The Power of Forgetting (22 page)

We came to the
point where we could not go any further on this road if we wanted
to turn off. It wasn’t a road as such; just a way through that our
perception saw as being a road. I looked up and to the right. My
arm stung a little; it was the left one. I’m right handed, so I
suppose I ought to be grateful that she hadn’t done something to
“stop” me if I had been doing something to her! I shook my head to
stop that train of thought and looked again. It was clearer now we
could see it from down here. That upper “road” was impassable.
There was a landslide further along that blocked it off completely.
So we took the lower road.

It was quite
alarming passing between those two mountains, which from this angle
seemed to rise almost vertically above us. As we went further in
there was a distinct sense of oppression. It was probably a trick
of the perspective but those edges between which we could see the
sky appeared to get closer and closer together. There was no way
out and it was getting to the point where we wouldn’t be able to
turn around at all; even I was at the wheel. It would be
impossible. We would have to back up. Not a comforting thought. We
decided to stop and do a quick survey ahead on foot. There had to
be a way through. Our antagonists had passed this way. They had
left a trail even a blind giraffe could follow. I got out with
Oliver. We took the small pack with the torches and started to
walk. Despite the rather Mordor-like surroundings, this lifted my
spirits enormously. We were scanning for any possible way through.
I might have been officially dumped off the list of who’s in
charge. But out here it was results that mattered when you were in
a challenging environment. I didn’t give a damn at that moment what
the log book was saying about me. What were they going to do; sack
me? Oliver and I were the best trackers. And Marcia knew it. She
hadn’t let what happened cloud her judgement about my skills as
such. And as for what may be between us; I could quite easily
(while I was in my current state of mind) put that aside. If we had
a future together, then this was a good a time as any to experience
the first bumps along the road to Marital bliss. I wasn’t to
romantic fool who thought once you proposed to a girl it was all
roses and hearts and little fluffy clouds all the way. Before that
I had nearly died. And this might be my only chance to prove that I
was worthy of such a fine woman. She had more substance to her than
anyone else. She had put her feelings to one side and followed it
straight down the line. Marcia was a worthy Team Leader. And for
once I felt that we stood a chance of getting through this without
the group tearing itself apart. Oliver and I scrambled over some
loose rocks then. For some reason I thought of Hanson. I wondered
if we would see him. He was mixed up in all of this. But I wasn’t
sure how deep.

‘Look!’ Oliver
had spotted our way though. Or at least our way in. we went to
inspect the tunnel entrance. There were some strange patterns near
the entrance. Someone had rather clumsily brushed out their tire
tracks. I suppose that it wasn’t that badly done. But well it
seemed obvious to me. We returned to transport. The others were
making hot drinks. As I sat down to sip my tea, we discussed what
might be waiting for us in the caves. In the end we resolved to
carry on in the transport. There was just enough space just in
front of the cave entrance to turn the thing around. So it was
possible to make it back to the fertile land we had been in this
morning.

‘I think there
is space to turn.’ I said, ‘if we take it slowly and have a couple
of spotters.

‘How wide is
the cave?’ asked Marcia.

‘We can
definitely get in,’ said Oliver, ‘but it’s impossible to say what
it does further in.’

‘Do we have the
ice suits Jared?’ Janey is asking me. She’s sitting at the back of
the main cab, with a mug cradled between her hands.

‘They are in
the usual place.’ said Oliver, without looking at me or Janey.

‘Oh…. good.’
She said. And then when no one else said anything, ‘we could try
that new crack light.’

‘Let’s just
decide. Do we go in the caves or not?’ Oliver looks at
everyone.

‘Raise your
hands.’ Marcia said looking round.

Everyone agrees
on that score.

‘And for the
buggy?’

Everyone except
Janey and Davey raise a hand. I notice Davey looking at her. I
wonder if he’s doing it for other reasons than actual disagreement.
It makes no difference. We set off then. After stopping to measure
the length of the turning space just in case; we set off into the
caverns.

We’ve been
moving for no more than twenty minutes through a dingy, lumpy black
walled cavern. Oliver stops the transport, as their ahead is a dead
end, with no certain way through.

