The Passion of Mademoiselle S. (9 page)

My loved one,

What an entrancing letter, and how aroused I still am by it! Even though I have reread those passionate words again and again since yesterday. And how much more I love you, my dear love, when you give free rein to your heart over the pages.

Darling, you asked me whether, like you, I remember our first lovemaking. How could you think that such a memory is not locked in my heart forever? Charles, could I ever forget that, thanks to you, it was in the course of that morning that I had my first glimpse of true pleasure? Of course the scene is still very clear in my mind's eye, and I never think of it without a little shudder of happiness. The way we moved, our shy words, our first awkward caresses, the very first time we were in each other's arms…all of it is deeply embedded in me. But how unlike our true selves we were then! And how we both hesitated to explore the violence we could feel hovering just beneath the surface. Yes, I remember, dear love. The near darkness in that discreet bedroom hid our mutual embarrassment. On that soft double bed our naked bodies sought each other out and discovered each other. Our languid limbs tangled clumsily, and a vague feeling of disappointment after our first contact during the first rendezvous (do you remember, darling, the lovemaking that almost did not happen?!) meant we were hesitant about trying again. But you then took the offensive, my darling, and your violent desire lit an unfamiliar flame in your eye. You were so beautiful that morning, so ready to violate the body you were being offered! You suddenly threw yourself on me. Your fingers left their imprint on my rump, which glowed red from your spanking, and before I even had time to understand your bold initiative, with one irresistible thrust you bored into me, bruising my most intimate parts. And we soon collapsed exhausted in each other's arms. Now at last we knew we had an understanding, for we had the same perversion and shared the same immeasurable pleasure. My darling love, it will soon be a year since I became your mistress and not once since that happy day have I failed to experience the most unforgettable sensations in your arms. And so you see, I love you more with each passing day, and I shall always love you with the same fervor, the same steadfastness, for as long as you wish it. When I am in your arms, my beloved, there is only one thing I want, and that is to do what you want, and I have only one desire, the desire to go to the very depths of your being to kindle your pleasure. I want to take you ever more fiercely so that, for that one hour, you are utterly mine, so that you cannot escape and so you leave my arms exhausted, powerless, and incapable of giving your body to the Other Woman later that day. Yes, my loved one, that is how I love you, with an exclusive love that suffers from the need to share. I want you to climax passionately in my arms so not a drop of the best of you should go anywhere but inside me that day. And when I am by your side I always want to push us to the very limits of our strength, for I know the happiness such exhaustion can bring.

And, dear loved one, that is how it will be on Monday. I shall give you the perverse sensation you so love once more. With the full force of my own depravity I will steer you to the very pinnacle of exhilaration. You will quite unreservedly surrender to me the treasures of your beloved body and, like a passionate lover spurred on by the beauty of his mistress, I shall kneel before you and offer you my every desire with my kisses. I shall wrap you in the infinite tenderness of my heart, and before intoxicating myself on your warm, firm flesh, I shall lull you almost to sleep with my lascivious stroking, which will see you drift into a half-sleeping state, and you will be woken when my triumphant member takes possession of your innermost flesh. You will be woken when your pleasure explodes as suddenly and unexpectedly as rain from a storm cloud. You will feel first pain, and then pleasure. And you will collapse a passionately happy man onto my panting body, quite spent after such a coupling. Yes, my one and only love, my dear lover whom I adore, I shall violate your magnificent body just as you once violated mine. But, in order to spare you the searing pain of this rape, my penetrating kisses will prepare the way for my superhuman member. My soft, skillful tongue will glide slowly into that little brown hole. It will keep it prisoner between its lips for a long time, and when the hole has softened, then your darling perverted Simone, your filthy passionate mistress, will press her demented, thrilling flesh against yours. In all the delirium of her rutting senses you will become her “mistress” and she your “man.” You see, my darling, our cravings are indistinguishable from each other. You dreamed of a vigorous male violating your flesh. While I dreamed of a gentle, lascivious mistress. Our extraordinary love has achieved the miracle. As our passions dictate, we shall take turns, changing sex and therefore achieving double the pleasure, double the ecstasy. Ah, Charles, how I bless the day fate brought us together! How I bless your audacity and my weakness! To think I almost fled when you became more insistent. Did I have enough of an inner struggle before sinning? (Yes, that was how I saw it then.) But, can you see, we were destined for each other. Did you espy the passionate lover in me? Tell me, did you suspect all my depravity? Oh, I love you, I love you so frantically, darling.

