The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (67 page)

[Jesus said,] "For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them." MATTHEW 18:20

MANY COUPLES find it difficult to pray together. Why? One reason may be that they are not treating each other with love and respect, and that stands as a barrier between them. The answer to this problem is confession and repentance. First John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins." It is a sin to fail to love your spouse, or to fail to treat him or her with kindness and respect. Such sin needs to be confessed and forgiven; then you will be able to pray together.

A second reason couples are unable to pray together may be that one or both of them have never learned to pray with another person. To many people, prayer is private. While you should pray in private for your spouse, you should also pray with your spouse. After all, Jesus told his disciples that if even two or three of them were gathered together, he would be present among them. That's a powerful statement and a great testimony to praying together as a couple.

An easy way to get started is with silent prayer. It works like this: You hold hands, close your eyes, then pray silently. When you have finished praying, you say,"Amen;'and then wait until your spouse says, "Amen." Praying silently while holding hands is one way of praying together, and it will enhance your marriage.

Father, I'm grateful for your promise to be present with us when we pray together. Sometimes that feels awkward or difficult, but please help us to commit to praying together as a couple. I know it's important for us spiritually and emotionally.

Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.

COLOSSIANS 4:2

THE BIBLE MAKES CLEAR that prayer is important. In Colossians 4, the apostle Paul encourages believers to "devote" themselves to prayer; in another epistle, he tells believers to pray continually (see 1 Thessalonians 5:17). We often take prayer for granted, but it's really an amazing concept. We can talk directly to the Creator of the universe! Why wouldn't we want to make that a habit with our spouse?

Yesterday I talked about praying silently together with your spouse. It's the easiest way to get started. Today I want to encourage you to try conversational prayer. In this approach, the two of you take turns talking to God. You may each pray one or more times about the same subject. Then one of you changes the subject, and you repeat the process. It's talking to God like you would talk to a friend.

For example, the husband might pray, "Father, thank you for protecting me on the way home from work today." The wife might then pray, "Yes, Father, I know that there are many accidents each day, and I sometimes take your protection for granted. I also want to thank you for protecting the children today." The husband prays, "I agree, and I pray especially that you will protect our kids from those who would pull them away from their faith" The wife prays, "Oh, Father, give us wisdom in how to teach our children to know and love you." And so the conversation with God continues. It is an exciting way to pray with your spouse. Not only will it draw you closer to your heavenly Father, but it will draw you and your spouse closer together as you hear and pray about each other's concerns.

Father God, I am amazed that 1 can talk to you at anytime, and you hear me! What an incredible gift. Please help us to use this gift as a couple. I know that praying together will help us grow in our love for you and our love for each other. Give us the courage to get started and the discipline to continue.

Respect everyone, and love your Christian brothers and sisters. i PETER 2:17

IF YOU'RE NEWLY MARRIED, you may have discovered some things about your loved one that you're not crazy about. He snores like a lumberjack. She squeezes the toothpaste in the middle. He thinks Burger King and laser tag are the ingredients for a romantic evening. She sings the wrong lyrics to every song on the radio. He clips his toenails in front of the TV and leaves the evidence on the coffee table. She serves Hamburger Helper twice a week for dinner.

The key to working through such irritations is to keep them in their proper perspective. Don't let small things become big problems. Remind yourself that these are not life-threatening issues. If you can find solutions, fine. If not, you can live with them.

Here's a plan for requesting change: Tell your spouse three things you like about him or her, and then make one request. For example, "Could you please rinse the hairs out of the sink when you finish getting ready in the morning?" Since commendation preceded your request, your spouse is more likely to accept the request for change.

One guideline: Never request change more than once every two weeks. Perhaps you could agree that this week your spouse may make a request of you, and next week you can request a change. The bottom line is respect. The apostle Peter encourages us to treat each other with love and respect, and that certainly applies to our spouse. When you are polite, loving, and respectful, you will see changes happen.

Father, it's easy for me to assume that my way is right. I tend to focus on some of my spouse's flaws that seem so big to me. Please help me to see them in the right perspective. Help me to treat my spouse with love and respect as we address these small issues, and help me to be willing to listen and change myself as well.

Let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up. GALATIANS 6:9

TOO MANY COUPLES view the wedding as the finish line of their relationship. They work and work to make it to their wedding day, and then they sit back and wait for "happily ever after" to begin.

That's not how marriage works. If doing nothing is your strategy for keeping love alive in your relationship, you're in trouble. It's similar to the Christian who sees salvation as the final step in the journey. Once that's done, he thinks he can coast spiritually for the rest of his life. But that's hardly biblical. In the verse above, the apostle Paul encourages us to persist in service and good deeds. We need to keep working on our relationship with God, and we also need to keep working on our marriage relationship. Remember, the wedding is the first step, not the final one. To make your relationship work over the long haul, you need to invest the same kind of time, energy, and effort after the wedding as you invested when you were dating.

What were some of the things you did when you were dating? Did you give gifts? Did you make an effort to arrive on time? Did you go to nice restaurants? Did you speak to each other kindly? Did you reach over and touch his neck when you were waiting at a traffic light? Did you open the car door for her? Did you wash her car? Maybe it's time to ask your spouse, "Of all the things that I did when we were dating, which would you most like for me to do now?" Let his or her answer lead you to a growing marriage.

Lord Jesus, l know that 1 shouldn't "coast" spiritually. But too often I do that in my marriage relationship. l justget by and expect our love to stay alive. Please help me to treat my spouse the right way and put in the energy my relationship needs to grow.