The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (74 page)

Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. LAMENTATIONS 3:21-23

I AM OFTEN ASKED a variation on this question: "We got married because I was pregnant, and now I feel like I have made a big mistake. Can I get a divorce, or do I have to stick it out? If so, where do I begin?"

This question assumes that there are only two alternatives: stay in the marriage and be miserable the rest of your life, or get a divorce and be happy. I suggest that there is a third alternative that offers far more hope: Work to build a successful marriage. Many people get married in less-thanideal circumstances. For some, it was pregnancy. For others, it was emotional dependency, desire to get out of a bad home situation, misguided romantic feelings, and any number of other factors. Getting off to a rocky start, or getting married for the wrong reasons, does not mean that you cannot have a good marriage.

Any couple can build a successful marriage if they will seek God's help. Through prayer, reading the Scriptures and Christian books on marriage, and getting wise counsel, you can have a growing marriage. The prophet Jeremiah penned some beautiful, inspirational words in the book of Lamentations. No matter what the circumstances-and Israel's were pretty dire at the time of this prophecy-the Lord is faithful. He gives new mercies every day! There is always hope with him. God can bring healing to past failures and supply hope for the future.

Father, lam so grateful for your faithful love that never fails. In the midst of my marriage struggles, l thank you forgiving me hope. Nothing is too hard for you! Please help me to commit to doing whatever 1 can to improve my marriage, knowing that you desire us to have a strong, godly relationship. Work in me, Lord, I pray.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. EPHESIANS 4:31

OUR SOCIETY HAS UNDERGONE a great deal of change in the basic role expectations of the husband-wife team. Traditionally, the husband was the provider and the wife the homemaker. Currently, however, more wives work outside the home than follow the traditional role of domestic engineer. This is not without benefits, but it has spawned fresh areas of conflict in marriage.

If the wife is going to work outside the home and play an equal role with the husband in financial provision, then will he take an equal degree of responsibility for household tasks? Probably not, according to the latest research. As a result, the wife often feels put upon, feeling that she has two full-time jobs. These negative feelings, if not dealt with, may develop into bitterness. We know that's not what God wants for us. In fact, the apostle Paul makes clear that we need to eradicate bitterness and harsh words from our hearts. So how do we deal with these negative emotions?

The best way is to share the feelings and seek to negotiate a change. Stating requests positively will likely elicit a better response. For example, a wife might say, "I love you and I really want to be a good wife, but I'm about to go under. I need your help." Then she can go on to describe the pressure she feels from having so much to do. It's all part of an ongoing conversation every couple needs to have about who will do what tasks in a marriage.

Father, sometimes 1 feel overwhelmed with everything 1 am trying to do-at work, at home, with my family, and in my other commitments. I want to be a good husband or wife, but often 1 don't think 1 can keep up, and that makes me resentful. Please help me to deal with these emotions in a healthy way, by discussing them with my spouse. Give us patience and understanding as we sort out who should do what in our marriage.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. ECCLESIASTES 4:9-10

MANY COUPLES ENTER MARRIAGE with the assumption that their household will be run the way Mom and Dad did it. The problem is, there are two moms and dads, and they probably didn't do things the same way. His parents and her parents didn't have the same game plan, so husband and wife have very different expectations. What's the answer? We must construct our own game plan.

Make a list of all the household responsibilities that come to your mind. Washing dishes, cooking meals, buying groceries, vacuuming the carpet, washing the car, mowing the grass, paying the bills-everything. Ask your spouse to do the same. Then put your two lists together and come up with a "master list" of responsibilities. Next, each of you should take the list and put your initials by the things you think should be your responsibilities. Finally, get together and see where you agree. The differences will need to be negotiated, with someone being willing to take responsibility.

Try it for six months and then evaluate how things are going. Do you feel the responsibilities are divided fairly? Is one person struggling with a certain task that perhaps the other could do more easily? What changes need to be made?

As you talk through these issues, remember that you're on the same team. As Ecclesiastes 4 says, two people working together can help each other succeed. Isn't that what you want for your marriage? Use your strengths to help each other.

Lord God, l am grateful for my spouse and for the chance to work as a team to keep our household and family running smoothly. I want to help my spouse succeed, Lord. Please guide us as we come up with a plan for handling responsibilities. Help me to communicate in love.

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. COLOSSIANS 3:23

I ONCE HAD A COUPLE in my office who were at a standoff over who would clean the toilet. He insisted it was a woman's job. She maintained that it was a manly task. Mold was growing in the commode because neither would budge.

"What about hiring someone to come in each week and clean the commode?" I asked.

"We can't afford that;' the husband said.

"Well, do you know of someone who might come in and clean it without charging?"

"My mother," he answered, "but I'm not going to ask her to do that. That would be stupid."

"Then what's the most logical thing to do?" I inquired.

"The logical thing is for her to clean it;' he said.

"No, the logical thing is for him to clean it;' his wife replied.

"Then you have just solved your problem;' I said. "You clean the commode this week, and she will clean it next week"

"But that's giving in;' he objected.

"Yes;' I said, "and that is what marriage is all about."

This couple didn't have a commode problem but an attitude problem. When both husband and wife choose an attitude of love, standoffs like this won't happen, and tasks will get accomplished. Remember, as Colossians 3:23 tells us, we should do our work willingly, as if we were serving the Lord rather than people. As you negotiate responsibilities with your spouse, the bottom line should not be about individual rights, but about serving God and expressing love for each other.

Father, it's easy for me to get caught up in what is fair and thinking only about my own side of the discussion. Please help me to remember that by serving my spouse, 1 am also serving you. Forgive me for the times when 1 am stubborn and unloving. Show me how to talk through these questions of household responsibilities with an attitude of love.