‘Stay here.’
Marcia said to me. She and Oliver go to the front of the vehicle.
In the head lights I see them talking. They move out of sight to
the left. A moment later, Marcia comes and summons me.

‘Just so you
know,’ she looked sideways at me as we walk forward, ‘I really
didn’t want that to happen.’

‘Where’s
Oliver?’ I ask her, and peer into the darkness.

‘He has gone
back to the transport.’

‘Oh.’ I get my
torch out of my pocket.

‘No.’ she says,
taking it from me, ‘that will not be necessary.’

‘I can’t see
without it. There’s no mineral phosphorescence out here.’

‘Look
down.’

‘What is it?’ I
follow her gaze. She moves closer to me.

‘I don’t like
being in enclosed spaces.’ Marcia sounds calm despite her
admission.

‘Well…. what
can I do to help?’

‘You can stand
a little closer.’ We are now right out of the arc of the head
lights.

‘What are we
looking for?’ I ask her, thinking there is something on the
ground.

‘I am looking
for you.’ Marcia leans towards me and brushes her cheek against
mine. It sends a shiver through me. But I straighten up and regard
her as blankly as I can in the dim light.

‘I can take
it….’ I say, ‘being struck off the list; though I won’t have you
trying to get me to commit two transgressions in one day.’

‘This is not
about that. I just want to reassure you.’

‘Then do your
job. The Team Leader has to take the pressure; and know where the
point of breaking strain is. And this is just hypocrisy. You know
what I ought to do?’

‘Play it by the
book, and report me for improper advances towards a member of the
team?’ Marcia asks.

‘You decided
the way your First Decision was marked. Don’t back off now Ellis.
It’s not good for morale.’

‘You really
mean that don’t you?’

I switched on
the torch, ‘I’ll do my job. Anything else will have to wait.’

Marcia is far
too intelligent to be drawn by this. She knows just like I do, that
the choice of Leadership style is as important as the strength of
character of the person holding that role. But I would rather work
for someone with strict rules; that they were prepared to slacken
on occasion; than for someone who was sloppy and undisciplined
themselves. I knew I should have been taken of the Top shelf. I’m a
more…. a “Take control in an emergency when everyone else is in
trouble” kind of adventurer. I don’t like the boring grind of
having to be all things to all people, and listen to endless moans
about minor details.

‘Will you at
least listen to what I have to say?’

I turn round.
Marcia stood in a sad but neutral position. She makes no move to
step closer this time.

‘Very well.’ I
say.

‘Your character
is such that it is almost impossible to know what you are going to
do next. I have never known you be in any way predictable. You only
seem to follow orders when it suits you. Although you’re not
competing for the Leadership; you always challenge it. Up until
now, no one has ever recorded a bad log for you; that is despite
some very self-damaging personality traits. I think you are a very
unhappy person who hides within the job to keep some semblance of
normality present. Am I right?’

I reach out and
touch her cheek; ‘Brutal…. but correct. This is one fucked up mess
you’ve hooked up with Lady. Do you wish to continue?’

‘Yes. But not
here. Not now. I will have it all straight by the end of this….
whatever we like to call it.’

‘The Nimbus
Experiment?’ I step forward into her proximal space.

‘What are you
doing?’

‘Seeing how far
you really will go to bend your rules.’

‘So you want me
to put you on report Jared?’

‘Perhaps.
Perhaps you need to think about what you would say in your report.
Think about it later when you’re in your bed.’

‘Hell Jared!’
Marcia tosses her hair over one shoulder, ‘Do you ever follow the
rules?’

‘Sometimes yes.
But not always.’

‘And the rest
of the time?’ Marcia hasn’t moved as I bend towards her.

‘I trust my
instincts.’ I take her head in my hands, and kiss her deeply. She
responds, pressing against me. She is kissing me back. I feel that
rush in my blood and in my head. She is warm; musky, and I want to
take her warmth and press my hand against her abdomen; running my
fingers down into the edge of her briefs. I don’t though. I draw
back slightly. Her breath is faster as her pupils are dilated
inside glinting eyes.

‘You have
proved your point.’ Marcia pulls the lower half of my body towards
hers; ‘I am no better.’

