The Passion of Mademoiselle S. (14 page)

*
We discover here that Simone is quite capable of lying. From reading the other letters in the briefcase, it is clear she had quite a few relationships before Charles. And years after their affair, she will be wonderfully deceitful again, when she tells her new lover that he is the only one she has ever spent such marvelous moments with and the only one she has ever loved.

FRIDAY, MIDNIGHT

My dear little Charles,

Do forgive me for failing to write sooner but when I arrived yesterday morning I was immediately put to the grindstone and had an enormous amount of work. I wanted to come and talk to you yesterday evening but was too tired. I would not have written anything worth reading. You won't hold this twenty-four-hour delay against me, my love, will you?

I had a most charming journey and I am in a delightful spot. I shall be staying here at the Club; I have a large room that is very much like ours, my treasure (except for the looking glasses). You know, I have only one regret, and that is not having you by my side, knowing you are so far away! Why can we not escape all the obligations that keep us both prisoner? Why are you not free, my Charles? And could you not give me a few years of your life? I shan't say your whole life because I remember you once smiling when I said those words. It is when I am this far from you that I better appreciate everything you mean to me. And it is at times like this that all our memories come crowding into my mind. Then, my little one, I picture you as I love you best, tenderly passionate and as perverse as I could wish. This evening I am thinking of our most recent assignation, last Monday. Yes, we truly did surpass ourselves, we put extraordinary spirit into giving each other the wildest pleasures. My Lottie, you made me so happy giving yourself to me like that! Do you want to know how I feel when I take you like that? It can be summed up in three words: “I go wild.” Yes, my love, when I feel your soft skin against mine, every ounce of me quivers, I quite lose my head and can think of only one thing: giving you pleasure, subjugating you with my fierce touch, taming your lascivious body and then taking that ass that I do so adore. Of course, I never forget it was thanks to me that you discovered the perversity of this coupling, and I am truly happy to see the glee with which you welcome it, and I shall always make love to you like that. I want to take you as wildly as I did on Monday. Once I am back I expect we shall have another hour together, my love, don't you think, and I shall prove just as filthy, just as perverted as last time. I shall hold you in my arms, my mouth will touch down onto your warm skin and I shall intoxicate you with almost imperceptible little kisses trailing all over your body. They will be like a breath of air, like a shiver. My lips will barely touch your skin, but it will thrill to such a sweet sensation. And my mouth will press itself to your mouth too. You will feel my tongue between your lips, and I shall keep yours prisoner for a long time while my hand reaches for your cock to pleasure it slowly.

Darling, I too cannot wait for our night of lovemaking. You will be loved to distraction, Lottie, for there will be nothing to stop us assuaging our tender feelings. I shall give you all the ministrations you love best. I shall kiss you and bugger you and nibble your cock and lick your balls, but, best of all, I shall give you the ardent sensations that fill both our dreams. Yes, it will make me immeasurably happy to initiate you to this new mystery, and it will afford me double the pleasure. We shall be very naughty indeed that night, my dear treasure. Before parting for many a long day, we shall love each other passionately so we can live off the memories while we are apart.

Like you, I hope the next photographs will be good. Yes, it will be terribly exciting to see them. What follies will you commit in Bandol with pictures like that at hand?

I cannot wait to come home, my dear treasure. Another two days, perhaps three, without seeing you. Are you sad when I am far away, and are you thinking of your little mistress, of your passionate, perverted lover?

Try to be free next Friday, my love, because I want you, I do want you so. I can no longer cope without you and your caresses, and I am dying to have you to myself, lying quite naked on the big divan where we have already committed such follies. I have a boundless longing for your whole body, I cannot stop thinking about it and I am very sad being so far from you. Yes, treasure, we shall have the most unforgettable times, for our ardor is far from extinguished and we love each other even more than before. The complete and total union of our bodies promises wonderful days ahead. Oh, quickly, quickly, come so I can love you, come and give me every inch of your soft skin for me to kiss.

Kissing you as tenderly as I love you. Goodbye again, dear little love god. Be good while I am away and try to be free on Friday so we can love each other with tireless energy. I am pressing my lips to your skin and kissing it passionately.

Simone

My dear love,

I am bored, I am so bored. I wish I were with you, close to you, the one I love. So many days have gone by since that wonderful hour when I held your beautiful body swooning in ecstasy in my arms! All I am left with is the ardent memory of it, and since then not once have my lips touched your skin.

