The Power of Forgetting (25 page)

What if he knew
that? They have my psyche profile. They have me. They can see that
I will act in a certain way given the right stimulus. Anger, guilt,
shame…. They are all clouding the view. I didn’t see because I was
so driven by the crawling feeling of being exposed…. So how do I
find out what she was about to reveal to me whether she likes it or
not? She called me a devil of a man. But it was to keep me one the
side of the angels. She was insuring the copy against my
interrogation. Being relieved of the captain’s post; did give me
one thing; some level of freedom to act that will not reflect badly
on the team as a whole. Was the play only to get our attention? She
over played it. They all turned on me. Not in a nasty way. But they
have a situation that is emotionally unbalancing. They forget. Adam
called me “Captain” this very evening.

I stood up
then. I have decided to go and see Janey (or whatever she really
is).

I slip quietly
into the main area; and then through into the back parts of the
tent. The pods are clearly marked so that there is no difficulty
seeing whose is which. The girls are in a separate area. I quickly
find Janey’s pod. Without giving myself chance to change my mind I
slip inside.

The first thing
that strikes me is how stark it seems. She has not taken anything
personal out of the kit bag to personalise her space. The second
thing I realise; is that she isn’t there….

I am so
surprised that I sit down rather abruptly on the little space. What
do I do now? One: she is just out for a few minutes, and that gives
me chance to go back to my own space and try to get some sleep. Or
I can admit that this is tightening the sensitivity of my nerves so
much that I want to just get very drunk and forget everything.

If she isn’t
back soon I will have to go to Marcia and tell her that Janey has
gone walkabout…. What to do? I decide to wait ten minutes only. No
more ego! This has to be about more than that.

Two minutes
later, I jumped to my feet. I heard a cry. Was it a voice or an
animal? I stood there undecided. Everything went quiet. Too quiet.
I left Janey’s pod and went back to the main area. The light was
unnaturally bright; or so it seemed. The moon was out; and the
light pierced the gloom of night. There was some tension gathering
in the air. I felt rather than sensed that someone was outside.
Someone moved away from the dome. I quickly slipped out. I saw a
shadow flicker for a moment. it was the path towards the beach. I
thought for a moment about the fact I was only wearing shorts. But
the night seemed even more oppressive. The air among the trees and
fronded plants seemed laden with some aromatic substance, heavy,
hypnotic and making each breath seemed an effort to draw. I moved
carefully not wanting to alert whoever was ahead of me.

I reached the
sand dunes. I saw the tussocky grass in monochromatic patterns and
beyond that the silvery stretch of sand. The tide had gone some way
out. I walked down then through the drifts of spiked grass and on
to soft moulded sand that was fine and soft; then onto the firmer
damper band. Before me was then a strange thing. I had seen him a
moment before. But he was just sitting down not far from the shore.
A figure of one of our own. Strange that at first I did not
recognise him. Something in the gesture; the body language that was
different. Something in the bowed head, as he sat with his back to
me. I ran it through my mind as I walked: tall; untidy hair that
fell in a long fringe over a pale face; long limbs; and a nervous
energy that expressed itself by hands always moving grasping each
other. I saw that something was desperately wrong. Instinctively I
looked around. But there was no one else there. I went towards him.
He had his back to me; and seemed oblivious even when I stood over
him, casting a shadow in the full moon’s light.

‘Hello….’ I
said softly as I knelt down, ‘what are you doing out here?’

Adam turned to
my voice, his eyes wide, staring. Then mumbled something that was
barely audible. I leaned closer.

‘It’s here.’ He
repeated in the expulsion of a terrified breath.

I turned my
head slowly. I saw…. well I thought I saw for a moment something
like a person stood nearby. But then it was gone. I felt my pulse
quicken with an unnatural fear. Something…. Something was
there.

‘Come on…
stand. Let’s go.’ But he just looked at me blankly.

In the distance
I saw people running towards us across the sand. I looked back at
Adam. ‘I can’t.’ he groaned then and turned his left palm towards
me. In the light it gleamed blackly and dripped with oil. The
others came running. Oliver got there first. He had a lamp and set
it down. Blood gleamed; now I saw it. Joe quickly followed. Marcia
was taking a sweep if the area with her hunting knife drawn.

