The Mason List (14 page)

Later
that evening, Jess and the boys went back out on the lake, leaving me at the
campfire with the girls.  I wanted to beg them to take me on the boat, but it
wasn’t the best idea.  Given Ashley’s current temperament, I didn’t know if it
was better staying with her, or leaving with Jess.  

In the
shadows of the fire, I kept my attention on a long string dangling off the leg
of my cutoffs.  Ashley acted like I wasn’t here; at least she did for now.

“That’s
enough with Buzz.  You were hangin’ all over him today,” she glared at Katie
Rae.  “He will think you’re willin’ to follow through with it.”

“He nice
and he pays attention to me,” she paused, seeing the irritation on Ashley’s
face.  “I just want Buzz to ask me to homecoming.”

“The same
way you got Evan Wiley to Spring Fling last year?”

“It
didn’t happen.  You …you know that,” she flushed, stumbling over her words.
Spring Fling earned Katie Rae a reputation for extra-curricular car activities
that spread through the halls of Arlis high school.

“I know
what
,
exactly.” Ashley’s nose snarled a little.

 “Nothin’.” 
Katie Rae slipped a glance toward me, then back to Ashley.

Heat
flooded my checks with the implication I was ease dropping.  Pulling out a bag
of Doritos, I pretended to be somewhere else, but the details lingered in my
mind.  I had ammunition if I could figure out how to use it.  I think that
blonde bitch hooked up with Evan while she was with Jess.

“Ashley,
I know you don’t like Buzz, but he’s really sweet.  The other day he bought…”

“Stop
boring me with the details of your trailer trash.”

“He’s
gettin’ a scholarship.  Scouts have already come to the games.”

“It’s
jucco, Katie Rae.  Know the difference.  Anything less than D1, will get you
livin’ in a single-wide, eatin’ beanie weenies out of can.”

“I’m not
marrin’ him.  It’s just homecoming.”

“I’m
sorry, I guess I wasn’t thinkin’ clearly,” she turned with a sly smile,
acknowledging my presence for the first time.  “Not everyone can be me and have
Jess Mason.”

“I know. 
You’re just the cutest couple,” Katie Rae squealed.  “He’s goin’ to be so cute
in a suit.  I bet your dress will…”

“Enough
fawnin’ all over me,” she spat, cutting her off.  “Shut it down with Buzz.  I
better see you far away from him the rest of the trip. 
Are we clear?
”

“Yes,”
she muttered in submission.  I popped a Dorrito in my mouth, watching the sad
show.

“So
girls,” she purred in an odd voice.  “Let’s play a game while the boys are
gone.  You in, Alex?”

I
swallowed the chip feeling it scrape down my throat.  Her attention moved to
me.

“Why
not.”  I met her stare, holding my ground.  I popped another Dorrito.  Her eyes
blinked in disgust, tracing over my old t-shirt and cut-offs.  I crunched on
the chip, pretending not to care.

Ashley
went to the cabin and returned with four cups of vodka, each with a splash of
Sprite.  Jess had snuck a few cases of beer in with the rest of the supplies,
but I didn’t know anyone had brought hard liquor on the trip.  I wasn’t much of
a drinker.  Sometimes, Jess brought beer when we went fishing.  This would be
my first experience with something stronger.

“Ok
girls, the game is, I Have Never.  There’s only one rule.  You make a true
statement about yourself, on something you have never done.  If someone else
has done this statement, that person takes a drink.”

We all
nodded in agreement.  I swallowed hard, wishing I had gone on the boat.

“Alex,
you start.”  The cool eyes of Ashley flashed at me.

“Ok.”  I
looked over and said the first thing I could find different from us.  “I have
never been a cheerleader.”

I watched
all three of them take a sip.  We went around the circle.  Katie Rae rattled
off something about eating sushi.  My cup stayed clasped in my hand.  Ashley
was next.

“I have
never worn clothes from Goodwill.”  Her gaze locked with mine as my fingers dug
into the side of my red solo cup.  Was she serious?  I lifted the rim to my
lips and took a swig, feeling the burn of the vodka all the way to my belly
button. 

“It’s
your turn, Lila,” Ashley said without even looking at her.  Lila’s eyes
flickered over to me and back to Ashley.

“Um, ok,”
her voiced held a tremor.  “I have never had sex with Jess Mason.”