Do you no longer want my body, my loved one? Do you no longer want the wild attentions that once afforded you such ecstasies? Have you already wearied of your lover's arms and do his ardent kisses kindle no response in you? Oh, how many hours have trickled by, my dear love, hours I have spent longing for your body! You will never know how thoughts of your soft flesh torment my nights alone, my nights without love or tenderness. Sometimes I wake and look for you beside me but, alas, I find only empty space, and your beloved name spills from my lips with all the loving words I send you.

My Lottie, my sweet mistress, how I love you! What sorcery, what secret spell do you use to hold my painful, tortured heart in your dear, dear hands? And what mysterious power there is in just one glance from you to make me love you more with each passing day! I have reached that stupid degree of love that reduces me to the level of a faithful dog, a big kind dog just waiting to be stroked by a much loved hand, living only to be petted by its master.

Oh, Charles, Charles. What sort of woman have you made of me? Do you at least understand how much I love you? I notice your every whim to please you. I anticipate anything that might be a pleasure for you, and I wish I could sweep aside every obstacle in your way, every petty woe that might impede your young god's progress. Oh my god, must I love you in order to want you so unrelentingly after thirteen months of passion?

When shall we have our next hour of lovemaking, darling? I have such a strong desire to take you lovingly and another, stronger still, to give myself to you, with all my heart. We shall probably now not have time to see each other again before the night you have been promising me for so long. I am not even sure whether we should see each other, for it will be very soon and we shall not have recovered from our letters. No, darling, let's wait, let's wait a little longer and the day will come when we can cleave to each other, brimming with desire and love. Oh, how I long for that night, how I look forward to it! How I shall love you, Lottie, when I have you in my arms. I shall dream up the rarest, sweetest embraces to intoxicate and arouse you, and your whole body will belong to me, completely, won't it, darling? Are you ready to submit to the ordeal I long to inflict on you? Are you ready to offer me your ass so the whip can leave its shrieking, smarting weals on you? My tongue and my “prick” will be tireless in their efforts to make you forget that lacerating caress. I shall lavish you with pleasure. It will rise inside you in swift waves and you will not know how to resist it when you see that huge member probing deep into your flesh, oh yes, that member that my depravity chose specially for you.

And I know what voluptuous delights you in turn will give me. I am too aware of my lover's skill to doubt for one moment the pleasure I shall find in his arms. We shall bring our bodies together in the most adorable embraces. We shall become just one flesh, and the same spasm of delight will launch us both into the abyssal depths that leave us exhausted.

Oh, what a blissful image! I can see our bodies indistinguishable from each other, a tangle of limbs, and our mouths joined in an endless kiss that expresses all our tenderness. Do you not long for this hour of passion as I do?

My darling, my darling, my heart is full of you. If you only knew the fervor with which I pronounce your beloved name when I spend these lonely hours in misery, far from your arms! I study the little photograph of you and talk to it, describing all my pain, all my joy, and all my hopes too. You are a constant part of my life, every minute of the day. I take you with me, guarding you jealously, and no one could guess the thoughts inside my head when my eyes drift off to the horizon. Dearly beloved darling, be happy, be proud. Isn't it wonderful to be loved like that? Oh, how I wish I could spoil you even more, my darling! I wish I could give you so many things, to make your life so pretty and peaceful, but there is an insurmountable obstacle between us and it forces me to be sensible. So I make do with the stolen hours, the moments that are, alas, only too brief, when you are partly mine as you were just now. Oh, my darling child, it was such a pleasure having you by my side! I wished our walk could go on and on, and we could run away together. Oh, Charles, I am so afraid of being hurt! How terribly you will make me suffer one day! Why did I give myself so utterly to you, given that the day will come when I shall have to take myself back? Put it off, my little Lottie, put it off as long as you can, for I shall be filled with vast sorrow the day when everything that was so beautiful ceases to exist.

Goodbye, beloved treasure, till tomorrow. Will you reply to this long letter? Surely you will. Tell me sweet things to calm me and soothe my pain. Tell me if you still love me as much, with the same love so dear to my heart. I want a very loving letter full of your tenderness, because you do still love me, don't you, Lottie darling?

Simone

SUNDAY EVENING

My darling love,

I have thought of you all day, and I have waited all day for this moment alone when I can at last write to you as I have been wanting to. When you arrive in Bandol tomorrow you will find the letter I wrote in terrible haste yesterday. Will you have written to me too, and will I have the pleasure of reading a few passionate pages?