‘Right Joe!’
she bent over Adam.

Joe was working
as fast as possible. Somewhere in the waist area. He pressed hard
with a pad over the wound to stem the flow.

‘You heard it
too.’ Marcia handed me the knife and moved closer to Adam. She held
his head in her hands. He, bewildered and in pain, let her examine
his face.

‘What are you
looking for?’ Oliver held a torch steady.

‘Puncture
marks. Or the scent of something resinous.’ I could see his eyes
dilating and glazing.

‘Let’s go.’ Joe
was whispering. The only sound was the water shushing on the shore.
It was disturbingly quiet. I picked up the lamp; we made our way
back as quickly as we could. Oliver, carrying Adam followed Joe
into the dome. Marcia and I stayed near the door. A minute or so
later Oliver came back to us.

‘Near miss.’
Oliver looked grim, ‘he’ll not be doing much for a day or
three.’

‘We have to
find it.’ Marcia took the knife back off me and sheathed it. Oliver
looked at me; ‘I’ll stand guard. We need to find out what happened.
Where is Davey?’

‘I just heard a
sound. No one was about.’

‘The weapon was
one of ours they used. Where’s yours Jared?’

‘Back in the
kit bag.’

‘You were out
there dressed like that for fun?’

‘No. it was too
hot. I couldn’t sleep.’

‘Someone
removed the trip strips.’

I didn’t
respond further. I could see he was angry. And I also felt a
surreal sense of unreality creeping in. Where was Davey? My thought
was answered a moment later when he came out of Janey’s pod looking
a little put out.

‘Davey!’ Marcia
went to him, ‘A word in your ear.’ They moved to the kitchen area
and the small light came on. I stood shifting my weight from one
foot to another. James appeared then rubbing his eyes; ‘What the
fuck is going on here? It’s one in the morning!’ I wasn’t used to
James using such choice expletives; and I probably stared at him
too hard. He came up to me and looked questioning, ‘Oh, it you. I
never thought it would be a smooth one with you around but then you
do have a talent for attracting trouble.’

‘What?’ I was
quite unused to this coming from James, an otherwise mild mannered
person who remained unflappable for the most part. But then the
commotion must have woken him.

James folded
his arms; ‘I can’t say I’m surprized. You never sleep anyway.
That’s right isn’t it Jared?’

‘That’s
enough.’ growled Oliver rolling his knife in his right hand. James
backed off then a sat in one of our camping chairs. Five minutes
later we had five sitting in a circle with hot tea. Joe came in for
a moment. ‘He’ll live. It’s stopped bleeding. I’ll stay with him.’
Marcia went with him back to Adam, then returned a few minutes
later.

‘We need a
serious share it all session right now.’ She said, ‘I’ll go first.
We three…. Oliver, myself and Joe were woken up by some dreadful
screaming noise nearby; we went to the beach and found Jared sat
with Adam who had apparently been stabbed in the stomach area. It
seems that one of our own knives had been used.’

‘Did I miss all
this?’ James said in his normal pleasantly concerned voice.

‘We all did.’
Marcia continued, ‘Adam will tell us later what happened to him. In
the mean time I want everyone to check where their knives are. I
mean right now! Go on! Quickly…’

I searched my
kit bag a few minutes after that. I remembered that it had been
under my sweat shirt, the dark blue one. I’d not worn it. But
despite my best efforts the knife, and more to the matter it’s
sheath were nowhere to be found.

We all sat in a
circle again. I was reminded of a “show and tell”, when I was a
school. I remembered how much I hated those things. Everyone was
holding their knife except me. I didn’t say anything. The fact that
I had been out of bed being curious with no place to hide the
thing; well….it ruled me out of being the bad guy. Thank God for
insomnia.

‘Who is the
last person to see Janey?’ Marcia addressed us all. I kept quiet.
It definitely wasn’t me. I thought that Marcia’s theory had already
been explained to the rest of them. Davey looked sick. He glanced
at me, an appeal in his eyes. I just stared back at him. He saw
something that I didn’t know I was projecting and smiled slightly
in a sad way. What had passed through my mind just then? Only a
feeling of concern: 90 per cent Adam; and perhaps ten per cent
everyone else.

