The Power of Forgetting (18 page)

‘There are
clouds on the horizon.’ Oliver informed me as I sat down to eat.
James brought in the breakfast.

‘I think we
need to watch the sleep deprivation.’ Joe said, ‘I’m not happy
unless we travel and make camp sooner today.’

‘We needed to
push it to be safe from detection.’ I looked toward him.

‘As you say.
But I will ground the lot of you if you start trying to speedball
your way into the mountains.’

‘You have the
case Joe.’ I said.

‘Marcia and you
have the access.’

‘Are you happy
for just Marcia to be the other first aider?’

‘I wasn’t
thinking that.’

‘No. it’s a
good idea.’ I said, ‘I feel that this is much better. I’m only
human…after all.’

‘Uhh…. okay.’
Joe smiled watching me.

‘I give you
full permission to keep both eyes on me Joe.’ I said.

Oliver laughed
out loud, ‘You are not going to be a hero twice in one lifetime.’
He said to me, then to the group; ‘If I wanted to learn to swim I
would never take lessons from Jared!’

Adam stabbed
toast, ‘Now we have made a little ground. Can we all confirm what
we are actually doing here?’

I waited until
everyone was gathered round the table, with their breakfasts in
front of them.

‘We are still
in the experiment. And I think that Jules’ simple point to me might
help you understand what that means….’

‘What?’ Janey
said from the other end of the table.

‘It means this:
Jules said that we all have choices. And each choice is our way
out. He said to always choose the way out.’

‘And that is
it?’ asked James.

‘Yes.’ I
watched them all waiting for questions. Janey was silent, unusually
for her. Davey stared at me in a perplexed way. ‘Just one thing…?’
he began. All the rest of the lads groaned and laughed.

‘Is this a test
of our scepticism Lazarus?’ asked Adam.

‘No…’ he
grinned at them as Oliver ruffled his hair,

‘Steady on
Milly!’ said Oliver.

‘Let the boy
speak.’ said Joe.

‘Yes Doc!’ said
Adam.

‘There was
something that did occur to me,’ Davey began, ‘about the people in
the replication part of the experiment. I understand…as we all do
from the briefing; that they all carry a black box strapped around
the waist. But is it always true? Could there be circumstances when
this didn’t happen? I mean is it possible?’

‘Anything is
possible,’ I said, ‘there might perhaps be a situation where in
order to save a subject, one might have to neutralise the
replicas…. But we would need to make sure that they are the
replicas.’

‘Ah!’ Davey
seemed pleased to have something to chew over.

‘What do we
know, Janey?’ I said.

She jumped
startled at me addressing her so directly.

‘Well…. we
looked at his and it seems that, although we cannot be sure that
all the alternate ego states have a limited life expectancy; as
they near to the end of their life span their consciousness would
withdraw back to the individual who was the original. But then
again; it might be possible for these to share the consciousness,
or even to experience it simultaneously.’

I stop in
mid-stab of the bacon piece. Doesn’t she know? Hanson was initially
at least conscious of all the ego states at once. But maybe on set
up. But now…. They could be part of a localised consciousness that
moves around. Perhaps even…

‘We think,’
Janey continues, ‘that is: Jules and I think that with time; these
ego states could last long without the pack. They are just on a
test group at the moment. Later there will be more. Variations of
the same experiment. Consciousness shifted round. One kept
unconscious while the mind is awake elsewhere. And then again…. You
could have a situation where only one of the ego states is aware of
the others existence….’

‘Would that be
the original? The real person?’ asked Joe.

‘Not
necessarily.’ Janey pointed her fork upwards, ‘there are weaknesses
inherent in that way or proceeding. The subject’s compliance must
be assured. Unless one is a perpetrator of the experiment how could
one make sure that all these…. Copies did exactly what the
experimenters wanted?’

‘Ah!’ said
Davey, ‘Of course…’

I’ve clicked
too. But I let Janey take the lead again.