And so now I am alone. My loved one, I am thinking of you, so far away, so very far away. And my heart constricts at the thought of all the hours I shall spend without you. I am a little sad, you know, and this separation, coming so soon after the first, weighs heavy on my heart, which is so full of you.

How I love you, my dear darling! I cannot drive images of your dear self from my mind, and your name is constantly on my lips. You have captivated all of me with your touch and your kisses, and I am now yours, yours alone, do you know that? You have taken my whole heart away with you. Why did you not also take my body? Why must I be deprived yet again of this love that is my only joy?

In the silence of this stifling hot night, I conjure images of our last hours of pleasure, all our couplings, our every caress, and I can feel implacable desire for you rising through me, overwhelming me, making me restless and coursing feverishly in my veins. How clearly I see these arousing images, how eagerly I relive those delirious moments!

First things first, when we met the day after your return. A fortnight had passed, two whole weeks of waiting. At last I am with you again, I hold you to me. I have you there beside me, my Lottie, still just as beautiful and just as depraved, my adorable little mistress, my love. We take each other with demented ardor. Our bodies cleave tightly together, writhing to the same shudders, the same voluptuous delights. Do you know, the better hour in my view was the one we spent in your office? I waited for you with a beating heart, watching out for you, and soon you were in my arms with your lips on mine. Not wasting another moment, I kneel before you and my mouth takes hold of your stiffened prick, sucking it passionately. I lavish you with this touch you love, performing it wholeheartedly. I nibble your cock and you like it, I can tell, for I can feel him thrilling and pulsing between my teeth. He is hard, so hard, and I pause to gaze at this beautiful toy. Do you know you have a very beautiful cock and I love it?

May my letters sustain the sacred flame of desire in you to make you wilder and more loving than ever.

If I have a long letter tomorrow, I shall write straightaway. I do not want to miss a single day of telling you how much I love you and how sad and lonely I feel when you are gone. I think of you all the time, and in my mind I relive all our wonderful loving moments.

Goodbye, my dear treasure, give me your lips for me to kiss, and give me your beloved eyes too.

I adore you. Write every day, my love.

Simone

THURSDAY EVENING, HALF PAST NINE

My darling Lottie,

I received the long letter you wrote on Tuesday in the three o'clock mail this afternoon, but have not been able to answer it sooner. So I am writing to you now from my little bedroom, behind closed doors, with your dear photograph before my eyes, and you can peruse my nakedness at your leisure, for I have nothing on at all with this crushing heat.

I read your letter with great interest, my love, and I shall be utterly open in answering the two questions you asked.

I have never had a mistress before I met you, my little Lottie, but I would be lying if I said I have never sought out a woman. I wanted to have a taste of those wonderful embraces that have been described to me a few times. I dreamed of a gentle woman who might love me tenderly, and I would certainly have returned the passionate attentions I hoped to receive from her. I always hesitated at the last moment to embark on this adventure, held back by obscure scruples, obscure prejudices, and I withheld myself, hoping a better time might come. Should I regret this virtuous past? Surely not, for it means I can now say, “Darling Lottie, you are my only mistress, my only sin, and I want to keep you forever because you give me the perverse sensations I so hoped to find.” I cannot know whether a woman might be more expert than a man, but I can assure you, my love, you have become a wonderful mistress and you make me immeasurably happy. You do not have to erase any memories from my body, but I will allow you to love me more wildly still so you need never fear that one day I might weary of you and leave you in order to renew my search for a woman. It is for you, my love, and you alone, to bind me to you forever. You know all my weaknesses, all my favorite sensations. Treat me to them lovingly and I shall never leave you, my beloved little Lottie.

It is a peerless pleasure feeling your tongue on my cunt. You suck it and lick it and draw it into your mouth. You imprison it with your lips and it is never long before I come. You can watch the mounting ecstasy on my face. My whole body contracts and in the final spasm I abandon myself entirely to the boundless intoxication of that exquisite touch. Be in no doubt, beloved girl, you are a talented mistress, and the pleasures you give me could not be bettered in the arms of another woman. My darling, you are allowing me to realize my dream to the full, and I adore you.

As for your second question, I am not sure what to say. I found it profoundly disturbing. Watching scenes of debauchery
with you,
seeing women sucking each other, and couples taking each other in the most outrageous positions…yes, it is very tempting, for I can imagine the orgies you and I would then enjoy, having been mutually aroused by such carnal sights. But I do wonder whether we need this new stimulant.
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I do not think we do, my love. We have committed enough audacious acts ourselves to imagine what such scenes might be. What could we learn from them? Most likely nothing, but do tell me if it is what you want. Would you like to go and see such things,
with me
of course, for I do not think you would want to go alone or with someone else? We are quite mad, the pair of us, and I have no idea where this will all end.