‘We have to
destroy the double.’ Marcia looked very hard at Davey. A flash of
something passed between them. But I wasn’t sure what it was.

‘I’ll do this.’
He said, putting his hand in his left pocket.

‘Perhaps.’ Said
Marcia, ‘but before that, we have to find out what it knows. Any
suggestions Jared?’ I jumped when my name was spoken.

‘No.’

‘She’s got your
knife.’

‘Yes.’

‘Then that
means you don’t have it.’

‘Obviously.’

‘The problem is
simple,’ Davey cut in, ‘we have to break the connection with the
place it came out of. But first we need to make sure that Janey is
not in there.’

‘That might not
be possible.’ said Marcia.

Davey was about
to reply, when Joe came in and said something in her ear. She
immediately stood up and went with him. We waited. Oliver was
perfectly still. Davey stood up and started pacing around. James
just slumped back in the seat in a resigned kind of a way. I felt
tired and I longed for a break in the tension.

I came:
‘Jared!’ Marcia was in a She-who-must-be-obeyed frame of mind.
Formidable…I went to them. Joe and Marcia looked at me. I looked
down at the medical stretcher. Just a few items of clothing; and no
Adam.

I ran out of
the small med bay and out to the entrance. Oh dear Lord did I want
to be sick or not? How many of us? Had we all been replaced? I
thought of the platinum knife (for I knew it to be this since
George had had them property examined), and then saw that we needed
to find out who was who. We had the way of telling this right
there. I thought very calmly about all the factors for about five
minutes. After that, I went to Oliver and Marcia and explained what
I knew.

‘Theirs is
always the possibility that we are all that. Have you thought of
that?’

‘Not likely.
But perhaps worth a gamble that we can’t all be copies of
ourselves, unless someone has been notoriously difficult with the
rations. Some of the cooking round here is definitely only reserved
for the living,’ I grinned at her and continued, ‘you know we are
all here without a bit taken out of us. I’m guessing that we are
all immune except James and Joe now.’

‘Why?’ Marcia
was as blunt as I remembered from when first met her at Base.

‘I think it has
to do with Summerland…. And we are all connected by the earth
sign.’

‘Yes. That’s
true.’ She conceded.

‘I don’t know
why but I think we will not have any trouble form Janey when she
does turn up. It will be relatively simple to break the
connection.’

‘I see.’

‘You think I’m
being cold don’t you?’

‘A little.’

‘It’s not easy
for Davey I know that…. but we all want our Janey back. And now
Adam has been proved to be replaced. It’s weird. Who are the
rest?

‘The rest?’

‘The rest who
are not the originals.’ I thought I was being clear enough.

Marcia looked
very troubled then. ‘I think I’ve been replaced.’ She said.

I think said
"Oh." or something equally unimaginative. Joe came back. Davey had
been on interminable tea making again. Oliver appeared from
outside; he had slipped out a moment earlier. James, who seemed
relatively unmoved by the whole thing was still sitting down.

We sealed the
door and gathered round. Marcia and Davey looked at each other.

'We will all
consent to be tested.' she looked at each of us, and added
'Including Me.'

Davey nodded,
and swallowed. He drew out the tiny blade; a bit like a letter
opener.

'Just a
minute,' James leaned forward, and stabbed in Davey's direction
with one finger, 'What about him?'

'I will do it.'
said Marcia.

'I heard it
doesn't work.'

'Yes, it does.'
Marcia had that exasperated face that she used quite a bit. She
clearly had a method that worked. James shifted in the seat and put
his cup on the ground, 'Perhaps we should test Jared first.'

Marcia was
still, calculating the possible difficulties. I didn't like the
idea. I knew with absolute certainty that I wasn't one of these
copies. That thing that haunted me.... Its habitation was in this
body. I felt something uncurl inside; a tension from that darkness.
I was staring at the floor. Marcia was speaking.

'The test will
be without prejudice. Anyone who is a copy will not be put out of
commission. We know that the soul of that person can fully inhabit
its own physical copy. So there must be some ground rules. We will
mark copies. Oliver and I have already discussed this. And I'm
sorry if anyone feels unhappy about this.'