‘Yes.’ Janey is
flushed with her obvious cleverness now, ‘the original must be made
to agree certain things. And there would be an insurance placed
into the system to make sure that the agreement was adhered to.
They would in fact take a copy as a guest…. a house guest. The
comfort of the surroundings is essential to reduce psychological
stress. They could even give that copy the pleasure they lack in
their own lives. Every whim pandered to, every dream fulfilled.’
She is looking at me now. I hold her gaze; ‘that’s right isn’t it
Captain?’

‘Yes,’ I said,
‘we need to find who is gathering subjects. They are here
somewhere. This reality is a stable piece of the past…. apparently.
There are no obvious environmental dangers inherent in being here.
So the question is… where is the trap? And how do we spring it
without getting stuck in there ourselves?’

‘Tricky.’ said
Adam.

‘Oliver.’ I
said.

‘It might
involve the use of sharp objects. And it might involve something
unpleasant. I’m trained for this sort of thing. And some of you are
used to the sight of unpleasant messes.’

‘That’s all for
now.’ I said, ‘breakfast finishes, and then some knife skills
practice with Oliver and Marcia.’

They all go
back to their plates. Davey turns to me. ‘This is a crazy thing
we’re doing isn’t it?’

‘Yes.’

‘And it might
be fatal?’

‘Not
necessarily.’

‘I’m quite
prepared to face it if you say it is.’ Davey is pushing for more. I
push my plate away then. I get out a sobrané and the lighter, and
place them both on the edge of the table.

‘It’s a matter
of choices. We all depend on each other. That only stops when
someone is out of the group. But connections are often stronger
than we think.’

‘Why do they
want to talk to me and Marcia?’

‘Talk? I think
more like question firmly. Politely. There is no point at this
stage in wasting valuable test material.’

‘Lab rat?’

‘We’re not
rats.’

‘You mean they
are?’

‘We came here
knowingly,’ I said quietly, the others were leaving the table;
‘there is no point in pretending that we’re out of the woods
yet.’

‘What the hell
do you mean?’ Davey gives me a look rather like Oliver does.

‘I mean that
this might lead us down a blind alley. We could just be eliminating
possibilities, while they are furthering the advance of the
experiment.’

‘Now; you’re
freaking me out!’

‘They haven’t
any control over you.’ I said, ‘you are the one who is immune
remember.’

‘Yes. I
remember.’ He glances at Janey who is getting up from the table and
turning to talk to Adam.

I daren’t ask
how things are, so I just concentrate on the matter in hand. We
will be breaking camp in two hours. So I lean back in the camping
chair and light the cigarette. Davey frowns, but doesn’t question
me.

‘The thing is…’
I said, ‘the thing is we have to make sure that we are not subjects
of this experiment. We have to find out if any of us are those
people.’

‘You mean these
here; or all from our group?’

‘All the group.
There are some who are not in the list of possible subjects, it’s
to do with the detection of something we all carry…. a kind of
paradox vibe if you like.’

‘That
measurement they got so excited about?’

‘Yes. For you
and Marcia, the one that is Zero. You cannot be changed; except by
your own choice.’

‘And therein
lays the nub of the matter.’ Davey said, ‘there is a small thing
that could defeat us all.’

‘Yes, I had
thought of that. That’s why George frisked everyone for bugs.’

‘You mean the
waist strap thingy don’t you?’

‘Yes. There are
only one or two places where something like that could be hidden to
avoid detection. And that’s if you suspected it was there in the
first place. I’m sure that the next lot will be miniaturised.’

‘Not a
comforting thought.’ Davey stares out of the doorway past my
shoulder. I turn to see Janey directing the lads in where she wants
the small science kit for this morning.

‘I hope that
things are better now.’ I said cautiously.

‘Yeah; Jared
they are. There’s no need for this weird atmosphere between us you
know. We both know what has happened in the past. Perhaps it’s time
to leave it there.’