‘Yes you
are….my point is simple. Rules are made to be broken. And the real
principles that we stand on; that we are prepared to give ourselves
up for, are never about something cold; detached; impersonal or
dry. It is always about the things you Hate or Love.’ I kissed her
again then, ‘You are stronger when you feel alive Marcia. You are
greater when you live by the rules of Love…. not these sad feeble
things.’

Marcia blinks
and looks as though she is about to say something.

‘I’m not trying
to undermine you.’ I said, ‘I’m trying to help you.’

‘Yes. I know.’
She brushes her hand down my cheek, over the regrowth of the full
set; ‘You will come and see me when I ask it?’ She says at
last.

‘Yes.’

‘And you will
do whatever I ask of you?’

‘Yes.’

‘Anything?’

‘Yes.’

‘Very well.’
She straightens up, ‘let’s see where this tunnel leads.’

Smiling now, I
followed her to investigate that small curve to the right; and find
out if we will fit.

A little while
later we are congratulating ourselves on getting through a
zigzagging tunnel strewn with hollows and bumps. Oliver passed the
driver baton to me. We reached a kind of weird intersection of
tunnels. Everyone except Joe and Janey get out to search for the
trail we are following.

'It's cold in
here.' Davey stands next to me, as we trace the arcs of torchlight
along the walls in systematic sweeps.

'It could be
water somewhere,' I touch the rock with my fingertips, 'Maybe a
flow somewhere behind a wall.''

'Are we in
Summerland?' Davey seems surprized to ask the question.

'Tell me your
thoughts on that.' I look at Davey in a puzzled way as I speak. I'm
listening. I move my Left palm over the surface, torch held aloft.
There's something about that bothers me. There it is! A little
texturing in the wall. Something I remember.... 'Davey! Get
Oliver.'

'Just going!'
His torchlight slides away to my right towards the others.

I clip the
torch to my belt and then lay both palms against the rock. I close
my eyes. I press my fingertips onto the surface. Then I put my
right ear to the rock listening.

There is a
sound; something I've heard before close up. There is water behind
the rock; lots of water....

'Okay, Tell
us?' Adam is the first to come over. I'm still listening, so I
don't immediately respond.

'What have you
found?' Marcia has just walked over.

'There is a big
flow of water behind this rock. I think we might be quite low down.
At the bottom of one of those sink holes.'

'You mean where
the water actually fills up the hole?' Marcia puts her hand against
the rock, 'Mmm; cold.'

'It's another
underground channel.' Oliver is listening too now, 'but I think
this is different...something.'

'The points in
the rock. Just there; and there....' I brush my palm over some
texturing that seems out of place.

Oliver steps
back and brushes the torchlight all round this area; 'Good God!
He's right! Look at that!'

There is a
regular pattern to these markings. Something is giving me that
disquieting feeling in my stomach. There is something familiar
about this.

'Have we found
a tunnel that goes up?' I can hear the dark tone in my own
voice.

'Over there.'
James indicates to our right.

'We need to go
up.' I said flatly, 'We must do so straight away.'

Oliver is still
feeling the wall. He straightens up and nods to Marcia; 'It's
pressurised. And this has been weakened. We must get well above
this.'

'What are
those?' Davey points with his torch.

I stumble
backwards over some loose rock, 'Steady there!' Adam catches
me.

'The bastards!'
I can feel I'm strung out. I go straight towards the transport.

'Arden! Get
back here!' I turn to see Marcia in an unmistakable expression of
disgruntled bossiness.

'Yes....sorry,'
I walk back and stand beside her, 'it’s there and there; if you
look carefully. This rock wall has been wired. It could be exploded
by remote. And it could be done at any time.'

Okay. Thank you
Jared.' Marcia turns, 'Adam, Davey; walk ahead. You will be
spotters for the drive on the route up. Oliver. You’re driving.
James get back in. Jared, you're with me. We'll follow, and see if
we can follow any pattern to this. Right folks; we need to know if
the others went by this route too. Everyone watch for anything odd.
Whatever you see, tell me straight away.' She put the ear piece and
microphone over her hair. 'Report what you see Oliver, we will
follow behind.'