Ashley’s
sculpted eyebrows arched up at me as she took a sip.  Her eyelashes batted in
my direction. 
What the hell?
 Did she think I would drink to that one?

“Alex?”

I
jumped.  “What?”

“It’s
your turn to go.”

“Right,”
I muttered. “I have never umm…had a speeding ticket.”

Lila
drank to that one.  Katie Rae followed with a comment about Sea World.  I took
another sip based on the trip two summers ago with the Masons.  The next
question was about Disney World.  I took another swallow, for another Mason
family trip that included me.

Ashley
stared straight at me on her turn.  “I have never thrown myself at Jess and got
rejected.”

My
stomach tightened; the alcohol swirling.  Did she think her calculated planted
question would pull some deep confession out of me?

“Alex?”

“Huh.” 
Her lipstick glowed in the flames.  Everyone's fingers held in place on the
plastic cups.  The buzz grew stronger between my ears.

“It’s
your turn again unless…there’s somethin’ you want to tell us.  We can keep a
secret, you know.  If you want to talk about it?”

“I’m
fine.”

Her evil
smile watched me fidget.  This game would be dirty in the low-down, female
backstabbing, form of crap.  We continued to play over the next hour.  I took
swig after swig from her pointed questions.  The faces across the campfire
blurred into the night.  The three Witches of Eastwick haunted me through the
hazy view of the flames.  The sneers and laughs floated in a satanic feeling as
the vodka circled through my blood stream.

“I have
never lived in a car that smelled like dirty diapers.  What’s that sayin’…I
have never slept where I shit.”  Her glossy lips pursed in a cryptic smile.

My eyes
blinked a few times in a dead stare across the flames.  At this point, the
liquor had my brain numb.  I held the cup up in her direction for a toast then
kicked it back for a swallow.  The vodka rolled into my stomach.  I was too
drunk for the ultimate slam to even hurt.

By the
time Jess returned, I could barely hold myself up straight.  Two bags of
Doritos were empty and my fingers were all orange.  I wiped the stains across
my stomach and giggled, seeing the marks.

“I ate
chips,” I muttered, his blue eyes staring me.  I tried to stand up, but tripped
toward the campfire.  Jess caught my arm before I hit the flames.  Sitting me
back down, he lifted my cup for a sniff.  His frowning face bobbed around, like
a balloon then floated away.

“What the
hell did you do to her?” 

“Nothin’
she didn’t want to do.”

He went
over to Ashley.  Their voices got louder, but I couldn’t hear the words. 
Gentry put an arm under my legs and picked me.

“I can
take her back to the cabin,” he said, looking over at Jess. 

The rest
of the conversation floated in and out in jumbled pieces.  I willed my brain to
focus on the words.  I think Jess was angry at Ashley.  A laugh bubbled out of
my lips.  Everything just felt funny.  As Gentry carried me up the stairs, I
muttered incoherent words against his shoulder.  I felt like a twig in his tree
trunk arms.  My hand gripped his shoulder feeling the solid muscle. 

“They’s
right.  You’s are cement.”

He
laughed at me.  “You sound like someone from the old West when you’re drunk.” 

“No, I’s
don’t…not,” I babbled back.  “Hey, I’s gots a question.  Jess mad at Ash-a
lee?”

“Yeah, a
little.  You were drinkin’ vodka and the rest of ‘em were drinkin’ plain
Sprite.”

“What’s?
Not fairs,” I slurred.  

“No, not
really, I guess.  You were the only one who was playin’ a drinkin’ game.”  He
sat me down on my bed and smiled.  His green eyes split from two to four.  “You
goin’ to be ok up here by yourself?”

“I’s
sure.  Fine.”  My fingers waved around trying to touch his face to make it be
still.  His cheek felt soft in the dim light.  His shoulders were hard and his
cheek was nice.  Gentry captured my hand to place it back on the bed.

“Ok. 
Well, I’ll let you go to sleep.  ‘Night, Alex.”

“Thanks
Gentry.  You’s nice.”  My eyes slid closed and everything went black.

Sometime
later, I regained consciousness, but it was still dark.  The moon cast shadows
across the second floor landing.  My mouth felt dry, and my tongue was
scratchy.  The inside of my stomach rolled around scorched and angry.

“You
ok?”  A faint voice came from the floor.