‘Yes.’ I said,
and blew out a stream of smoke. Davey gets up and walks out into
the brilliant morning sunshine. I sat and pondered his real
thoughts on the matter of Janey. It’s not about his distrust of me.
I would never knowingly break his trust. It is about Janey herself.
She is odd. But not so odd, that I would say it was anything to
worry about. But then I think of her kissing him last night. There
had been a time when she would not have been that obvious. She was
discrete in her Love affairs; and often pretended that they were
nothing more than liking. Was it different this time…. well it was,
of course. But was it different in that other off-key, hard to pin
down kind of way? Put her next to Marcia and she seemed really
strange. Marcia was consistently normal. Her likes and dislikes;
even the way she was with her boyfriends. There were rules she
applied. There were boundaries she didn’t like to cross. I could
only ask her if Janey was alright. They were, after all, old
friends.

Now I know why
they brought me along (for so I must think of it after the episode
at the clearing). I am for once, the only answer to a need we all
have to make the beginning of a hilly land before nightfall, which
is the forerunner of those great mountains that now loom in the
distance. I am never fearful when I am totally in control. The
others think that I am completely off somewhere with the whole
impossible driving thing. But nevertheless, I can do this.

I am strapped
into the driving seat of our transport. Full five-point harness. It
a good job, because at this moment I am looking upwards at the sky.
We are using the winch and a set of carefully placed pulley blocks.
The metal rope that is holding the whole thing suspended on this
almost vertical short drive is connected to a strong tether out of
my sight. There are rocks in the way. I have to turn to the right
and hope the traction holds for long enough to get past them.

I can fell the
wheels slipping so I ease off slightly. She grips again. All the
excess weight has been taken out of the truck. James and Adam were
getting worried and wanted to stop this very dangerous manoeuvre.
Marcia and Oliver overruled them. How much this had to do with
faith in my skills, or the dark rolling masses that unrelentingly
pursued us from the receding horizon, I cannot say. Just above
there was a short cut through a narrow gulley. And then it opened
into a little dell that was shelter on all sides from prying
eyes.

I feel, as well
as hear the whining creak of the cables as the transport reaches
the top. I ease the extra set of wheels down until I feel them grip
on something. I few spot of rain dot the windscreen.

‘Jared!’
someone is shouting through the intercom.

‘Yes?’ I listen
then. No one is answering, ‘Okay, I hear you? What is it?’

Still no
answer.

I blink and
breathe…. something just happened. But I’m dangling off a cliff, so
I don’t think about it right now and keep going. My concentration
is being severely tested.

‘Give me some
bloody directions!’ I yell at them.

‘Take a sharp
right turn as soon as you level up.’

‘What’s
there?’

‘A great big
rock.’ Marcia said calmly.

‘Got that.’

There is a
sudden juddering and the back end is swinging in space. I feel the
centre wheels grip and engage the drive. Then I crank it hard to
the right, and give it some oomph.

The vehicle
narrowly missed a massive 20-foot boulder and I straighten it up
and pull further in. I stop just five feet from Oliver who is
operating the winch controls, and it looking very shocked.

I fell out and
slammed the door. ‘What the hell were you lot doing back
there?’

‘Come on
Jared.’ Marcia is at my side, and takes my arm. She steers me away
from Oliver and makes me sit down on a nearby rock.

‘I’ll tell you
inside.’ Marcia gives me that look that is quite unmistakeable. You
will not be difficult. She hands me my jacket. I’m glad of it five
minutes later as fat rain drops are falling in earnest. Everyone
else is winching the heavier bags of kit up the cliff. Lastly we
bring up the rest of the group. I see Janey and Davey both stowing
a big case in the tail of the machine. Marcia has got the rest of
them with the trolley lifts taking the main tent pack to the dell
just beyond.

Joe appears and
beckons me off my rock… I have to admit that since I told him I
wasn’t going to have access to the med packs without Him or Marcia,
he’s seems a little less edgy. We decide to get the vehicle under
cover and get back inside the back. The mini dome it only just
hoisted and sealed shut when there is the almightiest deluge.
Marcia and James hand out cups of tea. We are in the back and
everyone gathers round the small fold out table.

‘No Smoking!’
Adam looks at me. I don’t react. But just look away. They all talk
among themselves. I watch the steam in the cup and listen to the
noise from without. The rain hurls a terrible giant’s bath full of
rain down on us in a few minutes. They are all talking about what
would have happened. Marcia squeezes in next to me.