Yes, my little god, you will succeed in intoxicating me with your touch. You know you will. Surely you remember the moans of pleasure I could not suppress when you sucked passionately at my little cunt? Well, you will embark on that task again. You will make me die of pleasure with your skilled kisses. Yes, darling, suck me, suck me. You are so good at it. Suck up the very last drop of my bitter come and drive your hard prick into me. Stay there without moving, and when your prick is truly covered in that abundant sap, I can lick it dementedly. I can taste my own juices on your member. Neither of us knows what we may do next. Or perhaps I shall make a necklace for your cock with my breasts, or with my eager mouth, taking in every inch of him. Unless, despite how very foolhardy
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this would be, I choose to feel him drive into my shuddering cunt and to hold you to my breast so that our bodies become indistinguishable in our close embrace. Oh, darling, I want to be unreservedly yours, to belong to you, to you. I want never to tear my body from your voluptuous body. I want to sink into ever deeper delights thanks to your touch. What an exquisite dream! Yes, loved one, I love you so much I throw all caution to the wind. I love you so much I shall give you every part of myself if you insist on it. If you want to take me in a different coupling, if you want your cock to take shelter in a softer haven, if in fact you now want to savor the normal kind of lovemaking that we have banned, I feel I could not refuse you anything, nothing, not even that. Tell me, do want this of me, for me to give myself to you so completely? Do you want me to open this hitherto closed door to you? Do you want to possess me fully, in the normal way? I want it if it will afford you new pleasure.

On Monday we shall belong to each other again. On Monday, my loved one, we can love each other passionately with the equipment at our disposal, until we have something better. I am entirely yours. I am your darling slave. Take my body whichever way you want, I am yours.

Goodbye, my loved one, till tomorrow. I am kissing you passionately all over your adorable body and nestling in your arms to savor the full sweetness of your exquisite attentions.

All of me is yours.

Simone

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There is no doubt that Simone's use of “foolhardy” here is in reference to vaginal penetration, and indicates a real concern about pregnancy. The main contraceptive method at the time was condoms, which when first used in the Middle Ages were made of animal bowels, until fabric was used in the eighteenth century. Rubber condoms became available in 1928, followed by liquid latex condoms in 1930, the year in which the love affair ends. Contraceptive coils were available but did not seem to allow full satisfaction. Abortion methods were still very primitive and dangerous, mainly involving knitting needles, which caused infections and frequent deaths. Simone's concerns, therefore, are by no means groundless.

Here Simone reveals to us an invaluable detail about her personality: Up to this point readers might have construed that she was quite devoid of restraint or morals. We now see that she actually struggled before allowing her passions to express themselves so fully. When in an earlier letter she mooted the possibility of using an “aid,” she mentioned her fear that Charles might find her depraved and perverted. And she uses vocabulary associated with society ladies of her day (“sinning”), although she mitigates this with her “Yes, that was how I saw it.” But none of this prevents her revealing her sapphic proclivities. So it is not that Simone had no boundaries, only that she took great pleasure in breaking them.

My darling little Lottie,

I dreamed of you very vividly last night. But why? Is it that I so regret not holding you in my arms this last week? Is it the sadness of not seeing you for two days? I cannot know. But in my dreams I lived the wildest ecstasies, and this morning I find I am still reeling from the violence of it.

But oh, how I prefer the living reality to my dream, however sweet it may have been. I shall never forget our last assignation. I discovered in you the passionate mistress I had long dreamed of finding, you even went beyond my hopes. For I must confess, darling Lottie, that is another of my vices.

In you, though, I found a twofold creature: a wonderful lover and a heavenly mistress. And I am filled with boundless happiness when I think of the last hour we spent together. I finally had you back in my arms after so many days' absence. I planted fervent kisses all over your soft skin and, as we were both overwhelmed by an ardent longing for perverse release, you slid underneath me. There I was, on top of you, imprisoning you with my body, with my stomach pressed up to you. Oh, the madness that gripped us both then! I had become a passionate man and you, my darling Lottie, the filthiest mistress anyone could ever imagine. I could feel your entire body quivering beneath me. You reached for the triumphant ramrod, offering yourself toward my rigid member. In a series of voluptuous spasms you gave me all of yourself. Every expert flick of your hips answered my own movements. I fucked you wildly and you yourself anticipated my every thrust. For a few moments I really felt that I was the man and you the woman.

In my madness, our roles were reversed and I had the most adorable of mistresses in my arms. Oh, Charles, surely you too want to experience that again? Surely you want to intoxicate yourself with such excesses? Do you not have ardent memories of that unique hour among all hours? Do you not want to reveal yourself as an indefatigable mistress, as you did then? Yes, Lottie, that is how I should always like to love you.

I should like to locate the precious aid we still need. I should like to take you like that with a huge prick strapped to me. Your ass would not offer itself up to my stomach in vain, for with every thrust of the hips you would feel my cock driving deeper inside you, and you could then truly believe that I was your lover.

My little Lottie, do try to free yourself for an hour this week. On Saturday…and come to me, come so I can fuck you passionately. I need your adorable body more than ever. Goodbye, my darling love. Do not leave me with no news until Friday. I am sad when you are away from me; oh, my love, I love you so much. If you have not tired of me, come quickly. We can sink once more into a sea of vice, our omnipotent master.

Think back over our wild behavior and remember I am filled with an ardent desire for every inch of you, my adorable mistress. My every moment is spent longing for the magical gift of your arousing body, and I cannot wait to whisper in your ear all the passionate words dictated to me by my passion.

Goodbye, adorable Lottie. Telephone me whenever you like. I am waiting impatiently for news of you, beloved little mistress.

Holding you in my arms and kissing your delicious little ass with my whole mouth.

My mouth on your lips in the wildest of kisses.

Your Simone