I struggled
to sit straight and keep my brain from spinning.  Every cell of my body still
felt drunk.  I guess I
was
still drunk.  It took a moment for the heap
on the floor to come into focus.  The faint light from the window reflected
back two blue eyes.

“Jess?”

“Yeah,”
he whispered.

“Why are
you here?”

“I was
worried about you.”  He scooted up to sit beside me on the twin bed.  I felt
his hand in the center of my back right between my shoulder blades.  The
pressure felt soothing as Jess talked low against my spinning head.  “Are you
ok?”

“Yeah.”

“What
happened down there?”

“Nothing.” 

The
spinning question took too much effort to keep my head up.  I collapsed
backward, bouncing with the impact.  The contents of my stomach sloshed around
up to my throat.  I needed keep still or I would be very sick. 

The bed
shifted with his weight.  Jess stretched out beside me on the twin bed.  I
relaxed next to his warm body.  As I slipped back unconscious, I heard a few
faint words against my cheek. 

“I’m
sorry I made you come.”

The next
morning, Jess was gone.  I felt all levels of hell from my head to my stomach
to my feet.  I puked one last time and slid my brown sunglasses in place.  The
pounding in my forehead practically vibrated the lenses.  I had no intentions
of seeing or talking to a single person.  I dreaded the car ride back to
Arlis.  If Ashley knew where Jess stayed last night, she would be royally
pissed on the ride home.

“Hey
Alex, you wanna ride with us.”  I looked at Gentry standing by his Tahoe.  I
glanced quickly over to Jess's truck.  His face held a twisted frown that
broadcasted the level of his frustration.  Ashley caught my attention as she
jerked Katie Rae inside the cab.  I guess that was her tyrannical move to keep
Katie Rae away from Buzz, and score a second win by keeping me out of the
truck.  Grabbing my duffle bag, I walked over to the Tahoe.  I wanted no part
of her drama this morning.  

Jess
watched me climb in the back seat.  After this trip, he would make me talk. 
Maybe it was time to put a stop to Ashley Cartwright the only way I knew would
work.  I needed to tell Jess the truth.  My stomach felt sicker just thinking
about it.

Chapter 21

When
I was sixteen…

Two days
after the trip, Natalie and I sat in a booth at Jeeter’s working on chemistry
equations.  She kept an irritated look in my direction, showing off her new
haircut.  While I was on the camping trip from hell, Natalie got a black, chin
length bob with fire engine red highlights.

“Pay
attention,” she grumbled.

“What?”

“I’m
starting to think you’re the dumbass, not him.”

I
couldn’t focus.  My mind stayed a complete, warped mess.  Once I got back to
Arlis, I tried to delay the inevitable as long as possible.  I avoided every
attempt Jess made to get us alone to talk.  I half expected him to show up at
midnight, tapping on my bedroom window, giving no opportunity for me to yell
back with my father down the hall.  

Hearing
the bell tingle, I glanced up to see my favorite person walk through the door. 
My body physically shuttered at the mere presence of her smug face.  The slits
of the snake’s eyes settled on our back booth.  She wore a tight, white tank
top and pink shorts.  Her shiny blond hair stood high on top of her head in a
perky pony tail and matching pink bow.  Ashley’s tan legs walked at a
determined pace back to the booth, stopping in front of me. 

“I
thought I would find you
here
,” a sneering smile formed on her lips.

“Can I
help you with something?  We’re fresh out of vodka.”

“That’s
more your thing, not mine.  I just came to give you a little bit of advice.”

She
rested a hand on the booth ledge, right behind my head.  I heard the fake nails
click against the metal.  Ashley leaned in close to my face.

“You need
to understand somethin’,” she said in low voice.  “Everyone just feels
sorry
for you.  You should hear them when you’re not around.  Especially Jess,” she
smirked at his name.  “You humiliated him on the trip after he felt
obligated
to bring you.  We all know why he drags you around everywhere.  Dr. Mason found
you like some nasty, abandoned puppy livin’ in your car.  Eatin’ left over
trash
.”

Ashley
leaned in a little closer, to the point I smelled her strawberry lip gloss. 
“You should stop embarrassin’ yourself and stop embarrassin’ Jess.  The Masons
don’t mind givin’ to charity, but no one wants to see it hangin’ around them
every day.  Are we clear?”

My heart
beat fast, like the time I drank three cans of Red Bull.