No, my Lottie, I do not resent you for having this outlandish dream, and I love you more every day. Could I really resent you for such a small thing, particularly given the letters I write to you? I was afraid this dream might be masking a different desire and that you might want to taste those particular pleasures. But like you, dear beloved, I could not abide having a third person between us. I can barely tolerate the
legitimate
need to share your body. How could I cope if I had to surrender you to another mistress?

In fact, I wanted to ask you a question but you preempted it by telling me I am your first male lover. Is that really true, and how did you develop this perverse wish to feel a male member inside you? I cannot believe I have corrupted you so and have such influence over you. In any event, I love you as you are, with your passions and your vices. I too wish we had the last plaything we need but, oh dear, how and where to find one? Do you have any ideas about this, darling Lottie? I think we shall have to settle for what we already have, and they do work wonders. When you come back, you just wait and see how I drive my ramrod up your ass, you filthy little pig. You can scream, I shall show no mercy and the bigger of the two will ply as deep as possible into your flesh. Twice I shall bugger you like that, three times if you have the strength, because it is what you truly crave and it makes me so happy seeing my Lottie completely abandoning herself. Your ass presents itself to my phallus. It shudders, it writhes and every thrust of the hips makes you all the more mine. Push, darling, push hard. Come and get my big dick and let it give you the best climax. It does feel good, doesn't it, little pig, and oh you really do like that! Yes, you love being buggered, you little pervert, but I am here and I shall do it as much as you like. I really hope you never cast your eyes over men. That would be the end of you and me, for I want absolute ownership of your body as you do mine. I even wonder how I am not more outraged by the thought that you derive pleasure from the other woman. Everything you give to her is stolen from me, and I keep myself entirely for you. Is that fair, and why are you not free?

Yes, my dear love, I really do love being fucked by you now. True, in the early days of our affair I did not want to be subjected to this most banal of couplings but it now adds still more charm to our love. You are a remarkable lover. I cannot think how you do it but with you I have the wildest of climaxes, just from feeling your cock deep in me. What I do not want is for you to ejaculate in that position because that would lower us to the ranks of ordinary lovers. We know far more powerful sensations, but I want you to screw me relentlessly. I am not sure which position I prefer. Yes, your prick penetrates better when I am on my knees and you can fondle my rump and whip me from behind at the same time. But stomach to stomach, I feel I have full possession of your body and I can watch your cock driving in and out, and that is still more exciting. I shall put my arms around your back, holding you to me all the more tightly, and you will make me come for as long as you can hold back your own desire, then you can put your cock wherever you like for your passionate climax.

Oh, my darling treasure, it is so very long since we reached our ecstasy together! Since last we met and savored such intense moments together, we have not had each other and yet we both feel such exasperating desire. I too can barely tolerate it any longer, my dear beloved. I am waiting impatiently till I see you again. Only five more days now, and then, I hope, I can give myself to you and take you too, my Lottie. Oh, I want you so much, my dear beloved little woman! My enchanting little mistress, I so desperately need your passionate embraces! Come quickly and slide your head between my thighs and lick my cunt unrelentingly. Empty it of its juices and let me taste them on your lips. And I want to suck your cock, kiss your ass and rub your balls, and most of all I want to bugger you, my love, to bugger you again and forever. There, right there, I'm taking you. Can you feel my rod in your hole? It drives in manically and I'm licking your skin. Again, again, give yourself, give yourself up.

I hope I can see you on Tuesday the 17th. It definitely will not be in the morning. I shall telephone you to arrange it. It will be in the afternoon; I have no idea what time, most likely at five o'clock. I shall do everything I can but it will be difficult for me to get away much in the next two weeks because of moving house. Still, we must not despair and, anyway, we have the whole winter ahead to be together, my beloved, don't we? What do our difficulties matter if we can see each other for an hour or two every week? We have faith in each other now, don't we, and surely our love is strong enough to withstand anything, even absence? I love you madly, my dear darling, and I am yours, you do know that, don't you?

You can keep me as long as you like, my dear treasure. You have captured me indefinitely with your wonderful caresses, and I adore you. It is getting late, darling Lottie. Good night. I shall go to sleep thinking passionately of you, darling. I offer you my whole body. Take it in a wild embrace to exhaust us both and connect us forever.

Till tomorrow, my love, my mouth on your beloved lips.

Simone