Anywhere and everywhere.
Faux Pas
Showing any regard for grades, exams, or academic standing. (With this crowd, it’s considered bad manners to be clever or too hardworking. It implies that your family’s history and status aren’t enough to get you by in life.)
Top Tip
Make sure your lipstick isn’t smudged.
Best Student Hangover Cure
A “bacon and butter butty” (aka a “bacon and butter sandwich”). My first reaction when I was offered one of these was that I’d never
heard of anything that sounded less healthy—but they are delicious and they do the trick.
Binge Drinking
Student binge drinking is currently considered to be a huge problem among US universities, but oddly, it’s not considered to be a problem at all in the UK. One journalist, intrigued by this anomaly, did some research into how the US and UK officially defined student “binge drinking” and unearthed some very entertaining results:
- American definition
: “five beers in one sitting for a male, or four for a female.” - British definition
: “an extended period of time, lasting
at least two days
, during which a student repeatedly becomes intoxicated and gives up his or her usual activities and obligations in order to become intoxicated.”
Hassinger, Kris. “Binge drinking problem exaggerated,”
Collegiate
Times.com
, November 2003.
HOW TO BE A GRACEFUL DRUNK:
Don’t go beyond the light-headed, cheeks-tingling, hugging-everyone-you-know phase—throwing up and passing out is not attractive. Or safe.
Know your limit. (Between the ages of eighteen and twenty-six, my limit was exactly seven drinks per evening; I regret to report that now it’s exactly 1.5.)
Don’t drink on an empty stomach!
No matter how fast the drinks are flowing, duck into the loo occasionally to check your appearance. Powder away the shine, pop in some eye drops, reapply your lipstick, and smooth your hair. Because looking sober is the next best thing to being sober.
Never fall out of the club/pub into the first mini cab you see (it’s dangerous, not to mention getting into a stranger’s car while under the influence is everything your mother told you not to do). Always go home in a licensed black cab.
Before you go to bed, eat a piece of toast, drink two (if not three) glasses of water, and pop a pair of pills for your head. (FYI: Nurofen = Ibuprofen; Paracetmol = Tylenol.)
In the morning, drink coffee and wear your best Jackie O sunglasses.