“I’m glad
we agree.” she smirked with an evil grin on her shiny lips.  “Oh, and no need to
thank me for the advice.  Consider it a donation to a needy cause.”

The next
few moments flashed in slow motion.  I’m not sure what triggered the first
step.  Ashley turned to walk away.  My arm slithered out and grabbed her bouncy
ponytail.  The hair felt silky in my fingers.  I yanked hard, pulling her
backwards toward the booth.

“You…you,”
she growled, “
bitch!
”

My
fingers stayed in a tight grasp, but Ashley pivoted around, slapping me across
the jaw.  I jumped from my seat and dove at that smug face.  We tumbled into a
table, knocking it over on the floor.  I slapped her back hard against her
pretty cheek, hoping it left a hand size bruise.

Charging
forward, Ashley slammed my body against the booth divider.  For a moment, I
couldn’t breathe.  I curled my fingers into a tight fist.  With my full body
weight, I hurled a punch aimed at the center of her face.  Blood sprayed down
the white tank top as I made contact with her nose. 

The sound
of hitting her flesh gave me satisfaction chills.  It felt good; better than a
box of crystal tea glasses smashing into a stained glass window.  

Blood
covered my fist, but I swung at her again.  Ashley ducked and grabbed onto my
legs.  I lost my balance, falling down on the cement floor.  She yanked a chuck
of my red hair.  Digging my nails into her arm, I scratched long, bloody marks
in her skin until she let go.

I pinned
her small body to the floor.  Her flawless skin was caked in blood.  Tears ran
down her cheeks, smearing mascara under those long, stupid lashes.  She blinked
at me, begging for mercy.  I didn’t care.  I smiled an evil grin at her
bleeding face.

Pulling
back, I punched her square in the nose a second time.  She tried to jab me in
the neck, but I hit her again in the side.  I continued to punch anything I
could reach with my fists.  All of sudden, my body lifted from the floor,
sliding away from Ashley. 

“Let me
go!
”

“That’s
enough, Alex,” Caroline said. 

As the
room came back into focus, I realized Caroline had one side of my body and
Natalie held the other.  It took both of them to stop me from beating every bit
of stuffing out of Ashley. 

“Natalie,
go get some ice and towels,” she said.  “And give some to Mr. Landry.”

Shit,
it was Wednesday.  Mr. Landry
always got a banana split on Wednesday.  The older man bent down next to
Ashley.  She was completely covered in blood.  The tight, white tank top was
now cherry red; her hair yanked down and pulled in every direction.  Even from
ten feet away, the bloody claw marks glowed from her perfect skin.

Reaching
up, I touched my throbbing face checking for damage.  Sticky blood caked my
fingertips from my busted lip.  I looked around at the rest of the diner. 
Tables and chairs were tossed everywhere.  The floor was a mess of blood-coated
straws and hair.  

My father
walked in the door, making the bell tingle. 
Shit,
someone already
called him. 
I hated Arlis! 
The emotions played transparent across his
face; shock to horror to disappointment.  He didn’t utter a single word in my
direction as he gave a lengthy apology to Caroline.  He finally spoke, only to
order me to the truck. 

The drive
home was painfully, quiet.  His hands squeezed the steering wheel in a tight
grasp as we drove in silence.  My heart beat out of control, waiting for him to
calm down.

“Alexandra,”
my full name came out of his clenched jaw.  “I need you to tell me what
happened.  You’re still grounded, but I need to understand why you did this.”

Absolutely,
under no circumstance, could I tell my father why this happened.  I just
shrugged from my side of the truck. 

“You need
to talk to me.  Why did you attack Ashley today?”

What had
come over me?  Why was today different?  My mind tried to rationalize, but I
knew it was plain simple.  I flat-out had enough of Ashley Cartwright.  I
should be given an award for keeping my temper in check all these months. 
Unfortunately, my father could never find out the truth.  No child wants a
parent to know they have been bullied for being poor and homeless.

“Is it
Jess?  I know those two have been pretty close lately.  Did you get jealous?”

“No Dad! 
It wasn’t about him.  I can’t believe you even asked that.”

“I know
you’re very attached to Jess.  And he’s um…
important
to you.  I’m not
your mother, but you can talk to me about it.”

I
panicked.  The feeling came like an explosion from my stomach and spread to the
rest of my body.  This scenario failed to cross my mind before my father’s
pointed questions.  He just asked what every person would speculate at school. 
If they didn’t immediately jump to that conclusion; the sniveling gossips would
tell them it was the truth.  The lies would fill the hallways.  Everyone would
think I attached Ashley because of my insane jealousy over Jess. 
Shit!
Shit! Shit!

“Alex?”

“
This
has nothing to do with him!
”

“Don’t
get that tone, Alex.  I just don’t know what to think.  I’m trying to
understand why, but you aren’t giving me any explanation.”

“She’s
just a bad person,” I muttered, trying to keep my voice steady.

“There’s
not enough bad in her that would justify you doing something like this.  I
don’t know what to say.  Did I not do something you needed?  I know it’s hard
just having me.  I let you run wild on the ranch with that boy.  I’m not saying
he’s a bad boy, but it made you little tougher than others.  It’s not an excuse
though.  Girls don’t beat up other girls in restaurants.  Do you understand?”

“Yes,
sir,” I muttered.

I tuned
out the rest of the car ride as my father droned on and on.  He seemed to
ignore the wounds across my
own
body from the fight.  My stomach hurt. 
I didn’t want to go to school tomorrow.  The whispers would circle around every
corner.

Later
that evening, Jess slammed through the door without even knocking.  I sat on
the living room couch, trying to put an ice pack on my eye and lip at the same
time with my swollen right hand.

“What the
hell were you thinkin’!”

“I’m not
doing this right now.  Go home.  I’m grounded anyway,” I said,
muffled under the ice pack.  The cold stung against my lip.

“Alex,
you broke her damn nose!” His hands flung around with every angry word.

“I
figured,” I muttered.  “Why are you here and not at her house?”

“Because
we’re no longer together!”

“I don’t
understand?” I said, taking the ice pack down.

“How
could I continue to date someone who treated you this way for months,
Alex?
” 

“How do
you know what happened?” 

“How do
you think?  Natalie called me and decided I should know ‘bout Ashley since you
were
never
gonna tell me.  I could just…”  I watched his fingers
clench into a fist and then release.  He paced around for a second and then
sank down on the couch next to me. 

“I just
don’t get it.  Why didn’t you tell me?  I even asked you,” Jess said, looking
directly at me with his stormy eyes.  “If you’d just told me, I’d taken
care of it without you goin’ all fight club at Jeeter’s.”  

“I don’t
need you to
fix
things for me!” I spat, feeling the anger burn.

“Alex,
it’s not fixin’ things, if it stops you from beatin’ the shit out of someone,
or you gettin’ hurt.  It should’ve never happened.  You should’ve
told me.  You just let me date her while she was tormentin’ you.”

Jess
leaned back against the couch cushion, staring at the ceiling.   He
let out a deep breath.  His lungs pulled in air; over and over again, making
the couch shake.  In all these years, I’d never seen this boy so angry.  After
a few minutes, his body seemed to relax.  Jess turned to look at me; his blue
eyes filled with concern.

“You
don’t really believe what Ashley said, do you?” 

My eyes
flittered up and then back down.  “No, I just…”  I took a deep breath.  “I
don’t know what to say.”  The words left me.  It was the same reason I had
never said anything to begin with to Jess.  “You don’t understand.  I know you
try but it didn’t happen to you.”

“What
don’t I understand?” he said back, softly.

“Moving
here, living here.  All of it,” I muttered through my swollen lip.

“I’m glad
you moved here.  I wish it was under different circumstances, but I’m glad you
came.  It’s not somethin’ you should ever doubt.”

“You’re
not ever embarrassed?  Always having me around and people knowing why?”  I kept
a steady gaze on the carpet.  It was too difficult to watch his expression.

“Al, you
were dealt a bad hand.  I wasn’t.  It’s not somethin’ either of us could
control.  But you and I bein’ friends?  We chose it.  At least I did, and it
wasn’t because you lived in one of our houses on the ranch.  I know my parents
have done things for ya’ll.  But honestly, I don’t even think about it.”

I
pondered his words around for a moment.  My life consisted of taking handouts from
the Masons.  At one point, my very existence depended on what they were willing
to give us.  I had a secret, time-consuming habit of focusing on a list I
planned to pay back in the future.  Jess on the other hand, never even thought
about why I was here.